Page 6

6

Sherrie stood in the bathroom, staring into the mirror. She had not planned on washing her hair but after the dunking in the bath-oil water she had no choice, and her wet, combed hair hung down her back. Oh Jesus, he pulled me naked from the tub. How the hell do I face him now? Looking at her reflection, she saw her pajamas. A soft flannel set that covered her head to toe. Not exactly sexy. No, that doesn’t matter. I wasn’t here for entertaining. Gripping the counter with white knuckles, her mind whirled. What the hell is he doing here? How did he find me? And why? Pursing her lips tightly, she thought, Another rescue. That’s what he’s doing. I’m nothing but a rescue mission to him—again! Eyes snapping, she pushed off the counter and prepared to face him.

Tony had put away the provisions he had brought after making a cursory tour of the small cabin when Sherrie appeared out of the bathroom. Covered in flannel with only her tiny toes peeking out completed her comfortable ensemble, but it did little to blank out the image of her curvy, naked body. Wet hair, now combed and pulled away from her face allowed him to see that she was angry.

Putting his hands up, he said, “Before you get your panties in a wad, you’ve got some explaining to do.”

“Me?” she sputtered. “Me?” she repeated, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Yes, you. You leave Richmond without telling your friends of your plans. You haven’t watched the news lately, so you completely missed that the snow storm of the winter was coming our way. Your phone has been off for the past several hours, keeping anyone from checking on you. I get here to make sure you’re all right and all it takes is a jiggle of the doorknob to get in since you forgot to turn the fuckin’ deadbolt. What if it had been someone else besides me?”

“You self-righteous prick,” she answered back. “I don’t owe anyone an explanation of where I go or what I do. I may not have known I was heading toward a storm, but I made it just fine. I have warm clothes and food, so I hardly think that I am totally unprepared. And what rapist or murderer would possibly know about this place or be able to find it in the middle of a storm? And on top of that, what the hell are you doing here?” she yelled, eyes snapping with her hands on her hips.

Stepping forward, he yelled back, “Don’t turn this on me. You put yourself in danger.”

“How am I in danger? I’m here safe and sound, was enjoying a fabulous bath and then you come barging in, invading my privacy!”

“You’re lucky it was me and only me invading your privacy.” Infuriating woman. Jesus, she’s the only person who makes me lose all control. Standing toe to toe they glared into each other’s eyes, anger morphing into something more primal.

Pulling her to him quickly, he covered her mouth with his own. Deep, wet and hard. An unrestrained kiss that spoke volumes as their arms entwined. Lifting her up, she wrapped her legs around his waist as her arms clutched his shoulders. Moving their heads from one side to the other, their tongues dueled in a frenzy for dominance.

Thrusting his tongue deeply into the warmth of her mouth, he tasted the heady combination of mint and her. Distinctly her. Two more steps forward had her back against the wall. Her breasts pressed into his chest, as one arm held her ass and the other was wrapped around her back. She sucked his tongue into her mouth and could not tell if the animalistic moan came from her or him…or both.

He pushed her more firmly against the wall, supporting her so that he had both hands free. She immediately began to grind herself on his torso, desperate for the friction to ease the ache that was deep inside.

He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and whipped it up over her head, their kiss only breaking long enough for the material to pass their lips. After lifting her hands, allowing her top to fly off, she grabbed his head holding it tight as she delved her tongue back into his mouth.

She had not put her bra back on after her bath and his hands quickly found the heavy globes that fit perfectly in them. He moved his thumbs over her nipples, alternating between pinching and gently rubbing.

Throwing her head back against the wall, she allowed his lips to leave a wet trail of kisses from her throat down her neck to the tops of her breasts. She thrust them forward as an unconscious offering and one that he was more than willing to take. Sucking a nipple deep into his mouth, he licked, nipped, bit, and suckled until she was writhing wildly. Moving over to give the other nipple the same attention, his hand slipped down her pajama bottoms and found her panties soaked. Pulling the bottoms and panties over her hips, he jerked them off her legs then picked her back up.

Lips locked once more, he hefted her up in his arms long enough to unbutton and unzip his jeans, freeing his swollen cock. Having lost all control, he held her over the tip, finding her slick folds ready for him. His mind, filled with the pounding need that roared through him, was barely conscious of her small hands holding him closely. Needing to be inside of her was more important than his next breath.

