Page 2 of The Secret Librarian

Chapter One

Avery

Avery smiled at Michael when he reached for her hand.

He gave it a little squeeze before letting go and reaching for the serving spoon, and she couldn’t help but wonder why he’d paused to touch her when he was clearly more interested in dishing up extra mashed potato.

But then she saw her mother watching, her hand held to her chest as if it were possibly the sweetest thing she’d ever seen, and suddenly Avery understood.

Michael had always known just what to do to charm her mother, from the very first time they’d met, and he’d clearly noticed her gaze resting on them.

‘Our boys will be home by next Christmas, you mark my words,’ Avery’s father said, reaching for the bottle of wine and pouring himself another glass. ‘Germany and the Japs, they don’t stand a chance now that we’ve joined the war. It’ll be over before we know it.’

Her mother made noises that indicated she agreed, and Michael nodded along as if her father was an invaluable source of information and couldn’t possibly be wrong.

It infuriated Avery on a nightly basis that they all just accepted what her father said as gospel.

What she wouldn’t have given for them all to have a lively debate!

The only thing more frustrating was her sister Charlotte’s disinterest in politics and world events.

‘Speaking of our men, it’s such a wonderful thing you’ve been spared from serving, Michael,’ Avery’s mother said. ‘What a worry it would be for our Avery, for all of us , if you had to go and serve.’

‘Another reason to be happy we had daughters,’ her father said. ‘It’s bad enough having a nephew serving, but to have a son sent to God only knows where ...’

‘I hear that women in Europe are helping the war effort more and more every day,’ Avery said, taking her chance to speak up before the conversation changed.

‘I was reading just today, in fact, that women in England are learning to fly fighter planes so they can ferry them about, and that it might be happening soon here in America, too.’

‘Nonsense!’ Her father laughed, before pressing his napkin to his face. ‘You know what I think of women doing men’s jobs. It’s ridiculous to even talk about it.’

‘There are female war correspondents, too,’ Avery said, her cheeks burning hot as her father’s eyes widened. ‘I’ve been preserving articles from a British paper about them at the library.’

‘Here she goes again about the journalists,’ he said, exchanging an impossible-to-miss look with her mother. ‘Why do young women keep thinking they have to take over the world? In my day, women were happy to be teachers or nurses while they waited to have a family; there was none of this nonsense.’

Avery folded her hands in her lap and lowered her gaze, knowing it wasn’t worth the argument. Her father never had any interest in hearing her opinion on anything that didn’t align with his old-fashioned views on politics and society.

‘We’re very proud of our Avery being a librarian though,’ her mother said quickly, more likely for Michael’s benefit than hers. ‘I never thought I’d have a daughter with a degree from Colombia University, so that’s something.’

‘Well, it won’t be much use once she’s married,’ grumbled her father.

Avery looked up then at her parents, feeling the familiar twist in her stomach that she always felt when they talked about her degree.

Her mother was proud of her in her own way, she knew that, but her father had refused to pay her college fees, and so Avery had used her own savings, along with a scholarship, in order to attend, which he’d seemed to take as a personal affront.

He’d even asked her to hang her degree certificate in her bedroom rather than the front room, where his was displayed, and she knew that if she’d been a son, he would have had it framed and hung it there himself.

Right alongside his, for everyone to see.

‘To think both my girls will be married in the summer!’ her mother said. ‘Now that’s something we can all agree is exciting, don’t you think?’

The knot in Avery’s stomach tightened and she felt her cheeks begin to heat.

Thankfully her sister came to life and began prattling on about wedding plans and dresses, so Avery was able to sit in silence, pushing the last of her dinner around her plate before eventually escaping when it was time to clear the table.

She lost herself in washing the plates, running the water until it was bubbly with soap suds, interrupted only when her mother came in to join her.

‘Isn’t that Michael of yours just wonderful?’

Avery nodded, blinking away unexpected tears as she scrubbed one of the plates.

‘He’s going to make an incredible husband, Avery.’

‘What if I don’t want to get married though?’ Avery whispered. ‘What if I want to keep my job and—’

‘Pre-wedding nerves, that’s all,’ her mother interrupted. ‘Don’t go getting all taken with fanciful ideas, because the only thing that will make you happy in this life is a husband and family of your own. Don’t you forget how lucky you are, because one day you’ll look back and realise I was right.’

‘But—’

‘You got your degree and you have your job, Avery. What more do you want?’ Her mother sounded exasperated. ‘There’s only so long a man like Michael will wait, and you can’t keep playing at this independent-woman nonsense forever.’

