Page 21

Gamble With Happiness

“I need those Shadows back.” Reven snarls the demand with a look that flays me.

“So you can kill them.” Defeat lays heavy in my voice as I take a measured, heavy step back. “I know. It didn’t work before, so you tried to end your life—”

“Stop! Just stop.”

I blow out a breath, trying to keep my heart from shriveling up and dying. “We are—”

“I don’t want to hear another word. Give me the Shadows and I’ll go.”

“Go ahead, Meren,” Shadows say. “Try to give us away.”

I happen to glance down, which is when I see it. The slight tremble to his hands. My heart shrivels even more. He’s afraid. As much as Reven lets himself be afraid. I’m pretty sure if I tell him we’re bondmates now, he’ll lose his shit completely.

What do I do? What do I… “I’ll make you a deal.”

“I don’t make deals with liars.”

Frustration cuts through some of the heartache, followed by a flash of familiarity. I’m dealing with the stubborn, suspicious, secretive, inclined-to-be-an-asshole version of the man I first fell in love with all over again. The version of him that kidnapped me and dragged me through the Wildernyssian forests all the way to Tyndra. A sense of calm drops over me.

I know exactly how to deal with him when he’s like this.

In control of my emotions and my power again, I shove the darkness inside me back down into silence, then cross my arms and raise my eyebrows at Reven, unimpressed. “Call me a liar again, and the deal is off.”

“I told you. No deal—”

He cuts himself off as I shoot him a smirky, extra-sweet, know-it-all smile that I know gets under his thick skin.

“You think this is funny?” he snaps.

If I wasn’t desperate, I’d laugh. I guess it still works. “I have your Shadows, and I’ve shown I can defend myself against you.” I let that sink in a moment as he glares at me. “So, of the two of us, I’m in the greater position to negotiate.”

A long bout of silence greets that statement.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

More silence. I don’t look away, waiting for him to give up and acknowledge I’m right.

“What do you want?” he asks, grudging and resentful now.

Easy question. “I want you to stay with us. Either until your memory returns, or until you realize that I’m not lying to you.”

“Give me the Shadows back, and—”

I shake my head. “Uh-uh. If I do that, then you’ll just take them and run.”

Reven lifts a single, disdainful eyebrow. “I guess we’re stuck then.”

I roll my eyes. How did I fall in love with this version of Reven the first time? He is so…maddening.

“I guess you are.” I spin around, my back to him. I take a step, then another, and keep going.

“Stop,” Reven calls out, voice loaded with resentment.

I pause, then slowly turn to face him, eyebrows raised in extra-patient inquiry. “Yes?”

He sets his feet, arms crossed. “What’s your offer?”

“Stay with us for…a month…” A month should get us well past the Celestial Alignment. “Give us a chance to prove we’re not lying. That you are our…friend. After that, if you still want to go, we won’t stop you.”

I’ll follow him wherever he goes, but he doesn’t need to hear that now.

“With the Shadows.”

I hesitate. Should I cross my fingers behind my back while I semi-lie to my bondmate’s untrusting face? I know my Shadowraith. He’s going to try to take his Shadows and escape every chance he gets. I’ll just have to trust that we’ll both figure things out by then. “With the Shadows.”

“I’m here as your prisoner?” he asks.

“As our guest.” I wave at his glass prison. “I’ll let you out of there if you promise not to hurt anyone.”

“If I’m attacked, I will defend myself.”

As if anyone here would try that for so many reasons. “Fair enough. You won’t be.”

He stares at me. Goddess, I’ve missed that look so much. Missed him so much. All I want to do is wrap my arms around him, lay my head on his shoulder, and let go. Breathe again.

But I can’t.

I could howl at the unfairness of it all. Cry for days and not run out of tears. They’re burning the backs of my eyes, threatening to fall. But weakness is something I can’t show right now, can’t be right now. Not when he needs me to be strong.

Pella rushes up, Hakan and Horus hard on her heels. They must’ve heard the ruckus. All three skid to a halt when they see Reven.

“Mother goddess,” Pella whispers.

Curse the fates and the goddesses and everything else that has brought us here.

Reven’s stare turns harder, if that’s possible. “I don’t know what game you are playing, and I don’t trust you.”

“You wanted to kill me. So we’re on equal footing there.”

“Two weeks,” he says. “I’ll give you two weeks.”

Less time. Damn. I should’ve asked for two months. Tabra would have negotiated better. I can see in his face that he’s already thinking he won’t really give me that long.

“I have your word you’ll stay?” I ask.

His entire being goes still.

Ha! Got you.

Even without his memory, I know Reven. I know that honor is big with him, and he won’t give his word unless he means to keep it.

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks while you give us a true chance.” I nod. “Your word.”

He glances away. “Fuck,” he mutters. And I almost smile, because that’s so him . Then his focus is back to me. “Agreed. You have my word.”

If he wasn’t watching my every move, I’d pitch forward and take a long breath of relief. Two weeks isn’t much—we have a king to fight, my kingdom to win back, and goddesses to release…or not. At the very least, a decision to make about them.

But I have the truth on my side.

Reven will either remember, or he’ll see the truth for himself. He has to.

“I’ve given my word,” he says, voice all-things-commanding king that he came from. “Release me.”

It takes only a few seconds of effort before the glass and shadows containing him fall at his feet at my command.

He stares at me, and I stare at him.

What I want to do, so despairingly it’s like a sandstorm inside me, is wrap my arms around him and hold on tight until he remembers. Obviously that’s out.

But I know Reven. He’s part of me, mind and soul. I need to trust in that.

In him.

In who he is at his core.

In who we are.

Even if it means going against every wish in my heart crying out that he’s back, he’s not really. If I was the one in his place, I’d want to feel safe first. Build trust second.

Hells, that’s how I learned to love him in the first place.

I force my feet to take me away from him, give him space. “Get Reven set up with his own tent,” I say to the others.

Cain clears his throat. “I’ll assign guards—”

“No guards.” A glance over my shoulder shows me Reven tensed at those words, but eases slightly, watching me with wary distrust. Trust is going to have to be entirely on my side. “We are not going to treat him any differently. He’s one of us. He just…needs to remember that.”

His features twitch with the tiniest hint of emotion. Too fast for me to catch the nuance. I pray to Nova that it’s the first glimmering of second guessing what he thinks he knows. But probably it was just suspicion.

“Follow me,” Cain says in a voice full of his own doubts.

Vos and Pella go with them.

Reven’s gaze doesn’t leave me until he’s through the door. The second he leaves my sight, I sink to the ground, my shaky legs unable to hold me up any longer.

Drawing my knees up to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and squeeze my eyes tight, trying to hold another wave of feelings, knowing if I don’t, the Shadows will ooze back up. Reven is safely back with us, I try to tell myself. The rest we can figure out, but he’s here. He’s here with me.

Only he’s not. Not really.

The reality of that settles deep.

Tziah sits down quietly beside me and wraps her arms around me. I lay my cheek on her shoulder…and cry.

And ignore the voices.