Page 41 of Till The Cows Come Home

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Sage

P eople always described New York as the city that never sleeps, and I never really understood it, but as the hours passed by in this hospital, it all began to make sense.

When Miles left I shut my eyes just to be woken not even an hour later.

Nurses came in and out, and while they tried their best to keep quiet, their tasks were noisy by nature.

I didn’t fault them for my lack of sleep, if anything I welcomed it, because if they were in here that meant my father was taken care of. All the work they did over the next few days would make or break if he’d be a part of my future. I’d be woken each minute if it solidified his place.

“Good morning ladies, how we doing?”

Nina was the nurse that admitted dad, and I was honestly surprised she was here still. It was almost eight already, and while I was hesitant to let go of her southern hospitality, I knew she had to be leaving soon.

“Don’t you ever get to go home?”

“I’m here till eleven today. Usually it's seven, but I’m covering the first half of another nurse’s shift. Do you two want to take a break, maybe get a coffee? The nursing assistant and I are going to give Stu here the works. Sponge bath, morning meds, a bit of intubation maintenance. Say an hour?”

“I’ll help,” my mom offered.

“Mom—

“I vowed in sickness and in health, Sage.”

“I commend your commitment to your husband, Mrs. Baker, I really do, but he’s going to need you when he wakes up. We got him. Take a break for yourself.”

My mother looked up to Nina with softened eyes, before gathering her purse in submission and meeting me at the door.

“Coffee?”

“Coffee,” she agreed.

The building was much easier to navigate in the daylight, but it was also more alive.

Families congregated in the halls while staff bustled around, and we practically dodged bodies our entire walk to the cafeteria.

Some hospitals had coffee shops, others self-serve stations, but the only caffeine available in this establishment seemed to be a run down vending machine with two options, hot chocolate or black coffee.

“Why don’t we get one of each and mix them? I don’t see any cream or sugar.”

“Sure, honey. Good thinking.”

The prices clearly had not been updated in awhile because the machine whirled to life as I deposited a singular dollar, and moments later a cup followed, clunking onto the platform to be filled.

Two lonely buttons lit up, and I selected the one for coffee first, repeating the process for the hot chocolate when it had finished, and as I waited for it to brew I sipped off the top of the cup in my hands to make space for mixing.

Sloshing two cups of scalding hot liquid back and forth was probably ill advised, but we were surrounded by healthcare professionals if anything went south and I couldn’t stand the sludge as it was .

“Here ya go,” I said, offering my mother one of the cups, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the grimace that flooded her face as she took her first sip. “Maybe I can ask Miles to stop for coffee when he grabs lunch?”

“I think that’d be best, honey.”

We found an empty booth, sliding opposite each other, and I shot Miles a quick text with our demands before tucking my phone away.

We had about forty more minutes to kill before the staff would be finished with dad, and although we were supposed to take a break, I knew my mother was just as eager as I was to get back to his room.

“You know, Mom, I don’t think you ever told me how you and dad met.”

My hope was that talking about him would grant us each a sliver of comfort, and my mother’s face lit up as she recalled the details.

Their love was the silent type, one you didn’t always hear, but could always feel, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that came with time or if it'd always been that way.

“Well, before buying the farm, your father was a door to door salesman.”

“DAD?”

“Oh yeah, and he was awful. People think he’s reserved now, you should have seen him at nineteen. I don’t think he made a single sale. But opposites attract, and when a handsome man knocked on the door, I talked enough for the both of us.”

“So did you buy what he was selling?”

“Oh goodness, no. He was selling fancy vacuums and grandma and grandpa had hardwood floors. But I did invite him to the diner after his shift for a slice of pie.”

“And then?”

“And then we met at that same diner for pie again and again and again, and maybe after our twelfth or so slice he began to open up. Hasn’t shut up since. ”

“What do you mean? He barely speaks.”

