Page 67 of To Kill a Badger (The Honey Badgers Chronicles #6)

“He’s not fired?”

“—I expect you to be nice.” She pointed a finger at him. “And no head crushing. He may survive, but he’ll never look the same again, and we both know it. Understood?”

The tiger looked away.

“Keane.”

“Fine.” He looked at her again, forcing a terrifying smile that definitely didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be nice.”

“Thank you.”

That horrible fake smile faded and he said, in earnest, “Whatever you need me to do, just tell me. And if you want to leave right now, we leave.”

Warmed by his tone and the way he was looking at her, Nelle suggested, “How about a kiss?”

“Absolutely not.”

“The speed of that response was hurtful.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just know what will happen. We’ll start kissing and we won’t stop and then . . .”

“Fucking?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re morally opposed to that?”

“Unequivocally, no. Not opposed to it.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Right now, I’m still feeling a little . . .”

“Trapped underground?”

“Oh, my God.” His head dropped forward, his face buried in his hands. “I can never do that again.”

“I know.”

“I thought I was going to be trapped there forever. I felt I was just crawling around my own tomb.”

“You weren’t, but I get it. I have an aunt that was a great digger.

Loved to dig from one house she owned in Yunnan to another house she owned in Chengdu.

But then, one day, she had to get an MRI.

Thirty minutes in that machine and suddenly she realized she was claustrophobic.

” Nelle shook her head. “No more digging. She just has her limo take her between houses now.”

Keane turned his head away from her, and she got the feeling he was trying not to laugh.

He cleared his throat and said, “I know that if we . . .”

“Fuck?”

“Yessss,” he said, looking at her again, “I’ll just be using you. Stop smiling.”

“I can’t help it.”

“I know you don’t care about being used. But that’s not what I want.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, looked around.

“To hang around outside your house until you start worrying about me, end up feeding me and giving me water, maybe let me in when the weather’s bad because I look so sad just sitting in your yard in the rain, until one day you let me in and I never leave again. ”

“You mean like what happens when someone adopts a stray cat?”

“Yes.”

* * *

She gawked at him, obviously confused, but he didn’t know why. How else did she think cat couples became cat couples?

“Let’s go get something to eat,” Keane suggested.

“So you can avoid me and this discussion?”

“Avoid you ? No. But avoid having this discussion while fighting my desire to put my hands all over you. . . ? Yes.”

They both smiled, and Nelle nearly forgot everything but the big cat sitting next to her.

Then . . .

“Are you two fucking in there?” the Russian barked through the door.

Nelle unleashed her claws and nearly had the bedroom door open all the way when Keane caught her around the waist, yanking her back with one arm while slamming the door with the other.

“We’ll be a minute!” he calmly called out.

“Do what you want. I do not care.”

“Yes, we’re well aware of that.”

“I hate her,” Nelle panted through fangs. “I hate her.”

“I know,” Keane said, his cheek pressed against the back of her head. “I know. But let’s at least try to get through dinner without bloodshed. I’m so hungry.”

“I’ve heard old honey badger is quite tasty.”

“It’s not.”

* * *

It was late afternoon when she heard it.

“Hello? You there. Child-sitting . . . person? Hello?”

Charlie looked up from Dani’s hair. The kid had asked her to brush her hair and put braids in it.

At first, Charlie had suggested Mads do it, but the kid really wanted Charlie.

Apparently Mads was being “a little scary right now” about basketball, while Charlie and Dani had bonded over their love of dogs.

Not only their love of dogs, but their mutual confusion at the bears and cats innocently asking if, “You want me to throw that thing in the trash for you?” while pointing at some living, breathing dog standing at their feet.

That kind of bonding couldn’t be ignored, so Charlie had gotten some hair products from the bathroom—the ones Stevie used, since Charlie’s were probably too heavy for the kid’s hair—and settled on the top step of the front stoop while the kid settled on the step just below.

Charlie had been barely five minutes into brushing Dani’s shiny black hair with white flecks—too young for the full white streaks yet, but black like her father’s and uncles’—when she heard a voice she hadn’t heard in years.

“Yes, hello,” she said when Charlie finally looked at her. “I’m looking for Gong Zhao. Someone said she might be here. Have you seen her?”

Charlie cleared her throat and said, “Hi, Mimi.”