Avery held her tongue, knowing there was no use in arguing, not when her mother was set on an idea.

The thing was, she was very fond of Michael; she just had the most overwhelming feeling sometimes that she was too young for marriage, and that perhaps he wasn’t actually the one .

That there was supposed to be more to her life than being married with a baby on the way when she was barely twenty-three.

Not to mention that she was fond of him in the same way she might have been a brother, or a puppy even, which she was fairly certain wasn’t how a woman was supposed to feel about the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

There was also the fact that she’d rather work than spend her days cooking and folding laundry, which didn’t exactly align with marriage.

‘You’re right,’ Avery found herself saying, as much to reassure herself as her mother. ‘It’s just pre-wedding jitters, nothing more.’

Her mother patted her hand. ‘Better to have them now than closer to the wedding,’ she said. ‘And you just keep reminding yourself what a lucky girl you are, do you hear me?’

Avery rinsed off the final plate and let the water out of the sink, at the same time as her mother tucked something into the pocket of her dress.

‘This arrived for you today,’ she said. ‘I would have given it to you earlier, but everyone was already here when you got home from work and I forgot until now.’

Avery couldn’t hide her smile, and she quickly dried her hands so she could hold it. She turned the envelope over, knowing it was from her cousin Jack, and she couldn’t wait to read it.

‘Don’t you go disappearing to read that until Michael’s gone, though,’ her mother called as she darted out of the kitchen.

But Avery didn’t care what she said, and besides, Michael wouldn’t miss her in the time it took to read one letter.

If they hadn’t been subjected to blackout drills, she would have run to the porch and sat beneath one of the outdoor lights, but instead she went to her bedroom and lay on her front on her bed, sliding her nail beneath the seal and hurriedly opening the two small sheets of paper inside.

Letters from Jack were as rare as could be, and she always spent days rereading them and imagining the kind of adventure he was on, trying to picture where he might be as he wrote.

Dear Avery,

I know I promised I’d write every week, but sometimes it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open to eat something before falling asleep at the end of each day.

I can’t tell you where I am or what we’re doing, it’ll only be censored, but let me tell you that I can’t believe the places I’ve seen.

For a boy who’d never travelled further than New Jersey, there’s a big wide world out here that I couldn’t have even imagined.

I showed your photo to some of the boys here, and let me tell you they were hollering and begging to meet you once this war is over.

I tried to tell them that you’d be getting married soon, but they wouldn’t hear of it.

Speaking of marriage, have you told Michael that you want to delay the big day for a bit longer?

After the war we can travel together and see the world properly, if that’s still what you want to do.

We only get one chance at this thing called life, Avery, and we have to make the most of it.

I’m sorry about the mud smudged on the paper, but it’s pretty hard to stay clean here.

What I wouldn’t give for a hot bath right now, or a swim in that lake we always went to in the summer when we were kids.

You know, it’s scary here and I know it’s only going to get worse, but there’s something about being away from home that’s freeing, you know?

Like I’m a different person away from the expectations of my father.

You know what I mean, you’re the only person who’s ever known what I mean, so I won’t keep trying to explain it.

Anyway, I have to go, sending love and a big hug. Have a slice of pudding for me and remember to be brave.

Jack.

Avery read his letter for a second time and then held it to her chest, closing her eyes as she rolled on to her back.

The letters Jack sent her were everything – they were cousins who’d been best friends since they could talk, and she missed him like crazy every single day that he was gone.

But more than anything, she had the most overwhelming feeling that Jack was off living his life and having some grand adventure, while she was left behind, about to try on wedding dresses for a ceremony she wasn’t even sure she wanted to be part of.

He was also the only person who knew the truth about what she felt for Michael, and why she was so reluctant to get married.

‘Avery! Where are you?’ her sister called. ‘We’re going to play a game and we need you!’

Avery took a deep breath before rising and putting the letter on her bedside table to read again later.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her life, it was just that she had the most overwhelming sensation of wanting more.

Of wishing she had more control over her life and the decisions that were being made for her, instead of always having to do what was expected.

‘Coming!’ she called back, determined to push her thoughts away and enjoy the rest of the evening, playing charades with her family.

Don’t you forget how lucky you are . Her mother’s words echoed in her mind as she put on a bright smile and went to sit beside Michael, his hand finding hers and squeezing her fingers as Avery’s sister leapt to her feet and entertained them with her terrible attempt at acting.

But no matter how hard she tried to stop her mind from wandering, she couldn’t help but think about the letter on her nightstand, and how much she wished she was having an adventure overseas alongside her cousin, instead of being stuck in the same place she’d been her entire life.