Page 71 of The Senator's Secret
“No, you’re not,” he says.
“No, I’m not,” I agree.
We sit there quietly, neither of us knowing what to say. I pick at the cuticle on my thumb nail, and Jake just watches me.
“I’m sorry,” we both say at the same time and laugh. It’s awkward and nervous and not at all like we used to be around each other. I hate it immediately.
“I am sorry,” I admit and then decide I’m in for a penny, so I might as well be in for a pound. “I wasn’t fair to you. “I told you that I… cared about you. And then I did not treat you the way I should have, and I am sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” he says, and his voice is rough with deep emotion. “It was me, all me, and I never should have put you in the position I did.”
“Oh… that position wasn’t all bad,” I reply, and my eyes go wide when I realize how my words sound. “What I mean is—”
“I remember a few positions you really like.” He smirks that panty melting smirk that got me into this mess to begin with.
I roll my eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Yes.” Jake glances away before looking back at me, and his blue eyes burn into mine. “I was attracted to you when I first came home, but I wasn’t ready. I had been living in darkness for too long, and you were too bright. I couldn’t sully that with the blood on my hands.”
His words break my heart, and I want him to stop talking, but I also want Jake to feel like he can share his burdens with me. I’ll help him carry them.
“And then when I was almost ready and definitely tired of waiting,” he says in a self-deprecating tone, “you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I kept thinking you’d warm up to me, but you never did.”
“I’m sorry. I should have given you the chance then. You’re a good man, Jake Chancellor, and I wish I hadn’t wasted the time.”
“I’m not a good man,” he says, and when I open my mouth to stop him, he holds up a hand to ask me to let him finish. “No, let me say this. I’m not a good man. I’m not a bad man either. I’ve done things I’m not proud of for the sake of my country and the mission, but they are also things that leave dark marks on your soul. I have also done things in the name of politics that I am not wholly proud of. But if you give me another chance, I promise they will never touch you. I will never lie or mislead you again. There will be things that I won’t be able to tell you, but I will be honest about that. If you take another chance on me, we will be partners. I will make sure you never regret being mine again for the rest of your life. So what do you say?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Yes?”
“Yes,” I tell him. “But your dark marks will touch me, because you’re mine and I love you. I don’t want you to have to suffer alone. I don’t want you to suffer at all. I love you.”
He closes his eyes tight, and when he opens them again, the blue is so bright it sears me where I sit. “I love you too.”
“Yeah?” I ask, tucking that hair behind my ear again.
“Yeah,” he confirms. “I’ve been in love with you for a while.”
“But what about all the—’’ I stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but it’s a little too late. I am such an idiot.
“The other women?” Jake finishes for me.
“Forget I said anything.”
“I was an idiot,” Jake admits. “I couldn’t have you and it hurt.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you too, Grace,” he says, scooting closer and closer to me on the sofa, inch by inch. “So damn sorry. I’m going to kiss you now.”
“Okay,” I whisper, and then he does. Jake presses his lips down to mine and it’s tentative and sweet… and then it isn’t. I’ve missed him so much I grip the front of his T-shirt in my fists. I can’t get close enough to him. And then he pulls back and drops his forehead to mine.
“I didn’t come out here to make out with you on the couch of a retired pro ballplayer. Did you know that’s who your friend married?” he asks me. “Dude is a legend.”
“Yeah, I knew, but Jules and I aren’t big football fans,” I say, watching his face. “I take it you are?”
“I am, but not as much as baseball. I love baseball,” he tells me. “Can I take you to a game sometime?”