Page 28

CHAPTER 28

“ I ’m so sorry about today. I didn’t know they were going to do that. But I had a hunch it might not be the afternoon tea we’d planned.” Victoria rolled the black ball down the middle of the pool table and it rebounded softly. She and Ash both stared at its course until it stopped.

Ash glanced around the summerhouse, taking in the surroundings. “I remember you telling me about your pool den when we were in Marbella. You undersold it. Any other day, I’d be thrilled to be here.” Her face clouded over. “But not today.”

“No,” Victoria shook her head. “Not today.” She caught Ash’s gaze. “What did Father say?”

Ash put both palms on the side of the table, dropped her head, then took a deep breath. When she raised her gaze to Victoria, her blonde hair framed her face.

“That we need to deny everything and not see each other again for a while. That I should ‘take some time to think about what I want’. Like I haven’t done that already.” She shook her head. “I won’t lie, it felt like I was on an episode of some mob show. With your dad in the lead role as the mob boss.”

“Not far off the truth, except my mother is always the boss.”

Ash gave a heavy shrug. “Maybe they switched roles for a day? Whatever, I got the impression this was our last hurrah. That if I wasn’t off the premises within an hour, they might set the dogs on me.”

“Licked to death by Honey and Truffle?”

“Something like that.” Ash’s gaze was intense. “Did your mother give you the same speech?”

Victoria nodded. “Mother has always laid down the law. Then my father usually softens it. But this time, they put on a united front. One with zero flexibility.”

Victoria walked around the table until she was next to Ash.

“They want us to deny it. Keep apart.” She could smell Ash’s shampoo, that mix of citrus and something uniquely her. Victoria’s fingers found Ash’s, and a familiar rush of desire fizzed through her.

The last thing she wanted to do was lose this closeness. This feeling. Losing Ash was like losing oxygen. It was unthinkable. “Just so you know, I don’t want to.”

Ash took a sharp inhale of breath, then withdrew her hand.

When Victoria peered closer, she could see Ash looked exhausted, with shadows under her eyes that hadn’t been there a week ago. She hated being responsible for that.

“I don’t think we have a choice,” Ash said. “Your parents seemed pretty set on the idea, and I don’t fancy going against them.” Ash’s green eyes met Victoria’s, full of worry. “If we tell them no, what happens?”

Victoria walked over to the window. There had to be a way out of this she hadn’t considered. The sunshine wasn’t helping. She drew the blinds, then started pacing. “I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just know I don’t want to be without you.”

“I don’t want to be without you either,” Ash said. “But I don’t know how we can push back against this. If we deny the Palace, we alienate your family. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but in a fight of this scale, you’re going to need them.”

Victoria ran both hands through her hair and closed her eyes. Ash was facing the truth far better than she was. Conversely, Victoria was searching for a solution that simply wasn’t there.

When she opened her eyes and stared at Ash, Victoria could already feel her slipping through her fingers. Just like everyone else.

She wasn’t going to let it happen.

She couldn’t let it happen.

“We can figure this out. I’m sure of it. We can get through it together. Just not right away.”

Ash didn’t move towards her. When she raised her hand, Victoria could see it was shaking.

“Victoria, I’m 29, and that plays into this. I might not have another World Cup in me. This is a huge season for me, one where I need my full focus to ensure I make the England squad. The only way that happens is by playing well for the Ravens. I haven’t been doing that lately.”

“It was one game, Ash.” The words came out more sharply than intended. She hated hearing Ash doubt herself.

But Ash shook her head. “It’s been going on for weeks, and in the game you were at, I couldn’t control my emotions. I have to put my career first. This season is my big shot.” Her face spelled anguish. “Plus, I can’t keep living like this. Half in, half out. I owe it to myself, to every young queer person watching. I told my agent I wasn’t going back in the closet when I became England captain, but I did tone it down. I regret that. Now you’re asking me to deny what I’m feeling.”

Ash’s voice caught, and Victoria’s heart with it.

“It’s not just me, either. There’s my family. I can’t put them through hell for no reason.”

“No reason?” Victoria couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “How about the fact I love you?” The words burst out, raw and desperate. “Don’t do this, Ash. I’ll come out, I promise. I’ll do it all, whatever my mother thinks. I just need time. A couple of months, maybe more—”

“Isn’t that what your father suggested?”

Was it? Victoria’s heart threatened to down tools and leave.

“I’ll talk to my aides, and my parents.” Panic flooded her. “Try to work something out. Maybe you can come back for the New Year Ball, and we can be a couple? Or at least by Valentine’s Day.”

But even as she said it, she knew she was making the same promises her parents always made.

Later.

Soon.

Just wait.

“The Ball is just over two months away. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Ash sighed. “I never wanted to be your dirty little secret, you knew that. I was beginning to come around to the fact of the inevitable spotlight. But what I can’t do is go out with someone who denies her feelings daily.” Ash dropped her gaze. “Maybe we’re just not meant to be.”

Now, Victoria’s heart did crack. She heard it, loud and clear.

“Don’t do this.” She walked over to Ash and stood before her. “We knew this was always going to be hard.”

“You knew more than me.”

That was true. Nobody prepared you for the royal commitment. “I know it’s a lot to ask. You’re not just dating me.” She reached down to squeeze Ash’s fingers. “You’re dating the country’s future.”

Ash gave her the saddest smile imaginable, then kissed her knuckles, her eyes misty.

Victoria’s ribs seemed to cave in around the space where her heart used to be.

