Page 29 of To Kill a Badger (The Honey Badgers Chronicles #6)

“I know you’re not barking at me like some stray cat you want out from under your house . . . are you?”

Nelle lifted her gaze long enough to watch as Keane practically twisted himself into literal knots trying to calm himself down before he replied between clenched teeth, “No, ma’am.”

“Good. Because we wouldn’t want me angry . . . now, would we?”

“No, ma’am,” all three Malone boys said together.

Nelle bit back a laugh, but she still got a little glare from Keane, which she adored. He was just so cute when he was full of disappointment and unbridled fury!

Clearing her throat, his mother began, “When I went to retrieve Dale—”

“Who?”

The tigress blinked before replying to Keane’s question with, “Your brother . . . ?”

“Oh. Right. Him.”

Max was standing behind Nelle, and she felt her teammate press her head against the back of Nelle’s neck, trying so hard not to laugh. Even Nelle had to cover her mouth and stare at the floor.

“Anyway,” Keane’s mother went on, “Cally and I—”

“Cally and you ?” Keane growled out. “You two are friends now?”

Nelle saw the look of horror on Finn’s and Shay’s faces as the mother and son squared off. Realizing that neither of those weak males would intervene, she quickly moved over to Keane’s side and took hold of his forearm.

“Could you come with me a minute?” she sweetly asked.

“I’m busy explaining to my mother —”

“I don’t need you to explain anything to me, son .”

Nelle gave a healthy pull, and the obstinate male allowed her to drag him deeper inside the house until they reached the kitchen.

Once they stopped by the big wood table, she released him, answered one more text, then faced the cat.

“Why are you making this hard?” Nelle asked.

The cat stared at his arm. “How are you so strong?”

“I’m an elite athlete who has to hold my own against She-bears three times my size that are well aware I smell like honey. So, moving you from one room to another is not exactly a challenge for me.”

“Whatever. What do you mean I am making things hard?”

“Starting fights with your mother? Are you insane?”

“I don’t like her hanging around Cally. And I don’t see why I shouldn’t point that out. I mean, did you see the way he looked at her?”

“I can tell you with all sincerity that if there is one thing your mother knows how to do, it is handle your lusty uncles.”

“You don’t even know my mother, and don’t call those old bastards ‘lusty.’ ”

“Keane, I know when a woman is manipulating men she has no interest in.”

“What?”

“Your mother wants her daughter and grandchild safe. If she has to use your uncles to make that happen, I’m guessing she will.

Let her do it. Having this street filled with bears and cats will make Charlie as happy as she ever can be, and the rest of us can get to work hunting down and annihilating the de Medicis.

Isn’t that what you want? Or would you rather stand around instead, arguing about the uncles that didn’t kill your father? ”

Keane glanced off, baring a bit of fang. Although she didn’t think it was directed at her.

“I won’t be polite to them,” he announced.

“You’re not polite to anyone, so your mother will probably never notice.

” She took a step closer to him and pressed her hand against his chest, bringing his attention to her face.

“Just don’t turn this into a war between Malones.

At least not one that your mother will notice.

Your enemy right now are the de Medicis.

Let’s deal with them first, then you can slap your uncles around all you want. Okay?”

He growled a little. “Okay. But understand . . . I’m not happy.”

“Awwww, Keane. We all know you’re never happy.”

* * *

Nelle took over that room like a champ. He’d never seen anything like it.

Once they’d walked back into the living room, she didn’t even let him and his mother get into it.

Instead, she simply had everyone sit down.

Got Tock to make some “strong Israeli coffee,” because apparently she’d made sure that was stocked in Mads’s cabinets, along with rows and rows of honey from every country in the world.

Then she’d texted Charlie and, within five minutes, Stevie’s panda boyfriend arrived with several packages of freshly made Danish and a couple of pies.

By the time his mother started talking, between bites of delicious pie, even Keane was in a better mood. It was strange. Nothing ever put him in a better mood. Why should it? The world sucked.

“I know this isn’t exactly what you wanted, Keane,” his mother said, before taking another sip of her coffee. “I know the family disappointed you. But if they’re willing to step up now and do something, anything, I say we let them.”

“What if they bail on us? Again? When we need them most?”

“We’ll do what we’ve always done. We’ll make their lives a living hell.

And besides, I’m not talking about involving them in any of this.

Let’s use them for protection. It is what the mob uses them for.

