Page 34

Jude

The boy needs work. He feels too much emotion, which is a problem, and I worry it will get in the way. I’ll start him on a stricter regimen come Monday. He is the key, and I can’t allow him to wander from his role.

Notes from Lieutenant Harlow’s personal journal, year 46 of the curse

“That bad?” Jake grimaced at Kiara’s words, before he spun around and joined the rest of the crew.

“Ah. The girl was right with her initial assessment.” Dimitri swept a hand through his bright reddish orange hair, grime and grease causing the ends to stick up. They shook, his hands, and my right eye picked up the golden ripples of movement. He hid his nerves by shoving them into his jacket pocket, forcing sarcasm to line his words. “That screams death by a thousand ways to me. None of them pleasant.”

He wasn’t wrong. The scene below had been born of nightmares.

A damned maze.

Not only was it exceptionally large, complicated, and exceedingly high, but from this vantage point, I made out cryptic symbols. Everywhere . If those marks and whorls were anything like those from the tunnel we entered, I had a feeling the whole labyrinth was a giant death trap. One misstep and someone would meet the wrong end of an arrow.

The palace rose like a taunt, clearly within view from this high up, yet inaccessible. The design was truly remarkable. How it flowed seamlessly with the natural rock.

The three towers were of varying heights, the roofs of the outer two fashioned of some translucent gem, hundreds of facets glimmering in welcome. The middle tower had no roof, left open to the unknown elements of the realm of the Moon God.

A slight tingle of apprehension ghosted across each of my vertebrae, a phantom hand dragging its nails down my spine.

“This is why I never wanted to go on adventures with you, Ki,” Liam said, still trying to manage his erratic breathing.

Jake chortled. “Finally. Someone who understands.” He tilted his head Liam’s way, a boyish grin on his face. “I have absolutely no idea how you survived her for so long. She’s almost killed me fifteen times over.”

Liam let out a snort of amusement. “Believe me, it hasn’t been easy,” he agreed dramatically, much to Jake’s delight. “It’s not like her sparkling personality helps at all.”

Kiara let out a grumble. Undoubtedly, she was regretting their introduction.

“Plan?” Finn asked Emelia, giving the boys a stern glare.

Emelia stayed silent, scanning the walls, the grooves, the deceptively safe passageways. Her eyes were shrewd, calculated.

“Kiara,” the Fox barked, and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Yes?”

“Any more secret symbols I can’t see?”

Kiara scoffed. “Most definitely.”

“Then you and I are leading the way,” Emelia asserted. “I can see the proper path, and your…ability will help us keep our heads attached to our necks.”

I’d heard my mother was clever, but to have already figured out the maze?

“How did you manage that? You’ve hardly been looking for more than a minute,” I asked, hating that my curiosity compelled me to speak to her in the first place.

“How do you think I became the thief I am today?” she volleyed back with a smirk, though her tone was laced with bitterness.

“She’s got a mind unlike any other,” Finn chimed in. “One look at any map or maze or vault, and she’s got it figured out. I swear there’s never been anyone like her before. Beauty and a brilliant mind,” he added, smiling proudly. “Couldn’t have asked for more.”

“Oh, shut it,” she warned, but one corner of her mouth quirked.

I turned away and unscrewed my canteen, taking a long drink.

I did so mostly to avoid my mother and whatever nauseating compliments Finn spewed.

We didn’t have much water left to spare , and I drank more than I should have. I needed something to do with my hands, an excuse to appear unbothered.

“We’ll rest once we get over the wall.” Emelia made for the edge, already setting her contraption down and locking it in place on the stone.

Kiara laughed, the raspy sound easing the tension in my shoulders. “As if rest is possible in a place like this.”

…

I lowered myself to the other side of the wall, joining the others.

My boots hit the ground hard. Bolts of pain ricocheted up and down my limbs, the muscles already sore from so much activity with little rest.

Hiding my wince from Kiara’s keen gaze, I took in our surroundings.

The overlarge moon exuded pure, brilliant light. It lanced off the white stone walls, illuminating every inch, the brilliance of the veined marble uncomfortably bright.

Unlike the Mist, the temple held no shadows, not a trace of a darkened corner.

I might have believed we’d stepped into the day had it not been for the colorful planets and stars twinkling overhead. They hovered closer now that we neared the temple’s entrance as if they were eager to spy on the trespassers who dared steal from their master.

Liam sniffed the air with distaste, breathing in the sickly - sweet floral scent that saturated the breeze.

My legs trembled, the ground swaying. I glanced at the others, noting that they also peered at their boots, sensing the slight shift. While perceptible, it wasn’t enough to knock us all off our feet.

One thing to be grateful for.

