Page 31 of Their Little Helper (The Lactin Brotherhood #22)

DALLY

“I don’t care what you have to do, but if that woman pinches my ass again I’m going to make a scene.” Santos was in full-on demon lawyer mode as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Two words. Harassment. Charges.”

We’d found another limit…great.

No questions about how he liked his sandwiches and no ass pinches.

“First of all, I had no idea it would get this out of hand.” Repeating that for the third time wasn’t helping the situation…and it might’ve been making it worse. “Worst-case scenario, it should’ve been half this amount of people.”

I wasn’t even sure I was related to everyone who was at the fucking barbecue.

It was so packed the usual hiding places were all full, I’d lost Harley, and Santos had me cornered in my parents’ bathroom.

Milo was either going to be really glad he missed it or really disappointed…but best friends were supposed to help manage chaos, so he was going to owe me either way.

“There has to be at least fifty people in the backyard, Dally.” Somehow Santos’s ability to do math got worse the more upset he got, but I wasn’t going to point that out. “I’ve got bruises on my ass and Harley is either hiding somewhere or has been abducted.”

“I’m not sure how we’re related, so I don’t know what to do.” He was the one who’d said we needed to be polite. “I just know she’s old and Harley had to slip into work mode to keep her off his ass.”

Santos clearly didn’t look threatening enough.

“She’s a neighbor and not related to anyone.” My Dad appearing out of nowhere probably made Santos want to jump but he was still too pissed to let it show. “And I have put your other young man in the closet by the garage.”

“ The closet ?” Santos might’ve just found another limit but Dad cut him off before he could articulate it.

“It’s large, private, and he made a joke about going back in to stay safe, so I think he’s fine.” Dad had always been good at deflating drama because he had Santos trying not to smile. “He wanted some place to hide to update his flash cards.”

And to save his ass.

But the online flashcards he’d insisted on making were going to be helpful later when I tried to figure out who everyone was.

“Why are neighbors at a family barbecue?” Santos’s low growl said I needed to keep going with the questions.

“And do you know why there are so many people here? I kind of promised my partners that introducing them to my family for the first time would be low-key and I promised to behave. You’re making that very hard. ”

I wasn’t threatening enough either because Dad smiled. “That’s sweet but you really shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep. That’s not a way to make a relationship last.”

Oh no he didn’t.

“Well, I can’t keep knocking them up every time we argue, so I’ll do the best I can.”

Flashing a smile at Santos, I made sure to look innocent and sweet. “I can’t be punished for being honest or for pointing out the flaws in other people’s logic.”

Santos didn’t have to think about his response. “Deal.”

He was frustrated enough not to care about fine print, which said it was time to escape family bonding time.

Turning back to my father, who didn’t look nearly sorry enough for the chaos we’d walked into, I glared at him. “If you don’t act more apologetic, I’m going to go back there and start answering everyone’s weird questions that they’ve been googling.”

That had his face scrunching up. “I saved Harley.”

“You stuck my sweet gay boyfriend in the closet.” I wasn’t sure that counted as saving him. “And that was after he had to glare at crazy old ladies to keep his bottom from getting bruised. If anyone gets to bruise his ass it’s me.”

Dad sighed, clearly not worried enough for his safety. “How about I promise to tell your mother there was an emergency and you couldn’t stay for dessert.”

I hadn’t even had any fucking dinner yet, so yeah, I wasn’t ready for dessert.

“I—”

Santos cut me off with one hand on my shoulder. “That would be a good plan. Thank you. Please give our apologies to your wife and explain that sometimes legal issues don’t keep business hours.”

He was really good at that.

“And if you could sneak Harley out through the garage, that would be even better.” Santos frowned, looking around the bathroom. “I’m not going to fit through the windows, so we’ll have to do our best to get to the front door safely.”

Smart men were really sexy.

“If you wait another minute, I’ll have Sara Beth announce her pregnancy and that’ll give you a distraction.” Dad’s idea of help had me rolling my eyes. “She was going to behave and not take the spotlight from you because your mother kind of threatened to kill her, but it’ll be for a good cause.”

Better her than me.

“Deal.” Dad was smart and left before Santos could start lecturing again or I forgot I was supposed to be being polite.

