Page 41 of The Rest is History
I’m not sure how I get through my lessons, but I do.
My day is emptier than normal, as the Upper Sixth are now out on study leave.
Their A Levels start the week after next.
My younger classes are perky, still full of energy post half-term, and the noise levels threaten to crush my skull, but I make it through without taking my heartbreak and rage out on the kids.
I wish I could head out early, given I don’t have any lessons to teach after lunch.
Zara’s offered to dismiss my Year Ten class, but I decline her kind gesture.
I owe it to the kids to be there for them.
That fifteen minutes at the end of the day is an important check-in time.
It’s crucial for gauging their happiness, their resilience. For sniffing out problems.
This afternoon, Lottie Schneider is crying because she’s lost her brand-new scientific calculator.
Weirdly, it’s a well-timed piece of perspective.
These kids still live small, innocent lives.
Losing a calculator can be life and death to them.
As my wise niece and sister reminded me last night, there is no hierarchy of misery, and Lottie is as entitled to cry over her lost calculator as I am over my lost love.
I comfort her as best I can and assure her that we’ll find it.
I bid the children good afternoon as parents dribble in. Mr Crane pops up sporting an obnoxious tan, and I’m so monosyllabic in response to his blatant chat-up attempts that I’m almost rude. Like I give a flying fuck. The guy needs to learn to read the room.
But at least someone finds me attractive enough to want to ask me out.
God, I’m in a seriously dark place.
Uh-oh. The last parent to turn up is Emmy.
I’ve noticed Jack and Stacey are always on time, and Emmy’s always a few minutes late, but she never seems in a rush.
She wafts in in a floaty white dress, Aurelia gurning happily in her arms and Augie’s twin Pitt trailing behind her, and gives me the most massive smile.
‘Hi!’ They both beam at me, and Aurelia makes grabbing gestures with her chubby little hands.
On autopilot, I stretch my arms out in her direction. ‘May I?’
‘Of course!’ Emmy bundles her into my arms. ‘She clearly adores you.’
I brush my lips across the baby’s delicious, downy hair and inhale her sweet scent. She’s utter perfection. Therapy in a chubby little package.
‘Hi, sweetie pie,’ I whisper, letting my eyes drift shut for a second. When I open them, Emmy’s still grinning at me.
‘It was so fab to meet you on Sunday. Stacey and I are so excited about you and Charlie.’
Before I can stop them, tears rush to my eyes, welling up above the lower lids. I can feel them there, trembling. I press my lips together.
‘Oh my God.’ She puts a hand on my arm. ‘Are you okay? What’s wrong?’
I look around the room. Augie’s showing Pitt something in his bag at the back of the room. They’re oblivious to us. I shake my head.
‘I shouldn’t say anything.’
‘Nonsense. Clearly I’ve just upset you—I’m so sorry. What is it?’
I meet her eyes over Aurelia’s head and shrug. ‘Charlie broke things off with me out of nowhere after school yesterday. He won’t tell me why, and I’m a bit of a mess, I’m afraid.’
Her eyes widen. ‘He did what ? Are you fucking kidding me right now?’
I’m not sure why her reaction makes me feel better. After all, the entire world could side with me and it still wouldn’t change the fact that Charlie doesn’t want to move forward with us. Still, having friends on the moral high ground always makes it a more enjoyable place to be.
‘Not kidding.’ I offer Aurelia my hand and she grabs my finger.
‘And you said he didn’t tell you why?’ Her brow creases.
‘Nope. Said it had nothing to do with how strongly he felt about me, just that he didn’t see a future for us.
I mean, he said that when we got together, and he reminded me last night that I should have heeded that warning.
Like it was my fault for falling for him when he’d given me his get out of jail free card up-front. ’
‘Oh, come on . Anyone could see on Sunday that the guy is head over heels for you. What the fuck is he thinking? Do you think it’s cold feet?’
‘Could be.’ I shrug. ‘Though I’d expect more from him. But everyone was teasing him about me being broody, because of this one’—I bounce Aurelia in my arms and she giggles—‘so maybe it freaked him out.’
Emmy clamps a hand over her mouth. ‘Oh my God.’
I stare. ‘What? Do you think that’s it? He got scared off by all the baby jokes? I did ask him that, and he denied it, but it’s the only explanation for why he ran for the hills so unexpectedly.’
She’s still staring at me. Her eyes are so huge and expressive, and they’re radiating pain. She puts a hand on my arm and shakes her head.
‘That man will be the death of me. Of all of us. That self-sabotaging fuckwit.’
‘What?’ I beg. ‘What the hell am I missing?’
She sighs. ‘He has a lot of baggage, from what I understand, and a lot of shit that went down in his past, and it seems he’s unable to stop history from repeating itself.’
‘I don’t know what’s going on,’ I moan. I’m so fucking tired after being wired all day. Terrified of seeing him.
‘I know, sweetie.’ She goes to take Aurelia from me. ‘But believe me when I say this has nothing to do with how Charlie feels about you. I’ll get Jack to talk to him. It’s about time he sees sense.’