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12

Raven

“ Y ou’re married?” My dad’s voice booms through my phone.

Before the ink was dry on the marriage certificate, I paid the clerk to have certified copies mailed to my father and the trustee of my mother’s estate.

“It’s what you kept saying you wanted the whole time I was pregnant.” I lower my voice to a pretend grumble, repeating his words to him. “‘Where is this young man,’ and ‘Back in my day, men did the right thing.’ Well, we did it.”

“A thousand miles away,” he grouses.

“Two thousand, to be precise.”

“Exactly—and with no family there.”

“Haddy was there.”

“You know what I mean, Raven Lorrain.” He’s still scolding. “You ran away and got married like it was something shameful.”

“I was under the impression it was.” Again, not arguing, simply clarifying the facts.

“I am not ashamed of my family.” Now he’s indignant.

“Right,” I concede.

Being ashamed and trying to control me was my mother’s role, all the way to the end—and even after the end.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered being pregnant still didn’t unlock my trust fund. Nope, only a husband would do that, which is when I came up with the idea of this marriage.

Hendrix is married to football, but I had a feeling he’d be willing to help me if it didn’t interfere with his plans.

He was right. Being in LA, we have a lot more control over the flow of information—at least when it comes to our families.

We quickly learned the paparazzi were stalking him everywhere when we tried to go for cake after our ceremony. Or should I say I learned. He’s been warning me since I arrived.

We hadn’t even taken the first bite of strawberry confetti cake when he heard the sound of a click. I didn’t know what to think when he pulled his blazer over his head and ordered me to grab Haddy and run to the waiting SUV.

After that, we haven’t left the house together. We’re even keeping the curtains drawn, and he ordered me to wear a black hoodie and shades when I go outside.

He says we’re perfectly safe, and it’ll blow over as soon as some other celebrity does something crazy, which could be any minute. I’ve decided just to stay indoors.

All of this is so new and strange to me.

“I’m sorry you weren’t here, Dad.” My tone gentles. “But it was better this way.”

“How was it better?”

Exhaling a sigh, I think of all the reasons, and their last names all start with the letter B .

“You just have to trust me. People elope all the time. No one will think anything negative about it. Tell them we’re a couple of crazy kids.”

“One of whom I know nothing about.” We’ve made it to Pouty Dad, which means he’s almost done sulking. “It was very selfish. I’ll never have the chance to walk you down the aisle again.” My throat tightens at that complaint, but I don’t argue. “And what about Amelia? She would’ve been your maid of honor.”

“Mimi will understand.” She’s one of three people who know about Operation Make Raven a Millionaire. “She’s got enough on her plate without having to worry about a big wedding.”

“I’d like to see pictures.” Now he’s coming around. “I’d like to meet this young man, my son-in-law. The father of my only grandchild.”

“You will one day, but I told you, he’s a professional football player. He started his training camp last week, so he’s gone every day. Then the season begins. We’ll have to try and do something in December.”

In three months …

“What will you do the whole time you’re there, alone with a baby while he’s playing games?”

He makes it sound so awful, I can’t stop an eye-roll.

“We’re actually looking into getting me a job at one of the local TV stations here. Hendrix has lots of media connections.”

“What about Hayden?”

My lips twist, and I chew the bottom one. It’s a good question we haven’t discussed yet. I don’t know anything about this new city, and I can’t imagine Hendrix has been keeping up with childcare options in Los Angeles.

“She’ll have a nanny, of course.” When in doubt, make it up! “The team has a service.”

It seems like I read something about football programs providing child care for the players.

“Will you get to interview this person, or will it be whoever those addle-headed people see fit?”

“They’re not addle-headed, and of course, I’ll get to interview the person.”

“Just make sure they place an emphasis on safety. From what I’ve observed of that organization, they don’t seem to take injuries very seriously.”

“Dad!” My voice rises, and I exhale a laugh. “They’re not going to let the babies get injured.”

