Page 16

16 The End Game

When I opened my eyes, the hospital room seemed too bright. I managed to roll my head to the side and found that I was in a private suite. At the foot of my bed, a nurse was examining my charts.

‘You’re awake, they said, replacing my file into its holder.

‘How long?’ I asked, my throat parched and mouth dry.

‘Two days,’ came Rain’s voice. I rolled my head to the other side to find him sitting with his legs stretched.

‘You’ve been sitting there for two days?’ I asked, as my heart did a little flip.

His lips quirked. ‘The team have been taking turns to sit here. Your Pa, too. We didn’t want you to wake alone.’

There was a coolness to his voice that had not bee there before. I had betrayed him in the most vile way, after gaining entry into his life and his heart.

‘How are you feeling?’ he asked emotionlessly into my silence.

‘Like I’ve been shot a few times,’ I said and tried to sit up. My shoulder hurt like hell, along with my leg and my side.

The nurse sprang into action, helping me up, whilst placing a pillow behind me. ‘Take it easy,’ the nurse scalded. ‘You’ve taken three bullets into you. Never mind the scrapes and bruises. A right mess you were when you first arrived.’

‘Sorry to be a bother,’ I said with a small smile at them.

They shook their head in mock despair and walked out.

I eyed Rain wearily. ‘Get it over with Wild. I’m sure you have plenty to say.’

‘Do I?’

‘If you think to humble me with shame, you’ll be gravely disappointed. I dare say you already know this from my file.’

He ignored the jibe. ‘When did you decide to go all out on an assassination mission, which I also assume you believed was to be a suicide mission.’

That rankled. ‘You gravely underestimate me if you believe I thought it a suicide mission.’

He studied me in silently. ‘Where’s the tape.’

‘You know where it is,’ I said. ‘Your ex watched me hand it over to Kyle in exchange for a suitcase full of cash.’

‘And where is that suitcase?’ His voice was calm, but I felt the simmering anger in him.

I shrugged. ‘I guess GLF must have taken it before I could stop them.’

His face was grim. ‘You have sabotaged this mission. We have nothing against Kyle. But then I guess that was your intention.’

I looked at him steadily, no matter that everything inside me was churning and broking.

My silence seemed to enrage him. ‘The night of the opera. Did you return with me to my apartment to steal the tape?’

Again, I said nothing, merely looked at him. The truth would be too unbearable for us both. The tape was not why I returned with him, nor why I bedded him. Not in the moment I made the choice.

‘You played me,’ he said quietly with a hint of rage and disappointment. I wished he’d yell at me instead.

I wanted to deny it, but the game was not over yet, and if he did not yet hate me now, he would by tomorrow.

‘You made it so easy, Wild,’ I said with a sneer designed to push him away. ‘Did I pass your test?’ I added with a sardonic twist of my lips. ‘Surely I have proved that I could make the best damned agent you have ever seen.’

‘You know I cannot allow you to join my team. I though you ready … I thought …’

‘You thought me to be someone I’m not Wild,’ I pressed on seeking to wound him, to drive him away, whilst feeling as if my heart was being slowly cut out of my chest. ‘You are … you are a man, Rain. You don’t even have a quim for my cock. You couldn’t even have my children. You were married to a woman, damn it. I’m not a woman. I’m not want you want.’

‘You think you know what I want?’

‘Maybe not, but I know what I want. I’m not a romantic. I’m not meant to be with one lover. You can never be enough for me, Wild. And I think you know that.’ Saying those words aloud was akin to carving myself open with a blunt knife. But I was not so cynical, nor hypocritic enough to draw him back with words of love, whilst stabbing him once again in the back.

I felt him tense and withdraw in spirit, before his body followed. He rose from his seat and walked out.

Only then did tears drop from my eyes.

Amongst the lies I spun for him, there was one truth. The game was not over, and I needed to get the hell out of this blasted hospital to finish it.

My mood did not improve once I grabbed a copy of the paper on my bedside table. It seemed that Fanigan had been hailed a hero, alongside the other officers lost in the siege. Kyle Snow played to the media and to the public about the role of Secureforce and ONS and their sacrifice in freeing the hostages. It was not how I had intended for it to go, and I hoped I was not to late to undo it.

Then I turned the page to the photo of myself being supported by Rain.

I froze, for I saw for the first time what the others saw when the cameras pointed my way. The image was black and white, so the blood was not striking, yet it was dark and slick and ugly. I was limping, dead gaze ahead, unseeing, fading. There was a trace of frantic panic in Rain’s eyes, though his face was mostly impassive. In that moment when he helped me to the waiting paramedics, I saw everything he felt for me in his eyes. And it was so much more than I ever allowed myself to believe.

I closed my eyes briefly, took a steadying breath, threw aside the paper and rolled out of bed with a grunt. Though the doctor had not cleared me and the nurses tried to stop me, I shrugged them aside and discharged myself from their care.

I hailed the cab and it took me home. It was dark by the time I opened the door to my apartment.

Silence greeted me. Awful, lonely silence. I sat back in my old armchair, listening to the silence of my life.

A knock came on the door. I did not rise or call out.

A set of keys inserted and unlocked it anyhow. Shay and Ezra pocked their heads in and when they saw me, grinned. ‘Oh, you are back?’ they said before striding boldly into the room.

‘I thought I heard you return,’ said Shay. ‘How are you feeling?’ they asked with a frown.

I wanted to muster a grin but could not. ‘As you see. Full of holes, but otherwise well enough.’

‘You looked like death when we saw you on TV,’ said Ezra, sitting on the settee across from me.

