Page 18

Jude

It is often what we love most

that kills us in the end

But to die with a smile

isn’t a terrible way to go

Lorian , God of Beasts and Prey

G ods above, she was more radiant than I remembered.

When her eyes fluttered open, I forgot how to breathe, but who needed air when she looked at me like that ?

It took everything in me to stand back once she rushed to Liam. Her brother needed her attention, and while I wasn’t socially adept, I had an inkling that kissing her while he struggled to survive wasn’t morally sound.

I observed the three of them now, my mother, Jake, and Kiara, all huddled around Liam. My girl stiffened beneath my gaze as if she felt it. Felt me. So why wasn’t she turning? Was she that angry with me for leaving her in the Mist? It was for her own protection, but I doubt she’d see it that way.

“T-thank you,” Liam said to my mother, staring at her in pure awe. When she gave him a half smile in reply, a foreign emotion burned in my veins. It felt like poison.

They shared a few words I couldn’t make out, but Liam nodded at his sister once, his eyes flicking my way. Then Liam all but shoved her around.

Our eyes locked immediately , and it was like a punch to the gut.

I’d forgotten my armor, my shields, every weapon I’d fashioned over the years. They were reduced to dust, destroyed not by daggers or arrows but by something as simple and as devastating as those brilliant golden eyes.

I was about to damn the consequences and go to her, when a man I recognized from The Sly Fox approached.

“That bastard they call Harlow attacked,” he said. The screams . Liam was right. Kiara had been attacked , and I hesitated. I’d wanted to ignore them.

“Harlow? He was out here?” I clenched my fists, furious with myself. I had given him the benefit of the doubt. But it seemed like my former brother was lying when he professed his desire to aid me. So much for loyalty.

“That jaguar got him good. Took a few chunks out, so I doubt we have to worry about him for now.” The man lifted his dirtied hand before him. “Name’s Dimitri, by the way.” He shoved out his dirtied hand in greeting as if he hadn’t just told me a jaguar attacked my old lieutenant.

I instinctively accepted, finding his grip surprisingly strong. The second he let go, I backed away. Thoughts of Harlow could wait. Everything could wait.

While I drank Kiara in like a man who’d wandered the desert for days and she was my only source of life, her surprised face morphed into one of shame. I knew her well enough to see the spark of fear cloud her face, that desperation to run causing her hands to twitch at her sides.

She blamed herself.

“Can we speak?” I asked, approaching. She backed up a step. “Kiara?”

Her attention strayed to her brother, to her hands. As though blood marred them. “I-I can’t. I—”

The wind whipped at her cloak, exposing the onyx blade strapped to her hip. The Godslayer. The boy from Fortuna had followed through , after all. The muscles in my neck loosened. That was one less thing to worry about.

Now, I just had to get her to speak with me. Yet she inched backward, moving away from everyone, including me. That hurt the most.

I sensed her hesitation. Her shame. It shone from her eyes, her trapped tears like liquid silver.

“I’m so sorry, Jude—” She spun around and darted into the forest, running from the aftermath of her power. Running from us .

Too bad for her, I would always follow. I took off, chasing her into the skeletal woods.

I called her name, squinting into the dim. A flash of her bright hair lured me deeper, branches snagging at my clothes, my skin. I chased her down until she reached a small clearing surrounded by stinging black reeds. There, she froze, her back to me.

“Kiara, turn around. Please.”

“You should stay away,” she warned, the wind stifling her words and carrying them away. “I-I need some time. I choked you for gods’ sake!”

“What happened wasn’t your fault.” I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. “How were you to know we weren’t King’s Guards? Harlow could’ve very well brought reinforcements.”

Kiara’s breathing turned labored, her body shaking with either rage or fear. Both would be understandable.

I dared to venture closer, stopping when she whirled on me, eyes narrowed.

“I told you to leave,” she grated out. “Besides, I thought you wanted to escape me in the Mist. Here’s your chance!” She pointed to the trees. “Go!”

How the roles had reversed. She aimed to push me away because she feared she’d harm me. I wasn’t easily frightened.

Boldly, I grasped her wrist and pulled her to me. Her hands went to my chest, and while she didn’t pull back, I sensed she considered it.

“ Stop . Stop blaming yourself,” I ordered in my most authoritative voice. I wanted my words to sink into her stubborn head. “I left you because you’d have carved the final piece out of your chest and gifted it to me. We both know that.”

“I still could.”

“Don’t threaten me with your life,” I practically growled, a fierce protectiveness causing me to tighten my hold on her waist, my hands fisting her cloak. “I do not make decisions lightly, Kiara, but in that clearing, when Patrick nearly killed you, I made a vow, and I intend to keep it.”

“What vow?” she asked, tensing.

Still, she held on to me, and I took that as a good sign. She was vulnerable, an open book of love and pain and everything in between.