In my fantasy, the football-sponsored nanny I made up is a fastidious German woman with very strict rules and a no-nonsense approach. I have no idea why I imagine her wearing one of those navy capes and hats like in The Sound of Music .

“I’m sorry, I worry about you. I only want you to have the best.” The concern in his voice melts my annoyance.

I smile, tilting my head to the side. “Don’t worry, Dad. I’m really fine. Better than fine.”

“But are you happy?”

“Yeah,” I nod, realizing as I say the words, they’re true. “I am.”

I’m hopeful . For the first time in eighteen months, I’m not terrified it’s all over for me. I feel like I have a shot at achieving my dream again, unlike when I was alone with Haddy.

“That’s all that matters to me.” My father’s voice is calm.

Our conversation ends, and I walk through the house, back to the room where I put Haddy down for a nap. Standing outside the door, I listen to her happy squeals and coos before opening it.

She always has been an easy baby, even if my body seemed hell-bent on killing me my entire pregnancy. The nurses would say she was going to have red hair. Then they’d say she’d be covered in hair.

Come to find out, neither of those things was true. Her skin is smooth and nearly hairless like mine. She has brown hair like mine and her daddy’s, and his ocean blue eyes.

Dylan sent me a file of baby pictures from when Hendrix was little, and it’s pretty amazing how much she looks like him.

As soon as she sees me, she’s on her feet, holding onto the side of her crib and bending her knees to bounce.

“Da da da!” she cries happily, smiling and pointing .

“Ma-ma,” I say to her, doing my best to demonstrate the M by pressing my lips together and humming. “Ma… ma.”

“Da da!” Her little voice goes high, her eyes bright like we’re playing a game.

Exhaling, I shake my head, lifting her out of the crib and carrying her to the changing table.

“I can’t believe you.” My voice is playful, and I’m smiling despite my words. “After all that morning sickness, you take his side?”

I shake my face close to hers, and she laughs, switching to blowing raspberries through her lips while I change her diaper.

Dry diaper on, I snap her onesie and lift her off the table. She settles onto my hip as I walk to the kitchen. “This house is so big, I’ll get all my steps just walking back and forth to our rooms.”

My phone goes off, and I lift it to see my sister calling on FaceTime.

I hit the answer button, and Haddy squeals when she sees her aunt.

“Hadeee!” Amelia coos. “How is my favoritest baby niece today?”

“Da da da!” Haddy bounces on my hip, shaking her hand in reply.

“Whoa. Did she just say Dada ?” Mimi’s brow furrows.

“Yes,” I groan, dropping my head back. “In the middle of our wedding ceremony she starts saying Dada .”

“Haddy, you little traitor!” My sister’s voice is a high-pitched tease. “That’s right! That’s what you are! You’re just a squishy-poo little traitor.”

Haddy squeals and makes more attempts at speech. I put her on her feet in front of the coffee table between my legs and sit on the couch, holding my phone so Amelia can see both of us.

“How does Hendrix feel about all this Dada talk?” My sister’s tone is sly. “He’s not running for the hills yet, is he?”

“We actually live in the hills, so it would be a short run.”

“You know what I mean. How’s it going with you three? ”

Pressing my lips to the side, I nod. “Really good, actually. Surprisingly good.”

“Surprisingly?”

“Yeah…” I think about everything that’s happened since we got here. “He’s very sweet. He’s very invested in Haddy. He helps me bathe her, and he even tries to help feed her. He does not change diapers.”

“Do any men change diapers?”

“They should!” Now I’m cross. “Where is it written that only women change diapers?”

“I’m just saying they’re wimps.”

My mind trips back to Hendrix running into the living room wearing a snorkel mask, and I snort a laugh. “It’s true.”

“What?” A smile is in my sister’s voice. “Why are you laughing?”

“It’s nothing…”

“Tell me,” she cries, and Haddy squeals, reaching for the phone.

I hold it down so she can see her Aunt. Ameila helped me so much with her over the last six months, I imagine Haddy misses her, too.

“Make her tell me, Haddy-boo!”

