Page 35 of Throne of Fire

I try to hide my shock at that statement. “Why?”

“She helped the Keans.”

I remember her saying something about being manipulated.

“She was just a kid,” he continues. “Ronan used her.” He looks up at me. “You think I’m a shitty husband? Ronan would have been worse.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Maybe it doesn’t feel like it.” He shrugs. “Anyway, Jenna is good for Blaise. And her mom, she’s great. Doing really well since her heart transplant.”

“Heart transplant?”

He nods. “Blaise… pulled some strings.”

I take that to mean he threatened someone. I suppose if someone I loved needed a new heart, I’d threaten too if I had any power.

"You're happy for them?"

"Of course. Even if I don't…" He stops, tension creeping back into his shoulders. "They deserve it. The happiness, the families they're building. It’s just…”

He doesn’t finish.

“Just what?”

He shrugs, swirling his wine in his glass. “It’s a risk.”

I frown. “What is?”

He glances at me and then looks down again. “Love.”

For the first time, I feel like I'm seeing the real Ash. The one who loves his brothers enough to want their happiness, even if he doesn’t believe in it.

Antonio clears our plates quietly. The evening is coming to an end. Tension builds in my shoulders as I wonder how the sleeping arrangements will work.

"Thank you. For… talking to me tonight."

He runs a finger along the rim of his glass, letting out a small laugh. “I must really be an asshole if you feel the need to thank me for talking to you.”

I shrug. “I’m just letting you know that I appreciate the effort.”

He downs the rest of his wine. “I meant what I said. You don’t deserve any of this. This life. Me. I imagine you expected something different, and I’m sorry I can’t give that to you.”

I look down, feeling like I’m being reminded that he loves someone else.

“I have to say, you're not what I expected," he admits quietly.

I glance up. "Is that good or bad?"

The corner of his mouth lifts slightly. "Just… different."

“What did you expect? A doormat?”

He settles back in his chair. “Maybe. Not someone for me to walk over, but… I guess I imagined two people living different lives under the same roof. A connection on paper only.”

“That’s what you want?”

For a long moment, he looks at me. I see a kaleidoscope of thoughts and emotions crossing his face.