Page 34 of Till The Cows Come Home

Chapter Thirty-One

Miles

M y feet carried me through the house, even out the door, but as I edged down the first step, they failed me.

I didn’t think I wanted to stay, yet I couldn't convince myself to leave.

My mind was a war zone, my heart in a constant battle with my brain, and it was becoming very clear that I was going nowhere until there was a ceasefire.

My trust was broken, and quite honestly so was my heart, yet here I was, sliding onto the porch swing of the woman who’d wielded the destruction.

I leaned into the wooden slats anyways, though, tilting my head back to allow the sun to warm my face, muscle memory moving my heels back and forth to put me in motion.

On an ordinary day, I’d be rocked into relaxation, but today my thoughts were swirling, idle time doing nothing but reminding me how badly I hurt.

But I needed to figure out a plan before someone walked out onto the porch.

The last thing I wanted to do was scare Gale Baker to death as she ventured out of her own home, but my options seemed limited.

I could either get my ass in gear and force myself into my truck, driving away as I intended, or I could sort through why I couldn’t force myself to leave in the first place.

Did I really need time? Or was I afraid?

I knew I wanted to be with Sage; hell I knew I wanted to forgive her, but the woman scared me to death. She wasn’t the safe option. She was flawed. But who was I to cast stones from a glass house that was already riddled with cracks?

I pondered that thought, rocking all the while, until I heard the door creak behind me.

“Shit,” Sage hissed. “You about scared me to death. What’re you doing out here?”

I frowned at the red splotches littering her cheeks, concealing the freckles that I grew to love.

“I honestly have no idea,” I admitted, and in a moment of weakness I invited her closer. “Care for a swing, or are you heading out?”

“I was just headed back to my apartment to be a somber cat lady, but I fear I have a lifetime of such ahead of me.”

My eyes were glued to her as she made her way to me, and I could feel the weight of the world shift slightly off my chest as she settled into the spot beside me.

My ragged breaths evened, matching the methodical inhales and exhales next to me, and for a moment my mind was quiet.

Whether I wanted it to or not, her presence made life bearable, and in that moment I knew I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t allow her a second chance, because a second chance for her was a second chance for me.

She drew up her dangling legs, criss crossing them as she angled her body towards me.

“What can I do?” she whispered.

A few moments passed, the chains creaking as we rocked, a silence unintentionally settling between us because the truth is, I didn't know.

The answer escaped me .

I never really thought about what I needed, but as I took the time to think about it, I realized it had always been assurance.

“Promise to never leave me like that again.” I sighed.

“I promise,” she answered, her response leaving her mouth before I had a chance to finish my sentence.

I tilted my body to look at her, my knees brushing against hers.

“I don’t agree with your actions, but I’m trying very hard to understand them and even harder to forgive them.

I love you, Sage. I love you till the cows come home, and they will come home, and then I’ll love you every day after that, but your love can not be contingent on our life on the farm.

I need you to love me limitlessly, to stand by me if Baker Farm is no longer, even if that means our path forward doesn’t involve a single cow. ”

“I do. I want whatever life has you in it. Cows or no cows, you’re my person, Miles.”

“Then let’s build a life together,” I grumbled, pulling her into my lap.

I intended to start the kiss that followed gently, but I couldn’t hold back my hunger as I parted her lips, deepening the intensity.

She shifted on my lap to straddle me, clearly sharing the sentiment.

Want clouded my vision, but a tiny ray of spatial awareness broke through, warning me to remember where I was.

As much as I wanted to stay here for an eternity, feeling her hips rock against me as little moans escaped her lips, we were at her parents house, outside .

Not to mention, I now had news to share.

I pulled back and she whined at the separation, puffing out her swollen lips into an exaggerated frown.

“I’m not sure I was clear.” I chuckled, unrolling one of the blueprints I had tucked into my bag. “I want to build a life with you, which includes rebuilding Baker Farm. ”

“You got approved to rebuild?” she squealed, tears filling her eyes.

