Page 10

10

KELLY

W hat had I done? That startled, bloodshot look he gave me was like he’d seen straight through to my deepest fear.

When he lowered his head back to the mattress, his hand slid over his face again. My big bad wolf reeked of pain. Why were my werewolf instincts locked into all of this right now? I’d struggled to decode his emotions before. Was this what Jacob sensed when he read my feelings? Knowing his emotions was helpful, but it made me miserable.

I’d caused this.

I looked toward the blackout curtains covering the windows, searching for some kind of switch to lower the shades. How had he closed them? Maybe I could ask him later since they were a mystery. Helplessness threatened to swallow me. If only I could make this right again.

Focus on what you can control.

My gaze lowered to Jacob. I drew in a deep breath before releasing it. His wolf pressed against my hand as I ran it over his back in soothing circles. The sensation freaked me out despite having felt it before. Maybe I’d watched too many movies where aliens popped out of someone’s skin, but I needed to bear it. The last thing I wanted was to chase Jacob away with any perceived reluctance to touch him.

I flicked my gaze to the waistband of his jeans, still open and hanging low on his hips from when he’d shown off his impressive bulge. We’d been heartbeats away from getting naughty, only for me to almost crush his skull.

“Baby, let me see your head.”

His knuckles were white from how hard he held the ice pack against his temple. Part of me pondered how sturdy it had to be not to burst open. My gaze drifted to his wrist, noticing the fading red marks where I’d grabbed him. Why would he want a mate who abused him like this? No one would.

He groaned, his shoulders stiffening, as if his body resisted the very idea of being vulnerable with me. “Give me a minute.” When he dragged his hand away, a bruised knot the size of a golf ball had already formed on his temple.

I jerked back like he’d slapped me. My hand covered my mouth to hold back the soft whine building in my throat. God. I couldn’t believe I’d caused that. Jacob always seemed impervious to violence. The mercenaries had beaten both of us when we’d fought back, but this… I’d done this.

My fingers trembled as I caressed his jawline. “I’m so sorry. Seriously. I?—”

“What did I tell you before?” He returned the ice pack to his temple, but his other hand dropped away from his face. His words took me aback.

I tried to think about everything he’d ever said to me, but my brain emptied itself of any pertinent information. “W-what? I don’t know?” I leaned back, tucking my legs beneath me, but he rolled onto his back, leveling his gaze at me. A shiver chased down my spine.

The eye next to his temple where I’d struck him wasn’t just bloodshot. It looked angry, laced with broken blood vessels. “Don’t apologize.”

My gaze slid back to the closed windows. “Uh, that’s not the same?—”

Before I could finish my sentence, a heavy force knocked me flat. Air rushed from my lungs as I blinked up at Jacob, his body pressing me into the mattress. My heart thudded against my chest.

Oh, wow… He was faster than I’d realized.

The ice pack lay discarded beside us as he stared into my eyes. A flicker of something—perhaps dizziness—crossed his face before he shook it off. “I don’t know who hurt you, but I’m not them.” His voice came through gritted teeth. “And I won’t leave you.”

If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was angry with me, but his freaky, bloodshot eyes showed care and concern. And his words… Tears slid from my eyes, and I balled my fists into the comforter. I sucked in a breath, scenting the musk of his cologne. What did I even say to that? “But why?”

A low, trickling growl rumbled in his chest. He looked ready to snap back with a reply, but then a muscle in his jaw twitched. His gaze flicked down to my lips for a heartbeat before he crushed his mouth to mine.

I stiffened for half a second, then everything in me broke apart. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I hooked a leg around his waist, holding him to me… desperate to keep him here forever. My tongue slid over his, then I nipped his lower lip.

His teeth grazed my tongue with a soft huff. He angled his head to deepen the kiss, exploring my mouth as if memorizing me with his. The scent emanating from him shifted from concern to arousal.

My body relaxed at the intoxicating aroma, and I tangled my fingers in his hair, remembering the possessive way he’d reacted when I tugged on it. But I didn’t trust myself not to hurt him again, especially with how awful his bruised temple and bloodshot eyes looked. It still stunned me that I did something so awful to him.

A soft rumble drew me back to the present, and I looked up to see him propped on his elbows, staring at me. “You smell like regret. And I need you to explain your messed-up question. Why would you say that?” His gaze hardened, even as his thumb brushed over my lower lip before caressing my cheek. “Talk to me.”

I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to think of the right words. “It’s… Um…” I couldn’t think with him this close, but he deserved answers. “People have hurt me. My parents… friends. It’s hard not to believe I’m the problem.” Meeting his hot gaze from inches away unsettled me, so I watched the muscle twitching in his cheek.

“That’s bullshit.” He tilted my chin up, forcing me to look into his wolf amber eyes. “You’re not the problem. They are… were. Every one of them.” His fingers tightened on my chin before he loosened his grip, as if concentrating on not hurting me.