“There are marks everywhere,” Kiara observed with a frown. “Some are glowing, almost a light blue.” She traced her finger across a pristine white wall, mapping out a shape I couldn’t perceive.

“Scarlet?” Emelia prodded her shoulder. “What do you see?”

Kiara’s gaze tapered as she pressed closer, her nose nearly touching the stone. “I’m not sure if these are warnings or—”

Gears ground together, the pitch of metal on metal forcing my attention to the left. No one dared to breathe, to run, to do any of the things we ought to. We were stuck, immobilized, all while the sound of something large and heavy and dangerous rolled .

Shit.

“Definitely a warning!” Kiara screeched, shoving the Fox forward. Jake snatched Liam’s hand and pulled him into a run, Finn and Dimitri close on their heels while I took up the rear.

“Step to the left! As close to the wall as you can,” Kiara shouted, tugging Emelia away from a pressurized stone. I would’ve missed the trap entirely. As I passed, I noted how the floor panel was raised a few centimeters higher, thin lines carving its edges.

“It’s moving faster,” Liam screamed, accompanied by a gravelly rattle.

“There should be a passage coming up on the left!” Emelia said, her voice rising above our ragged panting. Her boot connected with what appeared to be a skull. It shattered against the wall with a sick crunch.

“You certain?” I demanded.

“Yes,” she replied confidently. As if I’d question her now.

I wasn’t keen on Kiara being the first to rush into this unknown world—if she missed a marking and fell into a trap, I’d never forgive myself. But as it was, I remained at the back, ensuring the others caught up.

“There it is,” Dimitri cried.

I twisted, watching in horror as a spiked ball the size of five men barreled toward us.

Our welcome gift had arrived.

Fear thrust my power to the surface. I lifted my hands at the precise moment fire and magic flared from my palms, from my chest. The flames blasted into the spiked ball, bouncing harmlessly off its jagged points.

I hadn’t even made a dent.

“That definitely should’ve done something , right?” Jake screeched after my explosion prompted him to turn mid sprint.

“Left!” Kiara shouted, wrenching Jake to the side. She cried out a few more orders—left, right, middle—guiding us through the carnage like a general leading an army into battle. We avoided five pressurized stones and five near deaths, though, judging by the brittle abundance of human bones littering the ground, not many had been as lucky.

“There it is. Tunnel approaching on the left!” Emelia quickened her pace, practically shoving Kiara and Jake into the widening passage. She made sure she snagged Liam’s cloak as she dove for safety.

Finn leapt headfirst into the channel, his massive body colliding with the ground with an audible thump. He lurched to his feet just as Emelia screamed for Dimitri, who was lagging, his breathing hard.

I’d all but forgotten him.

Whirling back, I grabbed him by the waist and tossed him over my shoulders. He was heavier than I anticipated, and the ball was less than twenty feet away—

We weren’t going to make it.

Emelia must’ve known this , too. She hurtled out of the passage and into the line of fire. With the grace of a hawk, she lifted her arm and pressed a green button on the underside of the device we used to scale the wall. A silver grapple embedded into the stone, and when she aimed and struck once more, another grapple rooted into the wall opposite. A horizontal line of coiled metal rope hung across the passageway.

“Duck!” Emelia warned, and I grunted while shifting Dimitri, lowering us below the rope.

There was a snapping sound, the spiked sphere catching on the metal coil blocking its path. It broke through seconds later, but they were seconds we needed. I dove for the enclosure, Dimitri on my back, both of us tumbling to the dirty stones.

The ball rolled past, continuing on its destructive path.

We all gasped for air, everyone a shade paler. We’d been so close to death that I could practically feel its icy hand on my shoulder.

Kiara sat propped against the opposite wall, her chest rising and falling with strain, her scarred hands clenched into fists at her side.

To everyone else, she might simply appear fatigued, but I saw more than that. She may wrinkle her nose before a fight and occasionally bite the inside of her cheek when she was nervous…but when Kiara Frey was scared, truly scared, she shut down.

Completely.

Her eyes were empty, her face slack.

Speaking only to her, I said, “We’re alive. We’re whole.”

I loathed that look on her face. That emptiness.

She flinched slightly, seeming to jolt back into herself. I sensed she needed the reminder, and I repeated it once more until life reignited her dulled features, bringing back the fighter I adored.

When she wrinkled her nose, I smiled.

Kiara brought her attention to her hands, flexing them as light whispered along the dark black - and - blue vines. They shone from under her shirt, up to her elbows, and even with the sleeves pulled down, there was no masking them. Something had happened when the shadow beast attacked, and she wasn’t eager to share. As much as I wanted to push, I respected her wishes.

My mother, however, did not.

