Page 10 of The Truth about the Lady (Whispers of the Ton #6)

CHAPTER NINE

W hat is happening to me?

Samuel scowled at his own reflection before turning on his heel and storming down the staircase towards the waiting carriage. It was all becoming not only upsetting but also confusing, for he had never had any intention of involving his heart in any matters when it came to the London Season, only to begin to find himself now thinking solely of Lady Hyacinth!

And I was much too open with her also, he told himself, still scowling. Why ever did I think it was wise to speak to her as honestly as I did?

It had been foolish of him to do so for all it had done was make him think of her all the more – and in much more pleasant terms! He had been quite shocked to hear her speak of herself in comparison to her sister, wondering to himself if that was truly what she believed or if it was something that had been said to her so often, she now believed it. That had brought pain to his heart, telling him that, whether he wished it or not, the lady had caught his attention.

Sitting back in the carriage, Samuel closed his eyes and sighed aloud. The most recent riddle in The London Chronicle, the one published and handed out this very morning, had taken him some time to discern. Once the answer had come to him, he had winced visibly, relieved that no one else had been present to see it, else they might have realized that the answer had been, yet again, directed towards him.

“A crown I wear, but my throne is naught but lies,” he muttered, the words of the riddle having been almost melded into his mind. “I stand tall with my head held high, yet the shadows of fear flicker in my mind. I preen and boast, a peacock in all its glory, yet this one flaw is all that defines me.”

Closing his eyes, Samuel’s chest tightened as he fought to take calming breaths. Whoever the riddle writer was, it was clear that they knew of him – but his search for who it could be had thus far, brought him nothing. He had not even the smallest idea as to where to look, for it could be any person in the ton ! It was not as though the trait of arrogance was something that Samuel had hidden from any one of his friends or acquaintances. Indeed, it was, no doubt, something that many in the ton were well aware of, for he had never taken any trouble to try and hide it. It was something that he had never truly considered to be concerning… and yet now, seeing his pride clearly, Samuel felt himself a little ashamed.

It was a most discomfiting feeling.

“Ah, you are come at last! I thought I would have to send a servant to your townhouse to make sure you were still to join me here!”

Samuel jumped quickly down from the carriage, choosing not to tell Lord Elledge of his many thoughts. “My apologies. I am here at Hyde Park all the same.”

“And it is already filled with a good many acquaintances, just as you hoped,” came the reply. “Come, then, let us begin our walk.”

Falling into step beside his friend, Samuel did not do anything to try and improve the silence that came swiftly between them. What was frustrating to him now was that his thoughts seemed to center on Lady Hyacinth, wondering if she would be present in Hyde Park and if he could speak with her.

Though what he would say and for what purpose he wanted her company, Samuel could not think.

“I must ask you, my friend… are you well?”

Hearing Lord Elledge’s voice as though it came from a short distance away, Samuel blinked quickly and then glanced towards him. “Of course I am. Why do you ask?”

His friend did not immediately answer and as Samuel looked back at him again, saw the lines forming on Lord Elledge’s forehead.

“You are not yourself these last few days,” Lord Elledge said, slowly. “I am sorry if there is something troubling you.”

Samuel opened his mouth to state that there was nothing wrong, only to frown. Dare he tell Lord Elledge the truth? Dare he state that yes, the problem was his own foolishness in claiming the riddles to be his own?

“I know that there is something,” Lord Elledge continued, all the more quietly now. “Please, my friend, do share it. Let there be understanding between us so that I might be of aid to you in some way! It displeases me to see you so concerned.”

Samuel’s lips twisted. “It seems that I am a gentleman unable to keep all that I think and feel from my face, is that not so?”

Looking a little surprised, Lord Elledge nodded. “Yes, that is so. Why, who told you?”

“Lady Hyacinth.”

Understanding crossed Lord Elledge’s face.

“Though I do not think that I could change that about myself, even if I were to try very hard indeed.”

Lord Elledge chuckled ruefully. “No, indeed not.” He looked towards Samuel again as they continued to walk through the park, not stopping to speak to anyone. “So are you going to tell me the truth? Tell me what it is that upsets you so much?”

