Page 45 of The Vampire Curse

* * *

I suck in a sharp breath and blink into the darkness. My book slips from my chest to the bed, thunking closed.

I wait for my eyes to adjust. The window to my right is small, the room itself is smaller than I remember… then as my hazy mind wakens fully, it comes back to me. I am in Littlemire.

A branch scrapes against my window. I slump back onto my pillows.Not a demon.

Picking up my book, I set it on the bedside table, then roll to my side and close my eyes.

Several minutes later, my eyes snap open again, unable to fall back to sleep. My pulse races, pounding with the speed of my restless thoughts.

Since returning to Littlemire, the only time I've been happy were those rare moments I spent alone with Kitty.

Kathrine will be back in seven days, and she will expect me to be here—which I assume is the only reason why the Morgan’s didn’t ask me to leave with everyone else. For the time being, I’ve accepted the hospitality of people I can’t relate to.

But eventually, I will need to go somewhere.

I have no desire to check in on Father, let alone return to that shack that holds nothing but bad memories. I’d be more at home in the forest being possessed by a particularly nasty demon. What will I do tomorrow? Or next week, or the week after that?

Kathrine is safe with a secure life ahead of her.

What was it that Lawrence said?

“If you could go anywhere, be anywhere, without obligation, where would you choose?”

His words echo in my mind.Without obligation…

I find myself in the situation he described a month ago, and I’m at a loss.

Kathrine will be taken care of, no matter what happens to me. And Xander? He and I were never going to end up together. I realize now that we were too young and naïve when we began making plans. We'd spent our childhood lying to each other and ourselves.

I'm sure that with the Morgan’s influence, I could find a match that would leave Kathrine ecstatic, butIdon’t want that life.

It’s strange and freeing and terrifying all at once. I don’t know who I am without those obligations. But I can’t stay here, not in this house, and not in Littlemire.

I am on my own. Maybe I always have been and just never realized it.

I roll over to my other side and face the window. The drapes are pulled back, revealing the pure midnight sky, dotted with stars made brighter by the fact that there's no moon. In the distance, demons howl. They are quieter here, their cries echoing like a mournful song.

I want more than this life, more than the shallow dreams of a future I once worked for. Comfort isn't enough anymore.

Now that I'm no longer indebted to Alaric, I am free togoanywhere I wish,beanyone I want to be…

I feel a tug deep inside me, calling me to something else, something far from here. For weeks, my thoughts have drifted to a face I should forget.

Should, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t.

Darkness has wrapped itself around my heart and won’t let go. I want to surround myself with it until it becomes part of my very being.

No one in their right mind would entertain such thoughts.

But I do.

I bolt upright and swing my legs off the bed, my fingers digging into the mattress. My breaths come short and quick as if I’d been running for miles.

The realization strikes me hard and swift. There is nothing left for me here, nothing left of the girl I used to be. If I force myself to stay and pretend I belong, I would be miserable.

I will find a place far away to start over with a new name, where no one knows who I am or that I’ve been claimed.