Page 47 of The Princesses of Ruin (The Princesses of Ruin #5)

Chapter forty-three

Reina

I ce cracks against the hull as our ship pulls into port. The Fyn port is rarely iced over, but with the war that burned much of our commerce, and the winter, it’s seen little use. I stand on the bow, blasting larger chunks apart with controlled bursts of solar energy. Thankfully, it’s been sunny.

Waiting on the shore is a cadre of Spiders on horseback.

My heart soars at the sight of the white-haired Winifred.

She stomps her hooves when she sees me, dipping a foot into the water despite the Spiders’ loud protests.

Finally, Kor’tar nips her hindquarter, whinnying at her to come back, and she does.

We don’t waste time tying off the boat. There are only days left until Ashai’s statis ends, according to Zephrom. Alyse has been in contact with me for the last day, whispering things she’s learned.

Like that the goddess is planning on sabotaging our lives years in the future after we defeat the dark goddess. It’s hard to believe, but…I trust Alyse. She may be different, darker and dangerous, but she still loves me. She loves our family and wants to protect us.

That, and she showed me the interaction regarding the mask. It could’ve been fabricated—she is a wonderful story spinner—but again, it didn’t ring with any falsehoods .

It makes too much sense.

If we can kill one god, what’s stopping us from taking on the rest?

I would be scared if my immortality could be threatened, too.

But only malevolent gods need worry about that, and Zephrom…

I have yet to fully write her off. She’s been a guiding light for me in dark times.

Justice and the ever-present goal of reclaiming my kingdom from the grip of evil were my companions when I lost everything to Ashai.

No books, no training, no lessons…once she’d picked me as her host, my life was extinguished. And Zephrom’s mission was all I had.

“What’s the status here?” I ask as I approach Rivera, the seasoned leader of the third squad.

“The queen is quiet,” he says, his gravelly voice tight with emotion he won’t show.

Winifred drops her head for me. I grace her with a quick pat before I grab the horn of the saddle and swing myself up into the seat.

“And the people?”

“Hungry,” he says, his dark brow furrowed.

“There’s about a month’s worth of fish frozen in the hold. That should help,” Jasper says as he pulls himself up into Kor’Tar’s saddle.

“It’ll be greatly appreciated, my lords,” Rivera says. “It was a fruitful mission, then?”

Most of the Spiders believe we were out on a deep-sea fishing trip to help offset the lack of grain stores and game to hunt. Coming back empty-handed would’ve been highly suspect.

Rivera is one of the few in the know. Zane’s generals that could be trusted beyond a doubt were informed of our suicide missions and given explicit instructions to evacuate everyone if we disappeared.

Where they could run from a goddess hells bent on scorching Gaien, I don’t know…

but maybe running could’ve helped. Maybe there are other avenues of survival if this fails.

“It was,” I say, my hand resting on the satchel at my side.

His shoulders drop away from his ears, and he sighs deeply, muttering, “Thank the gods.”

“We’ll see you back there,” I say, turning Winifred toward the well-trodden road into the Underbelly.

We nudge our horses into action, and they take off at a gallop.

They run like a storm. Their presence is inescapable.

We pass guard stations like a torrent of wind, whipping heads following as we go.

The gates of the Wall have been removed, making it easy to come and go.

With the queen petrified and her power cloistered, we don’t fear any of her agents getting through.

The snow-dusted streets are busy, but everyone makes way for us.

Smoke rises from the chimneys of the crooked apartments of the Underbelly, and children spill out into the alleys to play.

Despite the dire times, they’re happier than they were. Even with families doubled up to a house, they find ways to be content and comfortable. There’s no other option, I suppose, but it speaks to the fortitude of the people here.

Perhaps some of the wealthy aristocrats are getting a taste of grit—of resilience. I certainly had to when I was on my own with Jasper. He taught me so much by just letting me be my stubborn self. A little dirt under their nails will be good for them, just like it was for me.

Once this is over, the Wall will come down, the division of our people will end, and the kingdom will be stronger and closer than ever before. We will return from the ashes and thrive.

Ashai doesn’t know what she’s done .

We stable the horses and rush to the war room. The chill of the sea clings to the fabric of my scarf so I peel it off as we make our way inside. Spiders are moving about in a hurry as they always do, but Aleks catches my eye. He makes his way to us with haste.

“Princess Reina.” He sketches a speedy bow before going on. I want to interrupt him, to tell him not to, but it’d be wasting more time. “They’re in the lab.”

I wonder if Adrik told Aleks more than he needed to know. I nod thanks and continue stripping, piling my clothes up in my arms as I go. The air in the dungeon is colder than even outside. I shiver, wishing I had warm, dry clothes. But again, wasting time.

The door to the lab swings open as we approach. Aleks wasn’t lying; everyone is inside. It’s crowded and warm, and despite there being very little personal space for us in here, I like it.

Alyse wraps an arm around my neck, and I drop my clothes, holding her tight.

Her bone-deep agony seeps into me. Her empathetic wails resonate through the room, though she doesn’t make a sound.

Lily’s arms come around us, and Scarlett envelops us with her spindles since the spider egg prevents her from hugging us close. We seal her into our love.

I use my boot to tug the satchel from my pile of clothes and shove it in Jasper’s direction. He takes it and removes the two seaweed-wrapped vials. They stink, but they’re both fully intact.

