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V alda…

Maris’s breath shuddered in disbelief. Her eyes trailed over her mate. She would’ve mistaken her for someone else if not for those eyes and that deep voice.

But it was her…

Those honey eyes locked in, preventing Maris from looking elsewhere.

Yet, the woman now standing before Maris looked nothing like the one from her dreams. She was tense, her eyes darting nervously from side to side before locking onto Maris, consuming her with an intense gaze. Every inch of her skin was caked in sand, dirt, or blood. Her hair was longer, going down to graze her neck, framing her face to a perfection Maris didn’t know was possible.

Maris swallowed hard, the metallic tang of blood sharp on her tongue. Valda took hold of Maris’s trident, turning it over in her hands as though debating whether it was wise to return it. After a brief, tense silence, Valda raised her gaze and extended the trident back to Maris.

Although countless battles were happening around her, Maris could only stare at Valda as the other woman stood straight and offered her hand. Maris noticed the calloused palms and bruises. How long had Valda been fighting? How long had she held on to a weapon after they parted ?

Pushing those thoughts away, Maris reached for Valda’s hand. Her touch made her entire being come back to life as if a match had been lit. Maris squeezed her hand, her eyes never leaving Valda’s intense glare.

Something heavy brushed against her leg. Looking down, Maris found Cerberus gazing up at her with steady eyes before settling between her ankles.

Suddenly, the loud gallops pulled her from the trance. She slipped her hand out of Valda’s reach as Isen stopped a mere foot from them. “I sent Melvian out with a group of our men.” His focus shifted from Valda and Maris before he steadied his unruly horse.

“We will meet again at Titania,” Valda said, her eyes never leaving Maris.

Isen offered no response, slamming his heels into the horse’s flank and riding away from the settlement. Maris watched him go, her gaze lingering until he disappeared, all the while chaos erupted around her. Arwin’s men and Valda’s clashed violently, cutting each other down, while the Sealians scrambled to load carriages with whatever they could salvage before fleeing.

The smell of burning wood took her by surprise, and it settled into a heaviness in her chest. They were burning the settlement down… all the Sealians’ hard work was for nothing.

“We must go,” Valda said, her voice deep and strained.

Before Maris could answer, Valda clutched her elbow and led her away while letting out a loud whistle. A horse came rushing towards her amidst the chaos. It took Maris a few seconds to register what was happening. With a surprised gasp, she jerked her arm away from Valda and took a step back, raising her trident at her mate.

“I will leave when there are no Sealians in this settlement, and everyone is safe.”

“My men have taken over the evacuation. They will be fine. Come.” Valda reached for her again, but Maris stepped back, lifting the trident until its sharp tip hovered dangerously close to Valda’s throat. Cerberus jumped on Valda’s shoulder, reaching out to touch the tip of the trident with its paw.

“I will not leave…” Maris said, ignoring the animal’s gesture.

Valda’s upper lip twitched. She grabbed the trident’s longest spear and pressed it to the hollow of her neck. “If you are going to kill me, do it now, before I lose my damn mind and do something I will regret, Maris.”

Maris’s eyes widened in shock. This woman... she wasn’t Valda.

“Do it!” Valda bellowed, pressing the tip of the middle spear to her neck, drawing one drop of blood .

Maris pulled the trident back and let out a ragged sob.

Eight months…

Eight months without seeing or touching her, and although she wanted desperately to wrap her arms around her, make sure that she was real and that she was her Valda, Maris couldn’t help but feel that bubbling rage within her chest.

Yet, the rage wasn’t strong to push her to hurt Valda, not physically at least.

“I won’t.”

“Then let’s go. No one will put their hands on you.” Valda reached for her again, but Maris took yet another step back. “I swear to Ouranos, Maris…”

“I won’t leave them to fend for themselves!”

Valda closed her eyes with a snarl and took a deep breath. She ran her dirty fingers through her hair and opened her eyes to stare down at Maris. The younger woman shuddered at the sight of Valda’s contained rage.

“Fine,” Valda exhaled.

Maris relaxed when Valda lowered her shoulders. “Help me go through the houses and make sure everyone made it out,” Maris said, and when Valda nodded, she turned back to the settlement, but a sharp strike to the back of her neck made everything around her succumb to the shadows.

Maris was the most stubborn woman Valda had ever met in her entire existence.

Though she was used to Skylians being hardheaded idiots, she never thought Maris would be like that. Then again, the woman was raised amongst Skylians, it was only natural for her to adopt their hardheadedness.

