Page 24

24

ANASTASIA

V iktor’s distant words ring in my ears as Faina drags me down the hallway.

The pain is incredible.

Like my period cramps, only ten times worse.

The hot pull of tight muscles radiates out from my lower belly, and walking becomes a struggle.

Gasping for air, I clutch at Faina’s arm and struggle to see through the tears flooding my eyes.

“Faina—”

“We have to get you to a hospital,” Faina insists.

“No—”

“We do!” Erik is suddenly on my other side with his strong arms around my body to help me walk.

“You need a hospital.”

“No!” I gasp, struggling to keep steady.

“Not a hospital, I’m not going to a hospital. Out in the open like that? No. I’m not doing it. No.”

Going to a hospital would be bad, because deep down, I’m terrified of what this is.

All the stress and the panic, the constant fights and arguments.

Is something happening to my baby?

I don’t want to go to the hospital because then I would know for sure that something is happening to my baby, and if I stay here, then there’s a chance that it’s okay.

There’s a chance.

I know there is.

“Anastasia—” Faina tries again as we reach my office and tumble inside.

“You need to go to the hospital. This isn’t a choice, you know what this could mean?—”

“No!” I snap, sniffling through my tears.

“Have the doctor come here.” I catch Faina’s hand as she helps me onto the couch and gaze up at her.

“Please. It’s the only way. Please.”

She exchanges a glance with Erik, who shrugs in her direction and moves around me to try and make me comfortable.

Then she nods.

“Alright. I’ll call the doctor.”

“Thank you.”

“This makes no sense,” Erik mutters.

“You’re bleeding and you’re in pain. What’s so important that you can’t go to the hospital?” he asks, moving around to the front of the couch they placed me on.

“Did you hurt yourself? Is this some kind of illness or something?”

I briefly look in his eyes, and the moment I do, all I can hear are Viktor’s words.

‘ It’s your vendetta too, Son—or did you forget that while you were falling in love with her?

’

What did he mean by that?

“It’s nothing,” I say quietly, biting on the inside of my cheek as another wave of powerful, painful cramps squeezes through my abdomen.

“I’m fine.”

“Anastasia…” Erik’s voice softens and his eyes flood with worry.

“You’re not fine. What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I snap.

“You can go.”

“I’m not leaving you here,” he scoffs.

“Me neither,” Faina remarks.

“Well, someone has to get the doctor!” I remind them.

“I don’t have my phone,” Faina murmurs, glancing over at my desk.

“Shit. Fine. I’ll be right back.” Faina gives me one more concerned look, and then she hurries from the room, leaving Erik and me alone.

Vendetta.

“What did he mean?”

“Hmm?” Erik’s attention is on my legs where blood stains the insides of my thighs.

Sliding the blanket from the back of the couch, I cover myself quickly so he looks up into my eyes.

“What did Viktor mean?”

“He didn’t mean what he was saying,” Erik sighs.

“He’s… stressed. And it hardly matters when you’re bleeding, Anastasia. What is going on?”

“Nothing,” I say coolly.

“But that’s not what I’m talking about. What did he mean about a vendetta?”

Erik’s gaze falls away for a second, and a strange look passes over his face, like he didn’t quite realize I’d heard them.

“He… It’s nothing. He feels ganged up on.”

“Bullshit.” My chest squeezes tightly like my heart is clasped in the palm of a hand.

“He said you had a vendetta. That you both do. What the fuck?” Each word makes my heart race faster and faster as all sorts of possible scenarios flood my mind.

I trust Erik.

In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m falling for him, but the venom in Viktor’s voice when he spat out those words about a shared vendetta scares me more than the blood does.

Please don’t tell me I made a mistake.

Please .

“You heard wrong,” Erik says, and his tone wavers.

“In all the commotion, I mean, you just started bleeding and you’re in pain. Anastasia, this isn’t normal.”

“Don’t change the subject,” I say tightly, fighting to keep my voice steady through the increasing cramps and the heat of upset bubbling in my chest.

“What did he mean?”

Erik looks me right in the eye.

“Why are you bleeding?”

So that’s how it is.

He won’t tell me the truth, just like I won’t tell him the truth.

My baby is still a secret, which is part of the reason I don’t want to go to the hospital.

Hospitals keep records, and all it takes is for the wrong person to see me.

And I don’t want Erik to find out.

So we fall into a quiet stalemate where our own thoughts fill in the secrets.

And then the pain gets worse.

It feels like someone has thrust a molten rod up inside me and is churning up my insides.

The pain makes me sob and I fall from the couch.

Blood soaks into the cushions, and Erik is right there with me, begging me to go to the hospital.

I refuse.

But panic sets in.

I hadn’t fully decided on what to do with this baby, but the sudden prospect of losing it terrifies me.

I don’t want this decision made for me.

“Anastasia.” Erik cups my face.

“You need to breathe for me. You’re panicking and if you won’t let me take you to a hospital, then you need to get a hold of yourself, okay? Breathe for me. Please!”