“Please,” she begged, her mind equally filled with desire and longing that drowned out all other voices in her head. She only felt. Experienced. Every fiber of her being tingled with the need of him deep inside. I’ve waited forever for someone like you. No, not like you. Just you.

With one swift plunge, he seated her firmly and completely on his dick, barely hearing her head bang on the wall behind her. Damn, she’s tight. Too tight. Something’s wrong ? —

Before he could process that thought, she was moving on his cock, trying to ease the ache. With one hand on the wall beside her head to maintain his balance, he thrust up and down, taking her as he had wanted to for the past year.

Her fingernails scored his back as she felt the tingles that had tempted her as she rubbed herself on his jeans now intensified as her entire sex clutched at him. Strung tight as a bow, she was aware of every movement of his thick cock stretching her tighter. Tighter and tighter until she was sure she would snap.

He could not remember the last time he had felt like this. Barely aware of anything other than the roaring in his ears, he moved one hand down to her clit, thumbing it in rhythm to his thrusts. Finally, with his name screaming from her lips, she felt her sex clench and electric jolts moved from her core, spreading outward in all directions.

As her incredibly tight inner walls milked his cock, he found himself pouring his seed deep into her. Continuing to stroke the inside of her until every last drop was emptied, he rested all of his weight on the arm against the wall, holding him up.

Sweating and panting together, her head was resting next to his arm, eyes tightly closed as the sensations flowed over her. I’ve wanted him for so long. Opening her eyes to see his face, she saw that he was looking down as he pulled out of her. Waiting for him to say something profound or romantic, she wanted him to look into her eyes.

“God, that was a mistake,” came the agonized words.

His words slapped her with cold as if she were standing in the storm outside. Pushing against him, she slid out of his arms as she looked to see her virgin blood on his cock. A mistake? If she thought the idea of being alone in the world was the worst pain, she realized she had just slipped even deeper into agony.

Tears welled in her eyes as she ran into the bedroom, slamming and locking the door. Lying on the bed, she felt the sobs overtake her as the realization that the most perfect moment in her life up to now was only a mistake to the one man that she ever cared about.

* * *

Stunned, Tony stood in the hallway trying to process what had just happened. Shit, that wasn’t what I meant.

Stepping to the bedroom door, he pounded as he called out, “Sherrie. You took that the wrong way. I didn’t mean that it was a mistake. Not what we did. Well…it was, but not how you think. I just meant that it was wrong. No, not wrong. Just done the wrong way. But that’s my fault.” No sound came from the room, other than the sound of heartbreak.

Resting his head on the door, he said, “Sherrie, nothing’s coming out right. Please don’t cry. Let me explain, but let me do it face to face.”

Nothing.

Moving to the bathroom, he washed the blood and semen off and then pulled his pants back up. Washing his hands in the sink, he looked into the mirror. You’re a royal fuck-up. When the hell did that happen? You just took a virgin up against the wall. Without a condom.

Stepping back into the room, he saw her pajamas and panties on the floor. Bending to pick them up, he was filled with shame. Another emotion he had not felt in a long time. Jesus, I’ve broken the record on the number of new emotions in one day for me. All because of her. One petite, blonde with a curvy body and a personality that pulled him in. Or rather pulled himself out of his constant morose mood.

Deciding she needed time to cry and possibly plan his demise, he walked back to the window looking out over the front yard. The snow was still swirling, his SUV now as covered as hers. His gaze expertly took in the room once again, this time landing on the stone fireplace and the pile of wood stacked nearby. Starting a fire, he felt the warmth in the blaze as he rubbed his chest, wishing the tightness to go away.

* * *

Lying across the bed, tears spent, Sherrie stared up at the ceiling. Shame filled her belly as she wiped her wet cheeks. How could I have read the signals so wrong? Ruefully, she acknowledged her inexperience. From the time she was fifteen years old, she had witnessed Charisse’s sexual escapades. Her sister used sex as a way to escape. And to score drugs. And as power. Hell, she used sex for everything except love. Sherrie decided early on that her body would only be given to someone special. All those nights spent waiting on drunk customers while trying to keep an eye on her sister when she was stripping, made her an expert at seeing men at their worst. It only made her more determined to find her hero. The first time she had looked into those caramel eyes when he rescued her she knew she had found a good man. A good friend. Someone she could fall in love with.

