Page 24 of The Risks of Reuniting (Love Connections #1)

Chloe

That night I eat my dinner sitting on an overturned bucket outside our bunk doorway.

The night is dark and pleasant. A little chilly now that the sun has set, but not uncomfortable.

I can see Holt across the courtyard, but I don't think he's seen me.

He's playing soccer in the dirt with two teen boys whose parents work as cooks for Lifting Hope.

The boys are laughing and taunting Holt, who engages with them in the typical trash-talk of sports.

At least that's what I assume is happening, because it's all in Spanish.

I watch him play and think about all the times I turned down adventures because I didn't have the money, or I was too new at my job to take time off, or I wanted to get a head start on repainting my new condo. So maybe I sometimes chose myself over him. It's not a comfortable thought.

Dr. J asked if I think he really still loves me.

I lean my head back against the plaster wall and look up at the night sky where not one single star is peeking through the haze.

If I'm honest, I can believe he still loves me, because I still care for him.

I haven't gone on a single date since we broke up, nor have I wanted to.

I wonder if it's been the same for him. And I wonder what to do with that knowledge, because losing him once nearly killed me, and I am definitely not interested in going through it again .

His laugh fills the air and I look back to where someone has scored a goal by kicking the ball into a tipped-over fruit box.

It must have been one of the boys, because they both dance and cheer and point their fingers at Holt who is breathing hard with his hands on his hips.

His smile is wide as he says something to them that has them diving toward him in a renewed struggle to win.

My phone chimes and I glance down, surprised. Someone in the universe must love me, because it's my cousin group chat and this is two days in a row that messages have come through. They're talking about how Grandma Sue keeps signing her texts with ' LOL :) Cordially, Grandma Sue '

Dani

Someone has to tell Grandma Sue that LOL does not mean Lots of Love!

Avery

Not it

Lucy

Not it

Poppy

Not it

Sadie

Not it

Dani

Guess it's you, Chloe. Good luck!

Hey, that's not fair. You all know I have sketchy service while I'm in Peru. I don't even know when this was sent.

Poppy

It was sent yesterday, but you're still it.

Also, did you guys see that Kaden posted about a girlfriend? I think she's probably AI.

Ugh. Kaden sucks.

Lucy

Totally.

And, just as suddenly as cell service appeared, it's gone again.

But I can vividly imagine the conversation that goes on from there about our youngest cousin, Kaden.

He's a real bum nugget, and none of us like him.

He's pulled a nasty prank on all of us at some point, he's clearly Grandma Sue's special boy , and he drives us all bonkers with his ridiculous personality and constant bragging about attending Harvard.

In case it seems like only the girl cousins don't like him, the boys feel the same.

Gavin calls him a pipe clogger , which never fails to crack me up.

I read through the conversation again and laugh to myself, tucking my phone away and glancing back to the soccer game as I do.

The game is over, but Holt is standing there looking back at me.

My smile drops as that same magnetic feeling from the first time we met slides up my chest and heats my face.

I'm frozen as he makes his way over. The two boys are gone, probably called inside to help their parents with the after dinner clean up .

Holt is hesitant as he approaches, as though I'm a wild animal that may dart away at any moment. To be fair, he's wise to regard me as such, because I feel wild inside right now, and I'm not sure how I'll react.

His eye is swollen and black, and the scratch on his cheek has scabbed over. He looks exactly like a guy who tangled with the wrong people, and it gives him an unfamiliar rough edge that has my heart feeling tender. He threw himself right into the fray to protect me, and I can't ignore that.

"Hey," I offer, my voice soft. "You look like a raccoon caught you in a dark alley."

His answering grin is immediate and relieved, and he tucks his hands in his pockets as he looks down at me. "Yeah? I think it gives me a certain something."

"You going to give yourself black eyes weekly, to keep up the look?"

"Don't think my optometrist would be happy with me for repeatedly injuring my eye."

"You have an optometrist?" I ask, laughing. "You've gotten old."

He points at his eyes. "These babies are my moneymakers. Have to keep them in shape."

"I thought you said your hair was your moneymaker?" I reply, calling back to the head wound he had to shave some hair for.

He rubs at his head. "Peru has been violent this time."