With worry growing in his heart, Samuel bit the edge of his lip, wondering. Clearly, Lord Elledge had already noticed the difference in Samuel’s character these last few days and Samuel did not want to make things any worse, and nor did he want the beau monde to notice it either! But nor could he bring himself to tell Lord Elledge the truth about the riddles, for that would, no doubt, bring his condemnation and possibly the ending of their friendship.

“I think I am beginning to care for a young lady,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. “That is all.”

In an instant, Lord Elledge stopped dead and Samuel stumbled in his attempt to then not only stop walking but turn to join his friend. Though he regained his composure quickly enough, it felt as though his face were alight and as he scowled at Lord Elledge, Samuel’s heart began to berate him for speaking so foolishly and without consideration.

“You care for a young lady?” Lord Elledge hissed, for which Samuel was very grateful given that the number of gentlemen and ladies in the park was growing quickly. “Truly?”

“I do not want to, however,” Samuel answered, refusing to respond to his friend’s latter question. “That is why I have been so lost in thought, you understand. I must rid myself of this!”

Lord Elledge blinked, his eyes widening. “Rid yourself of your affection for this lady, whoever she may be?”

Samuel nodded. “Yes. Precisely.”

“But… but why?”

“Because I have no need of it!” Samuel threw up his hands, his frustration with himself beginning to pour out. “I do not want to have any sort of feelings for any young lady, for my intention has always been to wed when I decide, and to a young lady of the very highest standing.”

Lord Elledge’s lip curved. “But you cannot simply throw this away, Thorne! If you have an affection for a young lady, it will do you no good to attempt to rid yourself of it! You say that you have come to care for her, but do you truly think that simply by desire alone you will be able to rid yourself of such feelings?”

Samuel wanted to say yes, he was sure he could do so, but his heart immediately told him otherwise.

“Why do you not open yourself up to the idea of matrimony?” his friend asked, as a tremor ran through Samuel, reminding him of just how little he desired that. “I can promise you that marrying a young lady whom you have come to care about is a much better prospect than wedding a young lady that you do not know in the least! A young lady’s standing might be quite excellent but her character lacking severely and then what sort of marriage would you have?”

A tightness ran into Samuel’s jaw.

“You are fleeing from what might be an excellent notion,” Lord Elledge finished, speaking with firmness now. “And you are doing so only because you are being foolish. Mayhap also because you are frightened.”

That final words made Samuel’s blood boil. “I am not frightened of anything!” he exclaimed, though his friend quickly shushed him so that he would not grasp the attention of others in the park. “Not in the least! It is certainly not because of fear that I push these things away! It is simply because I have no desire to marry! I have every intention of enjoying the next few years of the Season alone. I have to do my duty at some point, yes, but that does not need to be now.”

Lord Elledge, rather than responding fiercely, took a step closer and put one hand on Samuel’s shoulder, his eyes boring into him and making him feel a little unsettled. “Your heart ought to be your guide, my friend. To pursue anything other than that will only lead to pain and frustration with yourself… and, mayhap, with some regret.”

Those words sliced through Samuel’s mind with a fierceness that caused him to catch his breath. It was the very word he had used to express himself to Lady Hyacinth only a day ago and now, it was being repeated back to him by his friend. He already had a great deal of regret over his foolishness when it came to the riddles, did he truly want to be burdened with more?

“I have already resolved not to marry until I have no other choice but to do so,” he muttered, though Lord Elledge rolled his eyes and snorted. “That means that whatever it is that I feel at present for this young lady will simply have to either be borne or forgotten. I am quite determined.”

“Then you shall miss out on what is one of the greatest joys known to man,” came the swift reply, though Samuel did his utmost not to let the words penetrate his mind. “You have laughed at me before, I am well aware, but that is because you have no experience of what it is I speak of, of what I have experienced. ”

Samuel only looked at him.

“Imagine your feelings as they are at present, suddenly multiplied into a thousand times their strength.” Lord Elledge began to gesticulate, making Samuel look away for fear that the fervency of his friend’s words would take a hold of him. “And then imagine that all you feel is reciprocated, so that when you have your arms around her, you know full well that her heart is just as filled with love as yours.”