‘Do you need us to get you anything?’ asked Shay. Always the more practical of the two.

‘No.’

‘Do you want us to stay?’ Ezra asked sympathetically.

I stared at them, and they stared back. Their faces were serious, grave even. They knew me well enough to see through the distance I had put between us. I could tell them I was tired, tell them that I just needed a few days alone. That nothing had changed. It would be a lie. Everything had changed. I did not want them in my bed.

I grieved the loss of Rain, grieved the final act of my scheme. I grieved the sudden knowledge that I could never go back and be content with anyone other than Rain. That neither Shay nor Ezra would ever be enough.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said looking at them, and I was, so truly, blasted sorry. Sorrier than I had ever been in my life. I thought of Andie and for the first time understood the pain they had felt, pain I had caused with my careless, shallow love, the intimacy I had used as a shield against any threat of loss and grief. I looked back and suddenly saw that the day Ma was murdered, was the day I turned my back on the most fundamental part of what it was to be human. I had stopped loving, stopped caring. I covered my heart in layers of armour, which withstood everyone and everything, except Rain. It had never withstood Rain, not from the instant I saw him watching me with that wintry gaze through the mask. Perhaps ever since I had sought to punish him and myself for daring to crack the shield of my heart.

And I did punish us.

‘I’m sorry,’ I repeated again into Shay and Ezra’s silence, feeling so weary and old.

‘We are over?’ That was Shay. Grim, perhaps a little angry.

Ezra suddenly couldn’t keep my gaze. They knew me, knew I was never loyal, never open to anything more than bed sport. They accepted it, never asked for more. It must be bewildering why I was ending what little intimacy I allowed myself to have with the two of them.

‘I met someone,’ I explained wearily. ‘Someone who is wrong for me in every possible way.’

‘The Gendrian man. We saw him walk you home some days ago,’ said Ezra, before looking at Shay. ‘I told you there was something there between them.’

‘There is nothing between us,’ I said. ‘I sent him away.’

They both frowned. Then Shay shook their head. ‘I always thought you were a coward when it came to your heart, Ari. I guess it never bothered me until now. Perhaps it’s time for you to stop running from everyone who’d ever loved you. You deserve more than that. Your Ma would want more than that for you.’

Then they left me alone with that resounding truth. I was a coward, and Ma would never want that for me. But I never wanted to feel such soul-destroying grief ever again. I would sooner carve out my own heart and feed it to the dogs. I would get over Rain in time.

In the meantime, I took a long shower, dressed in a fresh suit, hurting and being careful not to pull the few stitches. I’ve been shot before, and had enough scars not to worry about more of them.

I left my apartment. Predictably, Rain was having me watched. The agents made little effort to hide, and I made little effort not to see them.

I got into my car and drove off.

They followed.

I took a sharp turn, raced towards the bridge, and throwing open the door leapt out, rolling as I did, just in time to see the car break through the barrier and plunge into the cold, dark water. Keeping my head low in the shrubbery, I watched the agents’ car race past, then pull abruptly where they saw my car disappear.

‘Hell,’ said one of them. ‘Wild will be pissed.’

‘Do you think Rockhall meant to kill themself?’

‘Let get down there and see if we can see them in the water. Hawk will kill us if we don’t at least try to save his … ahem. Let’s hurry.’

They raced below, as I got to my feet and ran towards a waiting car. Shade’s face was slim, yet hard and sculpted.

‘Glad you could make it,’ I said as I got in.

‘You’ve got big balls, that’s all I’ll say, Rockhall.’

A muffled grunt came from the boot.

‘Let get going,’ I said and took out my cigar.

‘With pleasure,’ said Shade and drove off.

Outside the presidential palace, Shade and I pulled up, and dragged the tied up and bloodied Kyle Snow from the boot of the car. I put the gun to their head as around us, palace security had drawn their own weapons.

‘We are here to see the president,’ I said. ‘Please tell Max Wilson that Detective Ari Rockhall is here to deliver a traitor.’

No one moved.

Kyle Snow grunted and wriggled.

‘Oh for fuck sake,’ Shade uttered. Then shouted. ‘Get the bloody president or the head of National Security will get a bullet in their head.’

One of the security guards ran off.

Shortly, they returned and said. ‘The president will see you now.’

We followed them inside, surrounded by armed guards, tense and ready to shoot us. The entry hallway was vast, marbled and of sophisticated splendour. It was also largely empty, save for a receptionist, a couple of guards and suited Herms with cases darting towards the grand stair.

President Wilson was a large Herm, with intelligent eyes, and strong presence.

They were sitting at their desk, eyeing us boldly as we entered. ‘Detective. Strange to see such a celebrated officer here with a gun pointed at the head of my national security.’

I kicked Kyle’s knees from under then and they fell to the floor.

The guards moved and aimed their weapons at me.

‘Sorry to barge in on you like this, Max,’ I said, and the president raised their eyebrows at me in amusement. ‘But please be assured that I’m loyal to you and I have quite a story you might wish to hear before you decide whether to shoot me or not.’

‘I am all ears, Rockhall. So what is all this about?’

Kyle Snow shook their head mumbling against their gag. The president gave them only a cursory glance, before looking at me and Shade.

And so, I told them everything, start to finish. Except the part about me bedding Hawk.

The president listened in silence. After I finished, they stretched, rose and said, ‘Fancy a game of billiards, Rockhall? Just you and me in private. Leave these lot to guard Snow whilst we talk.’

‘Sir President …’ one of the guards objected. But it fell on deaf ears.