“Tell me everything you want sweetheart, I’ll do it all.”

She moved to lay her head in my lap, and as she gazed into the clouds, she started rattling off her pipedream wants, blissfully unaware that she was laying a foundation for the future.

“I want a beautiful tin roof so that it sounds like music when it rains. I want a classroom for all the kids trying to be us. I want a gorgeous oak desk in an office to organize all your paperwork for you.”

As she continued, I pulled out my notepad as discreetly as possible, but the movement of my scribbling alerted her to my note keeping, and her eyes shot up to me.

“Are you actually writing this down?” she questioned, snatching the small pad from my hand. “I was being frivolous. I want the cows back someplace safe, and I want you, that’s all.”

I grabbed her chin, guiding her face until she was looking directly at me.

“We get to do this once, Sage. I didn’t win the lottery and we may have to do some of the work ourselves, but this is our chance to make it what we want. Be selfish.”

She laid back into my lap, her feet tapping in excitement at the other end of the swing, and after a few moments she tilted her head back at me.

“How about a new name?”

I’d peeled back many layers of Sage, but I never expected this. It was liberating in a way, knowing you’d affected a person so much that they saw the world through a new lens, but giving up Baker Farm was not on my bingo card.

“You don’t have to do that, Sage.”

“I want to,” she said. “I love Baker Farm, and I love that you loved it, but like you said, we only get to do this once. I don’t want to be stuck in the past anymore. ”

“What were you thinking?”

“I thought maybe I wouldn’t,” she said, looking up at me with those beautiful blue eyes, and I couldn’t help but notice that the uncertainty that usually found its way to her expression was nowhere to be found.

“What do you mean?”

“You should decide.”

Her fingers laced in mine, giving me a gentle squeeze before continuing.

“I want you to be selfish too, and I think that starts here, at the beginning. I’ll give you my input on what I want, but you have to agree to want, too.”

I smiled down at her, realizing she was right. When the claim was approved, I was thinking about the wants of the herd, of her, the community even, but I had a second chance too and hadn’t thought of a single thing I’d do to enhance the experience for myself.

“It seems we have a lot of work to do,” I finally said, a silent agreement to her demands. “But first, I think we could both use a shower and a meal. Your car is still at the farm. Do you want to start there?”

Sage nodded, and as I looked down at her, everything was unfamiliar.

Her clothes looked worn out and so did she, her hair in a curly pile atop her head, red splotches freckling her face.

I reached out a hand and when she took it, I pulled her off the swing to where I was now standing, encompassing her in my arms. A tiny groan escaped the labyrinth I’d squeezed her into, and I loosened my hold just enough to allow space for her chest to rise and fall.

“Are you trying to kill me?” she squealed, but her words negated her wants as she giggled, nuzzling her face into my chest.

The desire to make up for every lost moment tempted me to drag her back into her old room, showering her in affection until she forgot every moment she hadn’t received it, but there was a time and a place for a passionate reunion and this was not it.

“I missed you,” I whispered into her hair, resting my chin carefully atop her head.

“I missed you,” she echoed into my chest.

Moments later I was moving as she dragged me through her parent’s house, eventually stopping so abruptly in front of where they sat hand in hand, feet up in matching recliners, that I almost plowed through her.

They smiled up at us, offering no words, silently saying all they needed through the expressions plastered on their faces.

“Miles is taking me to get my car,” Sage exclaimed, rocking slightly on her heels as she waited for a response.

“Okay, sweetheart. Call us if you need us.”

If I wasn’t trying to avert my eyes from what seemed like a pivotal personal moment, I may have missed the small squeeze Gale delivered to her husband’s hand after Sage spoke.

He was the conduit, happily absorbing her excitement so it didn’t escape as she gracefully allowed her daughter to forge her own path without influence.

Sage turned to leave, but stopped herself once more, facing them once again.

