Page 11 of The Summer We Kept Secrets (The Destin Diaries #4)
M eredith shifted her purse to her left arm and glanced sideways at her brother, who was carrying a shopping bag from a high-end kitchen store in one hand and a matte-black box of Henckels knives in the other.
“You look like a man launching a Michelin career,” she teased as they wormed their way through the crowds of HarborWalk Village.
“Or one who will very swiftly lose a thumb in my first week in the culinary school kitchen.”
“Are you in the kitchen from Day One?” she asked. “Or is it classes and presentations?”
He snorted. “I have no idea. I’m not even sure I’m going.”
She came to a sudden halt. “Jonah!”
“I know, I know. I’m getting the, ‘You can’t give up now, kid,’ lectures left and right.” He threw her a look. “First of all, I’m not you.”
She jabbed him with her elbow. “Stop it.”
“Second, I have a baby and, yes, the free world wants to help me take care of him, but he is my responsibility, first and foremost. That changes everything.”
Taking a breath, she considered that comment and how it cut through her as if he’d used one of those expensive knives. She had a baby, too, only it was barely a poppy seed now, and no one knew about it, let alone had lined up to take care of it.
Pushing the thought out of her mind, she tried to sink into the vibe of the sun-drenched tourist mecca of this boardwalk shopping area directly on the harbor.
The breeze fluttered her hair, carrying the scents of salt, sunscreen, and seafood.
Families wandered in and out of boutiques.
Music from a street performer floated past them, and kids ran squealing around a bubble machine near the water’s edge.
Meredith inhaled, willing herself to breathe it all in. Anything but the turmoil lodged in her throat. And the low-key nausea from that shrimp place they just passed.
“Well,” she finally said, choosing her words carefully, “I just bought you a set of knives, so you’re committed to the program now.”
“I could sell them and pay you back.”
She glared at him. “You could use them and make a fortune and pay me back. Also, keep them sharp and someday you can leave them to your son.” She gave a dry laugh as the words tumbled out of her mouth. “Shoot, Jonah Lawson, you have a son .”
“I know.” He huffed out a breath. “Proof that the universe has a sense of humor.”
She wasn’t sure about that. “So, what’s the culinary school workload like?” she asked. “Can I help you study? It’s my specialty.”
“Don’t I know it,” he said on a chuckle. “It’s a new program just launching at this school, so there isn’t any curriculum or buzz on Reddit. As far as I can tell, they’ll start us with a mix of culinary foundations—which means everything from knife skills to basic mise en place .”
“Sounds…French.”
“It’s just…” He smiled. “Let’s just put it this way—you’d get an A.”
“Well, I always get A’s but I’m not a great cook. What is mise en place ? How do you spell that?” She fished for her phone, but he put a hand over hers to stop her.
“It’s about making the kitchen organized, clean, and ready for action. No chaos, all order.”
“Ahh. Sounds like my wheelhouse.” She eyed him as he pulled out his phone. “You just stopped me from screen time.”
“I know but…” He slid his thumb over the device. “I want to make sure everything’s okay with Atlas.”
“He’s fine. He’s not even a month old. He didn’t run off the boardwalk into the water.”
He shot her a look. “You don’t understand, Mer. A baby is…huge. It’s a whole life. A whole stinking life. And I’m responsible for it.”
She swallowed. “I understand,” she managed. “I personally think it’s been good for you. Not losing Carly, obviously. That’s the worst thing imaginable. But you’re handling it better than I expected.”
“You weren’t there during the snot-riddled breakdown when I arrived. Next-level ugly.”
Her heart shifted thinking of him in so much pain.
He’d cried a lot when Mom died, and it had been one of the hardest parts of the whole grieving experience.
Watching her big, beautiful, popular, handsome football player of a brother shrivel into a sobbing mess who wouldn’t get off the sofa was one of the darkest things in her young life.
“Well, you seem pretty strong,” she said. “I mean, you’re the same old wry and sarcastic self-hating pain in the backside, but grounded now.”
He just smiled. “A tiny human will do that. Honestly, Mer, it’s like he rearranged my whole heart and life.”
Oh . The words slammed her in the solar plexus. Did she want her life rearranged? She wasn’t sure.
She glanced at her brother again. Was there any better person on Earth to share her secret? Who could possibly understand the weight and worry of it like Jonah? And he might be able to help her figure out how to tell Dad, who was, of course, over the moon to see her.
He wouldn’t be so over the moon when she broke the news.
“I have to tell you something,” she said before she could stop herself.
Jonah glanced at her. “Yeah?”
