Page 9

9 Confrontations

My office was my dark refuge, where I could gather my thoughts, and knit them together into a new whole of what I was facing, as my plan solidified into its final form.

I rested my head on the back of my chair, my thoughts floating on the cigar smoke, as I studied the light dancing inside my glass of brandy.

It was an odd sort of peace, the stillness of a soul. I gazed at the fluttering swarm of feelings inside me, like a child in a shop of wonders and strange toys, picking them up and studying their ghostly, abstract shapes. In my childish, na?ve imaginings of this moment when I had finally killed Grant, I had always imagined a sense of joy, vindication, even relief. I even imagined tears, and fresh grief for Ma. I imagined that perhaps, once the bastard was dead, I would somehow return to being the Herm I was before.

Never had I imagined the odd mix of serene peace and biting grief. The grief was not for Ma, or the loss of what I might have had, what might have been, but for the emotions I could not feel in such a pivotal moment of my life. Grant was dead. This knowledge echoed hollowly inside me. It was over. Except it was not. It would never be over. Ma would always be dead. My scars would always be there. It would never be over, because there were countless more Grants out there.

I pulled out a piece of paper, wrote down a brief note, folded it and sealed it in an envelope. On the front, I wrote the address of the Daily Times editorial office and put the letter in my pocket.

The door to my office opened abruptly.

I took a long swig of my cigar. Bastards like these who now crowded into my office, softly closing and locking the door behind them.

I put out my cigar. ‘Fanigan,’ I drawled. ‘Fancy seeing you here. Good of you to bring the rest of the team.’

Briggs, Cody and Tate were standing behind them, staring intently at me, their faces grim.

I took a sip of my brandy.

The chief came forward. ‘How about a chat, Rockhall?’

‘Take a seat chief. Care for a brandy?’

‘Too early to drink,’ Fanigan replied as they took a seat in front of my desk.

‘I find it helps clear the air,’ I said. ‘I never really understood this policy to shoot first and ask questions later.’

‘No one asks questions of rats, Rock, before they get their heads blown off,’ Briggs said.

‘Ah, is this what has you so upset, that I shot Grant?’

‘What’s your game, Rockhall? Let’s not pretend that we didn’t see or hear what was said and done. I guess I could bring about charges of murder of an informant who was supplying us with information on a case we are working on.’

I smiled at that. ‘Save your breath, Fanigan. I’m not a threat to …’ I waved my glass at the four of them. ‘… whatever this is.’

‘What were you doing in the warehouse?’

‘As it happens I was following Grant. You see, he was the bastard who murdered my Ma, and stabbed me with the same knife. Repeatedly. As you can imagine I was rather pissed at that. Surely you can understand my need to blow his head off, chief? In fact, it cuts me deep that you would socialise with the likes of him.’

Briggs and Tate exchanged glanced behind Fanigan. Cody looked like a startled pup. I felt a cold, detached sort of pity for the youth, who had strayed so badly as to be into league with these brutal bastards.

‘And how deep does it cut you?’ asked the chief.

I swirled the glass in my hand. ‘Hmm, how deep indeed.’

‘Speak, quickly, Rockhall,’ said Briggs with a warning tone.

I sighed looking up at the ceiling hoping it would spare me from the fools.

‘Deep enough that nothing short of compensation would satisfy my sense of … injury. Especially being shot at by my friends .’ I smiled darkly. ‘That really did rankle me.’

The chief considered me. ‘What do you want, Rockhall?’

‘The same as you, I dare say. The same as Grant wanted before he died. Money, chief. I’m the best detective this company has, yet I can’t afford to shop with the same tailor as the three monkeys hiding behind you.’

Briggs scowled and took a step forwards.

Fanigan stopped them with a raise of their hand. ‘Never took you for one with greasy pockets, Rockhall. Always thought you were an upstanding detective, always so honest.’

‘Don’t patronise me, Fanigan, Honesty doesn’t pay bills. I’m a month behind my rent, and quite honestly, I want a nice car. Maybe something like what Grant was driving just before I blew his head apart. Or like what they’re driving,’ I nodded at Briggs and Tate. ‘Always wondered how you managed to get such nice wheels on your salary. Thought maybe my chief didn’t appreciate all the work I put in for this department.’ I turned my gaze back on Fanigan. ‘ Do you appreciate me chief?’

‘More and more so by the minute,’ they drawled, twining their fingers together over their stomach.

‘I am not stupid, chief. I know you are doing what Stateguard did ten year ago. The thing with GLF and the like. Rather cleaver, I think, and I want in. I suspect once we have the contract, there will be a big payday, and the four of you are at the top of it. I want a fat cut of that cake.’

‘So you are just after the money,’ Fanigan said and tilted their head, regarding me as one might a spider in the house, with equal amount of contempt and recognition of their usefulness.

‘I want security, a fat bloody bank account, and an office that looks just like yours.’ I looked around sourly. ‘Or at least one that’s a bit bigger than this cage.’

