Page 18 of The Reluctant Mate (Shifters of the Three Rivers #5)
Chapter eighteen
Sofia
D erek’s eyes ignited, storm clouds brewing there, darker than anything I’d seen before. He stalked toward me, his presence a force of nature all its own, and I had to force myself to stand my ground, my legs screaming at me to back away. His hands came up and cupped my face, his firm fingers brushing against my skin. My breath hitched from the warmth of his touch, the closeness erasing any oxygen left in the room.
“Don’t ever think that,” he growled.
His hands were warm against my skin, grounding me, but I couldn’t let his words erase years of doubts, years of watching people walk away without looking back.
“You don’t get to say that, Derek. Not after everything.” My voice was hoarse, but I forced myself to look him in the eyes, to let him see every ounce of hurt and anger that had built up inside me for so long. “You don’t get to tell me I’m wrong when I’ve spent my whole life watching people I love leave me behind.”
His grip on my face tightened just slightly, like he was afraid I’d slip away from him if he didn’t hold on. “Sofia—”
“No. Let me finish.” I took a shaky breath and pushed forward, because if I didn’t say this now, I might never say it at all. “Do you know what it’s like to always be the one left behind? To watch everyone else move on while you’re stuck in the same place, pretending you’re fine when you’re not? My parents left, Derek. They walked out of my life like I was a houseplant they could put in the window, and hope would survive on its own. Mai left. She had her reasons, and I forgave her, but for four years, I had to wake up every day not knowing if my best friend was dead or alive. And you?” I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. “You didn’t just leave me once—you did it twice. The first time, I told myself I understood. You had your dreams, your duty. But the second time? After our date? After you made me believe, just for one night, that I was worth staying for? That was the worst of all.”
His breath hitched, his fingers flexing against my skin. “You think you’re unlovable? Sofia, you are the most lovable person I have ever met. You walk into a room, and you change the whole damn atmosphere. You make people feel seen, safe, like they matter. You make strangers feel like they belong. You made me feel like I belonged.” His thumb brushed against my cheek. “Do you have any idea how rare that is?”
His voice grew rougher, like the words were clawing their way out of him. “Do you know how many nights I lay awake in the barracks, thinking about you? How many times I wanted to call you just to hear your voice, just to remind myself there was still something good in the world?” He stepped closer, his body heat radiating between us. “You are warmth, and light, and fire, Sofia. You are all I thought about, all I can think about. The thought of you was the only thing that got me through the training, the missions.”
“If that were true,” I managed, “then why, Derek? Why did you ghost me when you came back?”
His eyes searched mine, then his face went carefully blank as he took a step back. “Now is not the time to get into this,” he said, his voice a low snarl, his wolf creeping closer to the surface.
I raised an eyebrow and took a deliberate step toward him, my body nearly pressing against his. The thin fabric of my vest did nothing to shield me from the heat of his bare chest.
“No?” I jabbed a finger into his chest, feeling the solid wall of muscle beneath my hand. “When is the time, Derek? Because I texted you. I called you. Hell, I even drove over when I finally got desperate enough to think you might’ve been hurt. And what did I see?”
I paused, just long enough for the memory to burn brightly in my chest. “You. Stumbling out of some bar halfway across town, hugging Shya like she was the answer to every question you’d ever asked.”
His eyes widened at the mention of Shya, but I pressed closer, feeling the quickening of his breath. “Yes, I know now she was working undercover for you. I know she only has eyes for Mason. But I had to work that out for myself because you never gave me any explanation! Well, guess what? I’m done waiting. You’ve got nowhere to run now, Derek. So stop with the bullshit and tell me the truth.”
The air between us turned electric, the charge crackling as my wolf and his wolf clashed with unspoken tension. It wasn’t just anger swirling here—not anymore. It was pain, betrayal, longing, and something deeper, something primal that made my skin flush hot.
Derek’s lips curled, his teeth bared in frustration. “You think I wanted this? You think it was easy for me to walk away from you? To hurt you?”
“You certainly made it look easy! You didn’t just walk away, Derek. You fucking ghosted me! For months! Why? You owe me that, at least.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Because they knew where to find me!”
I blinked. “What? Who knew?”
He raked a hand through his dark hair. “The hunters. At the fairground. On our date. They were tracking me. They knew you were my weakness, that I’d do anything to protect you. That made you a target.”
The memory surged forward unbidden—laughter, bright lights, warm skin against mine on that stupid Ferris wheel. And then the shadows, the men watching from a distance, the sound of footsteps trailing after us, the way Derek had gone quiet and tense. Him telling me to get somewhere safe, to call Ryan. Hunters grabbing me, dragging me into darkness. Them ordering Derek to surrender or they would hurt me. Derek hadn’t hesitated. He’d given himself up without thought.
“After, I realized the hunters had come specifically for me. I didn’t know who they were or how they’d tracked me. I didn’t know how much they knew about me, about you.”
“So you ghosted me… why?” I swallowed hard, painfully aware of his proximity, of how his scent curled around me.
“I was trying to protect you.” His voice dropped lower, the rumble of it sending heat pooling low in my belly. “I had to make them think you didn’t matter to me, Sofia. I couldn’t let them see you as someone they could exploit to get to me. I put you in that position. I had to fix it. Had to make sure you were safe while I went after them, so I could shut their whole operation down. If they even suspected…” His voice broke for a heartbeat, his chest visibly heaving before he forced it back under control. “If they knew how important you were, they would have come after you.”
“Well, you did a great job, Derek,” I said, my voice soft. “You had everyone convinced, especially me, that I didn’t matter to you at all. That I was nothing to you.”
His flinch was so small, so quick, I almost missed it.
“You hurt me more than anyone ever has,” I continued, the floodgates finally breaking. “My parents leaving hurt. Mai leaving hurt. But you, Derek?” Tears pricked at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “You’re my fated mate. You were the one who was supposed to stay.”
For a moment, he looked torn between reaching for me and holding himself back.
“The fated mate bond doesn’t mean shit, Sofia,” he said finally.
And there I was, thinking he couldn’t hurt me any worse than he already had, but he continually surprised me.
“This isn’t some mystical, Goddess-divined feeling. I have always loved you. Me, not the bond telling me to. Me,” he slammed a hand against his chest as if to emphasize the point, “loving you because you are the most fucking amazing person I have ever known.”
I blinked.
“I’ve loved you all my life,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper that caressed my skin. “Every choice I’ve made, it’s always been for you. Joining the military? Learning how to fight? Leaving after… after that date? Even this,” he said, gesturing to the small cabin around us. “All of it. For you. Everything I do, everything I have done, it has always been for you. I’d do anything for you. Protect you from anyone or anything. Even if it meant walking away. Even if it killed me every single fucking day to do it. My past, my job now, it makes you a target. I thought staying away would protect you, but they found you anyway.”
His hand reached out toward my face, but he didn’t touch me.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you. For walking away. For pretending I didn’t care. For all of it. I know I can never take it back.” His voice was raw, his eyes never leaving mine as his warm breath mingled with my own. “But I swear to you, I’ll spend every moment of the rest of my life—every fucking second of it—trying to make it right. If you’ll let me.”