She knew Maris would resist leaving New Agenor. What she never thought was that Maris would kill anyone. It took Valda by surprise when she ran by the lakes and saw five soldiers floating in one of them. A sense of pride spread through her, followed by dread. She couldn’t tell if Maris was hurt in this encounter, so before she made it to the square, she filled her waterskin with water from one of the cleaner lakes. Hoping she wouldn’t have to use it, Valda kept it close in case she needed to heal Maris .

When she made it to the square amidst the chaos, she screamed Maris’s name, bellowing it to no avail. Maris was not there. If she wasn’t in the settlement, where was she?

Valda searched for her, killing anyone who stood in her path. Her sword did not cease to move as she thrust into the stomachs of traitors to the real crown. How dare they call themselves Skylian soldiers?

Then she heard her. Valda could recognize Maris’s voice amid a storm. She had engraved her sounds deep within her very soul. Her mate called for Melvian, making it easier for her to point out where she was.

It took Valda a moment to realize that the woman she was staring at was the same woman she saw in her dreams.

This Maris was a warrior, ready to sacrifice her life for her people and friends. But Valda would not have that. She would not have Maris give up her life to save others, not when she was there to protect her. As vermin attacked her mate, Valda saw red when he kneed her face and slammed his sword handle to Maris’s brow.

Before she knew what she was doing, Valda skewered the traitor with the Heaven Sword, lifting him from the ground and tossing him away as if he was nothing but a dead animal. And then she saw her, so close she could almost touch her. Even with her bloodied lips, disheveled hair, and petrified eyes, Valda had to stop herself from kissing her.

Of course, after saving her life, Maris had to be stubborn. There would be casualties. They were in the middle of a war. To stay behind and hope for everyone to survive was ludicrous, not to mention that Valda planned the evacuation alongside Isen. Everything would be fine.

But no.

Maris needed to threaten her with the trident, and Valda had no other choice but to knock her out if she wanted to leave the settlement and put her some place safe. Not even poor Cerberus could make her reason.

Valda jumped on her horse, secured the trident tightly to the saddle, and waited for Cerberus to jump behind her. Looking at the trident, her stomach turned when she remembered who taught Maris how to use it.

Eyphah…

Valda sniffed in disgust and settled Maris securely between her legs, helping her lean against her chest, before grabbing the reins. Within minutes, Valda cleared the outskirts of New Agenor, completely ignoring the trail of carriages of Sealians and her soldiers had created in their evacuation. Valda took a different turn no one knew about. Isen would head to Titania with the rest of her people and the Sealians. If she wanted to talk to Maris, she needed her undivided attention, and if she was too worried about her people, Valda wouldn’t get through to her.

Valda didn’t go far, finding the caves the rogues mostly used as a hideout. One cave already had amenities for anyone needing shelter for days. Arwin had told her about the cave system long ago, and they always used it when training or fighting rebels.

Now, Valda was the rebel.

She tied the reins by the cave mouth and walked in, carrying Maris securely in her arms. She didn’t go too deep into the cave. A fire pit and a mess of animal fur waited on the far end, close to the cave wall. Valda settled Maris there, making sure she was comfortable. Cerberus quickly jumped on Maris, laying on her stomach and kneading her abdomen while purring and closing her eyes.

“I missed her too, Cerberus,” Valda whispered, looking down at Maris’s face. She looked calm, and Valda wanted nothing more but to keep it that way, but she knew that as soon as Maris opened her eyes, Tartarus would rise from the depths of the earth and settle upon the surface.

Yet Valda couldn’t stop looking. Her dirty hands clenched into tight fists to stop herself from touching her. Her body called to her. She needed to feel that she was real, that this wasn’t another dream.

Loosening her fist, Valda brushed the back of her fingers over Maris’s swollen cheek and then her busted lip. She decided that as soon as Maris woke up, she would give her the lake water, but first, they needed to eat. Valda returned to her horse, pulled her satchel, and then knelt before the pit. She quickly started a fire to keep them both warm for the night and cook the meat rations she had taken before heading to New Agenor. She placed a long slab of rock over the fire and settled the pieces of meat over it to cook.

Once the meat was cooking, Valda sat on the ground, staring at the fire before her eyes trailed back to Maris. She was facing the wall while Cerberus rolled up into a ball and slept by her feet. For a second, Valda envied her cat.