And now, with her virgin’s blood spilled, her hero had called her a mistake.

Sitting up in the bed so that she could breathe with her stuffed nose, she swung her legs over the side grabbing a tissue. Blowing her nose and wiping her eyes, she glanced out of the window. The night was black, no moonlight coming through the window. Wondering if it was still snowing and if she could manage to drive back to town, she quickly dismissed that idea. The last time she had peered out, the snow was already in drifts around her car.

Sighing deeply, she thought about spending the next couple of days locked in this room so that she would not have to face him. I could only wander out to go to the bathroom or to eat. Eat? The tantalizing smell of food was drifting into her room.

Anger filled her as much as hunger. This is my cabin for the time and he’s the intruder. Determined to stop hiding she moved to the door. Lifting her head, she threw open the door and marched out. It’s not the first time I’ve been hurt…and won’t be the last. I’ve been pretending for most of my twenty-six years…and this is no different. As she walked out of her room, she knew she was lying to herself.

* * *

Not knowing if she was going to come out that evening, Tony decided to fix some dinner just in case. He walked into the kitchen and pulled out some chicken breasts, putting them into the oven. After a while he covered them in marinara sauce and put them back in the oven. As he put some noodles in the boiling water, he heard the bedroom door opening.

Turning, his heart pounding, he looked as she walked into the living room toward the fire. Now wearing sweat pants, thick socks, and a sweatshirt, she looked…armored. Against me, no doubt.

She walked over to the fireplace, lifting her hands to the warmth. She could feel when he approached from behind, but feared turning around. Seeing the look of regret, disinterest, or worse, pity on his face terrified her no matter how strong she tried to be.

“Sherrie,” his voice called out softly. “Please look at me.”

Swallowing her pride, she turned to face him and to her surprise saw anguish. He stepped closer, not crowding, but just close enough that she could not take her eyes off of him.

“Tony, it’s okay. Really. It was silly of me to think that it would mean anyth?—”

“Stop,” he ordered placing his fingers on her lips. Her lips were swollen from their kissing and as he moved his fingers over them, he felt them quiver. But then he looked into her red, puffy eyes and knew he had to make this right.

He slid his hand from her lips slowly down her arm to her hand. Taking her hand, he walked toward the sofa, gently pulling her down next to him, twisting so that he could look into her face.

She went silently along with him, both curious and dreading. This is where he tells me that he doesn’t do commitment. Or I’m not his type. Or he was grossed out. Or ? —

“Whatever shit’s going on in your head, please stop and listen. I need you to listen,” he pleaded.

Startled out of her musings, she just nodded.

He opened his mouth and shut it several times. Finally dropping his head, he stared at their hands, still clasped, for a moment. Man up. Time to man up.

“Sherrie, I’m not good at this.”

“At what?” she asked in confusion.

“Explaining my feelings. I try to say things and they come out all fucked up.” He looked at her, grateful that she stayed silent, giving him time to gather his words. “With my men, it’s fine. I’m comfortable in command. I plan, I strategize, I execute the mission. But emotions...it’s hard.”

Sighing, he looked into her blue eyes that seemed to see deep inside of him regardless of the barriers that he tried to erect. “I never meant that what we did was a mistake. Never. It was…” he searched for the right word and could only come up with, “special.”

Her eyes seemed to light at that word so he hoped he chose the right one. Again, she stayed still, allowing him time to think. He rubbed his coarse fingertips over her tiny hand, finding strength in the feel of her skin.

“I didn’t come here to seduce you. Or take you up against the wall.”

She watched as his face twisted in a mix of anger and disgust. “Why did you come exactly, Tony?”

“Jennifer called Gabe to say that you were traveling alone toward a snow storm. And I just jumped up to come find you. I needed to make sure you were safe. I needed to make sure…nothing bad was happening.”

“You feel the need to rescue me all the time?” she asked, needing to understand his motives.

“Yes. No. Not really.” Running his hand over his face, he started over. “When I first saw you almost a year ago, I thought you were beautiful. But I assumed I’d never see you again. Then, when we had the same friends, I got to know you. You’re smart. Loyal. And dauntless when you’re trying to right a wrong.”

He looked down at their hands again, noticing that this time she was rubbing circles on his hands.

