Page 349 of The Running Grave

‘You looked it up online, didn’t you? Didn’t you?’

Will nodded.

‘You know how much I risked at Chapman Farm, by telling you that. You heard them talking about me after I left, and you found out my real name, and tracked me down to exactly where I should have been, at our office. I’m not lying to you. Flora was a church member, but she got out. Please, just sit down and talk to her for a bit. I’ll drive you back to Pat’s afterwards.’

After almost a full minute of deliberation, Will returned reluctantly to his chair.

‘I know how you feel, Will,’ said Flora unexpectedly, in a timid voice. ‘I do, honestly.’

‘Why are you still alive?’ said Will brutally.

‘I wonder myself, sometimes,’ said Flora with a shaky little laugh.

Robin was starting to fear this meeting was going to do both parties more harm than good. She looked at Prudence for help, and the latter said,

‘Are you wondering why the Drowned Prophet hasn’t come for Flora, Will?’

‘Yes, obviously,’ said Will, refusing to look at Prudence, whose offences of possessing snuff bottles and antique rugs were apparently too severe for him to overlook.

‘The Drowned Prophet kind of did come for me. I’m not supposed to drink on my meds,’ said Flora, with a guilty glance at Prudence, ‘and I’m try not to, but if I do, I start feeling like the prophet’s watching me again, and I can hear her telling me I’m not fit to live. But nowadays I know the voice isn’t real.’

‘How?’ demanded Will.

‘Because she hates all the things I hate about myself,’ said Flora, in a voice barely louder than a whisper. ‘I know it’s me doing it, not her.’

‘How did you get out?’

‘I wasn’t very well.’

‘I don’t believe you. ‘They wouldn’t have let you go just for that. They’d have treated you.’

‘They did treat me, kind of. They made me chant in the temple, and gave me some herbs, and Papa J –’ A look of disgust flickered across Flora’s half-concealed face ‘– but none of it worked. I was seeing things and hearing voices. In the end, they contacted my dad and he came and picked me up.’

‘You’re lying. They wouldn’t do that. They’d never contact a flesh object.’

‘They didn’t know what else to do with me, I don’t think,’ said Flora. ‘My dad was really angry. He said it was all my own fault for running away and causing a load of trouble and not answering letters. Once we got home, he was really pissed off with me chanting and doing the joyful meditation. He thought it was me trying to stay in the religion… he didn’t understand that I couldn’t stop… I could see the Drowned Prophet standing behind doors and sometimes I’d see her reflection in the bathroom mirror, right behind me, and I’d turn around but she’d be gone. I didn’t tell Dad or my stepmum, because the Drowned Prophet told me not to – I mean, I thought she told me not to…’

‘How d’you know it wasn’t the Drowned Prophet?’ said Will.

Robin was starting to feel that this had all been a terrible mistake. She hadn’t dreamed that Will would attempt to re-indoctrinate Flora, and she turned to look at Prudence, hoping she’d shut this conversation down, but Prudence was merely listening with a neutral expression on her face.

‘Because she stopped appearing, after I got treatment, but it was ages before I saw a doctor, because my dad and my stepmum kept saying I had to either reapply to uni or get a job, so I was supposed to be filling out application forms and things, but I couldn’t concentrate… and there were things I couldn’t tell them…

‘I had a baby there and she died. She was born dead. The cord was wrapped around her neck.’

‘Oh God,’ said Robin, unable to contain herself. She was back in the dormitory, blood everywhere, helping to deliver Wan’s breech baby.

‘They punished me for it,’ said Flora with a little sob. ‘They said it was my fault. They said I killed the baby, by being bad. I couldn’t tell Dad and my stepmum things like that. I never told anyone about the baby at all, until I started seeing Prudence. For a long time, I didn’t know if I’d really had a baby or not… but later… much later… I went to a doctor for an examination. And I said to her, “Have I given birth?” And she thought it was a very weird question, obviously, but she said yes. She could tell. By feeling.’

Flora swallowed, then continued,

‘I spoke to a journalist after I left, but I didn’t tell him about the baby, either. I knew the Drowned Prophet might kill me if I talked to him, but I was desperate and I wanted people to know how bad the church was. I thought, maybe if Dad and my stepmum read my interview in the papers, they’d understand better what I’d been through, and forgive me. So I met the journalist and told him some things, and that night the Drowned Prophet came, and she was floating outside my window, and she told me to kill myself, because I’d betrayed everyone in the church. So I called the journalist and told him she’d come for me, and to write the story, and then I slit my wrists in the bathroom.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ said Robin, but Flora gave no sign she’d heard her.

‘Then my dad broke down the bathroom door and I got taken to hospital and they diagnosed psychosis and I got admitted to a mental ward. I was in there for ages, and they gave me tons of meds and I had to see the psychiatrist, like, five times a week, but in the end I stopped seeing the Drowned Prophet.

‘After I got out of hospital, I went to New Zealand. My aunt and uncle are in business, in Wellington. They sort of made up a job for me…’