Page 7 of The Unlikely Pair

Pack for trip to Oslo

Review speech for climate change conference

Brainstorm ideas for a viral social media challenge to engage younger voters—something more exciting than #AskYourMP???

Visit Clarence House to see Oliver and Callum

Visit Mum for birthday

Of all the places I thought I’d ever go to visit my friend Oliver, a residence of the royal family definitely isn’t one of them.

Oliver shows me around the recent renovations he and his husband have done to Clarence House with a sheepish expression, as if he can predict my thought process.

“Jesus, Oliver, this is definitely an improvement to your gimp room in our Cowley Road flat in Oxford,” I say as I crane my head back to survey the ornate ceilings. “And the smell is significantly better too.”

“Thank you. I do have the British press constantly reminding me how much I’ve come up in the world, but it’s always good to have it reinforced by my friends.”

“You know I’m always good for an honest analysis of the situation,” I remind him, and he throws me a grin.

When I first met Oliver, he was standing at a debate club in Oxford in a misfitting suit— a suit I later discovered he bought for two pounds at a charity shop—arguing passionately against hereditary peers in the House of Lords.

The fact he’s now the Prince Consort, a member of the royal family, never ceases to blow my mind.

“Callum and I insisted the renovations be privately funded rather than by the taxpayers,” Oliver says.

“I doubt no member of the royal family has ever been more conscious of the taxpayer’s money,” I reply, and Oliver gives a wry grin.

As an ex-prime minister, Oliver is used to financial scrutiny and is acutely aware of how much the royal family costs the British taxpayer. And having only recently survived a referendum on whether the United Kingdom still wants a monarchy, I’m sure the royal family is very conscious of being on their best behavior in every regard.

Oliver’s husband, Callum, also known as the future king of England, walks into the room, tripping over the edge of an oriental rug but managing to catch himself before he falls.

“Your Royal Highness.” I give a small bow.

“Hey, Toby, great to see you,” Callum says in his American accent, flashing me a wide smile. He breaks all royal protocol by giving me a hug.

He releases me just as one of the staff comes bustling into the room carrying a silver tray laden with delicate sandwiches, scones, and an array of pastries that would make even the most stoic of individuals drool. It’s a far cry from the pot noodles and cheap beer that sustained Oliver and me during our university days.

“So, how was your visit to America?” I ask as I settle into a Louis IV chair. Given where I am, it is probably an actual gift from the French monarch.

“It was good,” Oliver answers. “We had a few days in California at the end. It was nice to meet some of Callum’s friends.”