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Tony headed to his apartment after work to fix dinner in anticipation of Sherrie’s arrival. Walking in, he looked around for the first time in a long time. Really looked around. And realized how stark he had been living. Or existing.

Moving to his kitchen, he began to prepare the meal, knowing she would be arriving in a few minutes. By the time he had the potatoes baking, the steaks seasoned, and the vegetables sautéing, his doorbell rang.

Anxious to see her, he jogged over to throw open the door. His breath caught once again as he took her in. Blonde hair was sleeked back in a low ponytail. Neat, grey pinstriped pencil skirt paired with a pale pink blouse. Demure pumps that still gave off a fuck-me vibe, although he was willing to admit that may have been because that was the only vibe he could think of.

Her smiling face gazed up at his, a touch of makeup highlighting her sparkling eyes, and her lips were gently glossed with something kissable.

God, I’m so fucked , he thought as he stood, unwaveringly staring at her.

“Um, can I come in?” she asked, a questioning look on her face.

“Yes. Yes,” he grunted as he stepped back to discreetly adjust his swelling dick. He saw her eyes dip to his crotch and then lift quickly back to his face, a blush creeping from her chest to her cheeks.

“Oh, hell,” he growled, no longer willing to hold back. Pulling her tightly to him, he crushed his mouth over hers. She opened quickly and he wasted no time in plunging his tongue into her depths. Minty. With a hint of something fruity as he licked her lip-gloss off.

Her tongue tangled with his, as she melted into his embrace. He was so much taller, she stood on her toes to reach her arms around his neck, then squealed as she felt herself lifted. Once again, she found herself plastered against the wall as he jerked her tight skirt up to her hips and rested her core on his knees.

Losing themselves in the kiss, they startled when the kitchen buzzer alarmed. Lowering her quickly, he took a ragged breath as he pulled her head back against his massive chest.

Hearing his strong heartbeat, she knew there was no place she would rather be.

Moving away, he snagged her hand and gently pulled her toward the kitchen. “Gotta get the steaks in, baby.” Giving her a quick lift, he perched her on a bar stool and leaned over to kiss her forehead. “Sit here and keep me company.”

Smiling, she watched him place the steaks into the broiler, then pour a glass of wine placing it in front of her. As he finished the dinner, she glanced around. His apartment was spacious but…devoid. Devoid of any personality. The living area contained a large sectional sofa in a soft grey, with a black coffee table in front. It faced a large-screen TV, but she noticed there were no rugs, throw pillows, or any color in the room at all.

She moved off of the stool and wandered over to an end table where she saw a small, framed picture. Picking it up, she recognized Gabe, Vinny, and Jobe amongst the other soldiers in the snapshot. No family pictures. No pictures of his wife or baby. As her gaze continued roaming, she imagined this apartment looking the same as the day he moved in.

“Was this place furnished?” she asked, curious about his answer.

“Yeah, why?” he called from the kitchen.

“It just looks very…”

“Boring?” He glanced up from the stove to see her blush rising across her face again. Laughing, he added, “It’s okay babe. It is boring. Just never had any desire to do much with it since it’s just a place to eat and sleep.”

But it should be a place you live, she thought sadly. And he hasn’t really lived since his family died.

Lost in her musings, she did not hear him walk up behind her until his arms came across her body pulling her back close to his front. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

Twisting around so that she could study his face, she noticed his arms had not loosened their embrace. “It just doesn’t seem very homey.”

His gaze wandered around the room as he nodded. “Yeah, compared to your place, it’s kind of bare.” Giving a shrug, he continued, “But honestly, I haven’t had a home since I’ve been back. I just couldn’t see one without Marla and Sofia…” His eyes glazed over as he looked out of the window. Then he shook his head and smiled at her, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Do you want one?” she whispered, afraid of the answer.

He looked down at the woman in his arms. Strong. Independent. Kicked by life multiple times and yet came out on top. From foster homes to a quaint Victorian home, filled with…her. It suddenly hit him in the gut… I want that. I want that with her.

Smiling honestly, he nodded. “Yeah, baby. I do want a home.” Seeing the smile light up her face, he kissed the top of her head. The kitchen stove timer went off again and they moved to get dinner on the table.

