Page 16 of The Perfect Son

I remember the relief and the whispered knowledge that my offer hadn’t been real. How could I have gone back to St. Luke’s and be a mother? Teaching GCSE History had taken everything I had to give each week. St. Luke’s might have paid better than most teaching positions, but the school was a high performer. Part-time and job shares didn’t happen. The days were long and intense, and it had been hard to see how a baby would fit into that mold. Besides which, neither of us wanted Jamie to go into nursery full-time at such a young age.

“Will it mean more traveling?”I asked, trying to sound positive, trying to be happy for you. I rested my hand over yours, rubbing the hard bulge of my belly, and fought back a wave of panic.

“Maybe, but not a lot, I promise. This is good timing for us. The benefits are better. We all get private medical insurance and I get a company car and mobile phone. Plus it will take the pressure off our finances.”You smiled, pulling me into your arms.

“OK.”I nodded, breathing in the smell and the warmth of you. I didn’t know we’d been under financial pressure to start with, but I didn’t say anything. I wanted to be happy for you.

“It’s going to be fine. You don’t need to worry, Tessie,”you whispered, using Tessie instead of Tess, like you always did when it was just us.

The memory drifts away and I sink deeper into the bath.

Maybe you’re right, Mark. Maybe I didn’t want to know, but I would’ve listened. I never wanted you to lie to me.

I never lied. I wouldn’t do that.

Fine. You never lied. But you sugarcoated and you glossed over thedetails until it was your version of the truth. Did you think I couldn’t handle it? Was I really that much of a weakling?

Tell me you loved me, Mark. Really loved me. Tell me our love wasn’t a lie.

Oh, Tessie, you know I did.

CHAPTER 9

Transcript BETWEEN ELLIOT SADLER (ES) AND TERESA CLARKE (TC) (INPATIENT AT OAKLANDS HOSPITAL, HARTFIELD WARD), TUESDAY, APRIL 10. SESSION 1 (Cont.)

ES: Are you feeling better now, Tess?

TC:(nods)

ES: That’s good. How are your pain levels?

TC: Better. The nurse gave me something. Sorry about before. I... I just want to find Jamie.

ES: We all do. That’s why we’re here—to find out what’s happened to Jamie.

TC: Why are you talking to me then? Shouldn’t you be interviewing people or out looking for Shelley?

ES: We’re doing everything we can, Tess. But I need more information from you.

TC: I thought of something a minute ago, just as you came in. It might help.

ES: Oh?

TC: I don’t think Shelley was working alone. I think she had help from Ian, my brother-in-law. Maybe they were partners in this.

ES: What makes you think that?

TC: There were times... (sighs). A lot of things happened to me that she couldn’t have done alone. I keep thinking this is all about Jamie. I mean, it is, isn’t it? That’s why we’re sitting here, but maybe it’s about money too. Ian told me that he loaned Mark some money—a lot of money—and he needed it back. Is anyone checking my phone? I don’t have it. Someone might call for a ransom.

ES: I’ll make a note. I’m sure that’s being taken care of.

CHAPTER 10

Wednesday, February 21

46 DAYS TO JAMIE’S BIRTHDAY

Iwake with a start and blink in the darkness. My heart is hammering in my chest and for a moment I think it’s the dregs of the nightmare shuddering through my body. Then I hear the sound again—the one that must have woken me—the crunch of gravel on the driveway. Footsteps.