Page 28 of Their Little Helper (The Lactin Brotherhood #22)

DALLY

“I don’t know…is it really worth risking death over?” Sometimes that was hard to tell.

“Um, she’s called three times already this morning, Daddy.” Harley was frowning, already trained not to upset my mother. “She’s started texting Papa and I don’t even know how she got his number. Does she even know his last name?”

Did I know his last name?

Pushing away questions that didn’t matter, I flopped down in Harley’s lap. “I don’t appreciate it when you make logical arguments.”

My ridiculous response had him giggling and some of his worries fading away. “Sorry, Daddy.”

“It’s okay. Sometimes it can’t be helped.” Harley was a born helper and sometimes that came with logic. “I will remind my boss that Sunday evenings are family nights. Very politely, though.”

Just because she was an idiot didn’t mean I had to be rude.

“I’m sure it was just an accident and she didn’t mean to schedule you on Sunday again.” Harley looked so hopeful for that I didn’t have the heart to challenge his assumption. “Sunday is family day and everyone knows that…and I’m not sure anyone has this many catering emergencies.”

No. They did not. They had hiring problems and that was not my emergency.

“We’ve both made sure we have the night off and it’s going to be fine.

” I’d started to say fun but I wasn’t sure that was accurate enough.

Harley had started turning slightly green every time dinner with my family was mentioned and nausea and fun didn’t usually go together unless roller coasters were involved.

Or cruise ships.

Hmm…maybe they did go together?

Harley took a deep breath, giving me a wide and incredibly forced smile. “She’s very excited to meet us.”

“She is, because she’s heard so many wonderful things about you already.” She was just slightly pissed I’d missed last Sunday’s dinner and hadn’t been willing to make Santos and Harley go without me. For some reason she thought sending them alone their first time was reasonable.

It was not.

Even my father agreed it was not.

“She’s heard wonderful things about Papa too, right?” Harley’s question was confusing but I nodded and that made him smile again. “Good…and you’re going to use his name and not call him Pokey.”

“Of course.” I was going to try at least. “We’re not giving the troublemakers any ammo.”

Once they got a nickname in their head it stuck.

“Yes, and we’re going to remember that Papa and I are only children and ease us into your family.” Harley seemed to think it was necessary to bring that point up on a daily basis but I wasn’t sure why. “That means they probably need to stop texting Papa when he’s at work.”

I wasn’t going to make unreasonable promises, so I smiled and kissed his cheek. “I showed Pokey how to block their numbers.”

It would slow them down for a while.

“Right now, it’s just because she’s hormonal and making questionable decisions. She’ll be fine in another month.” My mother was just the definition of stubborn when she had her mind set on something.

“I…” Harley swallowed and looked worried again. “I don’t think we’re supposed to say that.”

What?

“She does make questionable decisions. She always has at this point.” The medical websites said it was a thing…I’d looked.

“That’s…I think that’s rude.” Harley didn’t seem sure of that, though, and made me wonder what he was running through his head.

“How many pregnant women have you met? They all get nuts. It’s a brain thing or a hormone thing. They can’t help it. She’ll go back to normal once the baby is born. She always does.” I thought that would’ve fixed the situation but Harley’s eyes got wider.

And wider.

“ Papa ?” Something about the way Harley called out to Pokey made it sound like he was tattling on me. “Did we know Daddy’s mother was pregnant?”

“ She’s what ?” Pokey’s voice boomed through the condo, immediately followed by footsteps quickly coming from his office. “I’ve been ignoring a pregnant woman?”

Their brains worked entirely different than mine.

“Why does her inability to understand where babies come from make a difference with her texts?” She could drive people nuts pregnant or not. “She has to be patient and we all know that.”

As Pokey came out into the living room, he sighed and focused on Harley. “No. We did not know his mother was pregnant.”

“Good. I thought I forget and I was worried.” Harley seemed to think forgetting pregnant women happened on a regular basis which made me wonder how many he knew. “I…do we have to do something about that?”

“What? You didn’t knock her up. That bad decision is my father’s.” Give them five minutes of privacy and they made terrible decisions.

It was where the rest of us got it from which was why they couldn’t complain too much about everything we kids had done.

