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Raven

A ll night, I toss and turn.

I’ve been fighting tears since that woman appeared on the field, hugging her body so close to his, smiling up at that reporter and acting like he belonged to her.

Which is wrong and fucked-up, and goes against everything I’ve told him since the day we moved here.

We’d been having so much fun. Heather was sweet, and Haddy had a blast, squealing and waving. She played with Heather’s daughter Shelby, who she seemed to remember from the nursery. Everyone was talking and screaming and laughing.

Hendrix was electric on the field. Watching him break through the line, run the ball again and again, scoring, celebrating with his teammates. Every time he’d look up and wave or point at me, my insides would vibrate with pride.

I did my best to deflect to Haddy, bouncing her on my hip and making her wave. I’d tell her to look at Daddy on the field, but she was more interested in playing with the other children .

Not me. I couldn’t take my eyes off his elegant moves, his complete control.

I understand why everyone is in love with him. He’s a healthy, red-blooded, hot-as-fuck professional athlete, and watching him play, I was practically drooling for four hours.

Then she appeared, the wake-up call I needed.

Turning hard in my bed, I’m hot and cold, and my head is starting to hurt. Haddy cries from across the hall, and I go to her, doing my best to sing and rub her back and try to get her back to sleep before creeping into my own bed again.

Only, I’m not doing much better. My neck is sweaty, and my stomach cramps. Haddy cries again, and I’m too sad and exhausted. I pick her up and carry her to my bed.

Still, she squirms and struggles. At one point, I look over, and she’s on all fours with her little face on her hands, rocking back and forth. It makes me wonder if somehow she’s picking up on my emotional turmoil.

Another hour passes. My head hurts worse, and my stomach is empty. I tuck several long pillows around the baby and go to the kitchen to search for a snack.

Picking up my phone, I intend to search for foods to help you sleep. Instead, I see a text from Dylan.

Dylan

Please say my brother is not seeing Mikayla again. She’s the worst!!! And I’d kind of hoped the two of you might… you know… (winking emoji) What’s going on? I miss you all!!!

Exhaling a sigh, I take a banana from the basket on the table. I don’t really like bananas, but I read somewhere they help you sleep. Bananas and cherries, right?

Going to the refrigerator, I dig around until I find the plastic bin of cherries on the back shelf and take them out as well.

Then I stare at Dylan’s text and want to cry. Then I mentally scold myself for getting too attached. I asked Hendrix for a favor, and he very generously agreed .

I promised I wouldn’t ask more of him. Then I masturbated in front of him while he was naked in the shower. Then I kissed him in the pantry.

My head pounds, and I feel… really bad.

Opening the plastic container, I take out a cherry and slip it into my mouth. Instead of a splash of sweet-tart flavor, it tastes like dirt. Not like it’s rotten, more like it’s old. Tilting the package to the side, I see it’s not past the due date.

I peel the banana and take a small bite. It doesn’t taste right either. Returning to the fridge, I put them all inside. I don’t like to waste food, and perhaps I can use it for a smoothie or something tomorrow.

Lifting my phone, I see it’s almost 4 a.m., and I stagger to my bedroom.

I crawl into the bed and put my hand on Haddy’s back. She’s so warm, but she seems to be sleeping at last.

Lying in the dark, I look at Dylan’s text on my phone. I think about texting her back. It’s almost six in Newhope, and I miss them so much. I miss Mimi and Dylan and all my friends.

Scooting closer, I put my face at the top of Haddy’s head and inhale her sweet baby scent, letting her gentle perfume comfort me. I deny the tears heating my eyes. I’m exhausted, that’s all.

I’m not lonely. My heart isn’t broken. Good lord, where is that coming from?

Still I ache, and I’ll never fall asleep.

At some point, I must’ve, because Haddy’s crying wakes me. Morning light filters through the blinds, and I’m covered in something wet and stinky.

Stinky is the wrong word. I’m covered in something foul .