My breath hitched. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised by his eye color, but it made sense with the tension coiled in his body. “You don’t know that. Maybe I’m not a great person.” I wanted to be angry and argue with him. It felt safer, but more tears welled in my eyes. “My parents weren’t out there hoping I’d come back from that research lab. Emma was the only one, and look at how I treated her. I pushed away a caring friend. It’s my fault. How can?—”

“You deserve so much better than what you’ve had in life. But I know you, baby. You’re better than you think.” He trailed his hand from my jaw to my hair, cradling my head and petting me with such tenderness that it almost broke me. “Should you have pushed Emma away?” He shrugged a broad shoulder. “Debatable. We’ve been through hell over the past month. It hasn’t been a good time for someone to butt into our lives. That includes Emma and the Pack. People might want to help, but they can do that when we’re ready for it. Emma’s feelings getting hurt because you said not now is a her problem, not a you problem.”

A soft whine built in my throat. I wanted to believe him, but it was so hard. Maybe he was right about this one issue, but all the others? He wasn’t there, and I wasn’t about to trauma dump my life’s history on him. My knuckles wanted to tighten in his hair, so I ran my hand down to bunch in his t-shirt instead. Tearing his shirt would be better than ripping out his blond hair. “But you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

He blinked at me, confusion darkening his amber eyes. “What does that mean? You gonna tell me you kick puppies for fun?” A smirk twisted the corner of his lips.

“What?!” My jaw dropped, and I tugged at his shirt. “N-no! I’d never.” I squirmed beneath him, trying to break free, but the movement pressed his thick erection against my hips, and I ground against his cock instinctively. Jerk. “Before you… I was a virgin.”

The bed jerked, and I froze.

When the world stopped spinning, Jacob was standing with his back against the curtained window. A swath of his shirt was still in my fist. “Wait. You what now?” He swayed on his feet like a feather could knock him over.

Oh no… Here it is. The moment Jacob kicked me out of his condo and his life. Why did I have to go there? Why did I need to tell him the truth? “I was a?—”

“Heard you. I…” The blood drained from his face, and he pressed a hand to his stomach. “Hold that thought.” Before I could respond, he darted toward the en suite bathroom. Not two seconds later, I heard retching.

“Jacob? Are you okay?” I rushed to the doorway just in time to see his torso heave as he puked. Oh, fuck. What had I done? I shouldn’t have rubbed my insecurities in his face. Did it even matter what my sexual status was before our first time? He hadn’t brought it up, so maybe I shouldn’t have either.

Watching him groan with his face in the toilet hurt my heart. Should I try to comfort him? Would he want me to? I didn’t know what to do. I opened a closet, relieved to find towels, and grabbed a washcloth for him. This all felt familiar, but with our roles reversed, and it unnerved me. Was this how Jacob felt last night?

Hush, brain. You’re not helping!

He lifted his head, eyeing me from his periphery. After a moment, he closed the lid and flushed. Instead of moving, he remained where he was, like he didn’t trust himself to leave that spot. “Why…” His voice sounded rough and crackly, and it took him a moment to clear it. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He took the wet washcloth I handed him. “It’s no wonder you resisted having sex while we were studying. I’m such an asshole.”

“I…” Leaning my hip against the bathroom counter, I chewed my lower lip, hating that he blamed himself. “Because I didn’t want you to be weirded out and view me as a conquest, then decide to leave.” It sounded stupid with what I knew about Jacob now. “I grew up with the whole ‘no sex before marriage’ spiel. I tried to follow that, or at least, I had a personal caveat of waiting for a long-term relationship after being estranged from my parents. You and me… We were, uh, neither.”

He looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “We’re mates. That’s long term, babe.” His hand braced the lid, and he pushed to his feet. His bicep flexed, as if he were pushing himself up carefully. “Werewolves don’t follow antiquated versions of right and wrong. You’re mine.” He stepped forward, but he wobbled on his feet.

“Baby!” I rushed forward and wrapped an arm around his waist, supporting his weight. “You’re not about to fall over on me, not with all this marble. Your noggin will be more scrambled than those eggs you cooked me this morning. Let’s get you back to bed.”

He wheezed out a laugh, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “No food talk. Geez…” When we stopped at his side of the bed, I helped him strip down to his boxers and get under the covers. “Come here. This conversation isn’t over yet.”

I sighed, wishing it had never started, but I sat beside him. My palm rubbed over his chest in slow, soothing strokes. “Do you need a doctor? Who should I call?”

“No, I’ll be fine. I just need some rest, and don’t change the subject.” His gaze slid over me, and he placed a warm hand on mine. “I will never leave you. No matter what happens.”

I wrinkled my nose, not liking how easily he saw through me. “Okay.” All I could do was try to believe him. After all, he’d risked his life to save mine, going into that research facility even after I’d rejected his advances. We’d been friends and study partners, nothing more, even though I’d had a big crush on him. Who wouldn’t with how sexy he was? “I trust you.”

“Also, if you think the fact you’re… that you were … a virgin makes me want you less… Well, babe, you don’t know me at all.” His lips quirked in that sly way. “It makes me that much crazier knowing no one else has touched you. I’m the only one who gets to give you soul-searing pleasure.”

Huh. This manly gloating wasn’t what I’d expected from him, but it kinda turned me on. Maybe I had underestimated my handsome wolf. I pressed my face against his chest, hiding my smile. “Guess I know that now.” All the stress I’d felt melted away as we curled up together.