Valda noticed the subtle changes in her mate. Her hair was longer. Her arms and thighs looked slightly thicker. Valda exhaled sharply and squeezed her hands into fists again. It had been so long since she had touched and kissed her. It drove her insane to sit by the fire instead of being with her. She wanted to wake her up, talk to her, and get this over with, but she allowed Maris to rest.

After a long, quiet hour, Maris finally stirred and groaned in pain .

Valda didn’t go to her, even if her body begged her. Maris turned to face the fire and narrowed her eyes, adjusting to the brightness seeping through the cave’s entrance. Her mate touched her head and then her lip and hissed.

“Valda?” Maris called out to her as she squinted.

Valda moved uncomfortably on the ground, and answered, “I am here.”

Maris sat up on the furs and let out a soft sigh. Her eyes finally adjusted to the fire, and Valda could’ve sworn she saw a hint of playfulness cross over Maris’s features before she looked to the ground. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

Valda grunted in amusement. “I’ve spent many days in inhospitable places. Part of my training included hunting and cooking.”

“Right.” Maris hissed again as she touched her cheek. “Don’t tell me that bastard Arwin taught you how to cook, too.” Maris raised a skeptical eyebrow at her, venom spewing as she said the general’s name. “What a wonderful father figure.”

Valda lowered her gaze. Her upper lip twitched in disgust at the notion that everything she knew to survive was thanks to that man. “He did.” She grabbed some slabs of meat and her water skin and stood up. “Here. This is water from the lakes, and you should eat something before we continue.”

Valda held her breath as Maris’s burning blue eyes locked with hers amidst the flickering darkness. The playfulness was suddenly replaced by a wave of anger she could feel deep within her chest. Maris then dislodged their stares to look down at what she was offering with disgust.

“You knock me out, bring me to a cave in the middle of nowhere, offer me food and water and you expect bygones to be bygones?”

“Maris…” Valda growled in a scolding tone.

“I don’t want what you are offering. I don’t need your help or the help of your men to move the settlers.”

“Are you sure? Because the last thing I remember was you on the ground about to get murdered. If I hadn’t stopped him, I would be burying my mate somewhere on the outskirts of Umbriel.”

“Fuck you, Valda,” Maris snarled, standing up and walking to the mouth of the cave, accidentally knocking off Cerberus.

“You will not turn your back on me!” Valda followed her, placing the food and waterskin next to the fire .

“I will do whatever I see fit! I don’t know your intentions to keep me in this forsaken place, but I will find my way back to Titania!” Maris yelled as she left the cave.

The cold night air hit her at full force. She froze and looked around at the endless miles of sand around them. If Maris wanted to escape, she was going to have a horrible time deciding where to go.

“You don’t even know where the city is!”

“I will find a way!” Maris snapped.

“You will not find a way when you don’t even know where to look!” Valda grabbed her elbow just as she was about to climb onto her horse. If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve thought Maris was about to steal it… Who was this woman and why was she so fucking attracted to this new fiery version of her mate?

As she pulled Maris away from the saddle, the air was pushed out of her lungs.

“Do not come any closer!” Maris shouted, threatening Valda with the trident.

Valda’s hand moved to her stomach, rubbing where Maris had struck her. Valda stood there, unmoving, as she eyed the trident and finally Maris. “Amazing what eight months of training can do.”

“I don’t want to listen to you, Valda.”

“But you will… I’ve had it with you always blocking me out,” Valda snarled.

Yet, Maris’s angered expression broke into one of disbelief. “Block you? You were blocking me too! I couldn’t feel you during the day and then at night…” Maris stuttered, a delicious shade of red coloring her face. Maris moved away as if wanting to hide from Valda’s analyzing gaze.

“I know. I looked for you. Every night. Every. Single. Night. And when I couldn’t get a hold of you was pure torture.”

“Our dreams were not the same, Valda.”

“When we were together, they were the same, Seashell…”

Maris frowned and returned her intense gaze to Valda. Her face slanted to the side as a doubtful eyebrow arched. “When we were together?”

Valda nodded. “We were together.“ Her face softened, and a slight curve appeared at the corner of her mouth.

Maris’s grip on her trident tightened, and as much as Valda expected Maris to let down her walls, she did anything but. The Sealian raised her trident again; her face an amalgamation of emotions reflected in a jumble in Valda’s chest. Maris wasn’t sure how she was feeling .

“Why did you torture me like that? Each night I saw you, I … we…”

“It was real, Maris.”

“I was mad at you and yet you used our connection to coerce me to—“

“Coerce you?” Valda frowned. “Maris, you gave in as much as I did. Your need was palpable, just as mine was, even if it was a dream.”