The Fox scooted over, creases forming across her brow. She leaned close to Kiara’s scars, fascinated. “Hmm. A little darker than I imagined. I pictured them being a little less…pretty, as well.”

“Pretty? They’re grotesque . ” Kiara twisted her wrists, showing off the reedy lines decorating her palms. She hastily shoved them into her pockets, her eyes downcast.

The Fox laughed softly, the kind of laugh that was dark and brimming with trapped bitterness. “If you think that’s bad, you’ve never seen the true marks of war.” Her gaze flickered to Finn briefly before she lowered it to her boots. “The scars that are made by hatred are the truly grotesque ones, ones you feel beyond the skin.”

Finn cleared his throat uncomfortably. “What’s the plan?” he asked, wiping away the sweat dripping from his shaved head. Squinting, I noted the gleaming of a few shimmering scars along the curve of his right ear. Somehow, I didn’t think those were the wounds Emelia had implied.

My mother bristled at him. “We’ll head down this tunnel, make a right, another right, and then we’ll find a long, narrow passage we’ll travel down for some time. There, we’ll take a left. The gates should be at the end of that hall.”

“Damn. She’s good,” Liam whispered. “I’m unabashedly jealous.”

“You would be,” Kiara teased, but her voice lacked its usual lilt. “If you had such a gift, you’d be extra annoying. You’d probably recite all the details of your excruciatingly boring books.”

“Hey. Intelligence is sexy,” Liam snapped, but he wore a gentle smile.

“Don’t say sexy around me , please.” She rolled her eyes, more of her armor sliding into place.

“Oh, grow up.” Liam scoffed. “I have to watch you and Commander-Broods-A-Lot all day shooting each other longing glances, and—”

“If you don’t shut up now, I’ll personally do it for you,” Emelia threatened, a slight tinge of pink on her cheeks.

She waved at Kiara, back to business. “We’re gonna eat and rest a few hours, but after, I expect you to do your job and watch out for any concealed threats.”

“More of that disgusting dried meat. I can’t wait,” Kiara mumbled, ignoring my mother’s order. “What poor animal did you kill to create that atrocity?”

The Fox grinned broadly, a playful glint in her eyes. “Who said it was an animal?”

The look Kiara shared with my mother was nothing short of sly, and for some reason, my magic responded even while resentment warmed my blood.

Why had I thought it wise to seek the Fox in the first place? Her involvement could only bring trouble, and introducing her to Kiara? Disastrous.

If Isiah were here, he’d probably say something sensible and intuitive, like I had run to my mother seeking comfort when I was lost or some other sort of introspective bullshit. And he might be right. But the more time I spent in Emelia’s company and in that of the men who followed and adored her, the more the seeds of my anger took root.

She’d taken in Finn and Dimitri—two lost souls in search of a home—yet she’d abandoned me, her own son. When I first saw her back in Fortuna, there’d been pure apathy. I’d considered only Kiara and her safety, along with the curse we had to break in order to free us all from the shackles of Patrick’s treachery.

Now? Now I had time to think, and I didn’t particularly care for any of my thoughts.

Jake handed Liam a pack of loose granola and plopped down next to him. They shared the bag, murmuring in each other’s ears, sometimes smiling.

Finn tore into his meal with exaggerated gusto, while Dimitri stared blankly ahead.

The story he’d shared continued to haunt me. I marveled at how he could even get up in the morning after what he’d lost, a wife and daughter, both taken so horrifically.

If I ever had a family—

No. I shouldn’t even entertain the idea. Not now. It was dangerous to hope and think of the future.

Deep down, beneath the feigned optimism I conjured, I didn’t actually believe I would make it out of this ordeal alive.

There.

That was the truth.

Kiara rose to her feet only to move closer to me, sliding down the wall at my side. Leaning her head on my shoulder, she asked, “Rancid meat?”

I accepted when she thrust the bundle closer, though when I placed a bite on my tongue, I barely tasted anything at all.

My eyes drifted to her sheath. The Godslayer blade.

If things went wrong, I had my answer. I was going to make sure Kiara walked out of this temple. Even if I didn’t.

…

“Sleeping on me, boy?”

My lids opened with a start. Emelia hovered before me, one hip cocked to the side, a shrewd look causing her harsh features to turn even more severe. I must’ve drifted off because Kiara was gone, speaking in hushed murmurs with her brother and Jake. I hadn’t even felt her leave.

“I was trying to until you interrupted.” I shut my eyes again, hoping she’d go away and leave me in peace. When the rustling of clothing reached my ears, I knew she’d taken a seat next to me.

Figures she wouldn’t listen.

“You’re going to have to talk to me at some point.”

“I certainly do not. Unless it pertains to the mission, I have nothing to say.”

