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18

KELLY

A fter feeling like I was being stalked, I’d driven around for a bit, even hitting a drive-thru coffee shop to make sure no one was still following me. Was it the mercenaries? Were they waiting for the right time to pounce? I hadn’t been sure if I should return to Jacob’s condo, but my car’s gas light forced my hand. If I stopped for gas, I’d be a sitting duck. Plus, I didn’t have the cash to keep driving.

By the time I got inside, I was running on fumes—physically, emotionally, maybe spiritually. A shiver chased down my spine.

Some days, I wondered if I’d ever be the same again.

I pressed my palms into my forehead as I rocked on the edge of Jacob’s bed. Violent memories burst through my mind like exploding fireworks: claws, needles, guns. A sob escaped my throat, and I fell backward on the mattress.

When would the pain of what I went through stop? Would it?

Am I broken?

Grrr…

If I gave into those thoughts, I’d never recover from their torture. If I wanted to move on with my life, I needed to stay strong. Taking a few shaky breaths made the panic lessen, even if it didn’t go away. I lifted my right hand and watched it shake before my eyes.

For the first time in years, I felt like I had something—or more precisely, someone—to live for. But I also warred with this black hole of crippling emotion threatening to swallow me whole. I couldn’t allow that to happen. We were free… So why didn’t I feel free?

Keys jingled outside of Jacob’s condo. He was home already? Shoot! What was I supposed to say about my haunted emotions? Would he sense them? Most likely! I darted upright and glanced at the bedroom door.

Get yourself together, Kelly. Breathe. Deep breaths.

I snuck into the en suite bathroom to scrub my face. The last thing I needed was him realizing the depths of my pain. If I didn’t control myself, he might learn what I’d been up to earlier, or suspect it once he saw how anxious I was.

We’d been through hell together. Losing him now? That would destroy me.

At the research facility, I’d been brave. Showing weakness in front of those men hadn’t been an option, but now I felt more helpless than ever. That sounded crazy since I wasn’t human anymore.

My world had opened up to almost unbearable levels of sensation. The cage had been cold and sterile in all senses: sights, sounds, smells, touch… Now those were more powerful than ever. It overwhelmed me. How could I function like this, let alone fully live?

Jacob’s place was quiet. He’d most likely soundproofed the apartment, but the rest of the world… The university had been so loud. All the people crowding the halls and their scents made me feel almost claustrophobic. Would I always feel this way?

Standing before the mirror, I grimaced at the woman watching me. My hair stuck out in all directions, and the shadows under my eyes looked like bruises. Had I looked like this during my appointment earlier? Was that why Dr. Butler had dismissed me so readily? It didn’t matter. I could fix my appearance. Jacob didn’t have to see me in this shape.

“Kelly, I’m home,” Jacob said from the other room. His keys clinked as they hit a hard surface, most likely the breakfast bar.

My pulse raced until anxiety clawed at my throat, thick and hard to swallow. I yearned to be the normal girl he’d fallen for, but as more time passed, the more I questioned whether that was possible anymore.

“Welcome home,” I called out, my voice cracking a little. I cleared my throat, remembering too late that he didn’t need me to shout. “In the bathroom. I’ll be out soon.”

“All right.” He sounded closer now. Was he coming this way? “How did it go with Emma?”

My mind reeled, and I blinked at the bathroom door. What was he talking about? With Emma…? “Oh, uh…” My stupor broke, and I quietly locked the door. As I searched for the right words, I began brushing out the tangles in my long brown hair. He might know I was lying to him regardless of what I said. “Good?”

“You sure, babe? That doesn’t sound very convincing.” Suspicion warred with confusion, but concern finally won out in his voice. The doorknob rattled. “Is everything okay?”

Oh, crap.

I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I’d given a stronger answer. Maybe a quick excuse could smooth away his worries, but I doubted it. The fear and anxiousness swirling through me prevented any words from escaping my mouth. Even if I wanted to spin a fantastical tale about a girls’ day out with Emma, I was drawing a blank.

“No, not really. I’ll be okay, though.” That was true, I hoped. With half of my hair somewhat tamed, I set the brush on the bathroom counter.

Jacob’s slow breathing came through the door, and I could imagine him standing there with his forehead pressed against it. “What’s wrong? Did she say something horrible again?”