“Don’t say anything because I kind-of promised I wouldn’t rat him out.” Actually, as I think about it, we never finished that conversation. “Hendrix tried to help me change a poopy diaper, and he almost barfed everywhere.”

“Noooo!” she laugh-cries.

“Then he ran out and came back wearing a snorkel mask…” I hiccup, starting to laugh, too. “Haddy almost had a fit. She screamed so loud.”

“He probably scared her to death!”

“Oh, my gosh, he totally did.” I lean back, placing my hand on my stomach. “It took dinner and a bath to calm her down… And she still said Dada first. Didn’t you?” I bend to the side, kissing the side of her chubby cheek. “Didn’t you? ”

My baby only pats the couch cushion and coos. She’s so close to saying more words.

“Ahh, that’s so funny. I can only imagine a big hunky footballer in a snorkel mask.” Another soft giggle, and we fall quiet for a beat. “I miss you two. I’ve almost finished the backup Axel. I’ll drop it in the mail with a care package next week.”

“Okay!” That makes me smile. “I’ll send you pictures from the wedding. The old-lady secretary took a few on a camera that looked like it was from the Stone Age.”

“I hate that I missed it.” Her eyes narrow. “How was the honeymoon? Is he still as good as the first time?”

She waggles her eyebrows, and my ears heat. I wish I hadn’t told her how good he was in bed when I got home after Dylan’s wedding. To be fair, I was still reeling—and still feeling every place he’d touched, bitten, kissed, or spanked me. I’d never had so many orgasms.

Shaking my head, I clear my throat. “We’re not doing that.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re not sleeping together.”

“What!” Her shriek is so loud, it makes Haddy fuss.

“It’s okay, baby!” I lean forward, rubbing my nose against hers. “Don’t mind Aunt Mimi. Way to scare the baby, Mim.”

“Why the hell not? You’re married now!”

“It’s not a real marriage. We’re only doing this…” Lowering my voice, I study the room behind her. “Where are you?”

“I’m taking a walk. It’s safe.”

Still, lowering my voice, I talk through tight lips. “You know why we’re doing this.”

“What does that matter? You can still have fun.”

“No, we can’t.”

“Ohh…” She’s instantly compassionate. “Does he not want to?”

My eyes drift to the ceiling, and I tilt my head to the side. “Um… I think he’d probably be up for anything.”

“Then do itttt !” She cries again. “Have you seen how hot your husband is? I googled him when you got home, and let me tell you… I got a little hot around the collar.”

“Don’t be lusting after your brother-in-law—that’s just ew !”

“I’m stating the facts, ma’am. The man is a work of art.”

Twisting my lips, I nod in resignation. “He is pretty to look at.”

“So go crazy, nail his ass! You’ve got three months to bone til the cows come home.”

Haddy laughs, bending her knees and bouncing, and I shake my head, thinking we need two swear jars. One here and one in Atlanta.

“I’m not sleeping with him.” She starts to protest, but I press on. “If we start doing that, I’ll get attached, and it’ll only make it harder to say goodbye when it’s time to go.”

It already pinches my stomach to think of that day, and we’re barely getting started.

Her shoulders lift, and she shakes her head. “Who says you have to go?”

“I say.” Now it’s my turn to be stern. “Our agreement is for three months, then I’m going back to Atlanta to collect my trust and launch my career.”

“Why can’t you launch your career in Los Angeles?”

“It’s not what we agreed to do.”

“So change the agreement!”

“I’m not doing that.” My throat burns, and I shake my head. “Hendrix agreed to this to help me, and I won’t take advantage of his generosity.”

“Who says you would be?”

“He told me very plainly he’s not interested in settling down or even having a serious relationship. He’s focused on his career. He loves football. He’s building a legacy, and I’m not going to get all clingy and make him sorry he helped me.” Heat is in my chest. “That’s not who I am.”

“Okay.” My sister’s lips pull into a frown, and she exhales heavily. “What a waste. ”

“Anyway, I’m focused on my career, too,” I push back. “I have goals and dreams, and that means sometimes you have to make sacrifices.”

