Page 41 of The Perfect Son

“You’re a doctor, right?” Shelley says. “You must see this a lot. There is no single length of time or one way to grieve. However hard it is to understand, Tess doesn’t want to speak to anyone right now, and it’s important that you respect that and give her space.”

Oh. She’s speaking to Sam, not Ian. I rush forward to tell Shelley it’s OK, that I can speak to Sam. Today has been a good day and I’d like to speak to my brother.

“Will do. Bye,” Shelley says, placing the phone back into the holder as I make it to the doorway.

I’m too late. Sam is gone.

Shelley turns toward me, surprise playing on her face. “Tess, you made me jump again.”

“Was that Sam?” I ask.

“Yes. He wanted to see how you were. I told him you weren’t up to speaking to anyone right now.”

“Oh... thanks.”

She must see the disappointment in my face because then she says: “Was that the wrong thing?”

“No, it’s fine,” I lie.

“Sorry, Tess. It’s just you’ve said a few times that you want your mum and Sam to leave you alone for a bit. I thought it might help forthem to speak to me. Sam was lovely, by the way. He’s just starting his shift, but you can always call him tomorrow.”

“You’re right.” I nod. “Thank you.”

“Why don’t we stop for the day? You look shattered.”

Jamie nods and sidesteps us both, pointing at the living room and looking up at me with pleading eyes. “Can I play on the PlayStation?”

“OK.” I smile at our boy.

Shelley is right—I am tired, and what is stopping me from calling Sam tomorrow? Nothing.

I’m about to suggest we head back to the garden for more tea and cake, but Shelley beats me to it. “I’d better head off. My walls still need another coat of paint and I can’t see Tim doing it.”

“Oh... of course.”

“Have you got any plans for Wednesday?” she asks.

“Err... no.” I don’t have any plans, full stop.

“I’m meeting a client in Manningtree. It’s not far from here and I thought we could meet for lunch.”

“I know Manningtree,” I reply. “Mark took me there once just after we moved here. It’s pretty.”

“It is, isn’t it? How about we meet at one thirty? I’ll be done way before that but I’ve got a few errands to run. We can have some lunch and potter around the gift shops.”

I think of next week and the empty hours stretching out before me. “That sounds great. Can we make it twelve thirty though?” I ask, thinking of the school pickup and not wanting to be late.

“Sure. I’ll do the errands afterward.”

Shelley lifts her head and smiles at me and I feel her warmth cascading through me.

“I’m looking forward to it already.” I return the smile.

—

Later, when Jamie is sitting in bed, I squish up beside him and rest the photo albums, one at a time, half on my leg and half on Jamie’s so the pages are lopsided. We look through the albums with silent tears rolling down our faces.

Every so often we smile though and laugh at something, like the shot of you dressed as Captain Hook for Jamie’s fourth birthday party. A fake beard hanging off your face, hands on hips, shoulders back, and grinning at the camera with ten little boys and girls sitting on the floor bawling their eyes out because they thought you were a real villain.