I try.

God, do I try.

But I can’t get my lungs to obey my thoughts, and my heart beats so widely that it feels like it’s dislodged from my ribcage and rattling around inside my torso.

Then Erik says something that shocks me so completely that it’s like hitting the reset button.

“Fuck,” he gasps.

“Anastasia, I’m working for Viktor. And I have been ever since he appointed me as your security adviser.”

My body freezes and my panicked thoughts screech to a halt like a record scratch.

“Wh–What?”

“Viktor. He was the one who got me this job because he raised me, sort of. He…” Erik sighs tightly.

“He was the one who was there for me when my parents died and my sister was taken. She was just a kid, but… It doesn’t matter. He gave me this job because he needed someone to get close to you, to find out what really happened to your father because he’s convinced that you killed him.”

I take a breath.

And then another.

Erik’s words are like blades against my skin, cutting in deep to the love I hold for him in my heart as my entire world crumbles around my ears.

“But,” I say hoarsely, “I chose you to be my bodyguard.”

“You did.” He nods.

“Before that, I was working on getting close to you. That’s why Viktor said we had a shared vendetta.”

I slowly pull myself to my feet with Erik’s help, and as soon as I’m standing, I draw away from him.

“Did it work?” he asks softly.

“I thought… I thought my confession would shock you enough that you could breathe properly again.”

It worked.

I can breathe.

As my heart breaks and an icy sensation spreads down my limbs, I can breathe.

“You…” I say weakly.

“All this time?”

“Wait.” He holds up his hands.

“Wait. Okay, I know it sounds bad and I did that intentionally because I wanted to shock you, but you have to believe me when I say he and I do not share the same thoughts, okay? He’s… he’s blinded by grief and anger and he blames you purely because you were there that night. And at first, I was just doing what he wanted because he’s like a father to me and he’s in pain. But then I got to know you and I saw that his blame was misplaced. So I’ve been trying to find the real killer while keeping you safe and trying to show Viktor that he’s focusing on the wrong person.”

The wrong person.

“This whole time,” I say tightly, struggling to find the words through the pain shattering in my chest.

“This whole time, you weren’t here for me. You were here for him? What, were you investigating me? Spying on me? Reporting back to him?”

“I…” His mouth hangs open for a moment, then he shakes his head.

“In the beginning. Yeah. But then I got to know you.”

“Like that makes it all okay!” I yell, and a sob catches in my throat.

I press a hand to my trembling lips, then down to my chest where my heart races fiercely.

“I–I trusted you.”

“You still can!” Erik steps forward earnestly.

“Like I said, when I got to know you, I saw that he was so wrong about you.”

“All this time,” I whisper.

Every kiss sours in my memory.

Every touch turns to ash.

Every look and romantic thought becomes a point of humiliation, and my cheeks burn as tears fall.

Then the pain in my abdomen rears up and I laugh coldly, humorlessly.

“I’m bleeding because I think I’m losing your baby.”

“What?” Erik’s eyes widen like saucers and he looks down at my belly, then he surges forward.

“You’re pregnant? You—how long? What do you mean? Shit. We have to get you to the hospital?—”

“Don’t touch me!” I jerk away from him, stumbling back against the wall.

“Don’t you dare. You… You don’t get to be concerned about me. Not now. Not when all this time, you’ve been spying on me! Getting close to me because of Viktor. Playing with me and my heart because why, because Viktor doesn’t trust me?”

Erik looks visibly torn between his secret and mine.

His hands curl uselessly, and his lips part repeatedly, but he doesn’t come any closer.

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?” I snap, tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Because it fucking feels that way!”

“In the beginning, that was my job. Get close to you to find out the truth. But I was only following our laws. Viktor made good points about why he suspected you, but I quickly learned that it was all because he was grieving. He’s misguided, and I’ve been doing everything I can to show him that he’s wrong. That it wasn’t you and you’re just a victim.”

“How long?” I bite out.

“How long? Was it after I fucked you? Or the second time? How long before you saw me as a real fucking person and not just a target of Viktor’s, huh?”

“Anastasia, it wasn’t like that.”

“Wasn’t it?” I laugh coldly, the only thing I can do through the tears.

“I trusted you. I thought you were really here for me. I thought you actually liked me, and this whole time…”

“Not the whole time.” Pain flashes across Erik’s face.

“But you… Please, we have to talk about this, but the baby… my baby… I can’t even think. You need help.”

“No,” I remark stiffly, backing up further from Erik.

“I don’t need anything from you. Not anymore.”

“Anastasia.”

“I trusted you!” I yell as the pain of betrayal consumes me.

“You have no idea how hard that was, and you were investigating me this whole time! Because of stupid laws that you yourself called archaic!”

“I know, I know, but I?—”

“Well, here’s one more tidbit for you before you get the fuck out of here,” I snarl.

“You’re wrong.”

“What?”

“I did kill him. I killed my father. I killed the Pakhan . And I’d do it again in a heartbeat!”