The honey badger’s eyes narrowed, and she examined Charlie with obvious distaste—the “help” being so forward and all—but Charlie had seen that expression too many times to take it personally anymore.

“Do I know you?” Mimi asked, making it sound like an insult without even trying.

It was strange. How much Mimi looked like her sister Nelle.

Despite Mimi’s waist-length black hair with one big white streak and Nelle’s shoulder-length locks, the sisters could almost be twins, they looked so much alike.

Yet their personalities were so vastly different that Charlie felt comfortable telling people they looked nothing alike.

Nelle was so charming and friendly to everyone, and she stayed that way unless people proved they didn’t deserve it; while her sister was . . . less charming.

“We went to the same Wisconsin high school at the same time?” Charlie repeated the facts she’d had to say when they would meet at a 7-Eleven in their hometown during the holidays. “Our sisters are best friends and play basketball together?”

The blank stare told Charlie this girl had completely excised anything to do with the MacKilligans from her mind.

Not surprising. In vastly different social circles in high school, the pair had barely tolerated each other then.

Now, they might as well be complete strangers.

But Charlie knew what would prompt the snobby heifer’s memory.

“You called me ‘peasant’ once, so I set your Gucci bookbag on fire, then drank a chocolate milkshake while it burned.”

“Ohhhh . . .” Mimi’s top lip curled a little, and Charlie was sure she saw a bit of fang. “Charlie. Of course,” she said through now-gritted teeth. “How could I forget?”

“Well—”

“Anyway, where’s my sister?”

“France.”

“France?” And Charlie smirked at the sudden fury in that voice. “What is she doing in France ? She’s supposed to be part of my wedding!”

“I’m sure she’ll be back in time.”

“All the festivities are starting this week! She can’t just blow this off! She promised me!”

Both Charlie and Dani leaned away from that abrupt explosion into insanity.

“I’m sure she’ll be there the day of. Isn’t that what you want?”

“NO!”

“Good Lord.”

“It’s not what I want! She needs to be here NOW!”

The yelling. Charlie had forgotten about the yelling.

Mimi loved to yell at people back in high school, too.

Teachers. The lunch ladies. Other students.

The principal. Her own friends. Her sister.

But she especially loved to yell at Max.

She hated Max. Of course, in this one instance, Max hadn’t really done anything to prompt such a rampage.

At least not from Mimi. Nelle, however, had a whole host of reasons to rage at Max for tying her into this stupid wedding.

“I shouldn’t even be doing this!” Mimi continued to rant. So loudly, even the uncaring cats and bears had taken notice. “She’s one of my bridesmaids! She’s supposed to be by my side at all times! Now she’s in France and not doing anything I NEED!”

While this rant was happening, the front screen door opened, and Stevie walked out, saw what was happening, immediately turned around, and went back inside.

Charlie almost laughed at the insanity that invaded brides like a virus when they were arranging their weddings. But she also knew that laughing would only extend this screaming, and she wasn’t in the mood for that. She really just wanted to do the kid’s hair. Brushing it was surprisingly soothing.

But she should have known that Stevie would have never completely abandoned her big sister.

Not when there was a better victim to toss into the ring.

Like tossing a Christian to a Roman lion—quite a few of which were shifters who just liked to eat full-humans for fun and profit! Ahhh, such a different time.

“Hey, Charlie!” Max called out happily, oblivious. “Stevie said—oh, God!”

Max spun back around to return the way she’d come before Mimi could deign to notice her, but despite those superior basketball skills, she wasn’t fast enough, crashing into her teammates just as their fellow badger noticed them all.

“You! Demon bitch!” Mimi yelled, now pointing at Max rather than Charlie. “You get my sister back here this minute!”

With a deep breath, Max reluctantly faced the crazed badger.

“Look,” she said calmly, “she’s doing something very import—”

“You promised she’d be here! Not in France!”

“There’s been a slight change in plan,” Max said, doing really well at sounding reasonable for once. Charlie was super impressed. Look at her sister! Not escalating a problem when they were surrounded by sound-sensitive bears and cats! Charlie was almost proud!

Not that Mimi cared about any of that.

“I don’t want to hear about slight change of anything when I am getting marrieddddddd !”

Good Lord, the screeching! Charlie had excised that screeching from her memory the way Mimi had excised her.

Because, even for a badger, it was a lot.

