Page 60 of The Rake OR The Orca Who Met His Match in a Selkie Desiring Revenge
Panic, fluttering as if trying to escape his body, rose in Aegir’s chest. Everything in him rebelled at the question. If she was asking, it meant he’d slipped up.
“Well, you see…” What could he even say? He certainly didn’t want to say the words “Aegir in love” aloud, but that was the only name he had for who he was with her. It was the first character he’d had in a long time that didn’tfeellike a mask. Did that mean that itwasn’t?Was “Aegir in love” just…him?
He hadn’t allowed anyone to see him for so long, he almost didn’t know who plain old Aegir actually was. For years, he’d carefully crafted himself to what was needed or what each person might want from him. He’d never felt comfortable running the risk of being not enough.
If someone didn’t care about a character, what did it matter? It wasn’t him. It wasn’t his core. Instead, it was a carefully crafted outer shell, and it simply meant that he needed more edits. But so far, Elspeth seemed to like the snippets of him she'd seen, the pieces he’d allowed to peek through the mask. And if she had to, that didn’t stop it from feeling real, and if she would like him one way or another—love him, one way or another, even if it was only for this brief time, wasn’t it better to know what that felt like?
Wasn’t it better, for once, to bring his whole self and nothing else and to be accepted, be loved?
"You've been... hard for me at times. You've made me confront a great deal about my life and what I was doing,whoI was being. I’m not sure who I am with you a lot of the time. I can’t seem to settle into a persona, really. You keep shaking me out, and that scares me. I’m not sure what it says about me, and that’s not very flattering…”
He trailed off, feeling adrift. Whowashe if he didn’t even know who he was? Hesifted through the personas he usually wore, discarding them all. None of them felt right, not with Elspeth. And if he was honest with himself, he didn’t know that he wanted to be any of them around her, even in mixed company, and where did that leave him?
“Aegir… it’s not wrong for you to act differently with different people. It’s normal, but you shouldn’t need to changeeverything.At least not with those closest to you. If we are going to do this, you and me, I needallof you, not only what you feel comfortable sharing with me.” She bit her lip. “What we were talking about before. I would want something real with you, and I think that means figuring out a way to be who we really are and… honest about what we want.”
She held out her hand. “So, hello. I’m Elspeth. I have control issues, I like drawing, I have some touch-related things I am working through, and I have no idea what I am doing most of the time.”
With a deep breath, he placed his hand in hers. “Hello, I’m Aegir. I’m… finding who I am, again. I like reading, and goofing off, and my mate. I’m a recovering rake, which I think scared you.”
“It might, all things considered. It seems like sex is something you’d value in a relationship.”
“IthinkI am still a person who values sex in a relationship. And it's something that I want with you. But that’s something that we have alreadydone.What we’ve sharedissex. Hell, have I indicated to you, at any point, that I am disappointed with what we have done? That I wasn’t satisfied?"
She shook her head, but didn’t look convinced.
He reached over and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her a bit with every word. "I came on the sheets, Elspeth. Icame on the sheets."
Elspeth giggled, and Aegir switched to holding her instead.
"I havesomany ideas of fun things we can do to explore your aversion to touch, and every single one of them sounds delicious."
"Like what?" Elspeth still didn't entirely believe that it was possible, but she was certainly willing to listen.
"Like, for example, that we are on a boat... with a lot of rope. And I am a man who knows ridiculous amounts abouttyingrope. If you were to say, tie me up, especially my hands, I am not about to go touching you. Then, you can feel comfortableexploring whatever feels right."
If he could have suggested it again, Aegir would have, if only to see the way Elspeth's face lit up like he'd invented art just for her.
"That... might actually work,” she said. She blushed, and that might have been even better than her smile. Honestly, it was shocking that she didn't understand what a blessing it was that their bond did so little. It was a revelation. Instead of something forcing them together, it was Aegir feeling something real for the first time in his life. No longer would he need to search high and low, churning through people to find a connection. Instead, he had the deepest, most intimate connection already. It was sincerely more intimate than he could have imagined, and parts of it still scared him, but he also knew that it was better than anything else he'd ever had, so he wasn't about to mess it up by questioning it.
"So how do we, uh, go about doing that?" she asked. Her smile lifted her cheeks until her eyes crinkled, creasing the freckles and faint circles of her pelt that graced her skin.
"There, uh, honestly, isn't much here to tie me to," he mused. "A problem we will probably need to rectify. Until then, though, there's plenty of ropein the hold and support columns you can tie me to. That might be just the thing."
Elspeth stood, entirely heedless of the fact that she was nude. She bounced on her feet, her mood entirely shifted at the prospect. It was amazing how giving someone agency over their own situation perked them right up.
"Well, first off, love, you might want to put this on. Jokith is around here somewhere, you know." He wrapped her in his robe, his cock pressing against the fall of his trousers seeing her wrapped like the perfect present in his clothing. Someday, he hoped, he'd be able to allow her to sit back and let him spoil her, but for today, she needed him to let her decide what happened, she needed him entirely at her mercy, and he was man enough to make that happen for her.
Taking her hand, he led her out of the cabin, both of them covering their giggles like teenagers as they passed the bunk cabin and down the stairs to the cargo hold. Once they were down there, he lit several lanterns and fetched a suitable length of rope. He held it out for her and barred the door.
Elspeth took it from his hands, looking at it like it was a riddle to unravel.
"I can talk you through how to do it."
"Oh, right, of course."
"Shall I take off my trousers or should I keep themon?" he asked.
"On, I think. I'll remove them if we get there, but take off your shirt. I imagine that will be harder."