“I think I’m also going to stay at my apartment tonight.”

Her parents nodded and my chest tightened as I felt every emotion her parents attempted to suppress.

Sage’s hand dropped from mine as she walked to them, but I remained still, watching from a distance as she squeezed into the small space existing between their chairs.

She wrapped her arms around them as she pulled them in tight, and while I couldn’t hear specifics, small conversation fragments reached me, causing me to swell with pride.

Watching Sage experience growth did something to me, and I couldn’t help but gawk as she gracefully patched another hole, slowly but surely healing the fractured relationships around her .

After a few moments of hushed apologies and thanks, Sage let go of her mother, opening their circle.

“Get over here.” Gale smirked, ushering me into the empty space.

I happily obliged, chuckling as Gale and Sage smushed me between them.

“I love you, Sage,” she said, “Go, heal, but don’t shut us out. Let's leave the past in the past.”

Sage nodded in agreement, delivering a kiss to each of their temples before backing from their embrace.

“I’ll call you tomorrow morning,” she promised, before collecting my hand in hers, leading us out the door.

We loaded into the truck, driving silently as we made the short trip to the farm to collect her car, and as we pulled into the driveway, I could feel Sage’s hand become rigid beneath mine.

And when I looked over at her, I could have sworn she was holding her breath, her eyes glued to the wreckage.

“Breathe.”

As the hushed demand escaped my lips, Sage’s chest rose.

“I’ll follow you to your apartment if you want?”

“Please,” she mumbled, gripping her wheel tightly as she settled into the front seat of her own car.

I closed her inside, following behind as she slowly pulled away, undoubtedly taking a long last look at the rubble that was soon to be cleared.

I parked in the spot next to Sage, following her up the steps into her apartment, and as I flicked on the lights, she began surveying the space, tears welling as she looked around.

“What’s wrong?”

Before she answered, she continued looking around until she came upon a note taped to the fridge, her eyebrows furrowed as she consumed the words. I waited until she finished, relieved when a small smile trickled across her face.

“Ruby,” she whispered. “She cleaned my apartment. ”

Sage opened the refrigerator, peering inside.

“And shopped for me at the market.”

I looked over her shoulder, quickly noticing all of Sage’s staples nestled perfectly inside.

“Good, that’s one less thing for you to worry about. Now why don’t you go shower? I’ll make us something to eat.”

“You don’t want to come with me?” she questioned, looking up at me with those dangerous blue eyes.

“Sage, I’m digging my heels into this floor to prevent myself from following you.

I’d love nothing more than to cherish every part of your body that's been neglected these past few days, but we have a lot to take care of, starting with you. The second your needs are met, I’ll submit to your every desire. Whatever you wish.”

She smiled, making her way to the bathroom, and when I heard the shower run, I made my way to the kitchen, pulling out the items I needed to make a few sandwiches.

I didn’t have it in me to make anything elaborate, instead settling on quick and easy.

Turkey, pepper jack cheese, lettuce, and tomato balanced on top of two mayo slathered slices of bread.

After compressing the bread a bit to hold in the ingredients, I sliced the sandwich diagonally before plating it alongside a pile of strawberries.

It took me a few minutes to repeat the process for myself and then I carried the plates to her room, setting one on each nightstand before retrieving a bottle of wine and a couple glasses.

The notepad sat heavy in my chest pocket, and as I waited, I pulled it out, rereading the things Sage had suggested before she knew I was serious. The wheels in my head turned, and I clicked my pen a few times, sorting the logistics of how I was going to make it happen.

Sage emerged from the bathroom, toweling her wet hair, happily stopping at the plate I’d set to take a bite .

“What are you going to add?” she mumbled, mouth still full of food.

“I was hoping I could bounce some ideas off you.”

She smiled, dressing herself before snuggling into the spot next to me. And for the next few hours we drained the bottle of wine, carefully planning how every one of our dreams were about to become a reality.