Conversation slowed as they ate in companionable silence, but as they neared the end of the meal, he found his gaze wandering to her continually. He had memorized her face from the moment he saw her picture in his dossier last year but was amazed at how beautiful she was. A few strands of straight blonde hair had escaped the ponytail, and he watched her as she tucked them behind her ears. Every movement screamed classy, and he wondered once again at how different she was from her sister.

Sherrie noticed his intense gaze and self-consciously brought her napkin to her mouth, wiping at the non-existent crumbs. His gaze never wavered. “Do I have something on my face?” she asked, wiping again.

Startled from his staring, he said simply, “Beauty.” At her questioning expression, he added, “You have beauty written all over your face.”

Her eyes sparkled as a giggle erupted from deep inside. “That almost sounds like a bad pick-up line, but honestly, I loved it,” she admitted.

He joined in laughter, shaking his head. “God, it did sound cheesy, didn’t it?” Sobering, he stood and walked to her side of the table reaching for her hand. “But it’s the truth, darlin’. You’re so goddamn beautiful that I can’t believe what a lucky man I am.”

She placed her small hand in his as he led her from the table down the hall. Moving into his bedroom, she barely noticed that it had the same blankness of the rest of the apartment. But then the only thing that was really on her mind was the large, king-sized bed. As he turned to face her, she felt her nipples tightened at the look on his face.

As though in response to her thoughts, he lifted one hand to a breast, kneading the mound and flicking the nipple through the material. Her hands moved to her blouse, wanting to remove the offending garment, but his hands pushed hers out of the way. Slowly he undid each button as his lips stayed locked onto hers. Kissing, nipping, licking…his mouth savored hers as he slid the blouse off of her shoulders and onto the floor. Keeping his hands behind her, they moved to her waist and unzipped her skirt letting it fall to the floor next to the blouse.

Lifting her in his strong arms, he lay her gently on the bed before leaning over her body with his. Her breasts, spilling over the tops of her bra, were quickly released by the flick of his fingers on her clasp. He pulled a rosy nipple into his mouth, sucking deeply, eliciting a moan from deep within her. She began to writhe on the bed as he slid one hand down into her barely-there panties finding her folds slick and ready.

Releasing her nipple with a pop, he moved back to her swollen lips, his tongue thrusting in rhythm to his fingers embedded in her slick channel.

Her hands found the bottom of his t-shirt and she maneuvered it up toward his head. Desperate to feel his solid chest muscles against her naked breasts, she wrestled with the material.

Chuckling, he broke the kiss, sitting up on his knees as he jerked the shirt over his head. “In a hurry?”

“Yes,” she panted, her hands already to the button on his jeans. Getting them unzipped over his impressive cock was proving equally difficult so he rolled over to quickly divest himself of them as well. Shucking his boxers, his dick was standing at attention as he turned his gaze back to the gorgeous woman lying in his bed. His bed. He realized that he had not had a woman in his bed since his wife had died. The few times he sought company to take care of his needs, he had followed the woman from the bar to her place. No ties. No recriminations. Just two people who knew the score.

“Where’d you go?” Sherrie whispered, wondering at the expression on his face.

“Nowhere important, baby,” he assured. “Just realizing how lucky I am that you’re here.”

Determined to make love to her, he moved slowly, licking and sucking from her lips to her neck to her breasts once again. His fingers found their refuge deep inside as she felt herself climbing higher and higher.

The taste of her was intoxicating as the kiss went deeper. She tasted of wine and the sweetness of their dessert. Licking his way down her body he found the sensitive skin of her neck before moving lower. Giving each breast attention, he elicited moans from her as her hips began to press against his body.

“Patience,” he chuckled, his mouth moving lower. Using his hands, he spread her legs wide as he completely exposed her pink folds to his eyes. With a growl rumbling deep in his chest, he dove in, licking her wetness before sucking her clit into his mouth.

“Aughh,” she moaned again, her hips rising. He moved one of his hands up to her stomach and gently pressed her back down.

Plunging his tongue inside, he continued to lap her juices, loving the taste of her. His hand on her stomach rose higher until it palmed her breast, pinching the nipple lightly.

“I need…” she panted, feeling the coil of tension deep inside her core ready to spring. “I…” was all she managed to say as he gave each nipple a tug as he sucked her clit deeply to his mouth. Her inner walls clenched and her orgasm raced through her sending all of her nerves tingling outwards. Throwing her head back, she screamed his name once again.

