Page 16 of The Reluctant Mate (Shifters of the Three Rivers #5)

Chapter sixteen

Derek

T he nightmare seized me, vivid and unrelenting as always. Harris lay dying in my arms, his blood soaking into my hands, my uniform, the ground beneath us. I looked down, and it wasn’t Harris anymore—it was Sofia. Her hair spread across the dirt, her green eyes locked on mine, filled with pain and betrayal as the light dimmed from them. I tried to move, to stop the bleeding, but my body wouldn’t respond. All I could do was watch as crimson bloomed across the earth.

“Your fault, Shaw,” Torres whispered, familiar and mocking. “Just like Harris. You couldn’t save him. You wouldn’t be able to save her, either.”

My wolf thrashed violently inside me, howling in rage as Sofia’s form began to fade, slipping through my grasp like smoke. I tried to hold on, to anchor her to me, but she disappeared.

“Derek! Wake up!” A voice cut through the fog of my nightmare. Hands were shaking my shoulders. “Derek! It’s just a dream!”

My body reacted on pure instinct, military training taking over before conscious thought could catch up. The world tilted and spun as I surged up, twisted on the sofa as my hands found wrists to immobilize, and I used my weight to pin down the threat.

“Derek! It’s me—Sofia. You’re okay. Everything is okay. It was just a nightmare!”

Reality crashed back in waves as her lavender scent cut through the lingering terror. My vision cleared, and I found myself staring down at Sofia, her eyes wide but steady as they met mine. She was alive. Breathing. Whole.

And I had her pinned beneath me, my hands locked around her wrists in an iron grip above her head.

Oh shit!

“Fuck,” I choked out, releasing her wrists like they’d burned me. I rolled away, putting distance between us as shame and guilt collided in my chest. My back hit the wall, and I stayed there, trying to ground myself in the solid wood against my spine while my heart hammered against my ribs.

“Damn it, Sofia. I’m sorry.” My hands were shaking; I clenched them tight.

She sat up slowly, rubbing her wrists in a way that made my wolf whine with distress. But when she spoke, her voice was gentle. “I’m fine. Are you okay?”

A harsh laugh escaped me before I could stop it. Was I okay? I’d just attacked her—the one person I was supposed to protect above all others.

I dragged a hand down my face, trying to wipe away the last remnants of the dream, but Sofia’s blood seeping across the dirt stayed burned into my mind.

“I—shit. I didn’t mean to—”

“You didn’t hurt me, Derek.” She scooted to the end of the sofa, watching me. The power was still out, but I’d left the fire on in the lounge, and the light bounced off the doors and walls and flickered on her face. I hadn’t been able to hack into the USB before the battery on my laptop died. So, I’d made Sofia a cold dinner—which she’d eaten in silence—and we’d both gone to bed, me here in the lounge. Her in the bedroom.

“What the hell was that?”

I didn’t answer. She deserved better than this. Better than a broken soldier who couldn’t tell the difference between nightmares and reality. Better than someone who could hurt her without even being conscious of it.

“Does this happen a lot?”

“It’s nothing,” I said, forcing my voice to stay steady. “Just… an old ghost that’s not worth dragging up.”

A soft, disbelieving snort escaped her. “Oh, sure. Nothing screams ‘nothing’ like waking up ready to kill someone.” Her tone softened, though the sarcasm remained. “Stop dodging, Derek. For once in your life, just… talk to me.”

I glanced at her wrists; could already see the bruises forming there, even in this dim light.

“It’s not really a dream. More of a memory. About Harris. He was my brother in the army. My best friend.”

“And?”

“And, what?”

“And what happened? That wasn’t a happy memory you were just reliving.”

I sighed, dragging a hand through my hair. How much to tell her? “We were out in enemy territory. We were hunting a rogue operative called Kane, but he was always one step ahead. He knew we were coming. It was an ambush. Harris saved my life. Took the hit instead of me.” The words came out mechanical, divorced from the emotion churning in my gut. “He died right in front of me. Bled out in the dirt. Because of me. If I’d been faster, smarter, or just… better, he’d still be here.”

“That’s not your fault, Derek,” Sofia said softly. “You know that, right?”

“I know that I made some bad decisions, and Harris died in my place.” I clenched my jaw, then forced it to relax. “And now? If I make the wrong move, you’ll be next. I can’t—” I cut myself off sharply, looking away before I could reveal too much.

But Sofia never was one to let me retreat.

“You’re not going to lose me, Derek. But locking everything away doesn’t stop it from leaking into your life. The boxes you’ve put these memories in, they will crack open.”

She stood and took a hesitant step forward, like a wolf approaching a wounded deer. I stilled as she crept closer, not sure if I was more scared of her touching me or that she wouldn’t. Her fingers brushed my forearm, then she took my hand in hers. The touch sent electricity through my veins, and my wolf surged forward, desperate to have more contact.

“You shouldn’t have to see this,” I said quietly. “Any of it.”

“Mmmm.” Sofia’s thumb traced small circles on my palm. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you kidnapped me to a one-bedroom cabin.”

A ghost of a smile tugged at my lips.

She pulled me over to the sofa, curling up next to me. No part of us touched except for her hand in mine. She pulled the blanket tighter around her and me with her free hand and closed her eyes.

“Try to sleep,” she murmured. “I’ll make sure you don’t start brawling with the furniture again.”

“Sofia…” I started, not sure what I was going to say.

“Shh.” She squeezed my hand gently. “Just rest. We can go back to me hating you in the morning.”

Her breath brushed against my neck, and I fought back a desperate growl. Her warmth seeped through the blanket, through our joined hands, through every inch of space between us until it felt like she had wrapped around me completely. My muscles ached with the effort of staying still, of not pulling her closer, of not burying my face in the crook of her neck, and losing myself in her.

I let my eyes drift over her as she settled in, her lips slightly parted as sleep pulled her under. I wanted to kiss her so fucking much it hurt. I wanted to trace my fingers over the delicate dip of her collarbone, to slide my hand into her wild curls and tilt her face up so I could claim her properly.

Instead, I stared up at the cabin’s dark ceiling, listening to the storm rage outside and Sofia’s steady breathing beside me. For the first time in years, the aftermath of the nightmares felt lighter. Not gone—never gone—but… manageable.

My wolf settled, content. Sofia’s scent surrounded me like a shield against the darkness, and I found myself matching my breathing to hers.

I didn’t know how she did it. How she could always quieten the demons in my mind and make me feel at peace. Maybe she did deserve better, maybe she would go back to hating me in the morning, but if I knew one thing, it was that I was never letting her go. Not again.