Page 30 of The Secret Crush Book Club (Peach Blossom #3)

“Exactly,” Natasha agreed, not realizing that Dani’s thoughts had started to spiral. “It’s a good thing Jacob settled down instead of being out with a different woman every night like a lot of these men.”

The desk phone rang before Dani could say anything else.

She watched Natasha pick it up and start talking, but her mind was too full to hear any words.

The rest of her shift seemed to move slowly, like she was wading through invisible molasses.

It wasn’t until she was in her driveway that she realized she was supposed to have dinner at Zoey’s place that night.

With a sigh, she got out and headed into the house.

She might as well change clothes since she was there.

Right when she opened the door, Ava and Jordan skidded into view.

“What are you doing here?” Ava asked as she slid on her shoes. “I thought you were headed to Zoey’s tonight.”

“I am,” Dani confirmed. “I was just going to grab a shower. Where are you guys headed?”

“Auntie Ava is taking me to meet Sam for laser tag.”

Dani raised her eyebrows and looked over at Ava. “Isn’t the closest one almost an hour away?”

Ava shrugged. “Sure, but I don’t mind. Go grab a couple bottles of water from the kitchen, Jay.” Ava watched him go before turning to Dani. “Sam’s parents are going through a separation, so his mom asked if we would join them. Just to help get their minds off things.”

Dani nodded. She had heard whispers in town about it, but had tried to stay out of the gossip. “If you’re busy, I can cancel.”

Ava waved her off. “Absolutely not. I got this. Go have fun with Zoey.”

“Are you sure? I’m sure Zoey—”

“No,” Ava said firmly. “You’ve canceled too many dates on people. Don’t mess this up.”

Jordan walked back into the room holding two bottles and once he had his shoes on, they quickly left, leaving Dani alone with the mess that was her own thoughts.

By the time she was showered and walking up to Zoey’s door, she could feel a headache coming on.

The smile on Zoey’s face when she opened the door fell when she saw Dani rubbing at her temples.

“Are you okay?” She stepped back and let Dani inside.

Dani smiled. “I’m okay. Just a little headache, thanks to a really busy day.”

“Here, let me get you some pain medicine. Go ahead and sit on the couch. I ordered pizza, if that’s alright.”

“That’s perfect,” Dani called out as she collapsed on the sofa. She leaned her head back with a sigh and tried to clear her mind. When she heard footsteps coming back into the room, she lifted her head and squinted in Zoey’s direction.

“I only have the powdered stuff,” Zoey said with a grimace. “Mason bought some when he was here, but he didn’t get the pills like I was hoping.”

Dani took the offered drink and pain medicine.

“Medicine is medicine to me as long as it helps.” She ripped open the packet and poured the powder onto her tongue.

The taste was hardly pleasant, but at least it should hit a little faster.

She gulped down the water gratefully before feeling the couch dip down.

Zoey handed her a plate before dropping a couple slices onto it.

Food did wonders for Dani’s mood, but she couldn’t completely shake the feelings that had settled over her.

She knew Zoey was occasionally sneaking glances at her and she wanted to smile and say everything was fine, but she couldn’t.

She was floundering in the face of so many opinions and still smarting from her argument with Jacob.

If not for Natasha’s comments, she might have been able to overlook them, but what did it mean that they both practically said the same thing?

Was Dani moving about all this the wrong way?

“I know you said you’re okay,” Zoey said, breaking their silence. “But are you sure? I’m a great listener if you need someone to talk to.”

Dani wanted to, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was too much too soon.

She and Zoey were already entangled faster than she had ever planned.

She had always told herself that it would be minimum six months of serious dating before Jordan ever got involved, and yet he was already entwined.

Dani couldn’t shake the feeling of what if this all went wrong?

What if it went right?

“No. I mean, yeah, I’m okay,” Dani said finally as she looked up from her now-empty plate. The pizza had tasted good, but now that it was swallowed it sat heavy in her stomach. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

Zoey nodded. “I can imagine.” She picked up their empty plates and took them into the kitchen.

Not wanting her to clean up alone, Dani picked up the pizza boxes and followed.

They worked together in near silence, the only sounds coming from them walking around each other and putting things away.

Dani was starting to learn Zoey’s kitchen, and for some reason, that fact scared her.

Getting too familiar was dangerous, especially because it meant that comfort could be ripped away.

When hands curled around her waist, Dani jumped slightly, tensing before she relaxed back into Zoey’s familiar embrace.

“You know you can talk to me,” she whispered in Dani’s ear.

Warmth brushed over her shoulder, making Dani shiver.

It was a familiar feeling, though it didn’t warm her as it usually did.

She felt trapped, her thoughts centering on the what-ifs that had steadily grown louder. What if this is all just temporary?

“Dani, what if we—”

“I don’t know if I am ready for a relationship.

” Dani hadn’t meant to blurt out her words, but she had panicked not knowing how to give voice to her insecurities.

The arms didn’t withdraw, but Dani felt Zoey tense against her.

She hated that she was having to bring all this up, but she would hate even more having to lie to Zoey and pretend to be okay.

She had thought she was ready, but how could she bring someone else into the changing seasons that were her life?

“Is it…” Zoey trailed off as she pulled away. “Did I do something?”

Dani turned and shook her head. “No. You have been absolutely perfect.”

“Then what’s going on?” She asked, hurt and confusion clear on her face. They hadn’t even talked about what this was between them and already Dani was causing her pain.

Maybe this all just needs to end now.

“I don’t know how to handle dating and raising a child.

” When Zoey looked at her in confusion, Dani felt something in her snap.

“When Jordan was born, I was so afraid of getting things wrong. I second-guessed myself into barely leaving the house. All I could think about was what would happen if I did something wrong and he got hurt. Now, he’s older, but I still have those same thoughts. ”

Zoey nodded along as she spoke, and Dani felt seen. “I mean, I get it as much as I can, given that I don’t have kids. But, Dani, you are a damn good mom.”

“Thank you,” Dani said. “I do appreciate it, even if I don’t believe it right now.

I feel like everything has changed and is continuing to change so rapidly.

I am failing epically to help ready him for the real world.

He locked himself in his room for an entire day this past weekend and barely spoke to me. ”

“You know, when he came to me and talked about his dad getting married and the baby being on the way, not once did he ever say that he thought you were failing him,” Zoey said.

She reached out and cupped Dani’s cheek, her touch so soft, like Dani was something fragile.

“Change is inevitable. But I think you are doing pretty good at riding it out.”

“I’m afraid,” Dani whispered finally. Zoey went quiet as she waited for Dani to say more. “Jordan feels like his dad is replacing him with a new wife and child, and I’m afraid that he will think I’m trying to replace him as well.”

Zoey frowned. “He knows you wouldn’t do that.”

Dani sighed and shook her head. “I’m sure he knew his dad wouldn’t either, until he did. Yet, here we are.”

Zoey was silent for a moment, her thumb brushing softly over Dani’s cheek. “So, what does this mean for you? For us?”

Dani knew what she wanted, but she just wasn’t sure if now was the perfect time for her to be selfish. “I think maybe we should just remain friends.”

She hated those words even as she let them fly.

The greedy part of her wanted to grab them and stuff them down deep where no one would find them.

Being “just friends” was a consolation prize that Dani didn’t truly want.

She wanted nights with Zoey in her bed and she wanted to wake up next to her the morning after.

Being just friends would never be enough for Dani, and yet somehow, Dani was left with just that.

And the worst part, it was her who’d forced them into it.