Let’s not stretch their talents too much.

Okay? Let’s just put up with them for Nat and Dani and Dale. ”

“Who?”

“Your brother .”

“Oh. Right.”

“The Malones are here for one reason as far as I’m concerned. So you and your brothers can search and destroy.” She smiled, but it wasn’t a friendly smile. “If the de Medicis had anything to do with your father’s death, I want them wiped from the planet. Understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Keane and his brothers automatically replied.

“Do you need to stay here for now?” Nelle asked. “I’m sure Mads would be more than happy to make up a room for you. Right, Mads?”

When her friend didn’t reply, Nelle rammed her elbow into Mads’s side.

“ Owww! What was that for?”

“You’d be happy to make up a room for Mrs. Malone, right ?”

“What? She has to stay here, too?”

“What is wrong with you?”

“There aren’t a lot of rooms! It’s not like all of us were born in a palace!”

“It was not a palace! It was a small family castle!”

Keane locked eyes with his mother, and they both had to quickly look away, or they would start laughing.

“All I’m suggesting is that you maybe want to do a little extra for the angry She-cat that might be your mother-in-law one day !”

“Do you really think she wants to stay here with the coyote?” Tock asked.

“The coyote shouldn’t be here!”

“He was here first !” Mads argued.

Nelle threw her hands up. “I can’t have this conversation again!”

“It’s fine,” his mother cut in, staring down at the third piece of pie Streep had placed in front of her. “I’ll be staying in one of the RVs with my sisters. Right outside that bear house where my niece and granddaughter are staying.”

“You’re going to let them stay at the Dunns’?” Keane asked.

“If they stay there, then I don’t have to listen to the whining of puppies all night long, now, will I? Plus, the triplets are professional and proper protection people and don’t do it for gangsters. They will be a nice yin to the yang of the Malones.”

“Okay,” Keane said, nodding. “That makes sense.”

“See?” Finn said. “Solved.” His brother, always trying to calm things down. Not an easy job when it came to this family. “What do you think of the pie, Mom?”

She pointed at her half-eaten slice with her fork. “This is the best pie I have ever had.”

“Amazing, right?” Streep said. “Charlie has such talent. For food, I mean. Not for calm reason.”

“Okay!” Nelle quickly cut in, eyes briefly widening at Streep. Based on the way Streep quickly reared away from Nelle, Keane was guessing that expression was some sort of warning.

“You know what, Mrs. Malone,” Nelle said, putting on that ridiculously fake smile she used with everyone but him. “Now that you’ll be staying here for a while, I’ll ask that when Charlie bakes if she’ll put some treats aside for you and your sisters. Before the bears can get to them.”

“Oh. That . . . that would be very lovely . . . thank you.”

“Welcome.”

His mother stood. “Let me get back outside. Check in with everyone. Let your Uncle Cally know about more recent things. All that. And please, Keane, try to be nice. To everyone.”

“No.”

His mother let out a sigh. “Just like your father.”

She walked toward the door, but stopped and came back. She took the remainder of the pie that Keane had every intention of finishing himself, and left.

“I was going to eat that,” Shay muttered.

* * *

Staring at Mads, but gesturing to Shay with a sweep of her hand, Nelle waited for her teammate to realize what she was telling her. It seemed she would be waiting until the end of time.

“What?” Mads finally asked.

“He wants pie.”

“So he should get pie. I think there’s another two or three in the kitchen.”

“I am trying to teach you the simplest of lessons. And you refuse to learn!”

“Learn what? How to be a little kowtowing bitch?”

“Okay!” Finn got to his feet. “Hey, babe?”

“Babe?” Mads turned her glare to Finn. “Did you just call me babe ? Like I’m some whore ?”

“Yes,” Nelle calmly told her. “That’s exactly what he meant. He was calling you a whore.”

“Shut up.”

Finn pushed on. “Why don’t we go out back with your teammates, and play a little ball?”

“At Charlie’s house? While she’s baking? Are you insane?”

“No. In your backyard.”

“I don’t have a hoop in my—”

“Yes,” Nelle told her, focused on her phone and a text she’d just received from one of her father’s contacts. “You do have a half-court in your backyard.”

When Nelle didn’t hear anything else, she lifted her gaze to find Mads now scowling at her from the other side of the L-shaped couch.

“Did you have a half-court built into my backyard without talking to me first?” Mads asked.

“Yes.”