“I want this so much,” Ash whispered. “I really do love you. But it’s affecting everything. My training. My game. My mental health. Your dad told me what he suggested wasn’t a recommendation, it was an order. I don’t want to piss off the King and Queen, even if I am in love with their daughter. Maybe we should take their advice, and cool it for a while.”

Victoria ducked her head, trying to hide her tears.

She wanted to scream, but she had to respect Ash’s wishes.

“If that’s what you really want.”

The biggest issue? Victoria understood. That was the hardest pill of all.

“Are we breaking up?” Her voice was heartbreakingly small.

“For now, maybe,” Ash whispered.

They stared at each other.

Victoria memorised every detail of Ash’s face: her smooth skin, her dark eyebrows, the flecks of gold in her sea-green eyes.

“You know, I once told Astrid I’d invited you over to have my way with you on this pool table. It was a joke, before I even knew you.”

Something shifted in Ash’s expression.

“Really?” Ash stepped close enough for Victoria to breathe her in. “Do you remember what happened?”

Before Victoria could answer, Ash crushed her mouth to Victoria, who wrapped her arms around Ash’s neck as the kiss deepened, desperate and hungry.

They kissed like there was no tomorrow, which was the actual truth.

Victoria banished that thought from her mind, as Ash pushed her back against the pool table. Her fingers fumbled with Ash’s buttons. She was usually better at this, but her hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

“Here?” Ash breathed against her neck.

“Here,” Victoria confirmed. “I need to feel you.”

They shed clothing without words. Ash pushed Victoria against the pool table, the edges cold against her bum as Ash pressed into her. She trailed kisses down Victoria’s throat, across her collarbone, lower.

Then Ash sank to her knees, looking up at Victoria with such a look of love, it crushed her. With no fanfare, she sank into Victoria with her tongue, licking her top to bottom, circling her like she could never get enough. Like she wanted to make this time count, imprint it on both of their brains.

Ash’s hands clasped the back of Victoria’s bum, pulling her closer, her tongue causing tidal waves of pleasure to rise up within. It didn’t take long for the edges of Victoria’s world to flicker, then blur. She hummed with anticipation as her insides caught alight, then buckled under the delicious sweep of Ash’s tongue.

“Oh my god, Ash,” Victoria whispered, fingers tangled in Ash’s hair. Then her whole body jerked and she dissolved into the moment, riding Ash’s gorgeous mouth. All they had was now, and she was going to live it, however much it simultaneously thrilled and devastated her.

Moments later, Ash rocked back on her heels, kissing her way up Victoria’s flushed body. When her mouth landed on Victoria’s, hot and soft, Victoria tasted herself, the effect intoxicating.

She tried not to focus on what came next. She wanted to freeze time. Stay in this moment. She was the future Queen. Why didn’t she have that superpower at the very least?

But when she looked into Ash’s eyes, she gasped. They were glassy, and she knew then that Ash was barely holding it together, too.

“We’re not done,” Ash said.

They both stared, knowing those words held a double meaning.

Ash lifted Victoria onto the pool table, the felt rough on her bum. She wrapped her legs around Ash’s waist, pulling her closer.

Their gazes connected, just as Ash eased two fingers into her. When she hit Victoria’s wetness, she let out a warm moan.

Victoria shifted, ground down, then put both arms around Ash’s neck. She put her mouth next to Ash’s ear as her girlfriend thrust deep into her.

“I love you,” she gasped.

Ash moaned again, then fucked her harder, just the way Victoria liked it.

As Ash moved inside and around her, Victoria cried out, not caring who heard. She wanted to shout to the world that this was a love she deserved. The one that was being cruelly taken away from her. Everybody had an opinion about them, but nobody knew who they were and what they felt.

If they truly knew, they’d never say this was anything but perfect.

“Look at me.” Ash’s breath was hot on her ear.

Victoria forced her eyes open.

The intensity in Ash’s gaze made her chest tight. She was looking at her with hungry eyes. It was what Victoria had always wanted.

“I love you, too,” Ash said. “Don’t ever doubt it.”

Everything sped up, then blurred. Ash’s hands and mouth were everywhere, the pressure building inside. Victoria saw stars as she came in a rush, her face buried in Ash’s neck, muffling her cry against her skin. Her tears mixed with sweat. She couldn’t tell if they were from pleasure or pain anymore.

Moments later, Victoria flipped their positions, slipped a hand between Ash’s legs, and fucked her until she clamped down on Victoria’s fingers, coming hard on her pool table just like she’d always dreamed of.

Only today was no dream. This part, maybe. But overall, it was a living nightmare.

Ash’s chest was red as she fought to calm her breath.

They stared at each other for a few long moments, not knowing what to say.

After, Victoria rested her head on Ash’s chest, listening to her heartbeat slow, pretending they could stay here forever. But reality crept back in.

“I should probably go.” Ash’s voice was rough. “Before Truffle arrives.”

“I know.” There was so much more to say, but then again, there wasn’t. Victoria pressed one last kiss to Ash’s collarbone before sitting up. They dressed in silence, stealing glances, each trying to memorise the other.

At the door, Ash pulled her in for a final kiss. Victoria cupped her face, brushing away tears with her thumbs, tasting goodbye on Ash’s lips.

“I love you,” she whispered, because what else was there to say? “Just so you know, you’ll always be my queen.”

Ash nodded. “I’ll never be sorry.”

Victoria stood frozen as Ash walked away, taking Victoria’s heart with her. She wanted to call out, to run after her, to promise anything, but she couldn’t. Some things were bigger than love.

She lifted the blinds and the afternoon sun streamed through the windows, highlighting the empty space where Ash had been.

Victoria touched her lips, still feeling that last kiss, and let the tears fall.