Page 15 of The Summer that Ruined Everything

CHAPTER 14

T he girls lived in a Radcliffe House on Radcliffe Quad, about a mile from Eliot House. Cal and Jack walked, taking their time winding through the streets in the waning sun of the day.

“I think it’s cooler, by a few degrees, at least,” Jack said, spinning in a circle. He tripped slightly on the uneven brick, and Cal reached out a hand to steady him.

“It is.” Cal shielded his eyes and looked up, noting the clouds beginning to gather in the distance. “I think we’re in for that storm.”

“What storm?” Jack asked.

“The one that always shows up after an August heat wave.” Cal laughed as Jack spun around again, tripped again. “What are you doing?”

“I suddenly have a ton of energy. Don’t you? There’s something in the air, like...like…”

“A storm?” Cal asked. But he knew what Jack meant, because he could feel it too. Something had shifted today, and he didn’t know exactly what, but he felt like he was on the edge of something.

“Who are these people we’re going to see?” Jack asked. “One of them is that Harry fellow’s girlfriend?”

Cal snorted. “Harry?”

“The fact that you all insist on using your full names is ridiculous. Should I lengthen mine for the night?” He tipped his head back so he could look down his nose at Cal. “That’s Jackson to you.”

“Now that I’d pay to see,” Cal said, laughing. “Yes, Natalie is Harrison’s girlfriend. She’s also Katherine’s good friend, so you’ll have that in common.”

“Would you say that Katherine and I are good friends?” Jack asked. “I’d say we’re more convenient acquaintances, linked by our associations with you.”

Cal eyed Jack. His voice had taken on an odd note. “Anyway, Natalie lives in a House like I do, with a lot of Radcliffe girls. So I don’t know who stayed for the summer or exactly who’ll be there.”

“Will Katherine?”

“She’s back on Montauk, so I don’t think so.”

Jack seemed to relax at the words, and sighed. He stepped closer and let the back of his hand brush Cal’s as they walked. Cal’s hand twitched, and he let his pinky briefly tangle with Jack’s. Jack hummed, and the sound reverberated in Cal’s own chest.

“It’s nice to be here on our own,” Jack said.

Natalie’s House, Cabot House, looked much like Eliot. Jack followed Cal inside, where they signed in.

“Tight security?” Jack asked, as they made their way through to a private dining room.

“Not especially,” Cal said. “It’s for appearances more than anything else, I think. There are rules about entertaining the opposite sex, but they aren’t too strict about it.”

“Imagine,” Jack said, “what they’d say if they knew it wasn’t just the opposite sex they had to worry about.”

Cal shushed him as they turned the corner. The dining room was filled with noise and laughter, and it looked like they were the last to arrive.

“Calloway!” Natalie emerged from a group of girls, her dark hair pulled back and her blue sweater like a beacon amidst the muted colors of the room. She crossed to him and gave him a brief hug, pressing her lips to his cheek.

“Hi, Nat,” he said with a grin.

“When Harrison told me you were coming, I was thrilled. Thrilled! I haven’t seen you since the end-of-year Eliot social. How was your summer?” she asked. Cal didn’t miss the way her gaze flitted to Jack and back several times. She was trying so hard not to be obvious, and it was endearing.

“It’s not over yet,” Cal said. “Nat, this is Jack Francis. Jack, Natalie Greene.”

Jack shook her hand, and she turned pink. “I’m a huge fan,” she said.

“Nice to meet a fan,” Jack said, flashing her a white-toothed grin. She turned a deeper shade of pink. “Thanks for letting us crash your shindig.”

She giggled. “Imagine, little old me turning down Jack Francis. Harrison said you’ve been summering in Westerly?”

Jack glanced at Cal, barely hiding a smirk. “Yes, that’s where I’ve been summering,” he said. “Lucky me.”

Nat called over some of her friends. Cal sidled away unnoticed, letting the women fawn over his boyfriend, and joined Harrison and some of the other men over by the wet bar setup.

“Calloway, this is some trick,” said Julius Barrington. “You bring a fellow who takes all the attention off of us. Now what are we supposed to do?”

“How much shall we wager that this movie star will walk out with one of our girls before the night is over?” asked Harrison.

There was good-natured grumbling. Cal did his best not to jump at the chance to take the sure bet. He smiled into his beer and just listened.

They sat down to dinner. Cal was seated between Jenny Blake on one side and Margaret Lawrence on the other, with Jack across the table. They dug into cold cucumber soup and dinner rolls with butter, and light conversation began.

After catching up on summer activities, Natalie said, “Have you boys heard what we girls have been up to? Harrison, you shush.”

“What have you been up to?” Cal asked.

“We’re contributing to the civil rights movement,” Jenny said proudly, squaring her shoulders. “And not like our mothers, who pretend to help by organizing fancy fundraising dinners that do more for their reputations than anything else.”

“Jenny has been having quite the argument with her mother over it all summer,” Margaret said.

“I’m right, though,” Jenny said with a sniff.

“How are you contributing?” asked Jack.

“It’s so exciting,” Natalie said. “Have you heard that they are marching on Washington at the end of the month to demand change?”