We smile at each other, and then his face grows serious and my stomach drops. I know that look. He wants to apologize for yesterday, and I stand as he opens his mouth.

"Don't worry about it," I cut him off.

His mouth slaps shut and he frowns. "You don't want an apology for what I said?" he asks.

I shake my head and move toward the door of my bunk room. "Would you mean it? "

He sighs and tucks his hand back into his pocket as he rotates to face me. "Not really. But I do want you to go back to being comfortable with me, and if an apology will help then I mean it sincerely."

"Why did you say it?" I ask.

He smirks. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

I think about it, and answer honestly. "I'm not sure."

He looks down and changes the subject. "How does your arm feel?"

I raise it so it's in a better-lit place. "Sore."

"It was pretty cool, how you jumped in to block Emilia from harm," he states, one side of his mouth tugging up. "Hero stuff."

I drop my arm and shrug. "You jumped in too. It's what we do for . . ." I pause, not wanting to say it out loud, but he does.

"The people we care for."

I nod. Unwilling to lie. "Yeah."

"You know I still care for you, right?" he asks, stepping closer, his expression serious.

I hold my ground. "You said a few things the other day that suggest that."

His face softens. "I'm really sorry for how it came out. My long game plan was much smoother than that."

"You had a long game plan?"

"Yeah. Something about luring you back to my side through feats of strength and the ability to speak Spanish fluently."

My lips twitch. "So far the feats of strength thing isn't really going well."

"But the Spanish, is it working?"

I smile. "Maybe."

He pumps a fist in the air and it makes me laugh. He's always made me laugh, and I needed it .

"So, we're good?"

Now it's my turn to sigh. "I don't know if we're up or down or what we are. This has been so confusing."

He reaches out to take my hand and I let him. "For me too." His fingers hold mine and he caresses the back of my hand with his thumb. "But I love that you're here, and I don't want to miss an opportunity when the universe was so kind to provide it."

He lifts my hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to my palm, and I don't pull away. "Holt, why aren't you mad at me?" I whisper.

He keeps my hand in his as he drops it away from his mouth. "Why would I be mad?"

"Because I wouldn't consider North Carolina."

Understanding lights his dark eyes and he sucks in his lips in thought. He recognizes this as a pivotal moment, and I'm glad he's thinking through his answer instead of popping off with something playful.

"I was mad," he replies. "For a long time."

I'm so glad to hear it that I can actually feel a shift in my body, a tension release. I felt guilty for being mad when he wasn't.

"Thank goodness," I say.

He grins. "A couple of months ago I realized that being angry wasn't helping anything.

It didn't fix it. When I stopped being mad, I started feeling sad.

We were so great together, you know?" I nod, biting at my own lip.

"Pretty soon that's what I thought about.

All the good times. So, I guess I'm not mad because I'm grateful.

" He squeezes my hand. "But I'm still really sad, Chlo.

Losing you was a hit I'm still feeling."

"Me too," I admit.

He seems to wait for me to say more, but that's all I have to give right now. Acknowledging those emotions was a big enough step .

He squeezes my hand once more, and we say goodnight as I enter my room, feeling a little bit better than I did before.

Wed, May 21

Allie Pallie,

My dad is a huge blabbermouth. He gossips more than all my cousins combined.

Yes, I was cut with a knife during a mugging.

Only because I jumped in to keep a friend from getting cut.

You know who else jumped in? Holt. He was so angry, he just got in there like a tornado, attacking anything that got in his way, and then he told me he still loves me.

So, yeah, things have been interesting and we have SO MUCH to talk about when I get home.

He kissed my hand the other night. Not in a weird way, but in a sweet way that I did not hate.

I'm not sure how I feel and I wish you were here, but also you'd probably find a tree branch and attempt to bust his knee caps, so I'm sort of glad you're hearing all of this with a little distance.

Can you make me brownies when I come home?

I told my dad to stop trying to come over and take care of the house.

He doesn't do it when I'm there, so I'm not sure what has gotten into him.

I'm humiliated that he mowed our lawn. What, did it take him three passes with his lawnmower?

Our square of grass is so small he could have trimmed it with scissors.

This is why we have an HOA payment. I hope you didn't mention that though – he's so anti-HOA.