Page 43 of The Unlikely Heir

Uh…I don’t think so. So many of your words don’t make sense. Like wellies.

Named after the first Duke of Wellington, who popularized the concept of the rubber boot.

You just Googled that, didn’t you?

Maybe.

Anyway, back to my point about how American words make more sense than British words. Like sidewalk. It’s a side of the road where you walk.

Footpath is a path where feet go.

Hmmm. Okay. We may have to call that one a tie.

I settle back in my leather chair, grinning. A debate about the vernacular differences between British and American English was not how I expected my evening to go, but that’s the great thing about chatting with Callum. Our conversation can go in so many different weird and wonderful directions.

What about car park vs. parking lot?

Parking lot is obviously superior.

Why? It doesn’t say what you’re parking, does it? Car park is more instructional.

But you can also park motorbikes in a car park, can’t you? It’s not a completely inclusive term.

Okay, I’ll give you that, but you’ve got to give me petrol vs. gas. It’s not even a gas. It’s scientifically incorrect.

Okay, I’ll concede that one. But you better concede that eraser is much better than rubber. You erase your mistakes. It’s a much better term than rubber.

Only because you Americans managed to turn the term rubber into something dodgy.

What are your thoughts on lift vs. elevator?

Total British win. What do lifts do? They lift you up.

You’re ignoring one fundamental fact.

What’s that?

Lifts also go down. So, for half the time, their name is very, very wrong.

I snort a laugh at that.

Elevator comes from ‘elevate,’ so it’s equally incorrect, using exactly the same principle.

Callum doesn’t reply straight away. And I find myself watching my phone in anticipation. And when the dots come up, indicating he’s typing, a strange thrill shoots through me.

Haha, I was just googling for the origin of why we call lift and elevator different names, and I came across a terrible joke. Want to hear it?

Okay…(typed with fingers shaking in apprehension)

Here goes: Why do they call them lifts in the UK and elevators in the US?

Why?

Because we’re raised differently.

That is a truly terrible elevator joke.

I imagine elevator jokes always have their ups and downs.