‘I don’t believe them,’ said Briggs. ‘I think they’re working with the agent.’

‘Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn about what you believe, Briggs. The truth of the matter is that you are in a lot more trouble than you realise, and you need me. You are right, I’m working with the agent, which is why you’ll want to cut me in. And I mean a real cut.’

‘Perhaps we should just shoot you here and now,’ snapped Briggs.

‘Or perhaps you might use that oversized brain of yours for thinking instead of grunting obscenities,’ I replied and ignored his answering scowl. ‘The way I see it, GLF are not so much revolutionaries as terrorists for hire. The agenda they are spitting out is merely a front, a cover if you like, for their real purpose. Having an agenda, you see, masks the true power behind those who are paying them to do what they want them to do.’

‘Very clever, detective,’ said Fanigan, almost admiringly.

‘Why the surprise, chief, I am your best detective after all.’

‘And if we don’t cut you in, you’ll tell the agent on us?’ Tate mocked snidely.

I chuckled. ‘Now why would I do that? I will merely stand aside and let him do his job. And perhaps take your share of the pie when it comes, once he brings you down. It’s not in my interest to bring this whole venture to an unfavourable end for our company.’

Fanigan took the bait. ‘Explain, Rockhall.’

‘Wild is honing in on this whole gig. He approached me because his division already suspects the hostage situation with the mayor is being funded by someone in Secureforce. It seems they believe I’m the only trustworthy bastard amongst you all. My job was to wheedle out traitors in our company who are paying GLF. Imagine my surprise finding out that it was you chief.’

Briggs tensed. ‘You are in bed with the agent!’

Images of Wild’s heated gaze and fingers in me flashed briefly and violently behind my eyes.

‘Fortunately for you,’ I replied dryly. ‘For I’m now in a position not only to keep an eye on their investigation but to direct it where we want it to go. If you want for this to play out all the way to that obscenely lucrative government contract, you’ll need me on the inside. The fool actually trusts me.’

The chief exchanged looks with Briggs, Cody and Tate.

‘We would be fools to trust you, Rock,’ said Briggs.

I shrugged. ‘You don’t need to trust me. You only need to pay me. I’m tired of trains rattling my bedroom in the middle of the night. In fact, I like the idea of one of those inner-city apartments overlooking a quiet park.’ I gazed into the distance wistfully.

Fanigan made a show of looking bored. ‘Rockhall, you do realise that if you cross us, if this thing falls apart, we’ll take you apart limb by limb. We are not the only ones in this game. There are others, higher than me, who will make Grant seem like a fluffy poodle with a lolling tongue.’

‘Noted,’ I said with a dismissive wave of my hand. ‘Now about my payment … I will, of course, be needing some of it upfront, seeing as trust is in such short supply in this room. Besides, from what I hear, you may be strapped for cash yourself, chief.’

‘There’ll be a bonus waiting for you in the envelope on your desk by tomorrow morning,’ Fanigan said dryly.

‘I’m looking forwards to it. Now, seeing as I have much to do and an agent to keep both satisfied and distracted, I would appreciate if you all get the fuck out of my office, with all due respect to you aside, chief,’ I added just to rub Briggs and Tate the wrong way. ‘Oh, and just so you know, there are agents watching this building. So I’d be more careful of where you go and who follows you there.’

‘Thanks for the warning, Rock,’ the chief replied on their way out, not sounding grateful at all.

When they were gone, I rolled a fresh cigar between my fingers. Funny thing, this vengeance. Once the flames are lit, it seems nothing can put them out again, not even blood or death, for there was always someone else to blame, always the craving to punish and punish, until the world itself bleeds at your feet. Tucking the cigar into my pocket, I shortly left my office.

On the way past Tay’s desk I dropped off the letter in their mail tray. ‘Can you make sure this reaches the Daily Times today for me, Tay? I promised the editor a personal statement for some good publicity in return.’

Tay regarded me over their spectacles. ‘You are far too vain for your own good, Rockhall.’

I winked at them and strode to the elevator.

Outside the company building, a car screeched to a furious stop.

‘Get in,’ barked a deep voice.

Hell, his rage was even sexier than his wicked tongue, I thought as I got in. The restless energy in me begin to bubble away as it invariably did with Rain Wild about.

‘What the hell were you thinking?’ he growled as he drove off.

His anger did not stir mine, calm purpose reigned inside me. I pulled out my cigar and rolled it in my fingers. ‘I was thinking to kill the bastard who murdered my Ma and left me for dead.’ Cool indifference laced my words.

‘This was not the time for mindless vengeance. We needed him alive.’

‘No, we didn’t,’ I said.

‘When I give you a blasted order, you will fucking obey it.’

‘As you say, Hawk.’

He screeched to a stop, parking the car on the side of the road. ‘You almost got yourself killed. You disobeyed an order and endangered this entire mission on a bloody whim.’

