Page 12 of The Truth about the Lady (Whispers of the Ton #6)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

S amuel slumped in his chair, looking dully at the glass in his hand. Lord Jedburgh, Lord Sunderland, and Lord Elledge were in conversation all around him. Indeed, Whites was flowing with laughter and all manner of conversation but Samuel could not partake of any of it.

All he could think of was Lady Hyacinth and the hurt in her eyes when he had spoken to her as he did. These last two weeks, he had continually battled his feelings, telling himself over and over and over again that he did not want to fall in love with any young lady and had no interest in courtship or marriage, only to see her again and feel his heart betray all of his intentions. There was something about her that made him come alive, made him feel as though every day was filled with sunshine and brightness and good things.

And then he would be reminded of just how foolish he had been, how his pride had got the better of him, and of how poor a fellow he had truly been, and all of it would shatter. It did not matter how he felt, Samuel had told himself, for the lies he had built up had placed a wall between himself and Lady Hyacinth… and if it came tumbling down, he did not know whether their connection would survive or if it would shatter.

“You are melancholy this evening.”

Lord Elledge sat down with a contented sigh and smiled in Samuel’s direction, though Samuel did not even lift his gaze.

“You have been melancholy very often these last few days,” Lord Elledge continued. “I presume that your feelings for Lady Hyacinth have not faded as you hoped?”

That remark caught Samuel’s attention. He flung a look towards Lord Elledge but his friend only smiled, tipping his head in a manner that spoke of understanding and sympathy and in seeing it, Samuel felt himself completely without response.

“It was not hard to understand.” Stretching out his legs, Lord Elledge crossed them at the ankle. “You deliberately turned away from the lady the last time we saw her at this very park and it was that action which confirmed it for me.”

Samuel’s jaw tightened. “I did not think I was so very obvious.”

“You most certainly are.”

With a sigh, Samuel rolled his eyes. “Pray, do not harp on at me about it all. I have no wish to speak of my confusion.”

“Then you are still troubled?” Lord Elledge’s lips lifted. “I thought that you were quite determined to set these feelings aside! That you would have no difficulty in removing them from yourself!”

Hearing the words he had spoken some weeks ago now repeated back to him made Samuel’s heart burn with both embarrassment and frustration. It had not been as easy as he had hoped and, indeed, Samuel had practically given up on all attempts to forget the lady. Only that very afternoon, he had made his way from the lady he had been speaking with to go and talk with Lady Hyacinth and that was certainly not putting her aside from himself!

“Why do you not ask to court her?”

Samuel threw back the rest of his whisky and set the glass down on the table in front of him. “I have already made my thoughts clear on such matters.”

“But you can see now that – ”

“And it is because I am a fool,” Samuel continued, the urge to tell Lord Elledge the truth about the riddles growing within him so steadily, that he felt as though it might explode from his chest if he did not. “I have not been truthful with Lady Hyacinth and nor have I been with you. Or with anyone.”

Lord Elledge sat back in his chair and lifted one eyebrow. “This is about the riddles.”

Slack-jawed, Samuel stared at his friend who only shrugged lightly. How had Lord Elledge managed to discern that the riddles had not been written by him? He had thought he had managed to deceive everyone, only to now realize that one of his closest friends had not been sure enough to trust him! “I – I thought you believed me,” he wheezed, clutching at his heart as a fresh weakness washed over him. “I was sure that – ”

“That you had deceived me, as well as everyone else?” Lord Elledge’s eyebrow fell, sending a shadow into his eyes. “Why did you say such a thing, Thorne? Why pretend so?”

Shame tore through Samuel’s being, his face burning, eyes darting away as he clasped and unclasped his hands, sweat trickling down his back.

“And now you feel as though you cannot pursue Lady Hyacinth when she, as well as the rest of the ton believes your lie?” A flash came into Lord Elledge’s eyes. “My dear friend, whatever did you think you were doing? I have been very suspicious that the answers to those riddles were so pointed because there was clear anger directed toward you! Because the person who actually writes them is upset that you have stolen their glory from them!”

“I know all of this!” Samuel threw up his hands, his face still scarlet. “I have told you that I am ashamed, that I am regretful but what is there for me to do?”

“Tell her the truth! Tell all of us the truth!”