“No.” Would she if we’d actually met up? No idea. I still hadn’t responded to her awful text. She’d been so concerned about me, and yet I kept pushing her away. Who would want a terrible friend like that?

“Open the door. Please, babe.” The doorknob shook a little harder this time.

I licked my dry lips and took a step back. The door wasn’t a barrier for him. He could break it down with ease if he wanted to.

Pull yourself together. Stop doing this.

I grabbed the brush, raking it through the rest of my hair. The mirror still showed horrible dark circles under my eyes, and I searched my make-up bag to find concealer to cover it up. Just as I picked up the small bottle, the doorknob crunched, and the door swung open. The tube fell from my hands, clattering into the sink.

Jacob’s formidable body filled the doorway, and I backpedaled until my legs bumped against the massive garden tub, likely big enough for his werewolf form. My throat closed. I clung to the tub’s edge to stay upright.

Concern etched lines into Jacob’s face, and his brows knitted together. He held up his hands, as if trying to signal he wasn’t a threat. “Kelly? Are you okay? You’re worrying me.”

Just his scent and the press of his presence made the room feel smaller. Too much.

The sharp tang of his sweat and musk hit me like a wall, and I closed my eyes, trying to force words past the tightness in my throat. Everything flooded me at once: the smell of soaps, Jacob’s scent, the faint trace of cleaning products from the maid’s last visit.

“C-can’t.” My body trembled, knees buckling under the weight of it all.

Before my butt hit the tiled floor, Jacob scooped me into his arms. He sat with me cradled in his lap, his back against the garden tub. His kind eyes drifted over me like I was the most precious being in the world. He ran his hand through my hair in slow, steady strokes. “What’s going on? You can talk to me.”

“Senses. They’re all too much.” My voice came out small. I leaned my head against Jacob’s chest, pressing my face against the muscular expanse. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was a big part.

Jacob stiffened. For a second, I wondered if the intimacy of our position bothered him. Maybe I shouldn’t have pressed so close…

“Your senses are overwhelming you?” He held me closer, cheek resting against the top of my head. I heard every beat of his heart, every breath, every uttered syllable. “Damn, babe. I should’ve taught you how to manage this, but I’ve been so focused on everything else. I learned this shit as a kid, and yet, I haven’t looked out for you.” He rubbed his stubbled cheek against my hair. “I’m so sorry, Kelly.”

I lifted my gaze from the safety of his embrace, only to notice my vision had changed. It was sharper, clearer. My wolf peeked out. It had to be her. The feeling of his breath against my lips pulled me closer, but now wasn’t the time for that. Not when I felt so out of control. “You can teach me now.”

Jacob studied me, not at all fazed by my wolfish eyes. If our roles were reversed, I might’ve flinched. Instead, he reached up, brushing his fingers along my cheek. His lips brushed against mine in a soft kiss.

“Yes, I can.” He inhaled deeply, as if drawing my scent into his lungs. “First, feel the weight of your wolf. Then imagine you’re pressing her down, like you’re holding a heavy door shut from the inside. Keep pushing until you’ve regained control. When your senses become too much, it usually means your beast is right beneath the surface.” His hand slid down my back to my waist, the heat of his touch searing through me.

Good to know my sense of touch was also super intense.

I shut my eyes, searching for her. Like he’d said, she prowled close to the surface of my skin, pacing like a caged beast. I shoved at her presence, trying to force her back, but she refused to surrender. In fact, pushing made her angrier. She charged me, stealing hard won ground.

“I can’t.” I grabbed my thighs, pressing my nails into my legs. “She doesn’t want to. She’s pissed.” Claws burst through my fingertips, and a scream ripped from my throat. Blood oozed from my legs where the claws had torn through skin and muscle.

Stop it!

Jacob moved his hands to my cheeks. “Open your eyes, babe. I can help you through this, but I need to see your eyes.”

The inner war within me felt hopeless. My wolf was so much stronger. How could I ever be a match for her power? If I opened my eyes, I might lose this battle. She could seize control. No, I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hurt Jacob. Besides, how could he help with this?

My back snapped as bones fractured in my spine. A whimper rasped from my lips, and I felt so helpless.

“Do it now .”