“I thought you didn’t like me,” she said shyly.

Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, he shook his head. “No, my problem was that I didn’t want to like you.”

He saw the look of confusion cross her beautiful face, and he struggled for the right words again. “There are things in my past…things that…well, made me not want to feel again. So, whenever I saw you, I tried to force myself to not think about you. Stay away from you. I figured I was too fucked-up for you, anyway.

“When you leaned into me when we found Charisse, as bad as that was for you…it felt right to me. You being in my arms. Leaning on me. Trusting in me. That felt right. I made a dumbass comment to Matt and Shane that I know you overheard and when I realized you had gone, I knew I hurt you. When you pushed me away after the funeral, I figured that I needed to stay away.

“But when Jennifer called, I didn’t over-think for once. I knew this was the place I wanted to be. I wanted to make sure you were safe. I wanted to be here in case you needed something. Or needed me. But what happened there?” he nodded toward the wall behind her. “That should have never happened. Not like that.”

Silence filled the room except for the crackling of the logs burning in the fireplace. Licking her lips, she pondered his words. Such a contradiction, I hardly know what to think. He acted like he didn’t like me, but he does. So, what now? Just friends? Or more?

He watched her pink tongue moisten her lips and it was all he could do to not lean over and capture them, but he refused to lose control once again. He lifted his gaze to her eyes and once again saw uncertainty.

“I’m still fuckin’ this up, aren’t I?”

“I want to understand, Tony. Please help me understand why it was a mistake. Is it because you just want to be friends? Because you don’t want to want me?”

“Sherrie, you were a virgin. You should have had your first time in a bed with candlelight and someone taking their time to make sure you were ready and then have them go slow and easy.”

He focused on her eyes, cupping her face with his free hand, feeling the soft skin against his rough. “I wanted you. I’ve wanted you for a long time. I’m used to controlling everything about myself but one look at you, standing in your pajamas arguing with me had me lose control. I just went on emotion and took you against the wall.”

She lifted her hand as well and caressed his cheek, trusting the caramel eyes that had captured her a year ago.

“In a bed or up against a wall…I’ve wanted you,” she said.

“Can I ask you something really personal?”

“Tony, I think we’re way into something personal already,” she grinned.

“How is it that you are…were still a virgin? I mean someone like you?”

At that, the humor left her face and he wondered what he had said wrong.

“Someone like me?” she asked, pulling back from him. “What do you mean, Tony? A poor girl from the foster system? Or a cocktail waitress in a strip joint? Or just because my sister was a?—”

“No,” he interjected. “No, none of that. I just meant… you know. Someone as beautiful as you. I can’t imagine that you haven’t had men dying to meet you.”

“Oh,” she said softly, her eyes going misty. “I guess, I was just holding out for a hero. And then I found him.”

“Baby, I’m no hero,” he admitted, a flash of regret passing through his eyes.

“You are to me,” she whispered.

Leaning in, he kissed her softly, promising himself to maintain control. Just then the water began to boil over and they both leapt up as he jogged into the kitchen. Turning down the stove eye, he placed the pasta in to cook. Looking over his shoulder at her standing at the kitchen entrance, he said, “I didn’t know when you might come out but I fixed some dinner.”

“It smells good,” she admitted, watching him pull the chicken out of the oven. Deciding that their serious talk was over for now and she could rest easy knowing they were friends, she found the plates and set the table. Several minutes later, they sat to dinner in companionable silence and he opened one of the bottles of wine she brought.

Eying the other bottles, he lifted his eyebrow at her in question. She could not help but giggle as she said, “I thought I might drown my sorrows in wine while I was here alone.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re not alone to drink all of this,” he quipped.

“Me too,” she added seriously.

Finishing their meal, she offered to clean up since he cooked. Tony stepped outside on the porch to see how the storm was progressing. While out, he made a quick call to Gabe to report that they had both made it and would be in touch when they could, knowing that Gabe would let the others know. His men were like that—all of one mind. Finding more wood piled on the corner of the porch, he brought several loads inside.

Kneeling as he placed more wood into the fire, he could feel her presence behind him. He saw her standing near the sofa, fingers nervously twisting the bottom of her sweatshirt. Hell, I’ve talked more to her in the past hour than I have to anyone in a year…and there’s still so much more to say. Turning back to the fire as the new wood began to catch with flames, he replaced the antique fire screen.

