20
Crystalized
A few days later, I muster the courage to tell Jay about my suspicions just as we're about to enter the Packhouse. I halt Jay with a hand on his wrist, leaning against his pretty blue GTR.
Impeccable timing, as always, Artemis.
Blue-green eyes swing to me, all of his attention, his focus, his wolf zeroing in on me the only way Jay can. He's always had that look, even as a kid. "What's wrong?"
Instead of immediately answering, I look around, taking a deep breath. Snow lines the parking lot's edges, dusting the roof and the tops of the trees. Dark, cloudy skies above threaten to dump more at any second.
And then I'm talking. All at once, like a stream of consciousness, I blurt everything out to Jay without even looking at him, finishing with, "I can't tell if I'm just being stupid or if maybe my dislike of the Whites runs deeper than that."
Despite not looking at him, I can see his face from the corner of my eye. But instead of looking at him, I just watch as snow begins falling from the gray sky.
" I still don't understand why you stayed there so long, but you're not stupid, Artemis," Jay counters and pulls my face back towards him, gripping my jaw in his large hand. "Don't ever say that about yourself again. Hear me?"
The ferocity in Jay's eyes startles me just a little. I blink at him, but he doesn't remove his grip or back down, so I slowly say, "Okay," dragging the vowels out with a tiny eye roll.
Jay smiles wide and brightly at me when I agree, pressing a kiss to my forehead before letting my face go. "Did you ever actually see inside the office?" he asks. I know he's dissecting all the information I dumped on him, wolf probably pacing the darkened corners of his mind, just as mine is by the flash of silver around his pupil.
"Just the once. It wasn't much more than a glimpse." I reply, carefully watching his face. Jay's jaw clenches before he speaks again.
"But they did hunt, right?"
I shrug. "Yeah, I guess. There were guns around. And the office had a bunch of mounts, at least. Stephen didn't strike me as a man who'd buy taxidermies that he didn't personally take down either."
"Guns don't exactly equal hunters ," Jay hedges, scrunching his face, hands tucked into his front pockets.
"I know the difference between a hunting rifle and a pistol, you shithead," I grouse, jabbing his rib with my fist.
"Alright, alright," Jay relents, taking his hands out of his pockets. "What makes you think that the Whites are Hunters of our kind, not just regular sportsmen? Did anything else happen in the dream?"
I wince, realizing I forgot to tell him that my dream also included Ethan saying they'd tracked another wolf before. "Well, I think there was also something about tracking another wolf a long time ago…"
"You think they killed your Dad?" Jay asks, hooking his arms around my shoulders.
" No… " I pause, drawing a deep breath. "Maybe? I don't know."
"Okay, I'm not saying you're right that the Hunters are the Whites, but if they are, what are they doing all the way out here? "
He makes valid points… but …
Again, I shrug at Jay. "I don't know. Maybe Ethan's swinging his dick around, trying to make me jealous?" As the words spill out of my mouth, I cringe.
Jay, at least, doesn't scoff at the idea. "You think he's that petty?"
Well, when you put it that way… "Yeah, I do."
"What made you think of all this?" Jay's blue-green eyes zero in on me, his palms coming to brace on either side of my shoulders on the roof of his car. I barely restrain myself from sighing. I can think of several things I'd rather do than tell the love of my life I had a dream about my ex-fiance and didn't immediately tell him.
"I haven't stopped thinking about it all since the dream," I admit, staring into his eyes.
"When was this?"
Gnawing on my lip, I sigh. "After the forest felt… off and Magnus and the others found Mark."
Jay doesn't speak for a whole minute, and my heartbeat ratchets up in the silence.
When he does, it's a single growled word. My name. " Artemis ."
"Hmm?" I hum innocently.
The silence between his words would raise my hackles if anyone but Jay talked to me like this. " Why did you wait so long to tell me?"
That question, though, sounds more than just a little hurt.
Tilting my face up at the sky, I let the cool air inflate my lungs and debate how to answer. Snowflakes fall on my face, melting with the heat of my skin.
"Because I couldn't tell if I was just… overreacting." That's the simplest of answers. "Either I'm right, and Ethan and the Whites are somehow involved, or I'm panicking because of Hunters and what happened to my Dad." My voice cracks, and I have to close my eyes at the admission. Hot tears well up beneath my eyelids, threatening my control and making my chin wobble.
I feel my wolf in my throat, the clarion call winding in my vocal cords.
"What happened to your Dad was not your fault," Jay assures me, wrapping his thick arms around my shoulders again and drawing me into his frame. His lips are warm against my forehead, and I greedily drink in his warmth as I press myself into him, folding into his embrace. "Your instincts in the forest are probably second to none in this Pack, Artemis. If you think there could be a connection, I'll look into it. Simple as that."
I don't say anything back. I'm glad Jay doesn't think I'm overreacting… But.. the rest of it…. Was my fault. I ran off. If I hadn't done yet another one of my disappearing acts, Dad wouldn't have had to come find me or gotten shot. He would still be alive. Even twenty years later, that same old guilt lives inside my gut. It's always there, constantly churning.
