Page 57 of The Rake OR The Orca Who Met His Match in a Selkie Desiring Revenge

She turned her head, and Aegir was on his side, next to her. His eyes were closed, and he was humming. After listening for a moment, she realized it was the song she'd sung in the forest. The one he'd overheard when he'd returned from shopping. He missed a few notes and invented others in places, but it was soothing nonetheless. He blinked and stopped humming.

"Welcome back," he whispered.

Elspeth froze. Her mind stopped, and she held her breath. Aegir's presence had comforted her, but hearing him speak broke the spell. She had one job, to focus on the moment and allow herself to enjoy it. Was that really so hard? How could she fail so miserably? She was incredibly attracted to Aegir, she'd wanted this to work.

She was worse than a bad partner, she was an anchor, dragging behind him. He couldn't move on, couldn't live the life he wanted or even the life he'd been trapped in. No, with Elspeth he got a cursed half-life, and it was only a matter of time before he realized it and left her. He held her so sweetly, like she mattered to him, and her throat stung with choked back tears. What had happened to her was not his problem to fix, and it shouldn't be his burden to deal with.

She was strong, she could get by without him, but as much as she wanted him, as much as he was more than she could have ever dreamed, as much as he was passion incarnate, she refused to be the reason he was miserable. She could see it so clearly, for a time, they would be happy. Just long enough for them each to get a taste of how good it could be and then... they'd plateau. They'd never progress beyond what she was capable of, and he'd realize that they were doomed to live a half-life. She had to make sure they could break the bond, because just imagining the alternative was abhorrent.

As a selkie, she knew what being trapped felt like, and she wouldn't do that to him. She would not be the cage he rattled against or the noose he grew to detest.

He clung to her, the soft sounds of his breathing in her ear signaling that he'd gone to sleep. He deserved better than being trapped in a relationship that could never be what he needed. She had to break the bond, even if it meant breaking her own heart in the process.

The scents and soundsof the ocean coaxed Elspeth to consciousness. No, not the scents and sounds of the ocean, though they were just as comforting. Instead, it was the scent of Aegir and the sound of breathing twined with the sound of water lapping on a dock. The rhythmic slap, slap, slap that she hadn't heard in years brought her back to days with her father on their boat. When they went to the mainland to sell fish, to trade for all else the people of Hillskerry might need, they'd sleep in the boat overnight, and she'd fall asleep and wake to the sound.

The reminder of him tore through her, visceral and bittersweet when she was already raw. Next to her, Aegir's heat was a balm, though it only reminded her of the devastating news they'd had. The evenness of hisbreathing indicated he was likely still asleep, though when she shifted, he reached out a hand to her and grumbled.

A lone lantern, mostly hooded, lit the room from where it swayed on a hook. His cabin looked exactly as she remembered it. Bookshelves lined the walls, stuffed to the gills. Now that she knew him, she could see pieces of Aegir all around her. A large built-in wardrobe likely held an inordinate amount of coats, and opened drawers revealed there weretwodedicated to shirts, and the other she could see that looked to be only cravats. Another section of the wall held hooks bedecked with a bevy of hats, some in styles she couldn't even begin to identify.

Despite the railings that held books in, several had fallen from the shelves during transport, adding to the clothing that had fallen on the sumptuous rug. Every available space was filled, and it was apt, in a way, for a man so bursting with life.

Where will I putmythings?She immediately stopped herself. As she gazed at the room, she pondered her place in all of this, but maybe that was the point. She wouldn't. Shedidn'tfit into this.

And, after all, it turned out she didn't need to. Aegir didn't have to be saddled with her. Hecould release himself from her at any point, without even asking her, really. She could wake up any day, and it would be just her and her pelt once more. Thinking of it made her panic a bit until she realized it was laid over her like a blanket. She ran her fingers over it, feeling the smooth fur, sinking into the feeling of it and the dual sensation of it under her fingers and the mental sensation she received from her pelt.

"Ellie?" Aegir croaked. He pulled her into him, curling around her until she was surrounded by his scent. Her eyes stung, but she couldn't stop her tears. Aegir nuzzled his face into her neck, breathing deeply. "Morning," he whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"Is it morning?" she asked. She hadn't any idea how she was feeling, or rather, she felt too much to try to unravel at the moment.

"I'm honestly not sure, but it seemed like something to say... you worried me there. What happened?" He scoffed and shook his head. "Nevermind, I think I sort of know what happened. The news yesterday, though good, was a lot to take in. I’m not sure you were ready for touching yet." He stiffened. "Are you alright with me holding you like this? I'm sorry for not asking. Sleepy Aegir just grabbed, I guess."

"Mmm hmm," shehummed. "I like it." Her voice broke, and she squeezed her eyes shut.It might be the last time.

"I think... I think we need to talk about what we found out, Ellie. It was, as you said, a lot."

Elspeth frowned. "What is there to say? Half of what I thought about the bond, maybe more, isn't true, and it doesn't matter anyhow because—" The words stuck in her throat. Saying it would make it real.

But not saying it would only prolong her torture.

"Because you can break the bond. So, we might as well get it over with, I suppose."

Aegir recoiled. "Is that what you want?"

"Is it whatyouwant? My choice hasn't ever really weighed into this."

"Exactly." Aegir pushed himself up onto an elbow, so he looked down at her. “Neither of us has had a choice. I wasn't happy with the news because I don't want this. I was happy because I wanted us to have a choice. I wantedyouto have a choice."

He toyed with her hair and Elspeth was certain she'd never seen anything more beautiful than his face in the dim light of the lantern. His skin was the creamy peach of his human coloring, though he retained the large, rounded ears he had in his humanoidorca form. She loved how expressive his ears were. Now, they were perked high next to his face, tense with vulnerability. His thick brows were drawn together, and his mouth was set in a tense line. To anyone else, he might have seemed less handsome than normal. Hedidhave a devastating smile, but she knew this was an Aegir few saw. This was Aegir with his soul shining through his eyes, laying himself bare.

Further, he was doing so because he cared about her ability to have a choice. Perhaps that was what truly made him so handsome in that moment—the care he had for her.

"Really?"

"Really," he said, settling down next to her again and pulling her close. "Now, we can decide, you and I, together, if this is something we want. I don't want you to be with me because you arestuckwith me, Elspeth. I want you to be with me because you want me. And I hope you'd feel the same."

"It really was horrid, wasn't it?" she asked. "Wondering if we'd choose one another, if it was all fabricated?"

"It was. Eventually, I made peace with it, but it really took me a bit. It went counter to my debonaire man-about-town image,you know. How was I to fuck my way across the world if you were the only person I wanted?"