“So you’re going to sacrifice your libido just so you don’t get attached to the father of your child?”

“Yes.” My answer is firm.

“I give it two weeks before you’re boning til the cows come home.”

I’m about to argue when I hear a noise in the kitchen.

“Honey, I’m home!” Hendrix teasingly calls to me, and my neck heats.

“Da da da!” Haddy squeals, bending her knees and dropping to the carpet in an effort to crawl to him.

“Where’s my little nugget?” Hendrix breezes into the room, in full view of the phone.

Mimi’s eyes widen, and she smiles like she already won. “Make that one week.”

“Later, gator.” I press the button as she says crocodile , and my phone screen goes black.

Hendrix scoops up our baby, and she pats his face, repeating her new word. “That’s right, Dada’s home.”

She continues making noises like she’s actually trying to talk to him, and I cross my arms, pretending to pout. It’s impossible when he leans forward to kiss her neck, and our daughter lets out a belly laugh.

Hendrix’s eyes are shining when they meet mine, and I swallow my swoon. My sister is right. My husband is truly a work of art, all six-foot-two, toned muscles of him.

The ends of his brown hair are damp, like he showered before coming home. His jaw is square with a hint of scruff, and he’s wearing a blue T-shirt that stretches across his muscled chest. The short sleeves stretch around his biceps, and his jeans hug his tight ass. Such a nice tight end.

Inhaling warm, woodsy vanilla, I exhale a sigh. It really is unfair how perfect he is, and I’ve taken a vow of chastity .

“You know on the West Coast, hurricanes are called cyclones?” I find meteorological facts highly effective at killing lust.

Almost as effective as a bucket of cold water.

Full lips part over a straight, white smile. “I think I knew that one.” He nods at my phone. “Who was that?”

“My sister called to see Haddy—and to see how things are going.” I reach up to rub her little back. “I also talked to my dad.”

His dark brows rise. “What’d he say?”

“Oh, you know. He was pouty at first. Then he came around the more we talked. He said he’d liked to have been here, but… you know.”

His jaw tightens, and he nods. “I can understand that. It’s a big step, and he’s your dad.”

I can’t resist teasing him. “Feeling empathetic?”

“Empathetic?” He’s briefly confused, then he quickly relaxes, kissing our daughter’s little head. “Oh, no. Haddy’s never getting married. She’s never even going near a boy. And if I ever see a stinky little boy coming around here…”

He bounces her every time he says it, and she leans forward, cupping his face in both her hands.

Pressing my hand against my chest, I try to deny the swell in my heart. I think about what I said to Amelia. It might already be too late. The sweeter he is to our daughter, the more he falls in love with her, the harder it is for me to stay detached.

“You know, you haven’t stopped holding her since we left Newhope. Not even at bedtime.”

We’ve taken to falling asleep every night in the home theater to some bedtime-friendly movie. Every morning I wake up to find Haddy in her crib and Hendrix asleep in the bed in her room or in the kitchen making coffee.

“It’s a big transition coming here, especially for a little baby. I’m her dada. It’s my job to look out for her.”

“You’re spoiling her rotten.”

“Impossible.” He rubs her back, and she rests her head on his shoulder. “Haddy’s too sweet to spoil. ”

My chest squeezes, and it’s not just the way he treats our baby. Hendrix projects the image of a player, but he still tried to make our justice-of-the-peace wedding special.

It was so sterile and impersonal, and as kind as the old people helping us were, my sister wasn’t there, my dad wasn’t there.

I was a little on the brink of tears, which was completely out of character, when Hendrix reached out and took my hand.

He saved the day.

“What happens when you have to be out of town?”

“I expect you to step up, Mamma. Don’t let my baby cry.”

I laugh, walking into the kitchen. It’s dinner time, and I need to mix up her cereal. “She was always a good sleeper. Now, I’m not so sure.”

“She’s a champion sleeper. I put her in her crib, and she never stirs all night.”