“I grew selfish in the Mist. You made me selfish.” I cupped her cheek, one hand remaining firmly on her waist. “I decided then that I’d do everything in my power to make sure you survived this mess, to find a way to save us both. Because for the first time in my life, I know I deserve happiness, and I want to be a man who deserves you .”

Was she going to ignore everything we’d said in that dungeon? For a second , I wondered if I’d imagined the whole thing, but then my scar throbbed and Kiara went still. Slowly, she peered down at her own chest with wide eyes.

No, it had all been real. The proof of our magic was carved into our skin.

When she pressed her body deeper against mine—returning my affections—my eyes fluttered closed. She fit me perfectly, her softness molding against every hard edge. It made my pulse soar.

“You feel it , too,” she finally whispered, her hand moving to her matching wound. “It wasn’t a dream, was it? I…I actually found you.”

“It was real,” I confirmed. I’d been half delirious then, and what I’d told her without hesitation echoed in my head. “I’m damn well thankful it was.”

Her cheeks darkened, and she glanced down.

“Are you…are you hurt?” she asked, a hand moving to my back, barely a whisper of a touch.

“I’m all right. I promise.” As if she didn’t believe me, she slipped her hand below my shirt, her gloved fingers moving along the length of my spine.

I sucked in a sharp breath when she gently ran them up and down, from my upper back to just above where my trousers sat on my hips. Gods, she had no idea what she was doing to me, how she tortured me with a simple touch.

“There are no wounds…” Her face pinched in confusion, oblivious to my inner struggle. “And Patrick’s cut…it’s missing.”

“I told you I’m fine,” I said, attempting a light tone. It came out coarse and deeper than usual. “I—I think I healed it. Along with the injuries I sustained at the fortress.”

“ Injuries , ” she snapped incredulously. “What they did to you goes beyond cruelty. Beyond mere injuries. You were torn apart. How did you even escape?”

“Hey, I’m here. I’m alive,” I said, needing her to calm. I worried her shadow beast would rise at the promise of retribution. Even as the fear crossed my mind, her eyes darkened.

“I’m going to kill them all. Slowly. First, I’ll—”

“Kiara. I will gladly help you kill them when the time comes, but there are more pressing matters we should deal with first.”

“You never answered my question,” she pressed. Her roaming hands stilled, and I mourned the loss of their easy exploration. “How did you get free of that cell?”

I sighed. “There was a woman who helped me escape. She claimed to be Maliah herself.” If we hadn’t undergone the trials of the Mist, I might not have believed my own ears.

Kiara flinched, but her stare turned fierce, her gaze locked on me. A tremor worked its way through my body, her eyes seeming to see right through me to where my heart battered the confines of my ribs.

“We came across both her and Lorian in the woods before reaching Fortuna,” she said with a frown. “They weren’t pleased we were trying to save you with the Moon God at our backs.”

The gods were banding together. While Lorian had aided Patrick with his wolves, he’d vanished when he learned of my true identity. I wanted to hold on to the notion that the immortals were on our side.

“Maybe that’s why Maliah helped me,” I mused. “She knew you’d be stubborn and disregard your own safety.”

“As if you wouldn’t have done the same,” she countered, her hip angling into me. Heat flared as her movements stole any and all arguments I could’ve formed. If I didn’t know any better , I’d say she was tormenting me on purpose.

“She also told us the God of the Moon is at the center of this,” Kiara added, quickly dousing the flames that had been working their way to my core. “Cirian’s his puppet, and they want to kill us so Raina’s magic doesn’t return.” I immediately thought of Cirian, of what he’d taunted in that cell, how he’d threatened Kiara’s life. My head was spinning, both anger and fear mixing together to form the most potent of poisons. “Maliah and Lorian said there’s this object that can summon and trap the Moon God at his temple, and I confirmed this when I went to see the Fox . ” She paused, raising an accusatory brow. “Your mother …”

She shifted away, the lies and truths I’d concealed creating distance. I shook my head at the action, my palms splaying across the entire expanse of her back.

“I didn’t tell you about her because up until recently, I vowed I’d never see her again,” I rushed to say. “She was all but dead to me.”

The words rang hollow even to my own ears.

“I still wish you would have trusted me with that information,” she began, slowly melting back into me. I swallowed down my sigh of relief. “But I understand why you didn’t. It was your secret , and I can respect that.”

“I have no more secrets left,” I whispered, the tip of my nose grazing hers. “That, I promise.”

“Good. Because I’m sick of them,” she grumbled. “Every day there’s a new one. It’s getting rather old.”

“I’m still surprised my mother helped.” The Fox had made it abundantly clear she wanted no part in my endeavors. “Did she give you the texts she’d stolen from Cirian’s palace years ago?”