“Ugh…” I sit up slowly, looking down to see I’m covered in baby vomit. “Oh, Haddy…”

She hiccup-cries, and I lift her into my arms. First stop is the bathroom. I switch on the water in the large, garden tub, then I go across the hall to her room, searching for a clean pacifier.

Her crying is weak and sad, and when I give her the pacifier, she closes her eyes, scrubbing her head against my arm like she’s searching for comfort. She’s hot, and I’m sure she’s running a fever.

“My poor baby.” I cuddle her, grabbing a fresh diaper and a clean onesie.

My head hurts worse, and I really need to find baby Tylenol. Placing Haddy on the soft carpet, I go to the bathroom for a towel, but as soon as I enter the room, my throat tightens.

My mouth goes dry, and I race to the toilet, stumbling on the rug as I hit my knees. I slam the lid open and vomit hard into the bowl. I heave and retch, and my elbow bends as tears flood my eyes.

“Oh, no…” I pull the handle to flush it away and crawl to the sink to rinse my mouth.

Haddy’s crying in the other room, and I fish around in the drawer for a scrunchie to tie my hair back.

Using the counter to help myself stand, I take a clean washcloth and hold it under the cold water. I only feel a little better when I hear his voice.

“Hey, what’s happening?” Hendrix is coming up the hall. “What’s wrong with Haddy… Oh, whoa!” He skids to a stop at the bathroom door, bending forward and holding his mouth. “What’s that smell?”

“Vomit.” My voice is hoarse from my own barfing session.

“You don’t look good.” He holds up a hand, taking a step back.

“I need Advil. We should have baby Tylenol…” I start to gag, my chin jutting forward, and I spin around to the toilet.

I make it just in time, but nothing comes out as I heave.

My shoulders shudder, and tears stream down my cheeks. Resting my hot head on my arm, I whisper, “Help.”

Hendrix places Haddy on the rug and shuts off the water in the nearly full tub. Haddy cries, then she leans forward onto her baby arms and barfs on the rug .

“Oh, shit.” Hendrix gulps, his body lurching forward like he’s about to vomit. “I don’t have the balm…”

“You’re kidding me?” I wail, looking up at him.

He pulls his shirt over his nose, holding up a finger. “I’ll get help!”

“Hendrix,” I cry as he races out of the room.

Haddy is still leaning forward, crying in her stinky barf, and I go to her, picking her up and removing her clothes and diaper.

“My poor baby.” I remove my dirty clothes as well, dragging myself to the garden tub and lowering us into the warm water.

I’m weak and shivering, but the water helps. Using my hands, I scoop fresh water over Haddy’s chin and face, doing my best to clean her. Then I do the same for myself.

Reaching for a clean washcloth, I hold it under the cold water and give it to her to chew, wondering where the hell Hendrix went.

I’m so tired and my head is pounding. I have no idea how much time passes. The water starts to cool, and we have to get out before we catch a chill. It’s just so hard.

Haddy’s tub seat is nearby, so I strap her in while I dry myself and wrap my body in the thick bathrobe from my closet. Then I take her out, wrapping her in an equally thick towel.

The fresh diaper I got earlier is around her waist, and I limp into the bedroom only to be hit by the scent of baby vomit.

It smells like rancid milk, and I start to gag again. A knock on the door helps me grasp control.

“Come in?” My voice is weak, and I expect it to be Hendrix.

Instead, a tall woman with kind brown eyes and rose-colored scrubs enters the room. “Are you Raven?” Her brown hair is back in a ponytail, and she crosses the room quickly. “Here, let me help you. Sit.”

“Who are you?” I allow her to lead me to the large chair near the window away from the bed and all the smells of sickness.

“Raven, this is Sally McKenzie,” Hendrix calls from the crack in the door. “She’s one of the team nurses. I called her to come and help us.”

“Sally?” I look up at the woman sliding an infrared thermometer across Haddy’s head, then mine.