“They want President Kennedy to push legislation to protect the right to vote and ban discrimination in employment,” said Susan Moore, from down at the end of the table.

“Among other things,” said Natalie. “We’ve been collecting donations to buy transportation for people to travel to Washington and march.”

“And that’s not all,” Jenny said. “We’ve been organizing here on campus as well.”

“Are you planning to go to Washington?” Julius asked.

“Of course not,” Natalie said.

“Maybe,” Jenny said.

The girls eyed each other.

“We don’t think it’s safe,” Natalie said.

“Speak for yourself,” said Jenny.

This set off a round of bickering, with the men weighing in. Cal wiped his mouth with his napkin and caught Jack’s eye. He slid his foot until it bumped against Jack’s and Jack smiled.

The conversation on civil rights continued through the next course, and as Cal ate his beef bourgignon, he couldn’t help but wonder: would there ever be a time when people would organize to support people like him? Would the world ever accept a man who loved a man?

He hoped so…but he simply couldn’t imagine it.

They stayed late, drinking scotch and playing charades. Cal and Jack were on the same team, and points began to rack up.

“It’s a movie,” Cal said, and Jack touched his nose.

He held up four fingers.

“Four words,” said Jenny, who was also on their team. Jack nodded.

He then thought for a second, flapped his arms twice, and then made a stabbing motion.

“To Kill a Mockingbird,” said Cal triumphantly. Jack clapped his hands.

“Yes! Is that a new record?” he laughed.

“Impossible,” said George Webber.

“How did you do that?” asked Margaret.

Cal glanced at Jack. “I thought it was obvious,” he said. “A really good clue.”

“That’s the fourth in a row that took you two seconds,” Natalie said. “You’re a dream team.”

She picked up her brand new Polaroid camera, which she’d been using to take photos all night. “Dream Team, say cheese.”

Jack slung his arm around Cal’s neck and tilted his head. Cal felt an immediate wave of panic, but realized no one would think it odd…Natalie had just asked them to pose, after all.

He draped an arm on Jack’s shoulders and grinned.

Natalie snapped the photo, the flash popping and leaving stars in their eyes. She pulled the soft plastic out of the dispenser and handed it to Cal.

“Let’s see it,” Jack said after a few minutes, leaning on his shoulder.

Cal carefully peeled the negative from the print and they peered at it, Cal’s heart speeding up. He could feel the way Jack’s curls had felt crushed against his temple, hear the breathy laugh he had let out just after the flash popped.

It was so much them, the way they’d been since meeting in June, captured in a single moment.

“Will you take another one, Nat?” Jack asked suddenly. “So we can each have one to mark the occasion of our sure victory?”

They all laughed, and that set off a round of posing for photos before the games resumed.

By the time they left, they were both a little drunk. Jack weaved in loops on the sidewalk in even crazier patterns than usual, and Cal simply watched him with a contented grin.

He loved seeing Jack here, in his place. Even thinking about the fact that it would soon be a memory didn’t dampen his spirits, because…he’d have the memories. He patted his front breast pocket, where his Polaroid of them was secure. He was seized by a desire to make as many memories as possible in the time they had left.

As they passed by the entrance to Harvard Yard, Cal suddenly grabbed Jack’s hand and dragged him through the gates at a run.

“What are we doing here?” Jack asked, as Cal pulled him across the quad, moving in and out of the deep shadows created by the moonless night.

“Shhh,” said Cal. “Just follow me.”

“To the ends of the earth,” Jack said.

Cal grinned. Ignoring the thunder rumbling in the not really distance, he ran across the brick and up the steps to the Sever Hall entrance.

“Isn’t this closed?” Jack asked. “Hang on, are we going to fuck in a classroom or something? Because?—”

“I said shhhhh,” Cal said. He pushed Jack into a corner of the stone archway at the entrance, then turned him around to face the wall.

“This is weird. You’re being weird, Cal.”

“Quiet, for fuck’s sake,” Cal said, laughing softly. “Stand there, don’t talk, and don’t move.”

Jack shot him a skeptical look over his shoulder, but obediently turned to face the wall once more. “The things I do for you…”

Still chuckling, Cal crossed to the opposite side of the arch, twelve feet away. He leaned into the corner, and whispered softly.

“Hey, Jack.”

“What the fuck?” Jack jumped back from his corner and whirled around. “Hang on?—“

“Go back,” Cal commanded.

Jack went back to his corner. A whispered voice echoed around Cal.

“Can you hear me?”

“Yes,” Cal whispered back. “Welcome to the Whispering Arch.”

“Far out,” Jack said. “So how does it work? Magic?”

“Sound waves…something. I don’t know. Say something.”

“Like what?” Jack asked.

“Whatever you want.”

There was a long pause, and then the whisper came again, a gentle utterance, almost like a prayer.

“I love you.”

Cal swallowed hard.

“Me too,” he whispered. “I love you, too.”

Thunder crashed again, and they both turned around in unison. Cal looked at Jack, half in a silvery streetlight and half in shadow. His lips were slightly parted, and his eyes were shining.

