Page 71 of The Rake OR The Orca Who Met His Match in a Selkie Desiring Revenge

“Why?”

“I’m the reason you were in this mess, and I should’ve gotten to you sooner.” There was more, something worse, but she wasn’t certain if she could—or should—say it. “I should have come sooner, I could have come sooner if I hadn’t wasted time after I escaped.”

Feann frowned and recoiled from her, the expression more indicative of what she had expected. “What do you mean you wasted time?”

“After I escaped, I just sort of swam around for a while. I lived solely as a seal, and tried to forget…”

"It sounds like you weren't in any place to help anyone at that point..."

"Perhaps. I—I'm still sorry though. I should have come for you right away."

"Elspeth," he stopped and set a hand on each of her shoulders. "It means a lot that you cameat all."

Elspeth looked to the ceiling, he could be grateful all he wanted, but it didn't change the fact that she felt terrible about it.

"Ellie...." Her brother's voice was stern. "I'm serious. You came for me when no one else would. If you needed to get your head straight after everything that happened to you, I would never blame you for that. Plus, what would you have done? Wandered the ocean blindly?"

"Well, I supp—"

"I can just see you now..." Feann cupped his hands around his mouth and exaggerated looking around him. "Feann! Oh Feann! I guess I'll just look in the next section of ocean, since I have no idea where he is!"

Warmth filled her chest, and Elspeth laughed at her brother. It felt so good, so normal to have him making fun of her. Feann laughed with her, which made her throat clench with feeling. He was here, he was safe, and he was laughing.

When they quieted, Feann returned to chopping some vegetables. "You gathered a fucking team, Elspeth. A team who blew up an entire flotilla of Pathian ships, I might add. You did so much. And honestly… I worry you did too much."

Feann's shoulderstensed and he paused his chopping. "Ellie, did... did you kill him?"

Elspeth froze. With one sentence he prodded at her insecurities, making her feel raw. Her chest tightened because now he'd know why she was really worried. He'd hear that she couldn't even kill for him and know that in the moment when it mattered most, her love hadn’t been enough. She hadn't been strong enough.

“I—I tried, I really did Feann, I promise, but—I froze. And I told myself that I would do it, that I needed to do it, that I was able to do it for you, but when it came time, Aegir was the one who actually did the deed.” Shame suffused her. “I would have, I promise if Aegir hadn’t, I’d have finished the job—"

“No!” Feann grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tight. “You mistake me. I didn’twantyou to kill for me, I was worried youhadkilled for me. Killing is—it’s not you Ellie. I won’t argue the fact that he needed killing. I won’t lie and say I’m upset that he’s gone, but I am glad you were the one that didn’t need to do it.”

Feann’s arms anchored her, his hands rubbing circles on her back. “You were prepared to do something for me that you never would have otherwise, and for that I would be forever grateful, but I am even more grateful that you didn’t have to do it.”

“You are?” Elspeth’s voice came out a whisper. Her mind whirled with confusion, with the idea that, instead of it hurting his feelings, Feann was reassured that she hadn’t needed to kill. She’d almost certainly killed Phloy'd, if Aegir hadn’t come behind her, she imagined she would have… but why did that make it better? Why did it ease some of the guilt?

“I am. You know, you are not off the hook,” he said. Feann raised one eyebrow and smiled, returning to his chopping. “I think you have some stories to tell, where a certain someone is concerned…”

Elspeth blushed furiously, turning away to hide the smile that threatened to spread across her face. As much as it made her embarrassed, this at least, was a topic she could handle.

“I think I have a great deal to tell you. As far as that is concerned, as well as a few other things…”

They gathered up the food they’d assembled, and took it to the small booth.

“Well, I think you had better get talking, then.” Feann wiggled his eyebrows at her, popping some smoked salmon in his mouth with a smirk.

“You probably know how Dahlia saved me,” she began. “After that, I swam, and lost myself for a bit. I barely paid attention to my grumbling stomach during those days. Then,one day I found myself being chased by an orca, he meant to make a meal of me you see, and Aegir managed to bite me. When he did, I screamed, and my pelt slipped off. I passed out, and he took me back here, to his ship. When he woke me, he startled me and I lashed out. The long and short of it is that some of his blood dripped onto my pelt. He set me up in his state room.”

Elspeth smiled at the memory. Now that she knew what a vain thing he was, of how he treasured his fine fabrics and his books, it was so much more meaningful. “I refused to tell him why I was upset, and eventually I found a letter he had been translating. It spoke of two selkies, a male who they had in custody, and a female who had escaped. I knew, immediately, that the male had to be you. Which meant that I had a lead to find you. I opened the window and set out after you immediately.” Elspeth raised her own eyebrow back at him. “So no, I was not wandering around the ocean blindly, once I had a lead, I was headed straight for you—more or less.

“A few days later, Aegir caught up to me. He had read the entirety of the letter, which went on to speak about me, and their plans to locate me. He suggestedthat we go ashore to gather information. Those we sought were likely aboard ships, and we would need to find them. I revealed to Aegir that we were bonded, and explained what it meant—or at least what I thought it meant.” Feann’s brows drew together, his face confused.

“Oh, yes, we’ve learned some things as far as the bond is concerned. But, regardless, I told him about it, and we both assumed that our attraction was a result of the bond. We traveled inland to Psetra, where we gathered some information, and prepared to turn inland to see some friends of his and gather up-to-date intel. It was a lovely visit, and while we were there we were able to do some research in a great library. We were lucky enough to find a book on bonds there, and we discovered that there is a lot less to them than we might’ve thought, though, in other ways, there is more. After that, we came to get you.”

Feann nodded his head. “I may not have had a library’s worth of information, but I was also able to test a few theories, and I figured a few things out on my own. It’s strange, how… romanticized it all was. So where do you stand then, the two of you?”

Elspeth shook her head. “I’m not sure. He seems to want forever, which is admittedly terrifying. Up until a few days ago, I washell-bent on finding a way to break the bond, because I felt as if we'd both been duped into it and I worried that it was affecting how we felt about one another. Generally, it's not possible to break it, but Aegir might actually be able to, because of his magic, which puts us in an even stranger position..."