Page 39 of The Perfect Son

CHAPTER 21

Transcript BETWEEN ELLIOT SADLER (ES) AND TERESA CLARKE (TC) (INPATIENT AT OAKLANDS HOSPITAL, HARTFIELD WARD), WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11, 9:15. SESSION 2

ES: Good morning, Tess. How are you feeling today?

TC: Is there any news? Have you found Jamie?

ES: Not yet. We’re still trying to find out what happened.

TC: Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God. This is my fault. I never should’ve trusted her.

ES: Who shouldn’t you have trusted?

TC: Shelley, of course.

ES: Tell me about your friendship.

TC: Um (pause). I don’t know what to tell you. She came to visit as a grief counselor that my mum organized for me, but we became friends. She and Jamie became very close. We’ve spent a lot of time together over the last few months.

ES: Did Shelley spend a lot of time with Jamie?

TC: Some, yes, enough for them to become close. They seemed to have this unspoken bond. Jamie and I were both struggling with losing Mark. It was hard. I wasn’t being a good mother. I thought it was nice for him to have someone like Shelley around. She has this energy that seems to just pour out of her, like she just walks into a room and a light switches on. I’m sure Jamie felt it too. Compared to me I think he found Shelley a relief to be around.

ES: Did you keep taking your antidepressants during that time?

TC: Yes. What’s that got to do with finding Jamie? What has any of this got to do with finding my son?

ES: So in the buildup to Jamie’s birthday you would say you were coping better?

TC: Yes. It’s hard to remember everything that’s happened. I was struggling with my memory. I still am. I’m not sure if it’s the grief or maybe a side effect of the antidepressants, but it’s like I can remember a memory of Mark from years ago word for word, like I’m watching it back as a film, but my memory of yesterday, last week, basically since Mark died, has holes in it. Sometimes little holes and sometimes the whole day is just black. So much has happened in such a short space of time.

ES: But you and Shelley developed a strong friendship during this time.

TC:(Sigh) Yes. I guess in part it was because I didn’t have anyone else to turn to and in part because Shelley sortof pushed the friendship. It’s hard to explain but it was as though her spending time with me and Jamie was something she needed as much as I did.

ES: What about your mum and other friends, and your brother? Why do you think you cut yourself off from them but formed a close friendship with someone you barely knew?

TC:(Silence) She made it easy to be her friend. She was so confident, like Mark in so many ways. She always seemed to know the right thing to say and got how I was feeling. Mark was good at that too. Like I said, Jamie was drawn to her. We both were. Of course, I didn’t know at that point just how far she was willing to go to get what she wanted.

ES: Do you think Mark is still alive?

TC:(Shakes head)

ES: You told one of the nurses when you were brought in that Mark was still alive.

TC: Did I? Oh. I was in a lot of pain then. With the morphine I was on I probably said Elvis was alive too.

ES: So you don’t think Mark is alive?

TC:(Silence)

CHAPTER 22

Saturday, March 3

36 DAYS TO JAMIE’S BIRTHDAY

The sun is out today. Its rays stretch through the house, lighting the corners—the gloom—in a way I’ve never noticed before. In the garden, daffodil stalks have sprung out overnight—at least a hundred of them—an army of green stalks standing to attention.