Exhaling a nod, I can’t argue. “I guess she was sleeping in my room before I came here.”

I take out the envelope of organic baby cereal. Hendrix ordered all kinds of organic, non-toxic, biodynamic, who knows what else baby food from a store called Erewhon.

He follows me into the kitchen, putting Haddy in the new baby chair we got for mealtime. “You never told me what you were doing before you came here. Did you get a job at a TV station? Were you at least gaining on Jim Cantore?”

“No.” I exhale a laugh. “I got a job at a teeny-tiny station in Pierre Point, Louisiana.”

“Where the fuck is that?” I cut my eyes at him, and he quickly edits himself. “Where the fonk is that?’

“South of Baton Rouge, north of New Orleans, near French Settlement and Port Vincent. I loved it. Best people in the world.”

“What happened?”

“This little girl happened. I found out I was pregnant, and all hell broke loose. My morning sickness was so bad…” I remember not being able to get out of bed except to vomit. “I didn’t even know it could be that bad. ”

“Dang.”

“Tell me about it.” Taking the warm cereal out of the microwave, I stir it with a plastic baby spoon.

Haddy watches me all ready to eat, and I squint my nose with a smile. “I was sad to leave them, but I wouldn’t trade anything for my Haddy.”

“My sister Dylan dreamed of dancing with the American Ballet Company in New York. She worked so hard all through high school. Craig was her dance partner, and they were really, really good.”

“She told me a little about that.” I think about his feisty little sister, my friend. “Then she broke her foot?”

He nods. “My brother Zane fell on her when we were playing a family football game. He never forgave himself for it, but he’s like that.”

“What’s he like?” I think about his second-oldest brother, the tall, dark, and quiet one.

I want to know all about his family. They’re Haddy’s family now, too, and from what I’ve observed, they’re big and warm and rowdy. I can’t deny the knot in my throat wishing I was…

Not going there.

“Let’s see,” Hendrix sits beside me as I feed the baby. “Zane was our mom’s favorite until Dylan came along.”

“Your mom did not have favorites.”

“She said he was like her dad. He likes to read and take walks by himself. He’s probably seen all these movies you make me watch. He’ll be a great dad right out the gate.”

“You’re being pretty great right out the gate.” I don’t know why I feel protective of him.

“You think?”

“I do.” I give him an encouraging smile.

Haddy’s a good baby bird. I hold out the spoon, and her little mouth pops open.

“I don’t know how great of a girl dad I’ll be.”

“Girls just want a dad who’ll listen to them. They want someone who loves them and who’ll stand beside them against the bullies but still let them be strong, independent women.”

He nods. “I can do that.”

“Want to try this?” I pass him the bowl and spoon, and it’s so small in his large hand.

He scoops some cereal, and when he holds it to her, her mouth pops open. He gives her the bite, and she swallows quickly, ready to go again.

“Check me out.” He laughs, repeating the process.

“You got it!” I grin, going to the cabinet and taking out a jar of organic vegetables. “You love her. That’s the most important thing. She feels safe with you.”

“She’s always safe with me.” He says it with so much confidence, and I know it’s true.

Walking back, I trade him the empty cereal bowl for the veggies. “So what made you think about Dylan?”

His brow lowers. “I was thinking about how broken she was when she lost her dream. She tried to put on a brave face like it was okay, but we all knew. We heard her cry when she thought nobody was listening.” He pauses before looking up at me with so much sincerity in his blue eyes. “I’d never want to be the reason you lost your dream.”

Damn you, Hendrix Bradford. How dare you try to sneak in and steal my heart this way?

Swallowing the thickness in my throat, I nod. “I appreciate that.”

“I put in a call to the station today.” His tone brightens as he resumes feeding Haddy. “I talked to one of the reporters I know, and she said for you to come by and she’d introduce you to the station manager.”

“Are you serious?” My eyes widen, and I clasp my hands in front of my face. “LA is like one of the top markets in the country!”