“I…” Harley shrugged, looking back and forth from me to Pokey. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Thank you for making sure I knew that information, sweet boy.” Pokey scrubbed his hands over his face. “Okay, I was only half listening but you can’t work tomorrow and leave your mother waiting another week. That’s just…she’s pregnant.”

“That means she’s carrying a baby, not an alien and she’s not broken and she’s sane most of the time, so I don’t see how all this is connected.” The way they were staring at me said there was a miscommunication somewhere. “How many pregnant women do you guys know?”

Silence.

Utter silence.

“Um. None.” Harley answered first, shrugging. “I work at a bar and I do college online. Oh, I have a test I have to take tomorrow morning. But, um, yeah. I don’t know any.”

Pokey sighed. “I’m a gay man who doesn’t work in divorce law, thank God. Where would I meet any? I guess one because Amy who manages all the accounting was pregnant last year? I think it was last year.”

Pregnant women were kind of hard to miss, so I wasn’t sure how he was confused on the dates.

“Okay, well, trust me then because I’ve known a lot.

A lot. They’re crazy but they’re fully functional most of the time.

You can’t take the crazy personally because it will go away eventually and you can’t get offended if they scream at you for being too polite or not polite enough.

Or for getting the wrong kind of ice cream or because someone knocked them up.

” They were amazing because of the whole new life thing but they were kind of weird. “Just apologize and then run.”

Great.

Now they were both looking slightly green and wide-eyed.

“I’ll protect you. Promise. My dad said he’s going to help too.” But he was the one who knocked my mother up, so it was his job to run interference. “But you’re right, putting this off will only make her worse and I don’t need her showing up at the bar to meet Harley.”

That couldn’t be good for the baby.

“Oh…no…” Harley started shaking his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“For a variety of reasons.” Santos came over and plopped down on the couch beside Harley. “Alright, is there anything else we need to know?”

My shrug had both of them taking deep breaths, so it might not have been the right way to start. “Um, I don’t think so? There’s always one relative or another who’s pregnant, though. I’m just lucky omegas aren’t really a thing or I’d have already gotten knocked up.”

Pokey seemed like the type to have strong swimmers.

“I’m not going to ask what an omega is in this situation and I don’t want either of you to tell me.” Pokey’s confused look had Harley giggling, so he definitely knew what omegas were. “We’re also not talking about it at family dinner tomorrow.”

He liked making ridiculous rules sometimes, but Harley’s nod said he approved, so I knew I’d lost the battle. “I will agree to that rule, but I can’t be held accountable for what anyone else says.”

Hmm…what kind of bribe would it take to get Milo to talk about omegas first?

Best friends had to be good for something besides dinner buddies and gossip.

“Papa?”

Harley’s single word in the questioning tone had Pokey sighing. “I saw it too.”

Saw what?

“I think you need more fine print, Papa.” Harley was just dead set on being helpful and a cute pain in the butt. “He’s…he’s plotting.”

“I don’t think he can help it.” Pokey was just getting more and more dramatic as he rambled ridiculously. “Alright, let’s start with simple and straightforward.”

There was no way he could do that, so I wasn’t too worried.

“Do you understand and agree with the statement that we don’t want you to set us up in any way to have stressful or potentially embarrassing questions such as but not limited to omegas and anything related to you becoming pregnant.”

Ugh.

Lawyers were so frustrating.

“Yes, I understand.” Kind of. “Bragging about what strong sperm you’d have or how easily you would knock me up isn’t a bad thing, though. I should be able to make sure everyone knows how amazing your babies would be.”

Duh.

“That’s…that’s very nice, Daddy, but we really shouldn’t talk about bottoms or ass babies or anything like that the first time we meet your family.” Harley’s range of reading material was broader than I’d originally thought.

I knew I had to stay on track and even ignored Pokey’s dramatic groans, though. “I think that’s a reasonable limit. I’m going to do my best to make sure everyone else remembers that too. Some people just don’t have good manners, though.”

And that could be useful…but another time.