“You both have fever.” Her lips tighten, and she shakes her head, going to the door where a canvas messenger bag is sitting. “We’ll start with the baby.”

My eyes are heavy, and I watch as she gives Haddy a dose of liquid ibuprofen. She then takes out a red bottle and a white bottle.

“Liquid or pill?” She holds them out to me, and I shake my head. “Whichever works fastest.”

We’re both dosed, and she holds out a hand. “Stay right there.”

I couldn’t move if I wanted to. Holding Haddy takes all the strength I possess, and I watch as she quickly strips the bed all the way to the mattress.

My eyes are heavy, but she moves fast. In no time, she has the bed remade with all our soiled linens in a pile on the floor. Haddy is asleep in my arms when I look down, and the hammer in my head has at least stopped pounding.

“Can you stand?” Sally’s hand is on my back, and her voice is so soothing.

I hold her arm, and she helps me, wrapping her other arm around Haddy. We walk to the freshly made bed, and she guides me to a sitting position.

“Her crib is clean if you’d like me to put her in it?” Shaking my head, I look over my freshly made, king-sized bed.

“I’ll just keep her here with me if that’s okay?”

“It’s perfectly fine. I’ll be here.” She helps me get settled under the covers with Haddy on my chest sucking her pacifier and clutching the washcloth I gave her. “I’ll bring a bottle of pedialyte for her—and for you?”

Nodding, my eyes are heavy, and I’m sure I won’t be awake much longer. She picks up a plastic trash bag of what I assume are all our dirty clothes and linens, then she goes to the door.

Hendrix is in the hall, peering through the crack over her head. “I’m out here if you need anything,” he calls. “Just tell Sally, and I’ll get it for you.”

My bottom lip puckers, but exhaustion is taking over. I don’t understand why he’s out in the hall, but I’m too exhausted to question it.

Closing my eyes, I succumb to sleep.

Everything that comes next seems to happen in a dream. I hear Haddy being sick, and when I try to sit up, gentle hands guide me down again. We take more Advil or Tylenol—Sally says it’s okay to alternate to keep our fever down.

Thankfully, I don’t vomit again. I do my best to sleep, and as time passes it gets easier. Haddy’s body relaxes, and she seems to sleep as well. The storm finally passes, and we drift into calm waters.

When I open my eyes again, I have no idea what day it is. Haddy is beside me holding a freshly cleaned Axel and chanting da-da-da . A large vase of bright pink flowers is on my bedside table, and golden sunshine filters through the blinds.

I slide my hand over Haddy’s little body, and she’s cool.

“How are you feeling?” Sally’s soft voice greets me as she slides the thermometer over both our heads.

“Like I’ve been hit with a sledgehammer.”

“You’re dehydrated.” The device beeps, and she looks at it. “The good news is your temperature is normal. It seems to be a fast-moving bug. Try to drink some more.”

I take the cup from her hand, taking a pull of clear liquid from the straw. “What happened?”

“Oh, you know—24-hour virus. All the kids from the preschool have it or just got over it.” She holds up a near-empty bottle. “Haddy’s keeping the Pedialyte down. I’m giving her a few more hours, and if she acts hungry, I’ll see if she can eat some cereal. You can decide when you’re hungry, but for now, hydrate.”

With an exhale, I shift in the bed, taking the cup she’s holding for me and giving it a little sip. “Who sent these?” I point to the oversized bouquet of flowers.

“Hendrix.” She leans closer, raising an eyebrow. “He’s been sitting outside your door around the clock. He hasn’t left since I got here.”

Chewing my lip, I pick up my phone and send him a quick text.

Sally said you’re outside my door.

Hendrix

How are you feeling?

Exhausted, but no more fever—and hopefully no more vomit.

Hendrix

I’m sorry I couldn’t help with that

Are you sick?

Hendrix

No—I seem to have dodged that bullet, which is good. I’ve got to play this weekend. The team needs me.