“My dream of when we were back at the castle—“ Maris’s jaw quivered at the sudden realization.

“I told you it was real, didn’t I?”

“I thought it was just my mind looking for solace… I thought it was my subconscious trying to save me from my loneliness, but now you’re saying it was you.”

“It was you too… You were there waiting for me, Maris, in my bed!”

“I don’t want to hear about it! You think just because we rolled around in the sheets in our dreams that everything is fine? It is not!”

“Maris, please put down the trident. We need to talk.” Valda finally moved. Her steady hand pushed the trident away, only to have the weapon push against her harshly.

“You want to talk? Fine! I am all ears!” Maris planted the base of the trident in the sand and crossed her arms under her chest. “Talk! But I want every single detail of what happened that day, and I swear if I find out you are lying—“

“I would never lie to you.”

Maris swallowed hard and jerked her chin. “Go ahead. Talk. Tell me about the day you murdered my father.”

Valda looked at the ground. She had never spoken about that day with anyone but her mother. To finally open up about what she had done to no other than the person most affected by it, was excruciating. Valda rubbed her hands over her pants as if she was wiping away blood. She inhaled deeply and started.

“I was sixteen years old,” Valda began, her eyes glued to the ground. “I had started my training a couple of years back as a warrior under Arwin’s wing. The day before, he had told me he was going to teach me a “valuable” lesson. I never thought ill of it. Arwin took my father’s place when he died, in more ways than one.” Valda scoffed. “I didn’t know what he was about to make me do. He told me he was going to teach me how to dispose of a traitor to the crown.” Finally, Valda lifted her eyes and saw Maris’s lower lip trembling.

“Go on…” Maris said, jerking her chin again.

“He brought your father through the back entrance of the castle and—”

“Details, Valda. I want all the details.”

“Maris, I don’t think—”

“You owe me that!” Maris’s voice broke. “Just tell me.”

Valda wanted to hold her so badly. She wanted to wrap her arms around her, pull her into a tight hug and beg her forgiveness, but maybe this was what she needed to heal. She needed to know everything.

“He was tied to a horse, and his head was covered up. I guess Arwin took him by force at some point. I… I remember I asked him if he knew why he was here, and he didn’t know.”

“Of course, he didn’t know! He was an innocent man!”

Valda nodded. “He was… I asked Arwin to explain. He said that Raan was a traitor to the crown, and it was because of him that my father was dead. He didn’t get help fast enough on purpose and that… he was also in charge of a group of rebels down at Umbriel. I suspected something was off, so I… I let him speak.”

“And?”

“He denied everything Arwin was accusing him of. Arwin kept rambling, saying that it was obvious he would deny things, and it made sense, anyone would say anything to not face death, and…”

“You believed him.”

Valda nodded. “Arwin kept screaming at me to kill him, and then Raan spoke of you… of his family.” Her heart ached for Maris as her mate’s tears trailed down her face. “I did hesitate. I knew what it was to lose a father.” Valda’s gaze dropped once more, ashamed. “But Arwin was louder than my doubts, and as the uproar continued, I lost myself. I moved towards him, but Arwin grabbed my hand and…” Valda paused for a second, wiped her palms once more and continued. “I stabbed your father in the stomach.”

Maris swallowed hard and also looked down. Valda gave her a moment to recuperate, to take it all in. Maris wiped her face angrily and nodded for her to continue.

“He called to you, and just as he was about to say something about you, Arwin…” Valda’s hands formed fists as she bit her lower lip. “Arwin slashed his throat…”

How could she have been so stupid…How could Arwin do such a thing? And for what? To keep Maris away?

“So, it wasn’t you who made the final blow?”

“If I did or didn’t… The injury I inflicted would’ve killed him, eventually.” Valda’s voice quivered, ashamed of what she had said, but as she had released her breath and anxiety, Maris turned her back on her and went back to the horse. “What are you doing? ”

“I am leaving. I can’t stay here with you!” Maris said, her hands desperately grabbing hold of the reins.

“Maris, wait!” Valda took two broad steps, grabbed her by the elbow, and pulled her away from the animal.

This time when Maris tried to push her away, Valda dodged the swing of the trident, grabbing the shaft and pulling it away from Maris’s grasp before tossing it to the ground. Crouching low, Maris slammed the heel of her foot against her knees. Valda crashed to the ground just as Maris moved to grab the trident. With a flick of her wrist, Valda commanded the wind, making Maris cover her face, trying to protect it from the sand.