“Don’t misunderstand. It’s a tiny station. I told her you were only here for a few months, and she said you could be a meteorology intern. It’s unpaid, but I can cover your expenses.”

“Hendrix!” I shriek, jumping forward to hug him. “That’s incredible!”

Haddy blows bubbles on her next bite, and he chuckles. “I think she’s done.”

Straightening, I take the jar and spoon, rinsing and recycling and putting the utensils in the dishwasher. He takes a damp cloth and wipes her mouth before lifting her out of the chair.

“Ready for your bath?” She ba-ba-ba s right back at him, and he turns wide eyes on me. “Am I teaching her how to talk?”

Wrinkling my nose, I don’t want to tell him she’s been making ba-ba and ga-ga noises for a few weeks now.

“Maybe?” I shrug.

It’s hard to know if she connects ba-ba with bath, but I’ll let him have it. We walk back to my bathroom, and I stand back, watching as he takes over like a pro.

He starts the water and tests it to be sure it’s not too warm. Then he puts her in her little foam chair and even manages to wash and rinse her hair while she happily chews on a yellow duckie and slaps the water.

I walk him through putting her diaper on, and she’s bundled and in her PJs when I meet him in the small movie theater with Chinese takeout and a bottle of formula.

Tonight, I’m introducing him to the world of Forrest Gump .

“You’ll like this one.” I pass him his Postmates dinner. “The main character’s from south Alabama.”

The show starts, and I take the first round, holding Haddy and giving her a bottle while he eats. She’s mesmerized watching the feather floating through the sky as gentle music plays. Her eyes blink slower, and I expect it won’t be long before she’s asleep.

“That’s not a bad accent he’s doing.”

“I listened to this whole interview where Tom Hanks talked about traveling to the area and learning the dialect. ”

The movie continues, and when he finishes eating, Hendrix reaches over and takes his daughter from my arms. She snuggles into his side like it’s our new routine, and she falls asleep quickly.

Hendrix doesn’t, which I take as a win, considering how intense he says training camp is. We get to the part where Forrest meets Jenny, and he leans closer, speaking quietly.

“Set this in high school, and that’s Garrett and Liv.”

Chewing my lip, I nod, smiling. I study his handsome profile, his square jaw and full lips, and I think about my conversation with Ameila. I decide to meet this hurricane head-on, Jim-Cantore style.

Leaning closer, I speak just above a whisper. “My sister said something to me earlier, when we were talking…” He blinks those sexy blue eyes at me, and I swallow air. “We’re in this for three months. That’s a long time for no… you know.”

I shrug, waving my hand side to side.

His brows furrow, and an amused grin curls his lips. “Are you referring to sex, Raven?”

“I’m just saying, we agreed we wouldn’t blur the lines, but I don’t expect you to go that long without… doing it .” A pit is in my stomach, but I clear my throat, forcing it out. “If you need to date someone or you know… whatever, I’ll understand.”

“You will?” It’s less a question and more an implied I don’t believe that for one second .

“I asked you for this enormous favor. I’m well aware how wrong it would be for me to expect you to live like a monk the entire time.”

His face turns serious, and he looks down at sleeping Haddy. “If I go out with someone, it’ll be all over the gossip sites. Then it could get back to your father, and then he’d be out here ready to kick my ass—and rightfully so. It might even jeopardize our plan.”

“I’m sure you could keep it quiet.”

“Photographers are everywhere.” Shaking his head, he settles back in his seat. “If we’re doing this, I think it’s best not to take any chances.”

“Can you go that long?” My nose wrinkles, and I don’t even consider if I can go that long.

I can. I’m strong.

He shrugs. “I’m not interested in dating anyone. I’ll double-down and focus on the game.”

“Okay.” I don’t know why I hold out my hand to shake. “Don’t go falling in love with me now, Forrest.”

A laugh huffs through his lips, and he shakes my hand. “Don’t fall in love with me, Jen-nay.”

“I won’t.” My laugh is completely unconvincing as I sit back in my chair.