“Ah, but that is where you are quite wrong!” Samuel answered, the words coming quickly now as he spied a defense. “I have no certainty that Lady – that is to say, the lady that I might have an interest in – has any thought of returning my feelings! She might have no interest in me whatsoever and what happens then? I will find myself without hope and joy, for my feelings will not be returned and all of my happiness will be shattered.”

This made Lord Elledge frown. “You say such things in the hope of dissuading me from convincing you to pursue whatever it is you feel,” he said, clearly seeing right through all that Samuel had said. “But I shall not be. As I have told you before, I married without having a single thought of affection. But now it is the only thing that fills my heart and my life – and my wife returns it all.” He leaned closer, his eyes sharpening on Samuel’s. “You could have the very same.”

Samuel’s heart lurched with a fierce, fresh hope but Samuel put an end to it the very next second, bringing it tumbling down. “I do not want it,” he said, clearly, his heart quickly thundering furiously at the lie he had told. “I am quite determined to rid myself of these ridiculous feelings and am sure I will be able to set them aside without any particular difficulty.” He took in a breath. “Come now, enough conversation about me. I see some young ladies over there that could do with our company!” He made to stride away towards them, only for Lord Elledge to catch his arm.

When Samuel looked back at him, Lord Elledge was frowning hard.

“Pray do not tell me that you intend to try and forget your feelings simply by being in company with other young ladies, for I can assure you that it will not work.”

With a snort, Samuel shrugged and Lord Elledge’s hand fell from his arm. “Not in the least,” he answered, lying for what was now the second time in quick succession. “Come now, my friend. Let us go and enjoy good company simply for what it is.”

“Lord Elledge, Lord Thorne!” One of the young ladies greeted them both with shining eyes, the other young ladies ending their conversation quickly so they might speak with them both. “How wonderful to have you join us.”

“I did see your most recent riddle in The London Chronicle this morning,” said another, as Samuel’s stomach cramped suddenly. “It was very good, and I had to ask my mother for her assistance to find the answer!” She giggled and nudged her friend, who flushed quickly, perhaps aware of Samuel’s eyes on them both. “My mother told me that it was a reminder that such a trait is not at all desirable when it comes to pursuing gentlemen!”

Lord Elledge smiled indulgently and spoke before Samuel had the chance to do so. “I have not yet seen this riddle,” he said, glancing towards Samuel with something in his expression that Samuel could not quite make out. “Might I ask what the answer was?”

“Arrogance,” Samuel answered before any of the ladies could do so, seeing the gleam that came into Lord Elledge’s eyes. “It was not a particularly difficult one, I think.”

This made two of the ladies gasp with another laughing softly.

“Goodness, Lord Thorne, you must think us quite foolish if you say that one was not of any particular difficulty, especially when Lady Samantha has told you that she had to ask her mother for her aid!”

Heat tore into Samuel’s face. “That is not at all what I meant.”

“It does not matter, please!” Lady Samantha stepped closer, putting one hand on his arm for a brief moment. “ Do tell us more about these riddles! I should very much like to know how you come up with them.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Samuel spotted movement to his left. Turning his head, he looked straight into the eyes of Lady Hyacinth and, in that moment, it felt as though his heart plunged to his feet and then threw itself back up to his chest again. Looking away sharply, he caught Lord Elledge’s gaze, flicking first to Lady Hyacinth and then to Samuel, as if he somehow knew precisely that she had been the one that Samuel had been speaking of.

Darkness swam into Samuel’s mind and, angry with himself for his feelings and his inability to quash them, he turned bodily away from her and instead, spoke warmly to Lady Samantha.

“Well, I can certainly tell you a little but I cannot give too much away, for fear that one of you will be able to do the same and then will replace my work in The London Chronicle!”

The ladies laughed but the sound brought no joy to Samuel’s heart. He smiled, but the sound dulled him rather than invigorated him. At the very same time, he caught how Lord Elledge frowned, perhaps aware of what Samuel was doing.

But it was much too late for any change in direction. He was caught up in conversation now, having to speak lie upon lie as he pretended that, yet again, he had been the one who had been writing the riddles, the one sitting at his desk for many an hour as he fought to find a way to twist words around themselves.

All the while, his heart tugged towards Lady Hyacinth and, with every moment, Samuel had to put a good deal of energy into ignoring her completely.