Page 59 of The Princesses of Ruin (The Princesses of Ruin #5)

Chapter fifty-five

Adrik

L iar.

I turn to the breakfast on the nightstand and roar at it. The eggs don’t care she’s rejected me. I eat them. I eat all of them because I know I still need it. If I’m ever going to be accepted in her crew, I have to be big, strong, and hardy. I can’t be…this.

Me.

Fuck. What if she’s right?

Brisha barks at me and I’m so tired of pups needing to go outside but…

“What?” I ask her.

She whimpers, nosing the door Emillia just left through.

“Yes, she’s gone,” I say, feeling the weight of that more than I want to. I push another forkful of eggs into my mouth, followed closely by potatoes. I swallow past the knot in my throat and force in another bite.

Yakshim claws at the door, and Brisha barks again.

“ She’s gone! ” I scream at the pups and they cower.

I slump to the floor, my chest aching. They assault me, licking and biting the bits of egg off my fingers and face. Sobs break through their assault, but I can’t stop them. They lick me clean while I cry, and when the tears are done, I realize they should’ve never come at all.

Emillia is a strong woman.

She doesn’t want tears, or emotions, or any of that. If I want her, I have to hide it. I can show it to the pups. They love me. They’ll accept it. And Emillia, she’ll accept the rest.

I grab one dog under each arm and move toward the door.

“We have a captain to stop.”

I kick open the door and it’s the coolest thing I’ve ever done. Brisha and Yakshim yip so, too.

Where is she?

Alyse grumbles in my mind. “I hate that you and several others can rouse me with your requests. I’m not a fucking djinn.”

Where is she?

“Where else? Headed toward the docks. Take Kor’Tar. You’ll catch her easily.”

I run down the hall, the dogs jiggling in my arms like boneless worms. It would be faster if I left them, but left them with who? They’re our dogs.

Ours.

I get to the main landing and yell for a Spider. One addresses me quickly.

“I need Kor’Tar saddled, with saddlebags for each of these,” I say, holding up the dogs.

“Yes, sir.”

A flash of panic strikes in my belly as I realize I’m using our resources for a very selfish endeavor.

But fuck it. I’m never selfish. I’m always sacrificing and never getting. It’s my turn to get what I want. She’s the only thing I’ve ever felt so strongly about in my life, and I know that if I mess this up, I’ll hate myself forever.

I get the pups strapped into their walking harnesses and run outside with them. It’s well into spring, but still frigid as an ice-witch’s tit. They love it, and their collars don’t have to work as hard to shield their bodies.

They finally piss again as the Spider brings Kor’Tar around. The horse seems to scowl at me as I load one dog into each saddlebag.

“They’ve peed. I promise they won’t go again.”

He flaps his lips and gives a high nicker.

“Well, if they do, I’ll have you washed and brushed, oiled with the best stuff so you can look good for Winifred,” I say as I hop up into the saddle.

Kor’Tar neighs appreciatively and takes off.

I grab the saddle horn and try not to yelp as he jostles me about.

Horses were never my favorite, and there was no real reason for me to learn to ride.

Still, the movement comes to me. I squeeze my legs against his side to hold on and lean down into his mane to hide my profile.

The pups bark in excitement and I look over my shoulder. Their heads poke out of the saddlebag flaps on either side of me. Their tongues are lolled out, muzzles open wide in a smile. I grab their leashes and tie them to my belt loop, just in case.

The horse seems to know where we’re going because I don’t lead him, yet he heads toward the dock. We pass under the massive archway of the Wall and into the recovering streets of the Upper Kingdom.

Many of the buildings are still charred, but they’ll be fixed. Fynren will heal. And they don’t need me anymore. I’ve done my part and served my time .

Kor’Tar is the fastest horse in the kingdom, so I’m not surprised when I find Emillia just dismounting on the pier. Her ship is abustle with activity and she immediately begins shouting orders.

We tromp all the way down the wharf and skid to a stop behind Emillia. She startles, whipping around with her pistol drawn. Her expression shifts from pinched annoyance to wide-eyed fear in a blink.

I dismount and get a step away from the horse before I’m yanked back by my pants.

I curse as I fiddle with the leashes tied off on my belt loop, my hands trembling so hard I can’t unknot them.

Emillia’s hands cover mine. The warmth of her is so comforting.

I want to throw my arms around her and hold her, but I need to be a man.