We need you … I don’t text that. I’ve taken care of Haddy all by myself, and heck, with Sally here, we’re being waited on hand and foot.

What happened to all our soiled clothes and sheets?

Hendrix

I sent them out to be laundered. Don’t worry, I warned them it was a biohazard.

Thanks

Hendrix

I’m sorry I’m not in there helping.

It’s for the team…

Hendrix

But I promised to take care of you when you’re sick.

Frowning, I study my phone trying to remember.

When?

Hendrix

Right before we said “I do.”

My chest squeezes… and the only reason my heart is melting is because I’m fatigued from the illness. Not because I’m falling in love. I’m not.

It wasn’t a real promise.

Hendrix

I made a vow. I should be in there holding your hair back when you barf instead of hiring a nurse to do it

I used a scrunchie… and I don’t really want you to see me barf. Sally’s helping out a lot—I’ve never had a private nurse.

Hendrix

It’s not the same. I’m sorry I let you down.

You didn’t.

Hendrix

I’m right here if you need anything.

Will you come running in?

Hendrix

I almost did, twice.

Settling back in the pillows, I study the phone, trying to figure out what to do with these emotions turning in my chest. We’re really good together, but our dreams and goals are so far apart. How do we get them closer?

My head hurts, and I exhale a quiet growl.

Sally steps forward and takes my temperature again. “Your temperature is still normal, which is good. Does something hurt?”

My heart? I shift in the bed. “I have a headache. ”

“Try taking a few more sips. I have liquid acetaminophen if it’s too painful.”

“I think I’m good for now.” I force a little smile and dutifully sip the electrolyte drink she made for me. “Thanks, Sally.”

“I’m happy to help.” She gives me a wink, calling over her shoulder as she walks to the bathroom. “I’m also being paid time and a half.”

“You’re worth every cent.” I exhale softly.

Haddy kicks her foot, reaching over her head and making baby noises. At least she seems to be all better. Scooting down in the bed beside her, I trace my finger along her chubby arm.

“What is Mama going to do, Hads?” I whisper. “I’m supposed to be securing our future, not falling in love with Dada.”

My phone lights up again, and I see a text from Heather on the face. We traded phone numbers at the game.

Heather

Are you okay??? Hendrix told Rusty you got it, too

We’re better, but it was a hard couple days.

Heather

I’m so sorry my rugrats got you and Haddy sick. They were both barfing everywhere. Rusty took Shelby and I tried to nurse Tuck all night. He had it the worst.

It’s not your fault—they put everything in their mouths at this age.

Heather

Rusty’s worried he’s going to get it. Coach told him to stay home to be sure, but he’s worried about missing the game. He thinks they can’t win without him

These guys.

I glance at the door, wondering how much Hendrix missed by staying outside our door.

Heather

Keep me posted. Sending healing vibes

I heart her message and shift on the pillows. I run the back of my finger over Haddy’s little cheek, and her mouth opens to the side like a baby bird. Sally’s on it.

“Hunger is a great sign.” She walks over and takes her temperature again. “Still no fever. I’ll take her and see if she’ll eat some cereal. You try and rest a little longer, get that headache under control.”

I nod, taking another sip of my drink. “Thank you.”

Hendrix might feel bad not being at my side, but I’ve never had a Sally helping me this way. It’s pretty great.

Turning onto my side, I close my eyes hoping I might sleep, and when I open them again, my phone face is covered with texts. It’s also eight o’clock.

My head doesn’t hurt anymore, but my sleepshirt sticks to my body. My hair is gross, and I really need a shower. Turning slowly, I put my feet on the floor. I’m a little weak, but I’m well.

I quickly wash my body and hair using the body wash I stole from Hendrix’s bathroom. I dry myself and braid my damp hair, grab a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved T-shirt, then I stop to read all the texts from the girls.

Dylan

Way to ghost, Rave!!! What the heck???