“And that didn’t seem weird to you? Or, I don’t know, out of line?”

“You weren’t going to have a half-court put into your backyard?”

“I just moved in!”

“I knew you’d want one. So I took care of that for you. Just be grateful and let’s move on.”

“Stop. Doing. That.”

“Doing what? Exactly? Putting a half-court in your backyard that you’re going to make us all train on? Or taking care of things you never think about because you have such a sad, limited view?”

Finn caught Mads in his arms before she could make it across the room to Nelle.

Nelle didn’t react to her friend’s sudden bout of anger.

After all these years, she was quite used to it.

Although the hyena laugh Mads let out was disturbing.

She didn’t usually release one of those unless she was blindingly pissed off.

Berserker rage from her Viking blood, perhaps.

And no one wanted to be on the wrong side of that.

“Let’s go look at your new court!” Finn kindly suggested, while lifting the She-badger up and carrying her out of the room.

“I have a date tonight,” Tock reminded them.

“Forget it,” Nelle replied. “You’ll have to wait to date the guy you are already fucking.”

Tock sighed. “Because she’ll make us practice now?”

“Yes.”

“We better get changed,” Max agreed. “Come on, Streep.”

“I have no energy to practice. I am a fragile flower and—”

“Cut the shit and come on.”

Nelle typed into her phone, answering important texts.

She didn’t know how long she was at it, because of the annoying text she’d just received from her mother.

A text that was ordering her to go to her sister’s dress-fitting tomorrow, as if Nelle had nothing else to do with her life.

But she did have other things to do. Important things.

Nelle closed her eyes and took in a few deep breaths to calm her simmering anger and disgust. All that was going on, and the only thing her mother and sister could think about was that ridiculous, multimillion-dollar wedding!

When Nelle had calmed herself down, she opened her eyes. That’s when she quickly discovered she was alone in the room with Keane.

“What?” she asked when she realized he was watching her. She assumed he was wondering why she was taking deep breaths and soothing herself. Her assumption was wrong.

“You actually built a half-court in her yard without asking her first?” he asked.

“Do you really think she’s not going to use a half-court in her yard?”

“That’s not the point. It’s her yard. Her house. She decides if she wants to add or take away from it.”

Fascinated, Nelle lowered her phone. “Do you really want me to feel bad about this?”

“Based on what I know from my honey badger sister, I’m sure that’s asking too much of you. Instead, I’d suggest you think a little more about your actions before taking them.”

“I love that philosophy is coming from you , of all cats, but I do think about my actions—very carefully—before I take them. For instance, I thought, do I get her a half-court or just a basket for her to practice her free throws? Do I get her a fresh set of workout clothes or let her continue to use those nasty, smelly things she’s been using since junior high?

Do I add a shed in her backyard to hold extra balls and gear?

By the way, that one was easy. I went with the shed. ”

The cat did what cats do when they didn’t really have anything to say. He just continued to stare.

That’s when Nelle added, “I also put a wine cellar in her basement and filled it with the best wines. Some that I actually purchased rather than pilfered. She still hasn’t noticed, even though she’s actually been to her basement several times since she got the house. So, you do see what I’m dealing with.”

Keane shook his head and looked away.

“What?” she wanted to know.

After a few seconds, he returned to staring at her face, but this time, his gaze roved over it for some reason.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m memorizing your face. So when Mads claws it off your skull, I can remember what you once looked like and not focus on the horror you will have become.”

“I have to say,” she told him as she returned her focus to her phone, “I am shocked and awed by your correct usage of the future perfect tense.”

Keane grabbed the remote from off the coffee table, turned on the TV, threw his big feet up on the expensive mahogany Nelle had paid extra for so the furniture would last the oncoming abuse, and leaned back into the bear-sized couch without any discomfort.

It should really be called a bear-and-big-cat-sized couch.

With a shrug, he explained, “I simply calls ’em like I sees ’em.”

“Annnnnd, you have returned to being a typical American, butchering the English language. Welcome back, my friend.”

The cat grinned. “Always glad to be here.”

“Nelle!” Mads bellowed from outside. “Put on your gear and get your ass out here! We’re training!”

Nelle’s head dropped forward in defeat, and she heard the cat chuckle.

“Hung by your own petard, my lady,” he muttered.

She stood. “Finding out every day that someone like you reads actual books fascinates me.”

“Don’t be bitter. It doesn’t become you.”

“Shut up.”