Page 44 of The Spirit of Love

I close my eyes and remember the one time I knew something impossible, intuitively, with total certainty. Edie, in the hospital, when I was ten years old.

I think about Jude. And I do know. I want more of him. All kinds of more. But…

“Haven’t I mentioned,” I say to Masha, “that he is here with Tania?”

“Why do you assume it’s romantic between them?”

“Firewood. Honey. Wine. All signs point to kinky, sticky sex. And I’m back to ew.”

“Fenny, what if we entertain the possibility that you might be wrong?”

“Speak English please.”

“Tania isn’t here with Jude to try to seduce him. And even if she were…” She points at the computer screen, where the video of me dancing with Jude plays on loop.

I stare at it, and I see what it looks like: two people who are really into each other, dancing. I stare at it and remember how good our connection that night had felt.

“I hate to break it to you,” Masha says, “but…Jude is into you.”

“Maybe he was that night,” I say with a sigh, “but since Olivia’s wedding, I managed to mess up everything.”

Footsteps sound overhead on the deck. I hear Olivia’s voice, then Jake’s. They seem to be arguing over who makes better pina coladas, which sounds like it’s going to result in something called a colada-off.

“Before I was pregnant,” Masha tells me, her eyes still fixed on the computer screen, “I used to love when they argued about cocktails.”

“When mixologists war,” I say, “everybody wins.”

A moment later, there’s a knock on the doorframe.

“Olivia?” Masha says.

“We’re freaking out,” I say, looking at my computer screen. “We need help from someone who believes in parallel universes—”

Masha smacks me, her eyes cutting toward the doorway.

“ Jude! ” I scream at the sight of him. He’s standing, in the flesh, on The Midlife Crisis . I slam the laptop closed. “What are you doing here?”

Masha smacks me again. “We thought you were—”

“Someone else?” Jude asks, looking at me. “That keeps happening to me today.”

“What are you doing here?” I repeat because I need to know.

“Sorry to barge in on you.” He really does sound sorry. “I heard you were here, Fenny…Is it possible we could talk?”

“You know what?” Masha says. “It’s been almost thirteen minutes since I peed, and I’m dying.” She scoots toward the end of the bunk bed, then climbs carefully down the ladder. “I’ll be back!” She slips out the cabin door, and Jude and I are alone.

Without Masha next to me, the setting becomes ridiculous.

Jude is too tall to hunch in the doorway, but I can’t see his eyes if he stands in the hall.

There’s zero room inside this cabin that is not the bunk bed, but he definitely won’t fit up here with me.

The lower bunk is even more cramped. Not to mention… bed-like.

“Maybe we should go somewhere else?” I offer—just as the boat starts to move. I hear a blast of horns from above deck and Captain Dan’s voice calling out, “Anchors up!”

“Hey!” Jude calls up deck. “I haven’t even asked her yet!”

“Now would be a great time,” Captain Dan calls back.

“Asked me what?” I study Jude, who looks a little green. “Are you okay?” I point at the deck. “Do you need some air?”

Jude nods and takes the stairs two at a time. I look around the cabin and wonder what the hell transpired in the last five minutes. I climb down the bunk bed ladder and head up the stairs to the deck.

The first person I see is Tania. She’s in the cockpit with a bare leg wrapped around Captain Dan’s waist. Her painted red lips are tickling his earlobe, and he’s loving everything she’s serving, as evidenced by his roving hands.

I stare at this, then look at Jude, who gives me a conspiratorial laugh.

I move toward him. “You’re okay with that?”

“That Tania has a healthy sexual appetite?”

“That and—”

“That she’s super down with PDA?” Jude shrugs. “I don’t know if it’s for me, but I think everyone should do what makes them happy.”

“That’s very open-minded of you.”

“Even though I’m not sure I get it,” Jude says, “it’s pretty clear that Captain Dan adds something to her life.”

“Right.” I nod, ever more confused. “So what were you going to ask me?”

Jude looks over his shoulder at the isthmus we’re pulling away from. “I was going to ask you if you’d take a boat ride with me to another part of the island. But it seems I am too late. If you want to jump ship, you could probably still make it to shore—”

“Why do you want to take me to another part of the island?”

Jude nods. “That’s a fair question I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m still working out how to explain it myself.”

Olivia appears before us, four cups of pina coladas on a tray. “A taste test.” Out of the side of her mouth, she whispers, “Mine is on the left, so you know how to vote.” She winks as Jude and I take one of each.

We sip.

“You’re cheating!” Jake cries, appearing before us in a green swimsuit, whisking his glasses out of our hands. “Mine are meant to be served in coconuts. Using a glass is drinking with one tongue tied behind your back.”

“Oh, give us all a break!” Olivia shouts at the sky.

Masha appears between the arguing newlyweds. “Lovers, I need you,” she says, pulling them both away and giving me a You’re welcome look. “Let’s give these two a minute.”

“A minute’s all they need to judge the colada-off,” Olivia argues.

As soon as they’re gone, Jude pours both his drinks into the coconut, downs the whole thing, and says to me, “I think they pair especially well together.”

I smile. “That’s it exactly.”

“And, having just shot-gunned a very large serving of rum, I think I’m ready now.”

“For what?”

He points at the island. I hold my breath as Jude reaches for my hand and says, “To tell you the truth.”