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CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Dozer

In some ways, coming home after being on the road for a week is worse now than when Marissa wasn’t talking to me. Obviously it’s not worse, exactly. It’s just difficult in a new way that I’m not used to.

Ever since we met, she’s been here when I’ve gotten home. Even when we weren’t talking, I knew she was in the building. It’s a weird feeling knowing that she’s thousands of miles away when I’m here.

I normally go home for Christmas, but this year I sent my parents a Christmas cruise for their gift. Mom’s always talked about wanting to do one, thinking it sounds magical. I hope it is. She’s emailed me a few times, telling me how much fun they’re having, and gushing over what a wonderful Christmas present it is. I’m glad someone’s having a good time this week, at least.

I scroll mindlessly through all the streaming services I have, starting a movie and stopping it because I think Marissa might like it and I want to watch it with her. Flipping to the sports recaps but then turning them off because the sportscasters are annoying me tonight.

Standing, I turn the TV off and pace my living room. I’m antsy. I have all this pent up energy, and I don’t know what to do with it.

Since what I really want to do is see Marissa, I do the next best thing. Well, maybe the third or fourth best thing. Because the next best thing would be a video chat. The third best thing would be a phone call. But since I don’t know what her schedule’s like at her parents’ and I don’t want to interrupt anything, I decide to send her a text instead. I type and delete a few variations on I miss you , and instead decide to go for something less needy.

Hope you’re having a good visit with your family

There. It shows I’m thinking of her. Leaves the door open for her to respond when she’s available. And it doesn’t make it sound like I’m going to go crazy if I don’t talk to her soon, which is maybe true but not something she needs to deal with on top of everything.

I know she wasn’t thrilled to be returning home. Her dad kinda sounds like a dick from what she’s told me, though she did seem like she was looking forward to seeing her siblings, especially her sister who she hasn’t seen in quite a while from the sounds of it.

My heart leaps when I see she’s responded right away.

Marissa

Ha. Something like that. Mom just dropped the bomb that my ex is engaged and we’re going to his engagement party tomorrow. So things are, uh, interesting

“Oh, god,” I say out loud. Fucking hell. That’s shitty.

I try calling, but she doesn’t pick up. Holding my phone in my hand, I tap my thumb on the side of it, trying to decide what to do. First, I send a text back.

That sounds super shitty. I’m sorry. Call if you need to vent.

And then I do the thing I always do when I need someone to talk to and bounce ideas off of. I grab my jacket and keys and head to Nick’s.

Shelby answers the door when I arrive, hopping up and down. “Uncle Dozer! Uncle Dozer! Did you come to play with me?”

I hold out my hand for a high five, and she smacks it as hard as she can. “Ooh!” I make a production of shaking the sting out of my hand. “Ouch, Shelbs. You can really pack a wallop.”

Her grin stretches from ear to ear. “Yay!” Then she scampers away, leaving the door open, presumably expecting me to follow.

Once I’m inside, I toe off my wet shoes and shut the door behind me. Tina pokes her head around the corner. “Ah, okay. I thought I heard Shelby yelling your name. Nick’s downstairs with Noah.”

“Thanks, Tina.”

“Come on!” shouts Shelby, reappearing and gesturing for me to follow. “This way!” Grinning, I trail behind her as she leads the way to the stairs that go down to the kids’ playroom, shouting, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Dozer came over to play!”

Nick looks up from the tower of blocks he’s building with Noah. “Hey, Dozer. What’s up?”

“Hey, man.” I squat down next to the block tower, picking up a bright red one and passing it to Noah, who grins at me and takes the block. “I was hoping I could talk to you for a sec.”

He glances at the kids. “Do we need to go somewhere without little ears listening in?”

Shrugging, I shake my head. “I don’t think so.” I’ll just have to keep my opinions about Marissa’s ex kid friendly, I guess. I give him the basics of Marissa being home and her ex’s engagement party.

Nick’s eyebrows climb his forehead as I explain, and he lets out a low whistle and shakes his head. “Why doesn’t she just not go?”

I shrug again, passing another block to Noah from the pile next to me. “I’m not sure she feels like she can say no.” I blow out a breath, picking out my words. “I get the feeling that there’s a lot of pressure to portray the correct image as a family. From what she’s said, that’s a big part of the reason she and her siblings are all far away from their parents. Too much pressure to be a certain way. No real room to be themselves.”

Clucking his tongue, Nick shakes his head again. The tower’s getting pretty tall now, and it starts wobbling a little. “Noah, my man,” he says, “I’m not sure we should keep building. It’s gonna fall over in a sec.”

Noah grins and claps. “Yay! Fall over!”

Laughing, Nick climbs to his feet, a block in one hand. He scoops up Noah and hands him the block. Noah leans over to set it on top of the tower, which promptly topples over with a big crash.

Noah cheers and Shelby scampers over again. “Can I help build a new one?” she asks. “Uncle Dozer, do you want to build a tower with me?”

“Sure, Shelby. If you want it to be tall, we should start with a wide base.”

“Listen to Uncle Dozer,” Nick adds. “Sounds like he knows what he’s talking about.”

Shelby nods solemnly, and we start to work on the base.

“So what are you thinking?” Nick asks after a moment. “It seems like you came here for advice, but I’m not sure what kind of advice you’re wanting.”

Blowing out a breath, I sit back, fiddling with the block in my hand and shaking my head. “I’m not sure. I haven’t talked to her, other than to respond to her text. I tried calling, but she didn’t answer.”

“Probably can’t talk. Or there are people around who she doesn’t want to overhear the conversation.”

I nod. “I figured the same thing.”

“Okay. And? What’re you gonna do when you’re here and she’s there anyway?”

Shrugging, I pass the block in my hand to Shelby, who adds it to the tower. “I dunno. Part of me wants to go there. But would that be crazy?”

Nick shrugs. “Maybe. Yeah. But it also might help a lot.” He points at me with a block. “She might wish you were there but not feel like she can ask. That’d be a big ask, especially this early in the relationship.” He shakes his head. “Or she might get pissed at you for overstepping.”

I mull that over, trying to think about what Marissa might want.

And then my phone vibrates with a text alert.

Marissa

God, I wish you could go with me. That’d make it so much easier.

I show Nick the screen, and he grins. “I think you have your answer.”