"Don't worry, Gorgeous. We'll figure it out," Jay repeats into my hair, kneading the muscles on my back.
I merely hum in response, content to lean on Jay. Some people have a rock.
I have a mountain.
Listening to his steady heartbeat, time seems to slow, drifting by like the tiny snowflakes falling from the sky. Then, Jay pulls back slightly, keeping me pinned with his mercurial gaze. "Are you ready?"
"Sure. Do I have to tell Magnus, or will you do it?"
Jay's steady gaze turns sly. "What makes you think Magnus will be in charge of your protection?"
I blink at Jay, scrunching my eyebrows. " My protection? It's more than just me that needs protecting , Jay. And, because he's Alpha?"
Jay gives me that wide, free smile that sends my heart racing before he says, "Not for much longer."
I narrow my eyes at him. "What aren't you telling me, Big Guy?"
"Magnus is stepping down after the Full Moon," Jay replies quietly.
"Oh, Alpha for real, hmm?" I smile at him, adding, "Can't help but feel like that seems… sudden, though." I'm happy for Jay, but it does feel abrupt.
"It's my Mom's birthday," Jay answers softly, and a snowflake lands on his eyelash.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I reply, looping my arms around his middle. Aggie had informed me of her passing while I was in Colorado. At the time, I hadn't asked what caused it. I was still too hurt to send flowers or anything to the funeral.
"I think she would have been happy to see you, Artemis." Jay's voice rumbles through his chest.
"She was always nice to me," I agree, remembering all the time I'd spent at his house, his mom making it clear I was welcome there. "What happened to her?"
"Car accident. She'd gone to the city alone and was involved in a twenty-seven-car pileup. A Semi transporting logs rolled over her car."
"Holy fucking shit," I tighten my arms around him, and my wolf whines in the back of my head. Indie had the most beautiful coat. Cream with a light dusting of copper at the tips. She almost looked like a fox, graceful and lithe. She was fast, though, and we had always liked running with her when she wasn't with Magnus.
"That's why Magnus is so…. intense about keeping the roads clear," Jay admits, playing with a strand of my hair.
I nod, not sure how to answer. "I'm sorry I never sent anything… Aggie told me, but.. I…" I sigh, sucking in the cold air like it will provide me with something more profound to say.
"It's okay, Artemis. You don't need to apologize for that; it was a long time ago."
Instead of answering right away, I tuck my hands under his shirt, seeking the warmth of his skin; Jay sucks in a surprised gasp at the coolness of my fingertips. Quietly, I ask, "Do you want to go see her?"
"No, or at least not tonight. Unless you want to go see your Dad," Jay rumbles, pressing a kiss to the top of my head again.
"No, not tonight," I agree, exploring his back with my fingertips. "Are you ready to go inside?" I ask, not wanting to leave his embrace, but I do still want my taro milk tea.
"Sure, Gorgeous, we can go inside."
"Are you going to abandon me immediately?"
"No, of course not. But I need to go and at least tell Magnus what you've been thinking before too long. He is Alpha still .. for now anyway."
"Can we go for a run later? Just you, me, and the boys? Not deep in the forest… just around."
"Sure. Tell Saint that's what we're doing later, and we'll make it happen." Jay presses a kiss to my forehead, then backs away, sliding my hand into his palm. Together, we walk into the side entrance of the red brick building.
Saint is in the kitchen. I hear him singing along with the radio even down the hall. He's been here for a while today, installing and experimenting with the new espresso machine, which was delivered just the other day. The taro milk tea is available because of Sam and her very specific request for boba. Lucky for me, I like it too.
Jay and I walk hand in hand, and when the song changes to one of my favorites, I start singing and dancing to the beat. Jay laughs and lets me dance out of his grip, watching me go. As I cross the kitchen threshold, Saint belts out the notes of the song with me, using a spatula as a microphone. He sings, and I laugh as he grabs my hand and spins me around. Jay just leans against the doorframe and watches us with a smile.
When the song finishes, Saint spins me again and dips me backward with a hand around my waist. And then, he kisses me, slow and unhurried. When Saint tilts us back upright, my jaw feels like it will fall through the floor. That didn't feel…. purely sexual. Heat creeps across my chest and up my neck. Jay doesn't say anything; he just watches us with that soft smile.
Clearing my throat, I ask, "How's the new machine, Cinnamon?"
I'm hoping the question will turn the attention firmly off of me. Saint is dressed in his usual jeans with an ineffective belt and a dark blue cut-off T-shirt with the word "sleepover " scrawled across it. His curls are everywhere today, like a halo of gold around his head.
"Oh, she's a beauty, works like a charm," Saint remarks, snatching a mug from the counter. "Want to try?" One blonde curl falls in front of his face, and I suddenly feel like the air has left the room. Jay's hair is longer now, too. I can't help but wonder if it's intentional.
"What is this?" I ask, peering into the orange mug.
Saint grins, then replies with "Cafe miel."