‘It was not a whim,’ I said calmly, rolling my cigar back and forth between my fingers. ‘I have been waiting ten years to put a bullet into his brain. If you’d seen what he did to my Ma …’

His anger seemed to fizzle out and he ran his hand through his hair. ‘I did see,’ he said tensely.

Slowly, I lifted my face to look at him.

‘Your Pa rang Secureforce civilian help desk,’ he continued. ‘It quickly travelled up different channels and came to me on one of them. I was one of the first to arrive at the scene. I saw Robin broken and covered in Casey’s and your blood. I was the one who pulled your Pa off you, thinking you were dead as well … But you were alive, staring at me unseeing, gasping at what air you could. I saw it all. I watched you carried away by the paramedics. Barely alive, yet still conscious, in shock, struggling to breathe. And I would have removed Grant’s cock and carved out his liver before I put a bullet through his head.’ Rain turned away to blindly gaze at the cars going past, seemingly unable to look at me.

Of its own accord, my mind delved into those dark, dusty recesses where I buried things I wanted to forget, seeking those lost memories beneath the layers of years above them.

Unwillingly, I returned to the scene, the aftermath of it, catching vague memories of lights, voices, Pa’s grief, the pain in my body, the numbness in my soul, people everywhere … a large shadow of a Gendrian. Pa’s shaking shoulders as another tried to pull them from me. An echo of a deep, calming voice. ‘Giver them air, Robin.’ A comforting touch to my shoulder. You are not alone , it said. We are here with you .

Blindly, I stared out the car window. It did something to me to know that Rain was there. I don’t know what exactly. It was ungraspable, delicate, tentative, as if afraid I’d see it for what it was and destroyed it before it had a chance to grow.

In my memory, there were many there at the scene, Secureforce investigators, paramedics. Yet none of them mattered as he did. A strange tenuous connection had somehow bound us in that moment of his touch, a connection I had never truly understood and had long since forgotten. Except, I did not. I never forgot, merely buried it and locked it away. It was the same connection that pulled me towards him at the party five years later. I knew him. I sensed him. The same way I sensed him before I even saw him in Fanigan’s office yesterday. One day, and yet it felt as if I had lived a lifetime with this man, a lifetime of memories and emotions.

‘I didn’t fight,’ I said quietly without turning to look at him.

Rain remained silent. Perhaps waiting for me to face him. But I was not ready to do so.

‘I didn’t move, but just stood there as he stabbed me.’ My voice came from long ago, as my eyes lost sight of the present, and my mind was there again in the room covered in blood. ‘Three times he stabbed me. I only knew that afterwards, when the doctors told me. You’d think I’d feel the pain of it. But I didn’t feel the knife. Not through the other pain destroying me inside. A part of me knew he was killing me, yet I felt no urge to stop him, for inside I was already dead. I don’t remember much after that. Flashes of faceless people, Pa’s shouts and tears, lights and disjointed sounds. Hospital bed and more faces I didn’t know. I remember returning home to my room, though it seemed like a stranger’s. Pa told me I spent four weeks in hospital. It seemed like only a few days. At some point, I remember looking down at a tombstone with Ma’s name on it and being unable to weep, though I knew I should have. I was a ghost in the world of the living, until the day Pa brought me back with the words, ‘Do not let the bastard kill you too, Ari. Do not let him get away with it.’ I knew then why I was still alive, what I had to do. Today, I finally did it.’

‘It will never end, Ari,’ he said gently. ‘Not until you stop looking for the end to eternity.’

Those words amused me, for that was exactly what I was doing. Yet I could not stop. Not yet at least. ‘Strange that you knew Ma better than I did,’ I said ruefully, suddenly wanting to bare a little of my soul to the man who no doubt already peered into its every dark crevice. ‘I used to read about Golden Fly in papers, and Black Hawk and Serpent, and Raven’s Wing. Ma used to laugh when I told them I wanted to be a spy.’

A beat of silence. From the corner of my eye, I saw him wrestle with the need to reach out and touch me. Professional detachment won out. ‘You can be a damn good one, if you learn to follow orders, Rockhall. I will be making a note in your file on this incident. There are disciplinary actions for brazen disobedience. Ultimately they culminate in expulsion from the agency.’

‘Understood,’ I said without looking at him.

‘Now, we may yet salvage this blunder. Who did you see in that room after you killed Grant?’

I didn’t pause for a heartbeat before replying. ‘I only managed a brief glimpse before bullets came my way, but it was no one I recognised. They were covering their faces. I suspect even Grant didn’t know who he was dealing with.’

Rain’s head snapped round to look at me, and in that moment, I knew that not only did he not believe me, but he suddenly realised that he could not trust me. The brief flicker of his disappointment following this realisation felt like a fist squeezing around my heart. I admired his astuteness, for he was right, of course. He could not trust me. And when all was said and done, Rain would be the one to feel the sharp edge of my betrayal. Perhaps he did indeed know me better than anyone, yet even he had not seen all the shards of my broken mirror.