He finished licking her glistening folds before kissing his way back up her boneless body until he plunged his tongue back into her mouth.

“Please…I need you inside of me,” she begged.

“Baby, this was about you. Just you tonight,” he responded, wanting to give her everything she needed.

Her imploring gaze sought his as she captured his strong jaw in her hands. “This is what I need. This is what I want,” she explained. “I. Need. You. Inside. Of. Me.”

He held her eyes for just a moment, seeing nothing but truth and trust. Growling he grabbed a condom and rolled on top of her, stilling his cock just at her entrance. Holding her legs apart, he looked down at all her beauty. Pale skin gleaming in the moonlight. Blue eyes looking into his. She’s truly mine. A sexy smile lit her face and he swore his heart stopped as her arms rose up to him.

Plunging to the hilt, his dick reveled in the soft warmth of her body. Leaning over her, his hands on either side of her head, he pounded deeply, trying to reach the innermost part of her soul. Hanging on to his self-discipline by a thread, he was determined for her to come again.

“Close, baby?” he panted.

“Yes, yes.” She grabbed his shoulders, holding on for all she was worth. The sparks shot from her womb out through her limbs as her orgasm rocketed. Digging her fingers into his arms, she cried out once again.

He followed her, his neck thrown back as the cords of muscles strained. Continuing to thrust until every last drop was drained, he fell to the side taking her with him. Holding her close, he wrapped his arms around her trembling form, pulling her tight into his chest. Legs tangled. Arms wrapped. Breaths mingled. Heartbeats pounding in unison.

Slowly awareness crept in and he looked back into her face, seeing her smiling at him.

“Are you okay, baby?” he asked.

“Oh yeah. I couldn’t be happier,” she whispered back.

Pulling her back tightly to him, he threw his leg over hers as his arm wrapped around her waist. Tucking her sated body next to his, he allowed the sound of her deep breathing to lull him to sleep.

* * *

A dream overtook his sleep, as he wandered around the battlefield of his mind.

The dust. The dirt. The blood. He began to run, wanting to escape the desolation of the war-torn country. Something green was on the horizon and his booted feet pounded toward the color. As he came closer, he could see a beautiful, green park and in the distance was a dark haired woman holding a baby. Marla and Sofia. With his last ounce of strength, he continued to run toward them. But the park became a cemetery and he had to wind his way around the tombstones to try to reach them. They disappeared, but as he stumbled to a halt, he looked at the closest tombstone.

Their names were carved in the cold marble. Beloved wife and beloved daughter. There were new words at the bottom and he dropped to the ground to see them. Wiping the grass away, he read There is no life without pain.

“I’m letting you go, Tony,” he heard behind him. Turning he saw a smiling Marla, standing with the light shining behind her head, Sofia tucked safely in her arms. He stood, his breathing sharp and ragged. “Now you have to let me go too,” she said again.

He reached his hand toward her but she began to slide toward the light. “Marla?” he whispered.

“Be happy, my love. Be happy with Sherrie,” came the only response, as she and Sofia disappeared.

For the first time since his family had passed away, he did not waken with sadness. Instead he continued to sleep, peacefully, his soul finally at rest.

Turning over, he clutched Sherrie closer to his chest as dreamless sleep calmed him.

Sherrie lay awake, her heart pounding in her chest, a sharp pain with each breath. She tried to quiet her breathing, but found that nothing stilled the ache.

She had not imagined it. She could not will it away. She could not pretend it had not happened. He had cried out Marla right before pulling her in tightly. He may be holding me, but in his mind he’s holding her. Pain sliced through her, knowing her body was just a replacement for his wife’s. He tried, I know he did. But maybe we were just fooling ourselves to think we could move beyond the past.

Silent tears slid down her cheeks as she slowly left the bed. Gathering her clothes from the pile on the floor, she dressed silently and moved to the living room. Slipping into her shoes then grabbing her purse, she left his apartment and drove home.

Arriving, she quickly stripped again before pulling on her pajamas. Soft. Comfortable. Not as comfortable as his arms around me, she thought ruefully, dashing the tears again.

I may not ever be much, but I deserve all of him. She continued to lay in bed although sleep eluded her. But if I can’t have him, he’s ruined me for any other man. I love him, she realized. And allowed the tears to fall once more.