The men work at the table, whispering in low voices as we hold one another. The massive spider in the corner clicks its fangs, and, though I was warned of its presence, I was not prepared for it. I suck down a sharp gasp as I take in all the eyes, legs, and dark, spiny fur.

“I know. It’s monstrous, right?” Scarlett says with a smile that belies the severity of her words .

“We made some horrifying friends, too,” I say. “With even more legs than him.”

Scarlett snickers and something in her softens, like the grip on the mask she wears loosens a measure. She closes her eyes and her eyebrows relax from their permanent scowl. Arcane darkness ripples across her scar, like even with her eyelids closed she can still see. She’s still watching over us.

A feeling worms through my chest and before I can stop myself, I’m speaking. “I’ve been too harsh…”

“Tell us something we don’t know,” Lily says.

Scarlett tsks, poking her in the ribs with a spindle. “Let her finish the apology.”

“Who said it was going to be an apology?” I say.

“It was an apology,” Alyse murmurs from the center of our huggle puddle.

“Nol’Ther give me patience,” I whisper. “Scarlett, I know you couldn’t come back, and you couldn’t send word—or didn’t know how to safely.

When I thought of you, it hurt some, but I imagined you were riding through a field on a big brown stallion, smiling.

I never remember seeing you smile, not truly at least, and so your smile always looked like pain in my daydreams.

“It soured my vision of you. It tainted my true memories of you defending us, protecting us. You were always taking Mother’s attention, and I didn’t understand that either…time and age bring perspective, I suppose.”

There’s still more lodged in my throat, but I’m not sure how to get it out. I close my eyes to battle back the tears gathering there.

“I missed you fiercely.” Scarlett’s voice moves through my mind, as I’m sure it does Lily’s too, by way of Alyse. “I’m sorry this is the life we were handed, but I’m proud of you all for everything you’ve accomplished and become, as horrifying as pussy teeth are—”

The hug huddle shifts as Lily punches Scarlett.

“Ouch,” she grumbles and we all giggle.

“You were resourceful in your fight for survival, and you weren’t afraid to get bloody for it.”

Hurried whispers faster than speech whoosh through me. Thoughts of regret, wishing it wasn’t necessary, wishing for a proper childhood. Wishing…

“There’s more blood to come, and we can’t shy away from the sacrifices that will be necessary. We’re the only ones who can make them, and the only ones who can secure these young ones’ futures.”

The sound of her fingers dragging over a smooth surface rises above the murmurs of the men. I open my eyes to see Scarlett caressing the egg strapped to her chest. Lily and Alyse hold their bellies protectively and I…

I made no sacrifices. I took on no children. I had the easiest deal of them all, simply an alliance and a promise.

“But you had to irrevocably alter the course of their species to make it possible,” Alyse thinks. “You watched Jasper murder their leadership and chose not to stop him. That was a moral sacrifice of its own kind.”

I had told him to stop, but she’s right.

I did nothing because I knew in my gut that any leaders who would kill Vek’ihr for asking questions about love were not a leadership I would want to make alliances with.

Maybe its culturicide, maybe I’m a monster…

but we’ve done what we’ve done and there’s no going back.

“We’ll all have our scars from this,” Scarlett thinks, touching the skin around her missing eye tenderly .

My gaze drops to the half-moon-shaped marks that pepper my arms, and the twisting scars that weave around them. I’ve burned myself raw in the name of justice.

Lily’s body is scarred in every conceivable way: runes and skin pockets designed to hold wings, three-inch claws that hide in her fingers, bone spikes that can protrude from everywhere at any moment. She’s a walking weapon.

Alyse’s scars all live on the inside. Unseen and even more insidious. There’ll never be another dinner party where we share silent jokes about those in attendance. Never another time we’ll titter after a vicious verbal stab at this delegate or that.

We’re not children anymore.

And Scarlett never was.

My throat squeezes painfully, and I finally release the words I’ve been holding there. “I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you.”

“Me? Apology accepted,” Lily says, and we all chuckle again.

“Mostly Scarlett, but yeah, you too.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Scarlett says. “Especially not an apology for your very appropriate behavior. I was a stranger you used to know, one who abandoned you. Your reaction was warranted.”

“Yes, but then my continued…shittiness,” I mumble. “That could’ve been better.”

“Were you shitty?”

“I was jealous.”

She snorts. “Of what?”

I lick my lips, worrying the bottom one as I really think it through. “You didn’t seem to want or need anyone’s approval. You did whatever you wanted. You controlled my power better than me…”

She hums in amusement. “Of course I was seeking your approval. I’ve just become very adept at appearing aloof. ”

Adrik clears his throat beside me. “Ladies, I’m sorry to interrupt, but if you’re not going to help…”

“Get the fuck out?” Lily finishes for him.

He rubs the back of his neck. “There’s not a lot of space to move, and the air is stuffy.”

Scarlett retracts her spindles, releasing us. “Fine. We’ll go express our womanly feelings somewhere else.”

Kazimir grabs Alyse and pulls her out of our group, hugging her close. The bandages over the left side of his face scrunch as he furrows his brow. He kisses her cheek, and then her lips, as they exchange silent words. He nods and kisses her again, then returns to the table.

Jasper stands at the table with the other men, each of them eyeing their loves with fondness. An overwhelming sense of belonging radiates off them, and my heart swells. They’ve become family.

My family.

It doesn’t matter how many more sacrifices are necessary to protect it. I’ll gladly make them with blood on my hands and no regrets in my heart.