Page 28 of The Poster Boy (Love The Game #3)

Marek

C hristmas with the Weimers was equal parts great and terrible.

Great, because at least I wasn’t alone. Terrible, because I might as well have been alone.

Jay could barely look at me the whole time we were there.

Logically, I knew it was because he wasn’t out.

Jay’s closet had glass doors, though, if anyone bothered to look close enough.

Some dumb part of me had hoped that I meant more to him than I clearly did.

It became obvious the way he stayed up late to avoid going to bed at the same time as me every night.

The way he snuck out of bed in the morning before I was awake.

It had been a waste of sharing a bed. I might as well have been sleeping on a different planet.

The one saving grace of the whole trip was Diane. Being fussed over by Boone’s mom healed parts of me that I’d forgotten were broken. Even when my parents still claimed me as their child, they never did so with any kind of pride. And certainly not any warmth.

Diane treated Jay and me like we were her own. I left their house with Diane’s number in my phone and a crushing hug from Howard that I could still feel hours later.

The drive back had been quiet as hell. The minute we’d left, I stuck my earbuds in and feigned sleep. Leaning against the side window, I pretended that everything was okay. That I wasn’t practically sick from how much I’d overblown my importance to Jay.

We’d only known each other for a couple of months.

And we’d only been messing around for half of that.

Of course Jay didn’t care about me. Not the way I cared about him.

Jay was the first person I thought of in the morning, and the last person I thought of before I went to sleep.

Yeah, I was falling head over heels for the guy.

Yeah, it was fast. And apparently it was stupid, because Jay obviously didn’t feel the same way about me.

As we neared our destination, I pulled my earbuds out and sat up. Boone glanced at me, then looked back at the road.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

He clearly didn’t believe that I’d been asleep.

“Where am I dropping you?”

“I can get home fine from your place.”

“It’s no trouble.”

“Really, Boone. It’s okay.”

He nodded. I saw him glance into the rearview mirror, clearly communicating something with Jay. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good because Boone shook his head and went back to driving.

The silence in the car was thick and awkward. We had a game tomorrow night that we had to be ready for. Well, they did. Church was the starting goalie tomorrow. Our awkwardness had to be resolved before we were on the ice together. The only problem was that I didn’t see a way out of this.

We arrived back at their condo, and Boone pulled into his parking space. “I’m going to head down the street for a drink. I’ll be back in an hour. While I’m gone, you two can either fuck this out or fight this out. Take my bag upstairs with you, please.”

Before Jay or I could protest, Boone was out of the car and walking away.

“Marek,” Jay started to say. But the minute I heard his voice, I hit my seatbelt and climbed out of the car. He scrambled after me, meeting me around the back of the Jeep.

“Marek, wait.”

“It’s been a long few days, Jay. I’m tired, and I want to go home.” I tried to open the back of the Jeep, but Jay pushed the hatch shut again.

“Marek, look at me.”

“Let me leave, Jay.”

“Marek, please.” His voice sounded tortured. Wounded. I’d battered myself against the rocks waiting for his affection, and yet he was the one who sounded bruised. Anger flared in me and I met his gaze.

“Why, Jay? You were fine to not look at me the whole time we were at Boone’s place. You made an art of avoiding me.”

“I know. I’m sorry, but I’m not?—”

“Yeah, I know. You’re not out. I get it.

If your closet got any deeper, you’d be in fucking Narnia.

But forgive me if I don’t understand why you couldn’t have at least treated me like I might have been even the tiniest bit important to you.

I didn’t expect a lot, Jay, but you managed to let me down anyway. ”

“You’re not being fair.”

“Fuck fair. And fuck you while I’m at it. Let me get my shit, Brookbank.”

“I don’t know what you want from me.” Jay’s voice echoed in the parking garage, bouncing off the concrete and reverberating in the empty space. A lot of people had fled the city for the holidays and had yet to return.

“You know I’m not out.” Jay dropped his voice, hissing at me through his clenched teeth. “You know that, Myers.”

“Boone knows and I think his mom knows too.”

“His family doesn’t.”

I shrugged. “Do you really think they would have a problem with you being gay? Hell, it’s not even about that. Because you could have stayed in your closet and still not treated me like a fucking leper. But you didn’t.”

Jay looked like I punched him right in the feelings. Good.

“Let me get my shit, Jay. I want to go home.”

“Marek…”

“Now, Jay.”

Before I knew what was happening, Jay spun me and pinned me against the back of the Jeep.

He took my face in his hands and slanted his mouth over mine.

The kiss was an apology. Desperation. Anger.