Then again, Mimi’s “rich lady screeching” in the front of the jewelry stores was usually distraction enough that allowed her brothers to steal flawless diamonds out the back.

Charlie blinked at that. Distraction. She abruptly looked around, ignoring the hysterical She-badger in front of her.

She wondered if someone had a line of sight on her right now.

Ready to blow her head off while Mimi Zhao distracted the MacKilligan sisters.

But the shot never came, and Mimi continued to be a hysterical bitch.

So hysterical, Max was reaching for the tactical knife she kept taped to her back under her practice jersey.

Charlie immediately put her hand over Dani’s eyes.

She wasn’t going to stop her sister, but she knew that Dani was too young to see anyone get stabbed in the neck.

But before that could happen, Streep stepped in.

It’s what she did when Nelle wasn’t around to calm an out-of-control situation.

She simply did things a little differently from her suave teammate.

For instance, Nelle would never walk up to a screeching badger and . . . burst into hysterical tears.

“You don’t understand,” Streep sobbed at a stunned Mimi, “she’s got to take care of this because so much has happened and everyone is upset and .

. .” Streep continued talking, but her words had become so high-pitched that it was impossible to make out the rest of what she was saying. Plus the sobbing. So. Much. Sobbing.

Although it was pretty funny that all the dogs on their street started barking.

Mimi attempted to step away from Streep, but Max’s teammate threw herself into Mimi’s arms, hugging her tight, and sobbing into her shoulder.

“Please don’t be mad at Nelle,” Streep begged, as her entire body shook and she hugged Mimi tight. There were tears. Tears! Not just noises, but actual tears and snot pouring down onto Mimi’s designer sleeveless blouse. “Pleasssssssssse!”

Quickly realizing no one was going to rescue her from this overly emotional honey badger, Mimi pushed at Streep and said, “Okay! Okay! Fine.” Wow.

The female suddenly sounded so . . . normal.

“Just tell her I need her. And to call me when she gets back.” When the pushing didn’t work, Mimi went with shoving, sending a still-sobbing Streep into Max’s open, waiting arms.

Streep’s teammates faked concern and patted her back and shoulders until a horrified and disgusted Mimi quickly walked away in her ridiculous six-inch designer heels that probably cost more than Charlie’s first legally purchased car.

A minute or two later, with her shoulders still shaking, Streep asked, “Is she gone?”

“Yep.”

Streep straightened up and wiped the tears with the backs of her hands. “I need hydration,” she said with a big smile. “I’ll get the Gatorade!”

She disappeared around the side of the house, Tock and Mads following.

When Charlie saw that Mimi had crossed to another street and was gone, Charlie halted her sister from going past her and inside the house by raising one finger. When her sister stopped and waited, Charlie picked up her noise-canceling headphones and put them on Dani.

“Hold on, sweetie,” she said, before carefully covering the kid’s ears. When done, she asked her sister, “I’m assuming we’re not telling Mimi that Nelle may be arrested for terrorism in France and won’t make her wedding?”

Max’s eyes widened, and she looked off before lying. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Charlie.”

“Really? You’re trying that with me?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Max, I know why Nelle is in France with Keane.”

Max’s gaze flickered over to her. “You do?” Now her eyes narrowed. “How do you know?”

“How do you think I know?”

Max stamped her foot. “Nelle told those crones not to tell you!”

“Really?” Charlie asked with great sarcasm. “And yet they seem like such cooperative bitches. Don’tcha think?”

Max immediately laughed. “You’re right. You’re right.” She shook her head. “All right. Soooo . . . what do you want me to do? Go over there and get Nelle?”

“So that you can get locked up for terrorism, too? Let’s avoid that plan.”

“Are we just going to leave Nelle there? To go to prison forever? I might actually feel bad if that happens.”

“Would you?”

“I might. Especially since I hope to have my own place one day that Nelle will redecorate behind my back so that I have all the comforts but without the costs. Like she did for Mads.”

“The unconditional love you have for your friends is quite heartwarming.”

“Isn’t it?” Max said, grinning. “So what do you want me to do?”

Charlie lifted her gaze to the surrounding houses and, again, wondered about someone being able to take a shot at her. It would have been easy enough, wouldn’t it?

“Charlie?”

She returned her gaze to Max. “I’ve got an idea.”

Her sister smiled. “Yeah . . . I see that.”