Page 36 of The Vampire Curse

Xander gives me a doleful expression. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice, Xander.” I turn my back to him and gaze out the window. The moon seems to look in, watching us. “You told me you could make your choice once all your brothers married… was that ever a possibility?”

“Once you were claimed, I didn’t see the point in fighting it any longer,” he says flatly.

My shoulders slump. I wait for the wave of hurt, for tears to well up… but they never come. Not even the prickle of emotions that precede them or the gut-twisting hurt of loss.

I am not angry or furious with him. There is nothing, at least nothing but disappointment directed at Xander.

My pride stings, and for the first time since I was eight years old, I don’t have a plan to work toward.

I only feel aimless.

Everything I thought I’ve always wanted has evaporated and ground to a halt. It’s strange, like running for miles only to stop suddenly at the edge of a precipice. Abrupt.

The truth hits me with an uncomfortable force. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to have this conversation. I don’t even care if all of Xander’s promises had been childhood wishes or intentional lies. I feel nothing for the loss of the future we had planned.

I don’t know if I’m in shock or if I was so desperate to escape Father, I thought what I had with this boy was love.

It has to be shock because losing the one you love to someone else hurts—learning they never loved you is heartbreaking. People don’t agree to marry someone else if they're in love and have plans.

Xander circles around and wraps me up in his arms.

“You know I’ve only ever wanted you,” he says.

He trails a finger along my jaw then presses his mouth to mine. It takes my mind entirely too long to catch up to what’s happening. The kiss is awkward… andwrong. I push against his chest creating distance between us.

“You’remarried.”

“I never wanted to marry Charisma.” His hold tightens, but I refuse to be pulled back into his kiss.

“Do you love her?” I ask. I don’t know what possesses me to, but I think if he cared for her, even just a little, it might soften the blow to my pride.

Xander releases me, finally realizing I won’t give in to his advances. He dips his head, then says, “No.”

He reaches for me again, but I step to the side and cross the room to the fireplace and rest my hand on the stone mantle.

“It can still work between us,” he says.

I don’t feel relieved at his words, I feel pity for the poor girl. But marrying for love is a luxury only those who have no chance to improve their situation can afford. I shouldn’t expect him to love her, but he should have some spark of loyalty.

I shake my head. “No, Xander… it can’t.”

My heart should ache. Xander was the man I wanted to marry. Instead, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Learning of his marriage to Charisma was surprising, and my first instinct was to panic.

“Why?” he demands, his voice harsh and jarring.

I spin to come face to face with him. He towers over me, a scowl upon his face, and hands balled into fists at his sides.

Xander’s sudden anger and hurt smolder in his hazel eyes. I don’t want to hurt him by refusing him—he’s married—he should understand.

I refuse to be his dirty little secret—I refuse to live my life on the side without love or acknowledgment, or hope of a future. That is not something I am willing to be for anyone. Even thinking about it forms an empty pit inside my chest.

I don’t know what will become of me now. I won’t stay with Kitty, she has her own life to live now. And Alaric sent me away. The future I always imagined with Xander is impossible, and I will never return to that shack that masqueraded as a home for too long.

“Why?” Xander demands again. I flinch when his hand slaps the wooden mantle inches from my head. “Because you’re in love with that monster that stole you from me? Is that all it takes, Clara? Some decent clothes… and you fall at his feet.”

I recoil at the venomous words.