“No. But she explained that all signs to save us led to the temple. Our plan was to rescue you first and then locate the talisman to imprison the Moon God. After insisting she was the only one who could navigate the inner temple, she all but demanded to come along for the ride.”

I would’ve thought she’d send them on their way like she had me. Had me being captured affected her choice? Perhaps it was her pride at play.

“I probably shouldn’t get so close to you,” Kiara admitted, the clouds in her eyes swirling with fear. “I might hurt you again.” Her hands dropped to her sides, but I grabbed her wrists, her pulse point thudding wildly against my fingers. The touch was like lightning.

“I made the mistake of running away. Don’t you dare do the same.” Her mouth parted as she took in my words, forcing my gaze to lower. I nearly groaned when she bit her bottom lip in thought, her eyes hooded. “I’m far from done with you, Kiara Frey. And I don’t know if I ever will be.”

She hesitated for only a second, but it was the longest second of my existence.

Kiara pushed onto her toes, grabbed my neck, and then we collided.

My lips fused to hers, and suddenly, the world didn’t feel so big, our trials not nearly as impossible. I wasn’t that same boy who’d been scarred by his father. The man who slept with blood coating his hands. I wasn’t anyone or anything. And there was a freedom to that, like the shackles of my past transformed to ash that floated away into nothingness.

I’d been given a gift I initially spurned, my fear holding me back. But no longer.

Standing on her tiptoes, Kiara arched into me, sliding her hands under my shirt, her gloved hands cool on my bare back. I wanted those gloves gone. I wanted to feel her, skin to skin. I wanted no more barriers between us.

“Take them off,” I ordered, drawing back enough to speak. “ Please .”

“I could hurt you,” she murmured, going rigid.

“You’re hurting me by not touching me.” I took one gloved hand. “I want them gone. I want you.”

“So bossy, Commander,” she whispered, her movements slow as she pulled off the leather and jammed them into her back pocket. The slight tremble of her fingers wasn’t lost to me.

“No. Desperate ,” I corrected, kissing along her jaw. “I want to feel your hands on me.”

So, so many wants .

And then her hands roamed, her gloves discarded, nothing but hands, lips, and shared eagerness between us. Everywhere her heat wandered, I burned. It was like she couldn’t touch me enough, feel me enough, and her soft whimpers of desperation had me losing any semblance of control I possessed.

Not that I ever had much when it came to her.

Kiara was the air in my lungs, and for the first time in days, I breathed .

I whispered her name as her hands traveled to my face, cupping my cheeks and keeping me in place like she never planned on letting go.

The last few days became nothing but a horrid nightmare, each of her kisses erasing the cruel lash of the whip, each touch washing away my fear, my pain. My fingers tightened at the nape of her neck, and I wound my other hand around her waist, tugging and pulling until I wasn’t sure where she ended and I began.

While I lost myself in her, I rediscovered the person I desired to be. The Hand of Death died when she murmured my name.

I traced the seam of her lips with my tongue, and when she opened, meeting me with equal hunger, I explored her mouth, wrenching another sweet sound from her.

“I’m supposed to be angry at you, make you beg for forgiveness,” she murmured between kisses. She sighed when I tugged on her bottom lip, releasing it only to nip at her jaw. “I can’t seem to remember why , though. I was angry about something, right? I wanted to yell at you and—”

She squealed when I grasped her legs and hoisted her up, forcing her to wind herself around my hips.

“Never mind,” she rasped. “I’ll be angry at you in a second.”

Smiling against her skin, I walked forward, not stopping until her back was pressed flush to a broad trunk. I used its support to brush her cheeks, to touch her softness, to slip my fingers through her silken hair.

I would happily take her anger. I’d take anything she wished to give me like the beggar I’d become.

“Gods, you’re killing me,” I murmured, already struggling for air. She’d stolen all of mine. “I’ve dreamed of you every night, Kiara. Fantasized about the moment I’d hold you again. Kiss you.” I pressed my lips to the corner of her mouth. “I should never have left.”

She stiffened at my words. I drew back, my heart rattling my rib cage.

“No,” Kiara snapped . “You shouldn’t have. You didn’t trust me. And you not only risked my life because of that, but you risked yours as well.” She cast me a spine-tingling glower. Kiara may be petite, but her size didn’t fool me. If she wanted, she could have a grown man flat on his back in less than a minute. I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t turn me the hells on.

She snatched my hand and thrust it to her healed wound, over her beating heart. Her other hand rested above mine.

“You will never, never do something like that again,” she warned. The hand on her chest warmed, matching the heat of my skin. “If you meant what you said in those dungeons, if you meant what you said tonight, then we do this together or not at all.”

A hazy shimmer illuminated her body, radiating from her scar. Her eyes widened , but her attention wasn’t on her chest. I glanced down, finding a similar glow emanating from me .