Valda grabbed Maris from behind and held her arms tightly. She covered the smaller woman with her body and pulled her to a sitting position on the sand.

“Maris! Stop!”

Maris slammed her head back and hit Valda’s nose, but Valda’s grip did not yield even when her nose bled.

“Listen to me!”

Maris struggled for seconds more before letting out a loud huff and leaning forward and away from Valda’s body.

“I am sorry! I am sorry I killed him! I am sorry I didn’t have the guts or the strength to stop myself… to stop Arwin. I am sorry that it was because of me that your life went to shit, and I swear if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t have done what I did. From all the wonderful things you’ve said about him, your father was a great man, and he didn’t deserve to die in such a way. Your mother didn’t deserve to lose her mate the way she did, and you did not deserve to lose your family.”

Slowly, Maris’s struggling subsided, and all that remained was her soft sobbing.

“I know it doesn’t matter what I say, it won’t bring him or your mother back, but Maris, believe me when I say I will do everything to make it up to you in this lifetime. And if it is still not enough, I will try to do so in my next life, then the next, and the next.”

Maris trembled in her arms as a sob racked through her. Ever so slowly, Maris leaned back to rest her back against Valda’s chest. Valda placed her large hand against her stomach, pressing their bodies as close as she could.

Squeezing Valda’s forearm, Maris shuddered a breath and said, “My father was a good man. He gave himself fully to his family, to me. His death was the downfall of everything I held dear… I was left with nothing! ”

Valda nodded, her other hand released Maris’s wrist. “I know, Seashell. You did not deserve that pain.”

“I didn’t and yet, every night I wished for the one responsible for my suffering to perish the most horrible death possible. Every time I woke up from the nightmare of seeing my mother’s body swinging from the ceiling of her room, I prayed to the gods for my chance to find the person who did this to my family. I never would’ve thought it would be you that made all of this happen. I was so angry, Valda. So resentful toward you… and yet, I never could’ve brought myself to hate you.”

Valda sighed against the back of Maris’s head and closed her eyes tightly, trying her hardest to stop tears from forming.

“I did try to block you out, to stop the bond and go about my day as numb as I possibly could… but whenever I felt you, I relished knowing you were alive… and then came the evenings.”

Maris’s walls crumbled, dissolving into nothingness until all that remained was the aching need to be close. Valda didn’t dare to do anything more than hold the Sealian as tightly as she would allow her.

“I always looked forward to dreaming of you. Even if at the beginning we screamed at each other and fought. I didn’t care because you were there with me one way or the other at the end of it all. I could touch you. I could kiss you. I could have you and you could have me.” Maris sobbed again, her arms relaxing under Valda’s hold. Valda cradled the younger woman in her arms. “It was torture to wake up each morning to find my bed empty. I felt myself crack each time I opened my eyes, and you were not there next to me. And when I was pulled out of my dreams. I—” Maris shuddered. “I always wanted you with me.”

“I am sorry…”

“I am sorry for letting my anger dictate my actions.”

“You were blinded by rage. I was blinded by trust.”

Maris swallowed hard and pressed her face to the crook of Valda’s neck, her hand finding the dirty blouse. Clutching the soft fabric, Maris inhaled sharply before letting out a ragged sob. “I have missed you every second of every hour of every day.”

Valda shuddered in a breath and cradled the back of Maris’s neck, tilting her face enough to look down at her tear-filled eyes. “I was going insane not knowing about you. Whenever I got a sliver of you, I clutched to it as if my life depended on it. Holding you now…” Valda sighed and pressed her nose to Maris’s head. “I can’t believe I am touching you. ”

Her grip tightened, not scared that she might crush Maris to her chest. She needed to feel Maris and engrave the feeling of her body on her skin. It had been too long, long enough to make the memory of Maris’s skin fade. She would rather die than forget that.

“I will make it up to you, Seashell. I will not rest until I have your forgiveness.”

Maris stirred against her enough to tilt her head and looked at Valda’s glassy eyes. “I don’t think I can— I mean, I need time.”

“I will wait, even if I am an old woman, I will wait for it, and I will be here when you’re ready to grant me that forgiveness.”

Maris’s lips parted as if wanting to say something else. Instead, she bit her lower lip, nodded, and rested her body against Valda’s strong one. It would be awhile until she came to terms with what Valda had done; Valda knew this.

Though she was in no hurry to receive her grace, one thing was certain: never again would she be forced from Maris’s side.