No. No, no, no, no. She nearly stumbled on the walkway at the force of that voice in her head. She knew telling him was right—but not now. Not here. Not yet.
She waved it off. “Nothing. Just…you’re doing great. I’m proud of you.”
He gave her a sideways smirk. “You’re not just saying that because you’re out a couple of Benjamins for these knives?”
“No, but that is a factor.”
He laughed and they walked in comfortable silence for a minute, while she convinced herself that not telling him her secret was best right now.
They passed a cutesy art gallery with blown-glass dolphins in the window, then stopped to admire a booth selling hand-carved wooden spoons and cutting boards.
“You need a good cutting board,” she said.
“I think the school supplies them.” Jonah studied one shaped like a sea turtle, flipped it over, then winced at the price tag. “Also, I need to be a celebrity chef before I buy artisanal kitchen supplies.”
Meredith nudged him forward, her eyes scanning the crowd for something—anything—that might distract her from blurting out her secret.
What would it even sound like?
Hey, b-t-dub, I’m pregnant by a man I knew was all wrong for me and real temporary and guess what? He forgot to mention his wife, so…what do you think of that and the fact that I have a baby inside me and no idea what to do with my life?
But Jonah didn’t need that. Or maybe he did. Maybe learning that even the mighty Miss Perfect could topple from her pedestal would make him feel better.
Still, she couldn’t do it.
“So,” she said instead, fishing for safer conversation, “I’m having dinner with Lacey tonight. I wanted to meet her new boyfriend, but I guess he’s left town for a while and she’s doing the same. Roman, right? An NFL player? I hear there’s quite a backstory.”
“I’ve heard bits and pieces but have been in a baby fog since I got here,” he said. “But I guess Tessa secretly had a son in her twenties and gave him up for adoption, and now he’s dating Lacey. Pretty sure there’s more to it, but honestly, I haven’t absorbed the details.”
“I’m sure I’ll get that all tonight. Have you met him?”
“My first night here, but that was chaos. Atlas threw up and I didn’t get to spend much time with Roman.” He looked skyward. “Yes, the first time I ever get to meet a professional ballplayer, and my kid decides to Barf-nado all over me. A Cat 5 of puke, honestly.”
She cracked up, feeling that old sibling love for her hilarious brother.
“It’s humbling, this parenting thing, I’m telling you.”
She smiled, but the hearty laugh made her feel unexpectedly lightheaded, so she ushered him to an empty bench in the shade.
“I need a break,” she whispered.
“You? The original Energizer Bunny? Dad says you never stop buzzing around Acacia Architecture like its future owner on a mission.”
There it was. That little bit of…competition. Envy, maybe. It had developed in the years when Jonah wanted to give up on everything, and Meredith’s coping mechanism was to work until she couldn’t see straight, then work some more. During those years, they’d drifted completely apart.
Could this time in Destin bring them back together? She hoped so.
“Well, this bunny is stopping,” she said. “Humor me. Also…can you go get me water? This Florida heat and humidity has me parched.”
“Sure. Watch my overpriced knives and use them on anyone who looks dangerous. brB.” He set off to a small booth vendor selling water and snacks, leaving her to let the dizziness pass. And reconfirm her decision that this was not the time or place to share her secret.
When he came back with two cold waters, they sat in companionable silence—except for his latest phone check to make sure Atlas hadn’t stopped breathing—and sipped water.
“So speaking of unexpected relationships,” she said, “you and Kate seem close.”
Jonah cracked one eye open. “Fishing for Summer House gossip, Mer?”
“Not gossip. Intel. I mean, she’s been amazing for Dad, I can tell,” she said, and meant it. “He talked about her non-stop after he got back to Atlanta, and he kind of looks like he’s aging backwards. But what is she really like?”
He tilted his head and smiled. “She’s smart. Like, scary smart. And no-nonsense. But kind. She’s helped me a lot. Even today, she tried to talk me out of believing I’m cursed.”
“You think you’re cursed?” Meredith blinked. “What is that all about?”
“It’s about my crap luck and bad history,” he said. “I am cursed.”
She drew back at his matter-of-factness. “That’s crazy.”
“So I’ve heard. Kate gave me a full lecture on superstition and statistics. She’s very…logical. There is no such thing as supernatural to Kate Wylie.”
Meredith nodded slowly, not giving much credence to his curse, but the subtext was very interesting, and not something she’d heard from Dad.
“So she’s…not into faith.”
“Nope,” Jonah said. “All science, all the time. Meanwhile…” He threw her a look that said he was following her train of thought. “Dad’ll want to put a prayer bench on the beach before the house is completely finished.”