Another rumble of thunder, louder, followed by a flash of lightning that lit Jack up from head to toe. Several fat droplets landed on the stone at Cal’s feet.

“Let’s go home,” Jack said. “Now.”

He grabbed Cal and they ran, just as the skies opened up. They were drenched in seconds, the rain coming down in steamy sheets. Cal splashed through puddles and gripped Jack’s hand, laughing. It wasn’t funny, but he didn’t know where else his emotions should land.

As his clothes got soggier and soggier and clung to his skin, he was transported back to that day on the beach, when Jack had invited him out to walk in the rain. He’d been amazed when Jack had gripped the edge of his sleeve, wondering what it meant and barely daring to hope. Now, here they were, hand in hand.

Not all of the wetness on his face was from the rain.

He fumbled with the key to the dorm, and then they were stumbling up the stairs, alternating between laughing and telling each other to hush. The suite was empty; Harrison had snuck into Natalie’s room before they’d left and planned to sneak out in the morning.

Once the door was closed and locked, their lips met immediately. Cal placed his palms on Jack’s cheeks, slid them up into his soaked curls, and moaned.

“Wait — mmph — wait,” Jack managed. He yanked his jacket off and fumbled for the light. Cal watched as he pulled the Polaroid out of the inside pocket. “It’s okay,” he said with relief, setting it aside and reaching for Cal once more.

Cal’s breath caught, and he located his own photo. It was damp at the bottom edge but still intact. He set it beside Jack’s. He flipped the light back off, and then let the man grab him.

The journey to the bedroom was a scramble to remove the wet clothing. Cal wrestled with his shirt and Jack’s pants, dropping them to the floor and then kicking them along as he walked, not wanting to leave evidence in case Harrison came back before they were awake.

Jack shoved the bedroom door closed behind them and leapt at Cal. His skin was slick and slippery, and Cal held on as best he could. Jack’s mouth was everywhere — his neck, his chest, his jaw — and he concentrated on breathing under the assault.

They fell onto Cal’s bed, and Jack rolled to the side, pulling Cal with him.

“Don’t wait,” he said. “I want you inside me.”

The bed was too small. Cal’s knee crashed into the wall as he tried to reposition them.

“Ow. Fuck,” he yelped.

Jack laughed. “Are you okay?”

“No,” said Cal, but he was already moving again.

The next curse came from Jack as he attempted to scoot up the bed and jammed his elbow.

“We need more room,” he said.

“I’m sorry I’m so huge,” said Cal.

“I’m not.” Jack giggled. “Come on, let’s get the other bed.”

Laughing uncontrollably now, they shoved the heavy wooden frame across the room so that the narrow beds were aligned. Jack scrambled onto the newly made space, crooked his finger with a smirk.

Cal crawled over him. “Now?” he asked.

“Now,” Jack said.

The mood shifted immediately. Cal feasted on Jack’s mouth and neck while he moved into place, then swallowed the man’s gasp as he slid home.

Sweat mingled with rain on skin, giving Jack a mildly salty, dewy taste that had Cal groaning. As the storm continued, lightning created a series of still images that burned into Cal’s mind.

Memory. Curls rioting around Jack’s face as he gazed at Cal with pupils blown.

Memory. Jack’s hands clenching the sheets, Cal’s hands on his wrists.

Memory. Jack’s head thrown back, the column of his throat exposed.

Memory. Love, in blue and silver.

In the morning, Cal woke first. Jack was tangled around him, face tucked into Cal’s neck and snoring lightly. His breath and the soft vibrations of his snoring tickled Cal’s skin, and he sighed, feeling happier than he remembered feeling…ever. He tightened his grip around Jack and basked in it for as long as he could.

After a while, Jack stirred. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled on a hum.

“Morning,” he said, his voice blurry and rough.

“Morning,” Cal replied. He kissed the top of Jack’s head and stroked a palm along his back.

There was a long beat of silence, and then Jack sighed. “Thank you for bringing me here,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” said Cal. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”

“I wanted to…see you here,” Jack murmured. “So later, I can picture you, where you are. When you aren’t with me.”

Cal’s heart thudded once, a second time. “You think you will? Imagine me here?”

“Every day,” Jack said.

“I won’t have that,” said Cal. “For you. When you’re back in Los Angeles, I’ve never been. So I can’t…”

Another long pause. The sound of breathing, hearts beating. A whoosh of a car driving by outside.

“Well,” said Jack, “you could visit.”

Cal froze.

“Unless…I mean, that’s only if you wanted to.” Jack cleared his throat. “You probably?—“

“Okay,” said Cal.

“Okay? You’ll visit?” Jack pushed himself up, looked down at Cal. “You’d want to?”

“Yeah,” said Cal. “What would we…be?”

Jack blinked. “I don’t know. I guess we’d have to figure that out. But friends, at least.”

He settled back into place, and Cal tried to get his emotions under control. Jack wanted him to visit .

“Sure,” said Cal. “At least that.”

As the sun rose, he found himself, for the first time, wondering if maybe this is what he’d been feeling at the edge of. Being able to imagine something else, something other than the life that had been planned for him since birth.

It was probably nothing but a dream, but if he could visit…it would have to be enough.