“Oh your father says plenty, just not always with his words…Sage, honey, I know I’ve failed you in more ways than one, but if I teach you anything, let it be this.

Love is subjective. If you asked a thousand people to define it, you’d get a thousand different answers, and they’d all be right for them, but wrong for you.

It takes hard work to learn to love someone the way they need to be loved, but if you take the time to do it?

Those relationships will last a lifetime. ”

“You didn’t fail me.”

“You don’t lose almost all contact with your only child for three years by making the right choices, honey.

And I’m sorry for that. I didn’t take my own advice, and you got to experience exactly what happens as a result.

I was trying so hard to protect you from yourself, from ending up like your father and I, and it cost me precious time.

And I promise you, it’ll never happen again. ”

“I wasn’t perfect either, that's for sure. I held on to a grudge for so long because I wasn’t mature enough to look at the big picture, and now Dad is lying in a hospital bed and I don’t know if I’ll ever get that lost time back.”

“Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together, okay? We can’t change the past but we sure as hell can change the future.”

“I won't shut you out again.”

“I’ll hold you to it, now let’s go see if your father is done getting washed up by that pretty blonde.”

You never really know how heavy a burden is until it’s relieved.

Unloading a few bricks here and there was nothing compared to the way I felt as my mother and I walked back to the room.

My lungs filled fuller and every step was lighter, but most of all I felt prepared.

Like I could deal with whatever it was that we walked into not only today, but every day after.

My mother and I had entertained each other throughout the day as best we could, but as the clock grew nearer to the twenty-four mark neither of us could focus. So when Miles barrelled through the door out of breath, I think we both felt relieved.

“I am so sorry I’m late. Did I miss it?”

“No, we're still waiting,” I answered, “now come distract us before we go crazy.”

And so he did.

The love I had for this man continued to increase as he told story after story, unphased by our lack of participation. When one ended, another began, and he just continued on until the tech knocked on the door.

“Hi, I’m here to take Mr. Baker for his imaging.”

We all nodded, holding our breath as she gathered all his connections and wheeled him towards the door, but before they crossed the threshold my mom stopped them. And when she spoke she didn’t attempt to hide an ounce of the love she expressed.

“Stu Baker, I love you, but don’t you dare leave me this way. Show them the improvements, show them your strength, and then come back to me.”

She kissed his cheek, and as she made her way back to her chair I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. Even the tech turned away, shielding her face as she pushed his bed down the hall.

It didn’t take too long, maybe an hour, but the wait for results took what felt like a lifetime.

Dad was returned to the room with us, and not a single word was muttered as we sat around him.

It stayed that way until the doctor knocked on the door, and even then we just turned to her, hearts stuck in our throats .

“Take a breath my friends, I come bearing good news. Stu’s scans showed the swelling has reduced enough for us to feel comfortable to wake him. That being said, we aren’t out of the woods, yet. He wasn’t conscious when he arrived so we don’t know what we’ll face when he wakes.”

My mother broke the silence, asking the one question we all wanted to know the answer to.

“When will he wake up?”

“It could be a couple hours, it could be a couple days, only his body can decide. Staff will be in to extubate him and administer the meds, we just ask that you notify one of us if we’re not around when he wakes, but they’ll be doing hourly rounds to keep an eye on progress.”

And with that the wait continued.

“Sage!”

Miles and I jolted upright at my mother’s voice. She was hovering about an inch from my father’s face, but he stayed perfectly still, just as he had the past eight hours.

“What’s wrong, Mom?”

“He squeezed my hand about an hour ago, and I thought it was nothing, so I ignored it, but I swear to you, he just cracked his eyes open.”

I slid my hand into my father’s limp grasp, but after a few squeezes and nothing in return, I wrapped my arms around my mother’s shoulders, guiding her back to her seat.

“It’s gonna happen. Try and get some more rest.”

But as we all settled back in, a hoarse voice crackled through the room.

“I hope all this sitting around means you finished that barn.”