"Okay, let me rephrase, what is in it? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy an iced coffee or even a cold brew on occasion, but I have no fucking idea what a Cafe miel is."
"Espresso, honey, and steamed milk, dusted with Cinnamon sugar," Saint answers, offering me the mug again. I accept it, taking a small sip.
"Very nice," I reply, handing him his drink back. He takes a sip when I do, green eyes keeping watch over the orange rim.
Saint swallows and then asks, "But it's not what you want, is it?" His broad smile is infectious.
"Nope!" I agree cheerfully. Jay finally joins us at the countertop, standing next to me with hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans.
"Well, then, what can I make for you two?" Saint asks, throwing a towel over his shoulder.
"I want a Taro Milk Tea, please," I answer, keeping that wide smile plastered across my face. Saint smirks, rolling his electric green eyes at me. " Hey, don't blame me, Cinnamon . Sam is the one who asked you to stock it."
"But you're the one ordering it, Tiny."
"You're just mad because you want to use your new toy." I can't resist sticking my tongue out at him.
"She's got you there, Saint." Jay answers, laughing. "You can use it for me. I'll do an Americano."
Saint doesn't do anything other than chuckle and make our orders. The Pack is very lucky to have someone like Saint as Beta.
While Saint fusses with the machine and assembles my tea, I tell him I want to run later, just on the edges of town.
"I'm down to clown, Tiny," Saint answers, sliding my drink over the silver counter.
I laugh, and Jay accepts his massive bright red mug, drinking deeply.
"Well, spank my ass and giddy up. That shit fucks hard, dude, " Jay rumbles, taking another glug.
I practically choke on my tea, sputtering while laughing and gasping for air.
And then we're all laughing while I'm wiping up the mess I just created.
Despite his earlier reassurances that he wouldn't, Jay disappears quickly with his coffee. It's alright, though, because I have Saint to keep me company. He quickly cleans the machine and then leads me into the game area of the Packhouse, our drinks in tow.
"What's your favorite game, Tiny?"
We've been out here for hours. No matter how many times I run around this sleepy little town, it's not enough. My heart beats wildly in my chest, and the edges of the forest call me in deeper. I long to go between the trees. Slip between the branches, chasing moonlight through the hollows and over the hills. To find the hidden pockets in the wild places of the wood.
Everything is blanketed with a new layer of fine snow, giving every footstep a muted quality. Night birds hoot and call out in the darkness, and everything feels okay... Like I'm wasting time not going into the depths of the forest. Jay doesn't let me go, though. He gently steers me back to the edges of the forest if I stray too deep. The creekbed has a layer of crystalized ice across it, paper thin. Red and gold leaves are trapped beneath the delicate layers of ice, visible between the spider web-like fractures across the surface.
I lose count of how many times I run past the creek. Round and round the Hollow we go, owls hooting. I want to howl, to voice this panic coursing through me. I don't, though. Just spend the night silently careening around tree trucks, over logs and boulders.
At some point, the boys and I crack the layer of ice over the creek to lap at the cool water under, our breath leaving muzzles in plumes of fog. Jay is in front of me, his silver wolf occupying my vision. Saint's cinnamon fur brushes against my right side like he's bracketing me in.
I still feel the itch under my skin even after running several loops around the town. The urge to run, to chase something. But the forest is not safe, and it's setting my teeth on edge. A burning pit of something in my gut that makes it increasingly difficult to stay put.
I miss the open freedom of the life of a Lone wolf. I think, for one heartbreaking second.
But I wouldn't have Jay or Saint if I was alone now.
What's worse, Jay and Saint don't seem to notice my internal panic. They don't seem to be afflicted in the same way.
Dante was long gone by the time we ran around town. While I had been doom scrolling, waiting for the boys, I saw Ivy's post not long after his disappearance with a picture of her heeled boot stepping on a motorcycle helmet. Dante's, if the sticker on the side was anything to go by. There had been a very brief break in the snowfall earlier, and I'm sure that's precisely who Dante ran off to see.
Getting into the forest had felt like a monumental task earlier. I'd nearly ripped out my hair, waiting for the boys to be ready to leave the Packhouse.
Jay insisted on returning his car while Saint and I ran beside the road, racing him. I won, of course, and had nearly ripped Jay's clothes to shreds when he got out of the car with my claws, if only to get him to fucking move his ass. It does mean, though, that we don't have to go back to the Packhouse after the run. So, there is no one to see the fragile thread of control I have over myself.
Again, we visit the creekbed, lapping the cool water. Every step of the way, Jay and Saint chase the moonlight with me.
Eventually, when the moon's light is gone, I let the boys steer me back toward home, even if I still feel like a caged, wild beast.
Still wearing the skin of my wolf, I prowl back into the Cabin yards ahead of the boys, though Jay is a few steps closer than Saint. I have no desire to wear the skin of a human, to be so, so… emotional .
My wolf, however, recedes into the depths of my mind as soon as I step within the confines of the room Jay and I—and, lately, Saint— share. So I slam the door shut, collapsing into the bed and hauling the covers over my head, willing sleep to take me.