We both waited in silence for a while before Santos sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it up to Harley for losing him. I just turned around and he was gone.”

He needed one of those kid leashes, but I wasn’t sure they made them in his size. “He’s fine. He’s hiding and my dad is going to get him out.”

“You sound like this is a hostage situation.” Santos’s grumbling was cut off as the noise from out back started to get louder. “I think that’s our cue.”

“Keep going. Don’t let anyone sidetrack you with a baby or a story.” He was definitely regretting making me promise to be nice. “Keep eye contact to a minimum.”

He had no survival skills whatsoever and kept getting waylaid by every woman with wide eyes who needed attention.

Sucker.

“We’re going to talk about you not preparing us enough.” Santos thought his glare looked scary but I’d just dodged three different angry pregnant ladies to find him, so I could handle anything. “But I’ll forget it if you get us out of here in one piece.”

“I can do it.” I wanted to ride my boy and nothing was going to stand in my way.

Not crazy pregnant ladies.

Not weird neighbors I’d never met.

Not cake I wasn’t going to get to taste.

I needed a fucking burger.

“Done. Go. Go. Go.” I heard someone call our names in a high-pitched voice but we pretended not to notice as we broke free of the front door. “Find Harley. We need to go because I don’t know who that was.”

If it was one of the pregnant one’s we’d never escape.

Santos was going to turn out to be the biggest sucker in the entire family.

“I found you.” Harley looked like we’d rescued him from jail as he peeked out from the side of the house by the garage, but he was smart and didn’t stop. “I did it. I got out. Your dad put me in a closet. He’s nice. I got to finish more of my flashcards. My app is great.”

“Lord.” Santos wanted to stop and bark at me again but he held himself back as we made it to the sidewalk. “Dally. That was…”

Harley seemed like he was trying not to giggle, but he was smart and held it back. “Papa. I made notes. I talked to people. I even frowned at them.”

I wasn’t sure it was the safest distraction but it got us to Santos’s oversized town car without him going bananas.

“ Dally !!”

“Fuck.” It was the pincher. “In the car. Hit the locks. Hurry.”

Next time we were going to park closer even if we had to park on the lawn.

Safe.

Santos started driving as soon as the doors were closed but we managed to get buckled before we got too far down the road. That seemed to be his cue to start grumbling again, though. “Dally, I don’t even know where to start.”

Was that a good thing or not?

Thankfully, somehow Harley ended up in the front seat and could easily reach over to take his Papa’s hand. “James saved me. He showed me a closet and he said he liked me.”

He was so cute when he was manipulating us.

“I’m not ready to calm down yet, sweet boy.” Santos tried to be logical, but Harley aimed wide eyes at him as we came up to a stoplight. “That’s cheating.”

Yep.

It was cute, though.

“He said I was part of the family now and showed me his special spot.” Harley was so excited about that his Papa melted. “He even said I’d done a good job pretending to be tough. He said I was sweet.”

Pokey couldn’t seem to decide how he felt about that. “Dally, do I have to worry about your father trying to seduce our boy?”

“Not based on how many times he’s knocked up my mother.” But based on how many people in the family weren’t exactly straight…well…we’d just make sure my dad knew not to flirt with my boy.

Harley giggled but decided another distraction was in order. “I liked the closet but I didn’t get dinner.”

“Me neither.” And I was beyond hungry. “I don’t know how it happened.”

I was usually really good at avoiding my family and getting fed.

“I will be very glad to explain that in detail…after we’ve eaten because I didn’t get dinner either.

” Santos didn’t like having to admit that, but the deep breath he took and let out slowly said he was ready to let some of his drama go.

“How does burgers sound? Ones that aren’t burned, raw, or made of strange meat I can’t identify. ”

“Perfect.” Then maybe he’d be a happier person.

I’d helped him escape, so I was going to need to be rewarded for that.

“Yes.” Harley seemed to have already forgotten the drama with the promise of burgers. “And chocolate milk?”

Hmm…too much stress after all.

“Will it come with a toy?”

Definitely too much stress.

But it’d made his Papa smile, so stress to the rescue…because sometimes family was chaotic and crazy but a little with a big heart and a sweet smile made everything perfect.