A manly man who doesn’t need help untying himself from his dogs.

Fuck.

She works the knot, smiling at me. “Decided to come see me off like all the rest, eh?”

I clench my jaw against the sting. “No. We’re coming with you.”

Her face softens. “Adrik…”

“You said I couldn’t handle the sea, or the things you do. Fine, maybe I can’t yet, but I will soon. And you need an alchemist on your ship. I’ve seen your sailors’ skin. They need a balm to protect them from the sun and moisturize because—”

She laughs.

“Skin health is important! Dry skin will split. Split skin can become infected. Infections at sea can kill!”

“I know they can…”

She gets the knot undone and steps back. I want to grab her, pull her back. A manly man would do that. I can do it .

I reach out for her but it’s not forceful or confident, but tentative. I touch her face, sliding my palm across her cheek until I’m cradling the back of her neck.

Her crew is watching us, waiting to see if they need to step in. I’m sure this has happened to her before. The thought makes me jealous…I might just be another temporary lover left at port.

No.

I won’t.

I’m not.

“I can be a better man. A stronger man. The right man for you.”

She closes her eyes and grabs my arm to pull me away, but I hold fast, not letting her break our contact.

“It’s not about strength, or being better, Adrik. You’re already such a good man.”

“Do you really want me to stay because you don’t want me? You don’t love me?” I ask.

Her eyes mist and her nose twitches. “I didn’t say that.”

“Then what are you saying?”

She sniffs and looks away.

I guide her face back to mine and she meets my gaze.

“What are you saying?”

“I can’t take you from them,” she whispers. “They need you.”

“But I need you .”

She freezes, her fingers gripping my forearms so tightly it hurts, but I don’t dare tell her to let go.

“You don’t get to make my decisions, Emillia,” I say. “I’m choosing you.”

She frowns and swallows hard, her eyes glistening. “Don’t do that.”

“Why not? ”

“Because…I’m not worth choosing. I’m terrible. I like to be alone. I like the sea. I like hunting.”

“I liked doing those things with you. Sure, it’s not alone, but I know how to be quiet.”

She laughs a little as a tear escapes her lid. I thumb her cheek, smearing the wetness across her tanned, rosy face.

“If I get to explore with you, who knows what new herbs I’ll discover and potions I’ll create. The pups want the wild, too. It’s where they belong. Not trapped in a dungeon with me day in and day out. They’ll be better hunting partners.”

She sighs dramatically. “You’re making a pretty good case.”

I take a step closer until I can feel her warmth seeping into my clothes. “Plus, I know how to make you scream. No more terrible lovers in random ports. I’m always around.”

She hums and leans closer to me, pressing her chest against mine.

“We’ll need to soundproof our cabin.”

I’m soaring, my throat so tight I think I might choke on my next words.

“ Our cabin, is it? Does that make me…co-captain?”

“Don’t go getting any ideas.”

She moves into me until our lips are almost touching, but she stops.

“Adrik.”

Breathing in my name from her lips makes me high.

“Yes, my huntress?”

“I love you.”

I kiss her, sealing those words between us to burn into our chests. The pain of needing is quenched only by the knowledge that she’s mine enough for now. I have to make it something more permanent. Something forever .

“Marry me, huntress,” I say on a breathless murmur.

Her eyes sparkle and she smiles. “When?”

“Now. Right now.”

She laughs. “Do you have a ribbon?”

I hunt around and find the dogs’ leashes. I hold them up and Brisha barks to be let down, finally fed up with being restrained by Kor’Tar. We take the dogs out of the saddlebags and they sit beside us as Emillia reads the rites of marriage to me.

Kor’Tar whinnies loudly and there’s a whoosh-thump.

I start and Emillia pulls her pistol.

Kazimir stares me down, his face masked, but all the aggression is in his walk. “You thought you could get married without me?”

He takes the leashes from me and straightens his flight suit. “Please, Captain, continue.”

Emillia grins and holds her hand up. We entwine our fingers and bring our forearms together. Kazimir wraps Yakshim’s leash around our joined arms from wrist to elbow, then does the same with Brisha’s.

When the time comes, I agree to all her terms, whatever they are, and kiss her fiercely. Kazimir claps and cheers, as do the men on the boat. The dogs bark, Kor’Tar whinnies, and the sea roars against the shore.

Finally, I’m home.