Page 28

Chapter 28

GAbrIEL

I f that kid hadn’t hit the pavement at the park, I would have started kissing April again, and I knew what her lips did to me. I would have asked her to come home, and I would have spent the night devouring them—among other things.

And damn it, I’d just fucked her not even a few hours before. Sleeping with her was supposed to scratch an itch. Usually, when I kept things casual with a woman, I could go days—even weeks—between seeing her.

Not April.

On the drive home, I pictured April in her car, listening to another romance novel. The image had me smiling. If I’d driven her home, I wondered what we’d talk about—a customer who was shitty to her or maybe the bike she was restoring. I suddenly found myself hungry for all the little details of her life. It was new for me to want more than sex, but I did.

What would it be like if I allowed myself to see where casual went naturally—if I didn’t torch a relationship at the first sign of life?

Maybe I could try with April. I wanted to try.

I approached my apartment with phone in hand, a message typed out, asking her to send progress pictures of the Schwinn she’d been fixing up. I’d been about to hit send, but Chuck didn’t run to me like usual when I opened the door. Instead, he cowered on the couch.

“Hey, bud,” I said, crossing the room. He wagged his tail but wouldn’t look at me. “You okay?”

Then I saw them. On the floor, next to the couch, were my race shoes—the Nikes I’d just gotten from Trevor. I hadn’t even put thirty miles on them yet and they were chewed beyond recognition. Two hundred dollars down the drain.

“Oh, shit.”

I put my hands on my head, and the movement made Chuck flinch. He hunched against the couch, head low enough that his jaw touched the cushion. The fear was so human, so sad, so familiar.

It took me a beat to realize he was cowering because of me.

“Oh, Chuck, no.”

I pulled my hands from my head, staring at them. I knew why Chuck’s position looked familiar.

The memory of slammed cabinets and shattering glass assaulted my mind. I could feel my hands over my ears again. My eyes squeezed shut. The tears streaming down my cheeks. The way I hid between the couch and the shelf with my mom’s porcelain knick-knacks, my knees curled to my chest.

He’s mad again.

I covered my mouth, fighting the onslaught of images flashing behind my eyes before dragging my attention back to Chuck. My vision swam as I slowly approached, my hand outstretched so he could sniff me. “Está bien.” From the waver in my voice, I wasn’t sure if I was talking to him or me.

To my relief, he licked my hand and then inched closer, head still low but tail wagging. I sat on the couch and let him put his paws on my lap. He tried to lick my face, and I rubbed behind his head the way he liked. “I would never hurt you, bud.”

But my chest ached as I realized how hollow that promise was. I’m sure my dad never pictured hurting my mom when he wanted to communicate with her so badly he learned a whole new language.

But he had.

That wouldn’t happen to me. I wouldn’t be so blindsided by love that I let my emotions override my mind. I’d completely control the situation. Break the cycle.

Which is why I couldn’t keep Chuck.

It’s why I had to keep my head clear with April. I could be in her life for as long as my feelings stayed small.

I deleted the unsent message and tossed my phone to the other side of the couch.