More silence ensued. More awkwardness.

“I would’ve ruined you, you know,” Emelia said, so softly I thought I’d misheard her. “Even my mother believed I was… wrong . She never smiled at me a day in my life, and the single occasion she expressed any genuine emotion was when she held you for the first time.”

I opened my eyes at that.

“We’d been on the run for so long, never staying in one place long enough to form attachments. She was paranoid, continuously claiming someone was after us. When I was younger, I believed her, but as I grew up, I assumed she was unwell.” Emelia let out a harsh scoff. “Only at the end did she tell me the truth about our family, right before taking her last breath.”

I didn’t have words, and I didn’t attempt to find them. Raina might as well have been nothing more than a legend. I couldn’t wrap my head around her being family . A part of me still didn’t accept it.

“Was it easy for you?” I shocked myself by asking. My tone was coarse and unapologetically glacial.

I heard her swallow. She understood exactly what I meant.

“L-leaving you felt easy at the time,” she confessed, and something inside of me shattered. “But only because I thought I’d done the decent thing and that you’d have a chance to grow up in a safe place without the burden of our family.”

I laughed, the noise unhinged. “You left me with a sadistic asshole. You ruined my life. And you did that because you didn’t want a child to take care of. Simple as that.”

Silence.

Why was there always silence when I least wanted it?

“Nothing to say?” I pressed, daring to angle my head and take her in. She froze, her eyes widening, her lower lip trembling.

“I—I thought…” she stumbled, scrambling for the right words when there were none. “I’m not good , Jude. I didn’t think your father would be worse. I wouldn’t have left you if I’d known what he’d do, and when I found out, I wanted to kill him. Flay his skin and—”

“Then why didn’t you?” I jumped to my feet, uncaring that my voice had risen in pitch. I sensed Kiara’s heated gaze, yet she didn’t intervene. “Why didn’t you come back after you’d learned how cruel he was?”

My eyes burned, and it had nothing to do with magic.

“Because—”

“Because why?” I screamed, startling the others. They stood, their boots thudding too loudly in my head. I could hear too much, feel too much, and it was drowning me.

“Because I was afraid!” Emilia scrambled back. She pressed both hands against the wall, her lips parting like she wanted to say more. Which she didn’t.

Coward.

The declaration hung in the air between us like smoke, and I inhaled its poison.

“I’m a selfish person, Jude, always have been. But regardless of my many flaws, I can leave this earth knowing that even though I abandoned you, even though I was never the mother you deserved, I left the best part of myself in you. Doesn’t mean I’m not sorry. I’ll always be sorry.”

Emelia didn’t wait for me to respond. She shot to her feet and all but sprinted as far from me as possible.

The word was useless. Hollow.

Sorry did nothing to ease the pain of my childhood. Sorry didn’t erase her selfish choice, regardless of her wrapping it up in the guise of kindness.

Finn took up the space she’d occupied as I seethed. I wanted to be alone, and his presence was the furthest thing from what I desired.

“She’s not warm and fuzzy, that’s for certain. Gods know, I’ve learned that the hard way over the years.” He released a brittle laugh. “People like her who’ve had to fight their entire lives, every second of every day, they don’t know how to accept the good when it comes. I think that’s what happened with you, boy. And while you don’t have to forgive her, know that every year on the coldest day of winter, she leaves the city. I never know where she goes or what she does, but when she returns, she always carries the same scrap of blue fabric.”

I froze. When I’d been left on my father’s doorstep in the dead of winter, Emelia had placed her book of lore and her compass beside me. But I’d also been wrapped in a thick, blue woven blanket that was frayed on one side, almost as if a piece had been torn off.

Finn patted me on the back. Hard.

“It’s easy to hold on to that hatred, son. But she holds a lot of hatred for herself, too.”

He walked away, leaving me reeling, on completely uneven ground.

Hatred was safe, but forgiveness? Forgiveness was departing the home you’d constructed of thorns and steel and venturing out into the trees, into the unknown. Forgiveness could mean opening yourself up again and pretending as if you didn’t fear the ones you loved twisting the knife into your back for a second time.

More than that, forgiveness also meant the chance to find peace. And that wasn’t something I was familiar with. That frightened me more than the possibility of betrayal.

I sought refuge at the other end of the wall. Kiara allowed me to pass, perhaps believing I needed space.

When I settled as far from the group as I dared, I realized I’d been wrong.

A shy coil of ash and night snuck up to graze my arm. It caressed me, winding around my frame like a hug.

Turning my head, I followed the length of the shadow, spotting a glistening tear fall down Kiara’s cheek. She hurriedly brushed it away and fixed her face into stone, but her shadows tightened, refusing to let go until I remembered I wasn’t alone.