Kiara’s anger slipped from her face entirely as my light evolved, the gold morphing into a shade of steel. Back and forth it flickered, from day to night and back again. She peered up through her lashes, astonishment clear on her face.

I felt it. The tether binding us.

It had been there from the beginning, but now, I could feel it as if it was a solid thing expanding between us. I’d questioned how she’d been able to visit me, but we were connected in a way that couldn’t be logically explained.

Shadows unfurled from her like a cloak billowing in the wind, and for a heartbeat, her body wavered like an ashen cloud. A searing bolt charged down and across my chest, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

When I opened them, Kiara was…gone.

I spun, searching for her, but no one stood in the woods—

“Jude!”

Whirling around, I came face to face with the woman who’d been but a ghost a second before. While she no longer fluttered in place, her body once again solid, I noticed how she swayed.

What just happened?

“I—” She scanned the woods, a dazed look painting her features. “One second I was beside you, and the next I was so angry with you for leaving, and I thought of the cell and what you’d been through, and I…” She hissed through her teeth, trying to regain her composure, her hands visibly shaking in the dark. “I moved , Jude. I felt myself move. I heard a rush of wind , and I was being pushed somewhere else. I had to hold on to your voice to return.”

“Your shadows,” I whispered, stepping closer. She let me hug her, allowed me to push her head onto my chest as I embraced her. “Your emotions control them. It has to be how you found me. How you were able to visit me.” When she’d healed me in that clearing, she’d left her mark on me, the same as I’d done to her. But the mark she’d gifted contained a piece of herself, her darkness.

“Before, when I visited you, my body didn’t…” She waved her hands before herself . “It didn’t move like that. But in the woods, on the way here, I swore I left my body and flew . I looked down on the earth, able to spot an abandoned camp once occupied by soldiers. Jake told me I was all but a phantom when this happened.”

“Maybe you’re growing stronger?” It was entirely possible.

She’d only recently discovered that side of herself. Who knew what she was capable of, especially with a sliver of Raina’s magic inside of her? The shadow beasts of legend had been rumored to travel, freeing themselves of their physical bodies and evaporating into thin air. Some historians even argued they could access the spaces in between the worlds where no mortal could venture.

“Are you afraid of me?” she voiced hesitantly after moments of silence, of us simply holding on to each other.

I went rigid, aghast she’d say such a thing. Leaning back, I grasped her chin.

“If your darkness was the reason you found me, then it saved my life, Kiara.” I shook my head. What didn’t she get? I adored every part of her, especially the darkness. It was her , and I wouldn’t want her any other way.

“I meant every damned word I said in that dungeon,” I intoned, my voice coming out firm, unyielding. I needed her to understand. “I began to fall in love with you the very second you spoke my name.” I kissed her gently. “And I don’t ever wish to land. I love you, Kiara Frey.”

My heart thudded in my ears as I waited for her to speak, to say anything. But she simply lifted onto her toes and pressed her mouth against my scarred cheeks, taking her time, savoring me.

She didn’t say the words back.

I wish it didn’t sting as much.

“I don’t forgive you for leaving, but I’m not spending this time being angry at you,” she said when she came up for air, and while not what I wished to hear, a tentative hope swept through me.

I lowered my lips back to hers, and when we touched, bursts of gold exploded behind my eyes. They were dazzling and overwhelming, and I never wished to stop kissing her.

So I didn’t.

My fingers were once again tangled in her hair, my other hand pressing into the small of her back. I couldn’t get enough of her taste, how delectable her lips were when I pulled them between my teeth, feasting on her. Consuming her. Devouring.

It wasn’t until Jake screamed in alarm that we both drew back.

The glow…it was everywhere now. Just like that day in my cell.

In the heavens, surrounded by clouds of dense gray, shone an orb of pure, devastating light. I stumbled in place, consumed by its brilliance, shocked by its mere presence. The sun. It was fighting to return.

I turned to Kiara with a wide smile and drank her in—memorizing how the rays bestowed her skin with a rosy sheen, her hair the most vivid shade of copper.

Gorgeous. Every inch of her. And she was mine.

She met my heated stare. “Only you would look at me when there’s a sun in the sky.”

But she was looking at me , too.

I went to embrace her once again when the world dimmed, the effulgent light fading faster than it had appeared.

It didn’t matter. For a few heartbeats, I experienced hope. Maybe Kiara didn’t need to die after all. Maybe I could love her and save my kingdom without carving the missing piece from her heart. The whispered prophecy of the sun priestesses came back to me, and I gripped it tightly.

“Kiara, I think we can save Asidia without—”

Her mouth fell open, and blood dripped from her lips.

She murmured my name as she collapsed in my arms, and before I could manage to scream for help, she vanished entirely.