“No ass baby stuff for the time being and we’re going to have very conventional conversations.” We could do that as long as everyone else remembered their manners. “We’ll talk about work and hobbies and I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

“Sweet boy, do you think we should ask who everyone is? He keeps using that word and I’m starting to get concerned.” Pokey’s drama knew no bounds.

And honestly, he wouldn’t remember their names anyway.

“No.” Harley shook his head looking adorably serious. “I’m pretending it’s only a few people and he’s exaggerating.”

“Okay, as long as we both know it’s just a fantasy.” Pokey’s words had Harley sighing. “Good.”

They were both ridiculous, but they were my ridiculous drama queens.

“I can’t wait to introduce you both.” That distracted my cuties and made both of them blush. “They know how important you are to me and they’re excited to meet you.”

Hmm.

I hadn’t brought anyone home in a very long time, but I wasn’t sure if that would make them happy to hear or more worried.

Illogical people couldn’t always be predicted no matter how incredible I was.

“But I do have a favor to ask of both of you.” Yes, they needed a distraction even if their skeptical expressions said they didn’t understand it. “Just a tiny one.”

“Papa?” Harley’s questioning tone had his Papa sighing.

“Yes, that sentence is supposed to make you very nervous. But he’s our partner, so we have to pretend to be open-minded.”

So dramatic.

“If it comes up in conversation, you need to make sure my parents understand that even though I’m not going to be the baby of the family any longer I can still claim all rights and privileges associated with that status.” They couldn’t just snatch it away from me because of a technicality.

That time when they both frowned they were thoughtful expressions that said they understood the significance of the problem.

“I hadn’t thought about that part yet.” Harley’s brain seemed to work faster on the issue, but that wasn’t unexpected since Santos always searched for fine print. “I was stuck on the pregnant part, but you’re right, that’s going to be important.”

Santos caught up quickly. “At some point they need to think about if this baby is going to need siblings closer in age.”

Ugh.

“I was not meant to be a middle child.” That seemed too obvious to say out loud, but it had to be done. “I think you’re starting to see why someone needs to bring this up to my parents.”

I was the delicate baby of the family, so it couldn’t be me.

“Yes…” Harley stroked my back and nodded slowly. “But…but if you’re more like an uncle to the baby then it wouldn’t make you a middle child. You…you could be his favorite bad influence.”

Oh…I could do that…I’d be a great bad influence.

“I…I can teach it how to use glitter and the best curse words.” I knew fun ones in several languages too…rich people always had really smart help from interesting places. “That would make my mother insane and remind her that I’m still the baby.”

“You’re the baby for family 1.0 you just have to make sure they have 2.0 so you have fun new ways to drive everyone insane.” Pokey had found some interesting fine print again. “And if you’re lucky, they’ll have so much craziness to focus on they’ll forget they need to obsess over your partners.”

“And the wedding.” Harley was smart to remember that. “With the number of texts Papa is getting, I think keeping her distracted is a good idea.”

Ignoring the drama queen in question’s groan, I nodded and kissed Harley’s cheek. “You’re so smart…and very helpful…that needs to be rewarded.”

As he blushed, I peeked over at Pokey. “Don’t you think so?”

“I would have to agree. He made good points and helped you think through the problem. He was even confident and spoke his mind without worrying. I think that deserves a reward.” Pokey’s words were so truthful Harley couldn’t talk himself out of it.

“I…I…” He blinked and swallowed hard before licking his lips. “I…I get to pick the reward?”

“Yes.” Giving him another cheek kiss, I wiggled on his lap and stroked his chest to give him either courage or a distraction. “You were a very good boy and that means you get a very big reward.”

Hmm.

He opened his mouth and closed it several times, but aside from doing a very cute goldfish impression, he didn’t make much progress.

But he had two Doms to rescue him.

“We could have dessert and little time.” I started out easy before looking at Pokey like we needed more ideas.

He made a thoughtful hum and looked like it was a complicated question. “You wanted to watch that new superhero movie that you thought wouldn’t be too scary, or you could be Daddy. Either of those would be fun.”

Harley’s shiver said his body knew what he wanted even if his brain hadn’t quite caught up yet. “I… Yes…I’ll be Daddy for…for my reward.”

Bingo.

We had verbal consent and an erection.

He was going to love his reward.