Samuel shook his head. “I cannot. What will become of me then? What will happen to my connection to Lady Hyacinth?”

Lord Elledge shook his head, clear anger in his expression. “You did this because of your pride, did you not? I knew that you did not have the answer to one or two of those riddles and instead of being truthful and admitting to it, you tried to deceive us so that we would not think less of you.”

Closing his eyes, Samuel dropped his head.

“What you do not seem to understand, my friend, is that we would have thought all the more of you had you been honest. There would have been no shame in admitting the truth.”

“Mayhap not from your perspective but there would certainly have been shame upon my heart all the same.”

His friend shook his head. “And do you truly think that this situation is better? That what you now stand in ought to be something worthy of praise?”

Samuel swallowed thickly but said nothing.

“If you truly care for Lady Hyacinth, if you care anything at all for your friends, then you have a duty to make this right, Thorne. Somehow, in some way, you must make it clear to us all that you are not the one who has written the riddles.”

Before he could think of what to do or what to say, Samuel was on his feet, hurrying out of Whites and away from Lord Elledge. He had not expected his friend to express such anger and yet, at the very same time, it felt almost refreshing. It was a strange relief in telling even one person about his shame though it had not brought him any sort of understanding or sympathy.

Not that I deserve it.

Jaw tight, Samuel strode towards his carriage, climbing in and, as he rested his head back, closing his eyes. His heart was thundering, his whole body still hot and strained; not only from what his friend had said but also from the utter regret which held such a tight grip upon him.

Reaching up, Samuel rapped on the roof. “Home.”

The carriage moved almost immediately and Samuel blew out a small breath of relief. At least, in the quiet of his own house, he might have somewhere to think. Though whether he would find any conclusions, he did not know.

“ L ord Elledge, my lord.”

Samuel looked up from his desk just as his friend came in. “Lord Elledge, I was not expecting you.”

“I am well aware of that.” His friend sat down but looked directly into Samuel’s eyes. “I am come to apologize.”

Samuel’s eyebrows lifted. “Apologise?”

“I spoke very sharply to you last evening. I ought not to have done.”

All the more surprised, Samuel shook his head. “I would not say that. You had every right to speak as you did. After all, I am the one who has been deceitful, have I not? To my mind, there is nothing that you need to apologize for.”

At this, Lord Elledge smiled but it did not reach his eyes. “I would disagree but all the same, I am glad that you feel no distance between us.”

“I do not.” Glancing down at his paper, Samuel gestured to it. “In fact, I have thought of something I must do in an attempt to rectify it all.”

Lord Elledge’s eyebrows lifted. “Oh?”

Samuel gestured to his paper. “I am writing my own riddle.”

This brought confusion to his friend’s face.

“I am going to send it to The London Chronicle, in the hope that it will be published.” A grimace tugged at Samuel’s lips. “It is a good deal more difficult than I had expected, I confess, though that, mayhap, comes from my own sense of arrogance in believing that it would be particularly hard to write.”

“I do not understand.” Lord Elledge rose to his feet and came around the side of Samuel’s desk to look at his work. “What will this riddle do?”

“It will, I hope, tell the real writer that I am sorry for what I have done and that I wish to seek amends.” A little concerned, Samuel tapped his fingers on the table. “Though I do not think I can do it in only one riddle. Mayhap I shall have to write two.”

Lord Elledge scratched his head. “And you think that this will encourage the real writer to forgive you?”

“I do not know. But I must do something ,” Samuel stated, fully aware that the easy thing to do – to tell the ton that he had lied – was something that he very much did not wish to do. “This might make the writer come to speak with me, to hear me say how much I regret my lies. There might then be a way for us to form a path together, so I might absolve myself somehow.”

His friend set one hand on Samuel’s shoulder. “It does feel to me as though you are trying to escape the difficult thing.”

Samuel nodded, looking down at his riddles again. “Yes, I am. I do not want to tell the truth to the ton. I do not want them to know of my foolishness for my pride will be severely injured, my standing brought down and I will, no doubt, have very many people mocking me.” His stomach lurched at the thought. “though if it comes to it, I suppose I may very well simply have to tell the truth.”

“You may have to, yes.” Lord Elledge walked away, though he went only to pour a glass of brandy for them both. “The question is, however, will you have the courage to do it?”