The authority in his voice overwhelmed me, making it hard to disobey. The drifting thought that I shouldn’t open my eyes vanished. Before I knew what was happening, I looked up to see his glowing wolf amber eyes. My jaw dropped. The sheer power radiating from him made it hard to breathe. My nose twitched from the scent of his minty mouthwash. His face was mere inches from mine. Everything closed in tighter.

“Back down, wolf.” The commanding tone in Jacob’s voice sent shivers through my body. His hot palms spread over my body almost possessively.

“Make me.”

In my mind’s eye, I could feel his wolf brushing against me through his skin. My beast tucked her tail, but she bared her fangs at him in defiance—until I realized I was doing that too. I pushed against Jacob’s chest, trying to get space between us so I wouldn’t hurt him, but my claws sliced into his skin. The metallic scent of blood hit my nose, and a hunger unlike anything I’d experienced before howled through me.

My eyes widened, and I licked my lips. My gaze locked on the ripped fabric of his shirt where blood bloomed across his chest. Before I could stop myself, I bent my head and licked his jagged scratches.

It didn’t last.

Air whooshed around me, and I smacked the bathroom floor with a thud.

Jacob knelt over me, straddling my waist. I bared my bloody teeth at him. One of his large hands cupped my chin while the other pinned my wrists above my head. “Kelly, fight your beast. Don’t give up. Don’t become a rogue wolf.”

My hips bucked and writhed. A sinister sweetness crept in, whispering dark promises as I watched streaks of blood trail down his torso. But the pleading tone in his voice startled me from my violent thoughts.

What was a rogue wolf? It didn’t sound good.

Tears slid from my eyes, and I forced myself to breathe. I focused on his scent while I shoved my wolf down hard.

This time, she relented and ran off to that cave deep inside me where she slept, waiting for her next chance to come out and play. The claws burned as they slid back into my fingers. I bit back another whimper. Every muscle in my body went slack, leaving me a shaking mess. The battle had drained me far more than I expected.

“I’m so sorry, Jacob.”

The scent of coppery blood lingered in the air, but instead of smelling delicious, it made me nauseous. I’d hurt him and licked his wounds. I wanted to do something, to help the wounds I’d caused, but his grip on my wrists kept me in place. Even the thought of struggling from his hold felt tiring, so I remained where I was.

Jacob’s brows drew together. Confusion flickered in his eyes. “Sorry for what, babe?”

“I hurt you.” My voice cracked. I tried to turn my head, but he held my chin, gently but firm. Instead, I looked away, but he just leaned into view again.

“Your claws hurt, but I’ve suffered worse injuries. I know you weren’t in control.” He bent his head to rest his forehead against mine, his hand slipping to my clavicle. “Let’s get you to bed. I’ll fix something for dinner, but you should rest. You don’t look well.” He kissed me before scooping me into his arms as he stood.

“Thank you for bringing me back from… the fight with my wolf.” I rested my head against his chest, more exhausted than hungry, but my stomach growled anyway, reminding me of how intense the hunger had been when the bathroom smelled like his blood. Nausea churned in my belly, but I took a few deep breaths. The last thing I wanted was to puke on him. “Wait, my legs. I don’t want to bleed on your sheets.” When I looked down, the former holes in my thighs were angry red scars caked with drying blood.

“I’ll grab a washcloth, but looks like you’re healing nicely. The bedding can be washed.” He laid me on the bed and draped a plush, cozy blanket over me. “You’re welcome, babe. I’m always here for you. You’re my mate.”

He disappeared into the bathroom. When he returned, he sat on the bed, then rubbed the warm, wet cloth over my hands and legs, cleaning my wounds. “Babe?” His gaze drifted to mine.

“Yeah, baby?” I chewed my lower lip, pressing my thighs together at his closeness.

A slow smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “What was that word you’re not supposed to say?”

I blinked, not sure what he was getting at. “Um… sorry?”

“That’s the one. I’ll nudge you when dinner is ready.”

“Wait, but I—” The complaint vanished beneath the tender press of his lips. The kiss lingered for a few moments until my body was relaxed and pliant. Every ounce of tension drifted away. “Mmm…”

“Much better. Now get some rest.” He walked out of the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Within seconds, my eyelids grew heavy, and nightmares plagued me over what had happened at the university.