I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to ghost—Haddy and I got sick but we’re better now

Dylan

Oh no!!! And I know my silly brother—he’s a sympathetic barfer Are you okay???

My lips twist with a smile, and I want to tell her not to worry. She has no idea how okay I am. Instead, another text appears in the chat.

Allie

Rave!!! How’s the city of angels? I’m so jealous. I’ve never been to LA. Are you staying? What’s this about being sick?

Dylan

Nooooo!!!!!! Don’t even say that! You have to come home

Rachel

You’re definitely coming back for my wedding! It’s Bradford Wedding 2.0, and you’re walking down the aisle with Hendrix again. Maybe we’ll get more babies!

Raven

Not from me—it’s you and Allie’s turn

Allie

I think seventeen years is too much of a spread.

Liv

And Dylan! Don’t forget Pepper Spice. Logan’s been saying he’s ready for a little wide receiver.

Dylan

My babies are not playing football. They can play golf.

Allie

Good luck convincing your husband

Dylan

I miss my baby Haddy so much. Send me pictures—no, I want video!

I actually have something. Hang on…

I quickly track down the video Sherri sent us from the nursery of Haddy laughing and squealing at that squeaky toy and send it. All four friends reply with awws and heart-eyes emojis. I could watch that video all day.

Dylan

She loves that toy so much! Listen to her laugh!!!

Hendrix has been scouring eBay trying to find that old toy. He can’t get over how happy it makes her.

Liv

She is one happy baby—are you okay? You’ve been sick?

We’re better now—no worries! I got a job at one of the TV stations. It’s just an internship, but I’m learning a lot! I went to my very first football game… again, learning a lot!

Rachel

Haddy was so cute in her little jersey—you too!

I was lucky to get them before they all sold out. Your brother is very popular out here.

Dylan

I’m glad to hear you’re having fun, but don’t get too attached. I want you all back home.

My chest squeezes. My spirits are so lifted by their happy words and upbeat energy. I glance in the direction of the kitchen, wondering how Hendrix would feel about moving to Newhope. I’m pretty sure I already know.

I’d better run—I’ll do a better job keeping in touch. Love y’all!!!

Dylan

Miss you, Stormy Spice!

We all sign off with hugs and kisses and our Spice Girl emojis, a pepper for Dylan, a cherry for Liv, books for Allie, grapes for Rachel, a thunder cloud for me. My lips twist, and I wonder if I need a new emoji. I should have a police car for all the traffic I’m reporting.

Wandering into the kitchen, I hear Haddy squealing and saying Dada , little traitor. A laugh huffs through my nose, and I can tell I’m better.

“There she is!” Hendrix’s voice is bright, and he bounces Haddy on his knee.

“Thank you for the flowers.” I pat my hand on his shoulder as I pass.

“The lady at the flower shop said they symbolize ‘get well.’”

“I had no idea there was a specific flower for that.” I take another electrolyte beverage from the refrigerator. “They’re very happy.”

“Do you feel like eating? Want to watch a movie? ”

My phone lights up, and I look down to see a text from Star.

Star

Sorry you’re sick—stay home until you’re sure you’re well. We’ve got you covered.

Turning the phone, I let Hendrix read it.

“It’s probably a good idea. Get your strength back.”

Pressing my lips together, I nod, quickly sending a reply.

I should be fine by Thursday. Sure you’re okay?

Star

We’re good—seventy degrees and sunny

I send back a thumbs-up and put my phone on the table, watching as he stands, moving Haddy to his arm. “I put off a check-in with the med staff, and I’ll have to train a while tomorrow.”

“Are you hurt?” I completely forgot about the game, and he took more than one rough tackle.

“Nah, it’s just routine, but I’ll try to duck out early. I’ll say you’re still recovering.” He gives me a wink, and all his hovering steals another little piece of my heart.

“I haven’t even seen your whole house yet.”

“Rest up, and I’ll give you the tour.”

He carries Haddy from the room, and I sit back watching his tight end go.