Standing, he faced her, knowing that she was still unsure of what his feelings were.

“What’s it like outside?” she asked quietly, as though trying to find something to say.

He chuckled. “Cold. Windy. And blowing in one helluva snowstorm.”

Sucking her lips in, she glanced toward the dark window. “I was foolish to come here, wasn’t I?”

“I wouldn’t say foolish, but maybe unprepared. Honestly, honey? I kinda blame Mr. Marks for not checking the weather before offering you his cabin. He should have known that your mind wasn’t on looking at the news.”

“I think he was just worried about me.I did receive a text message from him and I let him know I got here safe.”

Nodding toward the sofa, he asked, “You want to sit by the fire for a little bit?”

Her face lit up with a smile and she moved to where she had been sitting before supper. He watched her smile and felt the piercing in his chest once again. Right over his heart. She moved gracefully, everything about her elegant. He did not know how long he stood there just staring at her until she broke his trance.

“Tony? Are you going to sit too?”

Settling his large frame next to hers on the overstuffed cushions, he could not help but smile himself. It felt strange on his face. A smile. Jesus, when was the last time I really smiled? Her hand was resting on the sofa between them. Not too close to seem grasping, but available if he wanted to take her hand again. Small. Delicate. Beckoning.

He reached out and slid his fingers around hers. Just that connection felt right, as though he were beginning to see her as a life-line. Something to hold on to that was real. “Did you…understand what I was trying to say earlier? Before dinner. About us?”

Looking down at their clasped hands, she admitted, “I understand that you were avoiding me because you care for me but don’t feel like you should. And that you wished we hadn’t had sex up against the wal?—”

“Not as your first time,” he interrupted. “Sherrie, I never lose control. If I lost control in the Special Forces, men could die. With my agency if I lose control, a mission can go wrong and others can get hurt.”

“So...,” she hesitated. “You’re not sorry we had sex, but sorry you lost control?”

“Yeah.”

“But Tony, sometimes life is about losing control. Giving into feelings. Going with your gut reaction. Not everything in life is going to be like a planned mission.”

Shaking his head, a sadness crossed his expression as he said, “I don’t like the feeling of not controlling things around me.” He looked up and continued, “We haven’t even touched on the part of me not using a condom. I swear I’m clean. I’ve got the papers to pro?—”

“I trust you,” she said quickly, hating the turn of the conversation.

“Well, if you get pregnant you’ve got to tell me?—”

“Stop, just stop,” she said, her anger beginning to rise. “I will not be your mission again. Poor little virgin gets pregnant and you have to rescue her one more fucking time!”

The silence stretched between them. She saw the shadows of the firelight flicker across his chiseled face. His demons still existed deep inside and until he could let go of them, she would never really have him to herself. I don’t mind you having a past, but if I can’t have all of you…

Several minutes passed, both lost in their thoughts. “What are you thinking?” he asked softly, both wanting and dreading her answer.

Licking her lips, she kept her gaze steady as she answered, “I’ve wanted you for a very long time. There’s so much about each other that we know and yet I’m sitting here thinking that we’re still such strangers.” With a final squeeze of his fingers, she stood, looking down on him. “I gave myself to you gladly. Was it spontaneous? Yes. Was it amazing? Absolutely. The difference is that you have regrets because of whatever-the-hell keeps you from really living life. I get that something’s in your past that keeps you wanting complete control. We all have our demons, Tony. And for someone who is all about maintaining control, you have lost it with them.”

At that, his gaze shot up toward hers in question.

“Yeah, Tony. You say you’re in control, but whatever has hold of you…whatever holds you back? That’s what really controls your life.”

With that, she walked toward the bedroom alone. At the doorway, she paused but did not turn around. If I look at his face, I won’t be able to be strong. Sighing deeply, she added, “I want you Tony. But I want all of you. I deserve all of you. Not just the little part that you’re willing to give to me.” I want more than friendship.

She walked into the bedroom and closed the door. Sliding out of her sweat pants and sweatshirt, she pulled on her pajamas again and crawled under the covers, glad that the heat was still working in the cabin. She wondered if she would be able to sleep, but exhaustion took over and she drifted off. For the moment, peace was only found in slumber.