It tasted like sadness and regret. It felt like home.

Like a home I was only allowed to visit when he decided he wanted me there.

I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him back.

I got a first time with him, and dammit if there was going to be a last time, I wanted to know it was the last time so I could remember it too.

So I could catalog every kiss and touch, every needy sound, and store it away in my heart.

I wanted to have a memory to play on loop in my mind of the last time I let myself love him .

“Upstairs.” I panted when I broke the kiss. “Or in the Jeep, but not in the open like this.”

Jay wasted no time ushering me into the back of the Jeep. I laid across the back seat, stretching out the width of the vehicle in hopes of giving us more room. Jay crowded me, pinning me there with his body. His hands tore at my pants, just as desperate as the way he kissed me.

He freed my cock and then managed somehow to wriggle down far enough to take it in his mouth.

When he wrapped his mouth around me, I sat up with a gasp.

My hands went to him automatically. Threading my fingers through his hair, I clutched him like we had forever.

Like time could stop and give me this imperfect man for longer than I was supposed to have him.

Jay’s mouth was a weapon set on destroying me. His hands kept me pinned to the seat, as if I had anywhere to go—or wanted to as long as he was trying to suck my soul out through my dick.

His hands skimmed under my shirt and up my chest. Nimble fingers teased my nipples, sending sparks flying in my vision as my cock twitched in his mouth. I was already close but had no desire for it to be over yet. I wasn’t done saying goodbye.

When I tugged him off me, he got the idea and returned to my mouth. I wound an arm around his neck, keeping him where I wanted him as I reached down between us and fumbled with his pants until Jay got the hint and did it himself, freeing his erection.

Pulling back just long enough to spit in his hand, Jay kissed me again. Maybe he knew this was it, the same way I knew it. Maybe he was also committing me to his memory. I liked to believe I was at least important enough to him for that .

His grip was rough and perfect. I liked the way it hurt just a little, just enough to remind me that I didn’t get to keep good things. I whimpered at that thought, and Jay mistook it for a different kind of pain. He loosened his grip on our cocks just a little, so the bite of pain was gone.

“You okay?” He panted the question against my lips between kisses.

No.

“Yeah.” Reaching between us, I wrapped my hand around his.

I slid my other hand into his hair. I kept him captive like that, kissing my way into his mouth, his fucking soul if I could.

Jay thrust his hips, sliding his cock against mine in the channel we made with our hands, precum and some spit the only thing smoothing the way for us.

It was uncomfortable, but perfect, because in those few moments where Jay was lost in me, it felt like I really had him.

Like I had him in a way I’d never had him before.

Jay came with my name tumbling from his lips, and I hated him in that moment for ever giving me hope that we could be something.

And I hated myself for believing the lies I told myself, that any of this was his fault.

He’d been clear about the rules from the start.

I was the idiot who’d gone and tried to change them halfway through the game.

He jerked me with his cum, sticky and hot and too fucking good on my skin. I breathed him in, going dizzy from my own lack of oxygen as I bucked underneath him, coating his fingers with cum.

When we were both spent, he collapsed on me, resting his forehead against mine. I kept my eyes closed as I caught my breath. I didn’t know if I could look at him and still walk away.

Jay kissed the corner of my mouth, then sat up and let out a gruff laugh. “Should have thought about the cleanup before we did that.”

I opened my eyes in time to see him pull his hoodie off and use it to wipe up the mess we made of us. Of me. He gently dabbed the cum off my skin and my shirt before using it to wipe his hands.

He tucked himself away and grimaced as he shifted around in the cramped space. I managed to crawl out from under him and shove my dick back in my pants.

“Are you coming up?” Jay asked as if we hadn’t just fought our way into Boone’s back seat. As if every kiss and touch we’d just shared hadn’t screamed goodbye.

“That’s not a good idea, Jay.” Wiping a hand down my face, I reached for the door and hopped out of the Jeep. Before he could stop me, I was around the back and grabbing my bag.

Jay blocked my path with his broad shoulders. His gaze was intense, his expression troubled. “Marek?”

“We’re not a good idea, Jay. We knew that from the beginning.”

He reached for me, but I dodged and stepped around him, heading for the street.

“Marek, wait.”

I turned to face him. “We’re fine, Jay. Friends. Teammates. We don’t need to be more. I was forced to come out, and I’d never want someone to come out the way I did. But I at least want someone who won’t make me feel invisible.”

“Marek…”

“See you at practice.” Through some miracle I kept my voice even and steady. Almost indifferent.

“Marek!” Jay shouted after me but didn’t follow.

And that told me all I needed to know.